CHEER UP, GLADSTONE. Of course you are aware that, as the Post announces :"The new refreshment and dining-hall at the Zoological Gardens are in future to be closed on Sunday afternoons from three to six o'clock, in conformity with the provisions of the Licensing Act of 1872. A representation has been made to the Home Office with the view of obtaining an exemption on the ground that the gardens are private property, but MR. SECRETARY CROSS does not think they can be placed in the same category with the West-End Clubs."

And so he places them in the same category with the Public-houses. Perhaps he thinks by this identification of sauce for goose and for gander to make the Publicans some little amends for the scant relaxation of the Licensing Act, which he will leave them to obtain if they can from the House of Commons. He might have at least equally compensated them by putting the Public-houses in his Licensing Act Amendment Bill on the same footing, as to hours on Sunday, with the Refreshment Rooms at the Zoological Gardens. Rejoice, WILLIAM, that he has done the other thing, and, whilst mocking BUNG with an empty ostent of even justice, has offended all who value personal freedom by an encroachment in the shape of additional Sabbatarian restriction. He will fail to gratify the Publicans, whilst he annoys the Public. People do not go to the Zoological Gardens on Sunday to get drunk. Debarring them from refreshment there is Sabbatarianism pure and simple. Who are bona fide travellers, if they are not? The Conservative Government appears to meditate a mighty pleasant Sunday for excursionists. If they go on in this way, Conservative restriction will soon create Liberal reaction; and then Mr. Punch will in a short time have the pleasure of representing you, WILLIAM, in his Cartoon again at the head of affairs.

RATHER HARD.

PATERFAMILIAS (who believes in the employment of Women) writes to ask why young women should be kept out of the Pulpit while there are so many old ones let in ?

NEW TRANSLATION.-Rus(s) in Urbe-The CZAR in the City.

THE CHARGE OF THE COURT

BRIGADE.

I.

HALF a yard-half a yard-
Half a yard onward,
Through the first crush-room
Pressed the Four Hundred.
Forward-the Fair Brigade!
On to the Throne, they said:
On to the Presence Room
Crushed the Four Hundred.

II.

Forward, the Fair Brigade!
Was there a girl dismayed?
E'en though the chaperons knew
Some one had blundered.
Theirs not to make complaint,
Theirs not to sink or faint,
Theirs-but words cannot paint
Half the discomfiture

Of the Four Hundred.

III.

Crowds on the right of them,
Crowds on the left of them,
Crowds all in front of them,
Stumbled and blundered:
On through the courtier-lined
Rooms-most tremendous grind-
Into the Presence-Room,
Leaving their friends behind,
Passed the Four Hundred.

IV.

Flushed all their faces fair,

Flashed all their jewels rare,

Scratched all their shoulders bare,

Thrusting each other-while
Outsiders wondered:

Into the Presence-Room,
Taking their turn, they come,-
Some looking very glum

O'er trains sore-sundered:-
Kiss hand, and outwards back,
Fagged, the Four Hundred!

V.

Crowds to the right of them,
Crowds on the left of them,
Crowds all in front of them,
Stumbled and blundered-
Back through more courtier-lined
Rooms-0, tremendous grind!-
Débutantes thirsty pined
For ice or cup o' tea:
No sofas horsehair-lined,
Not a chair or settee,

Poor dear Four Hundred!

VI.

Mothers to rage gave vent,
Husbands for broughams sent,
While at mismanagement

Both sorely wondered.
Not till the sun had set,
Not till the lamps were lit,
Home from the Drawing Room
Got the Four Hundred.

VII.

Some, I heard, in despair
Of getting stool or chair,
Took to the floor, and there

Sat down and wondered.
Now, my Lord Chamberlain,
Take my advice. Again
When there's a Drawing-room,
Shut doors, and don't let in
More than Two Hundred.

A BAD PRE-EMINENCE.-What is there beats a good Wife? A bad Husband.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

UNLE CAMBOURNE DEL

MR. CHILDERS tried to get a rise out of the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER, à propos of the Supplementary Estimate for the Navy, and revenue prospects, but SIR STAFFORD is not uneasy about his prospects, and MR. CHILDERS took nothing by his Motion.

Tuesday.-LORD REDESDALE was quite pathetic in his prayers to the Lords, to keep the old name for the Court of Final Appeal. It is true it was not the House of Lords that decided, but the Law-Lords, and the Court of Last Appeal will be the Law-Lords still: but it won't be called the House of Lords, and "what's not in a name," to my LORD REDESDALE ?

LORD SALISBURY smoothed down the feathers of some respectable Indian officials which he had inadvertently ruffled by his admission that there had been blundering in transport arrangements at the beginning of the Famine. Punch is quite ready to believe everybody has done, and is doing, his best, and mistakes or miscalculations should not be too sharply scanned in such an emergency.

MR. P. TAYLOR moved the opening of Museums, Libraries, and similar institutions on Sundays. MR. ALLEN, his brother Member for Leicester, moved that they should not be opened. The pro and con. of Leicester, on this question, would probably be echoed all over England.

EALLY, as "the value of a thing is just as much as it will bring," and the value of a presentation to a Scotch living averages one year's purchase, while out of 1100 livings the patrons Punch is all for everything that makes of one-half don't care to exercise the against the Public-house, now the sole inright of presenting, the DUKE OF door Sunday recreation-place of working RICHMOND was not making a very des- men and their families. The question with perate move, on Monday May 18, him, as with most, is whether innocent in his Bill to do away with Patronage in the Scotch Church, give one year's stipend to patrons Sunday play is likely to draw on mischievous who care to take it, and vest the right of electing their "meenister" in male communicants. Sunday work. On this point the workingBut, though he may not be robbing Scotch patrons of much in money, he is robbing our "brither classes, to say nothing of the non-working, Scots" of their biggest Church grievance. Patronage is the only ground of difference between seem as yet hopelessly divided. Till they the Establishment and Relief, Secession, Free-Kirk, and the Lord High Commissioner are of one mind, whatever Mr. Punch may knows how many Scottish sects besides. The Duke is bound to find a compensating griev- think or wish personally, publicly he must ance for the one he takes away. The right of electing a meenister will do something, if only give his vote in favour of things remaining the Duke will extend it to every male in the parochial pale. Scotland will then be safe to have as they are. that pale boiling over, as it ought, with the "perfervidum ingenium Scotorum" and "odium theologicum" both alight under it, and life in a Scotch parish may still be worth living. LORD DALHOUSIE promised something like such a blaze, and we may live in hope that the Duke is not going to kill Kirk quarrels north o' Tweed, or even scotch them, as he seems to fear he may. Let him take comfort, remembering the old couple who, having gradually exhausted the whole cycle of sects, were sublimated, at last, into a "twa-handed Kirk" of their own: as to which, however, the gude wife, being questioned, admitted she "didna feel just that sure o' JOHN."

In the Commons, COLONEL EGERTON LEIGH moved to let the cat loose on the Wife-beating Ruffians who not only dissemble their love for their better halves, but kick them down-stairs, black their eyes, and "purr," and dance upon them in big boots-kill them, in fact, sometimes by inches, sometimes by ells. There seems too natural an association between "purring "-a north-country endearment, otherwise known as putting the boots into her" -and the cat, to keep them longer separate. That Punch has never taken the stick to Judy it may be too much to assert in face of the show. But when he does, it is in a strictly Parliamentary sense, out of pure playfulness and before the public. At home he "loves, honours, and obeys," and does not punch, Mrs. P. And he would go all lengths, even to the ninth tail of the cat, with COLONEL LEIGH, in punishing, brute fashion, the brutes who do. They can't be degraded, and they can be restrained, by fear of the bodily pain they are too cowardly to endure, though not too cowardly to inflict. MR. DISRAELI, for once, was not up to the occasion-but, like MR. TENNYSON'S Lord Chamberlain in the Day Dream,

"Dallied with his golden chain,
And smiling put the question by."

Now the question is not one to be put by smilingly. Punch has told, through his Cartoon, how he fears the Purrer will read the PREMIER on wife-beating.

For the rest of the night the House was on Ships, and who says "on ships" says "at sea," and "at loggerheads."

SIR E. WATKIN pitched into MR. REED, under cover of the Captain; and MR. REED countered heavily on SIR E. WATKIN, and told him (politely, of course," arundine dulci,") he knew nothing of what he was talking about.

Then ADMIRAL ELLIOT steered gallantly into the mêlée-Punch can only say of these naval heroes of our Parliamentary free-fights on ships and shipping as NELSON said of COLLINGWOOD, "Look how the gallant old fellows take their ships into action!"-and MR. BENTINCK rammed everything that flew the Admiralty flag,-past, present, and to come, -and, of course, MR. GOSCHEN and MR. CHILDERS exchanged broadsides with MR. WARDHUNT, and "All went merry as a marriage-bell," as it is sure to do when ships are of the order of the day.

Wednesday was given to SIR ROBERT ANSTRUTHER and Sir John Barleycorn. SIR ROBERT, by one part of his Bill, proposes to put Sir John under restraint limiting licences to one to 700 of the population, and prohibiting grocers from selling less than a quart of whiskey. But, besides this, he had clauses for introducing town that liked to try it. This would make the Gothenburg system into any Scotch Town Councils the licensers and virtual landlords of the public-houses.

But this was thought too strong, and MR. CROSS only consented to Second Reading "if all the Gothenburg clauses were struck out." So SIR ROBERT is to be allowed partially to muzzle Sir John Barleycorn, but not to turn the Provost and Bailies of Kennaquhair into Licensed Wittlers.

A curious question was raised during the Debate. Is Scotland the "druckenest or the soberest quarter of the United Kingdom? Figures were quoted to prove both conclusions. "After facts," said the wise man, "nothing is so fallacious as figures."

MR. P. J. SMYTH made another of the pre-concerted Irish Motions of the Session, to repeal the Thirtieth of GEORGE THE THIRD (1793), described by MR. SMYTH as an Act for prohibiting public meetings, but more accurately, by the Irish ATTORNEYGENERAL, as an Act for prohibiting assemblies claiming or exercising authority to represent the nation"-such an assembly, in fact, as the Home-Rulers would be glad to get together on College Green.

MR. BUTT said the Bill was an answer to the Times' challenge to Irish Members for practical measures to redress Irish griev

ances. "No man in Ireland," said MR. BUTT, "was mad enough to think of setting up a body to usurp the functions of Parliament." [Bedad, Councillor darlint, but isn't that just what you and your backers have been all this while telling the boys is the thing to set Ould Ireland on her legs again entirely? No, no, av coorse, you're not mad enough to believe it yourself, but sure, the boys like to hear it, and why wouldn't you be afther plasin' 'em, the crathers! The worst thing that could happen to MR. BUTT-if he wishes, as every Butt must, still to stand on a bottom of his own-would be to give MR. SMYTH his Bill, and let him have a Parliament of HomeRulers to face on College Green. Sorra the stave would be left in COUNCILLOR BUTT afther the first shindy!] The Bill was defeated by 216 to 84. [Another slap in the face for Ould Ireland; and another text for blarney and blatherumskite secured by the Councillor.]

Thursday.-Both Lords and Commons, we regret to say, were highly personal. Their Lordships' personal explanations related to SIR HENRY ORD, late Governor of the Straits' Settlements, attacked by LORD STANLEY OF ALDERLEY for various high-handed doings, such as seizing municipal bricks and mortar, meant for drains and waterworks, to build his own official house, and threatening to abolish the municipality when they complained, taking presents from native Rajahs, &c. It turned out, first, that the presents were trifling, and then, that the Governor was under no rule forbidding him to receive them. As to the high-handednesses: the Governor was come home; let bye-gones be bye-gones is a safe rule. VISCOUNT MONCK gave an elaborate account-bristling with big figures-of what the Irish Church Temporalities' Commission has done to wind up the accounts of that large establishment. In seventeen years, it seems, there will be some five millions to the fore: meantime, the Commission is in debt between eight and nine millions to the National Debt Commissioners.

SWEETNESS AND LIGHT IN THE CITY.

OULD there be a more gallant and graceful compliment than the LORD MAYOR paid on Monday, when the CZAR lunched in Guildhall, and his Lordship proposed the health of the Royal Family ?

"Of the PRINCESS OF WALES and the DUCHESS OF EDINBURGH he could not say more than that they were sweetness and light personified."

Which nobody can deny. Said not the Civic Monarch well, MR. MATTHEW ARNOLD? Who but a Philistine as big as GOLIATH can be capable of asking which of the two Of course the LORD

Royal Ladies is Sweetness and which is Light? The Commons' personality was more serious than the Lords'. MAYOR meant to say that each of them was Sweetness and Light MR. ANDERSON brought forward a very disagreeable squabble personified in her own person. So the PRINCESS OF WALES is Sweetbetween the War Office (under the late Government) and LORD ness, and the DUCHESS OF EDINBURGH is Light; and the PRINCESS SANDHURST, who accepted the post of Commander-in-Chief in OF WALES is Light, and the DUCHESS OF EDINBURGH is Sweetness, Ireland, after fifteen years of distinguished Indian service, and and each, by herself, is Sweetness and Light and Light and Sweetwhom the War Office called upon to refund between £800 and £900 ness; therefore, they twain are Sweetness and Light jointly and for pay and allowances received by him while off duty from sickness. severally, separately and both together. It is as though, to comMr. Punch cannot agree with MR. HORSMAN that the compelling pare fair dames with "darkies," CESAR and POMPEY were not only LORD SANDHURST to refund this money was "about the shabbiest, the berry much" but exactly, in every particular, like one another, dirtiest act ever committed by any public department." There was with no excess of similitude attributable either to POMPEY or to hardly a department of the late Administration, in which acts just CESAR. as shabby and with less justification from the letter of the law, were not committed. In this case the War Office had the letter of the Royal Warrant, at least, on its side.

MR. ANDERSON having moved that LORD SANDHURST's conduct involved dereliction of duty deserving of stronger censure than the return of the money received for pay during his absences without leave LORD SANDHURST conceiving and contending that he was by his position entitled to claim such pay and allowances,-the House, after hearing MR. HARDY, MR. HORSMAN, and MR. CAMPBELLBANNERMAN, very properly refused to permit the Motion to be withdrawn, and negatived it without a division.

The foregoing comparison is, perhaps, an undue concession to the incredulity of the freethinker, who may have the presumptuous audacity to question a declaration made ex cathedra (though on his legs) by the LORD MAYOR. In relation with Sweetness and Light, let the LORD MAYOR be considered to represent Culture.

THE LOGIC OF ICONOCLASM.

The question whether LORD SANDHURST or the War Office is right in its reading of the Royal Warrant should be settled beyond dis-assembled Clergy an expression of sympathy "in the trying circumpute, and no doubt will be, after this disagreeable éclaircissement.

AT the dinner subsequent to a Visitation, held on Monday last at Barnstaple, by the Archdeacon of that ilk, he, ARCHDEACON WOOLCOMBE, who is one of the Exeter Cathedral body, received from the stances of the Reredos case at Exeter Cathedral." In his reply, the Friday.-Education has so lately become a matter of Government Archdeacon remarked on the obvious difference between illegal concern that our rulers cannot yet conceive its wanting a whole images and lawful sculpture, apparently confounded in the judghead to look after it. For the present they hold two half heads firmed by the Supreme Court, will it not be necessary to remove all ment of MR. JUSTICE KEATING. Query:-If that judgment is conbetter than one whole one, and prefer to leave the three R's in charge monumental effigies from all the Churches, and, therefore, to take of the President and Vice-President of the Committee of Council. down and cart away every one of the statues in St. Paul's and The DUKE OF RICHMOND is an active and able official, and doesn't Westminster Abbey ? In that case there would be no making any relish the prospect of being reduced to a first-class veterinary distinction between works of Art, which deserve to remain where surgeon. So the "no practical inconvenience" argument, so dear to JOHN BULL in his fits of least change, prevailed; and LORD they are, and those which everybody would like to see transferred, HAMPTON'S Motion for a Minister was negatived without a division. as soon as possible, to more suitable positions in the New Road.

His Lordship has only stirred the straw. It remains for DR. PLAYFAIR and the House of Commons to shake it up thoroughly, and then we may find a Head of Education (Britain's Caput Tolu) at the bottom, for all Friday night's talk.

In the Commons MR. HOPE ("non tam Marte quam Mercurio") pleaded hard with the House to rescind last year's decision to make Oxford a Military centre.

The priest of Isis (MR. MOWBRAY) supported "CAMUS, Reverend Sire" (MR. HOPE.)

MR. HARDY, rather awkwardly à cheval on his double dignities of Member for Oxford University, and Minister of War, which don't

ANY SENSIBLE PARENT TO ANY TERRIBLE CHILD.

a New Suit.

Terrible Child. WHAT is matter?

Sensible Parent. Never mind.

Terrible Child. What is mind?
Sensible Parent. No matter.

HEAVEN FORBID!

THE British Medical Journal says the Tichborne Claimant is quite keep step in this matter, protested against disturbing accom-employed in his prison as a Tailor. Let us hope he is not engaged on plished facts. Town was against Gown as usual; MR. HALL (maiden speech decidedly promising-much cheered) and SIR W. HARCOURT (poking very good fun at the notion of a hundred and ten red coats lowering the tone of a town of 40,000 Dons, Undergraduates, College tradesmen and College servants), were more than a match for HOPE and MOWBRAY, and the Motion was negatived by 170 to 77. The House adjourned for the Whitsuntide recess.

A CHAIR OF GASTRONOMY.

IT is whispered that, in the new National School for Cookery, a munificent Nobleman intends to found a (DR.) KITCHENER Professorship.

Artist (cleaning his Palette). "UNCOMMONLY OBLIGING PERSON-YOUR MASTER, THE FARMER! I ASKED HIS PERMISSION, AND HE SAID I MIGHT PAINT MY PICTURE IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS FIELD, AND STOP AS LONG AS EVER I LIKED! MOST COURTEOUS, I MUST SAY. QUITE AS IF I WAS DOING HIM A FAVOUR, INSTEAD

Suffolk Carter. "WH'COME O' COURSE, SO Y' DÖ. WH' YEAOU KIP THE CROWS OFF, Bo' !!"

BRUTAL HUSBAND. "AH! YOU'D BETTER GO SNIVELLIN' TO THE 'OUSE O' COMMONS, YOU HAD! MUCH THEY'RE LIKELY TO DO FOR YER! YAH! READ THAT!"