AUT SEE-CZAR AUT NULLUS; Or," Fine Feathers Make Fine Birds." THE ONLY POLES THE EMPEROR NEED CONSOLATION "I will see the CZAR," it was easy to say, Eat a Guildhall lunch; in the east winds of May, ALDERSHOT SANBOURNE DEL. III. And yet I was oft where the CZAR past by, In what should have been reach of my glass and my eye, Felt a touch of neuralgia in the eye, It seemed as if always, when he passed by, His head was held low, and his hat held high; "Did you see the CZAR?" I could not say "aye," I could not say I saw him-how could I? Who saw but the plumes in his schako fly. Till, after a week of excitement high, All the wool I got for a great deal of cry, Was a hat not a head, and a plume not an eye, IV. So, after all, I was forced to go, For the little that of the CZAR's looks I know, And the photograph shops, where, row upon row, OUR NEW NOVEL. ONE-AND-THREE! BY THAT DISTINGUISHED FRENCH NOVELIST, PART THE FIRST-ALL AT SEA. THE Old Man muttered to himself this consolation:-"No one knows of my arrival. No one knows my name." With this assurance the Old Man comforted himself. Such an assurance was part of his policy. Also we must beg to warn the Public against any spurious imitator of MASSA MAKNEE, as a Person, calling himself JAMES, MARKY DU CROW, has, we are informed, recently landed, accompanied by a Banjo and Bones, which latter are secreted about his person, with the intention of joining the opposition Circus aforesaid. Under these circumstances, and with full consent of and legally empowered by Messieurs Les Présidents and Maires abovementioned, we, the Director and Manager of the Cirque Republicain, one and indescribable, do hereby offer the sum of 100 Francs Reward, real money (not a theatrical property in a purse), to anyone arrest- The Old Man slouched his hat over his eyes, and drew his cloak up over his mouth. Thus only the tip of his nose could be seen. It was, I have said, a nez retroussé. Had it been the straight tip, he would have been lost. As it was, he descended unperceived. For the last few minutes he had heard a noise, like a rustle, behind him. What was it? A human being or a leaf? The Old Man had heard of EARL RUSTLE, having known him as JOHN RUSTLE. Therefore, he turned prepared to face a hero with a bad cold. All he saw was a placard or large bill, recently pasted up by some one who had run away. Was it headed "No Popery!" with a post-resumed his way. mark of Durham on "ENORMOUS ATTRACTION! ONE WEEK ONLY! WE, Manager and Director of the Grand Cirque Republicain, one and indescribable, hereby give notice that, having obtained the necessary permission from M. Le Maire du Bois de Boulogne and of M. Le Président du Comité de l'Etablissement des Bains de In the valley he stopped behind a boot-tree, took off his hat, turned his wig, so as to bring the smooth side out and the hairy side in, reversed his reversible coat, put on clean collars and cuffs, and The blue moon had risen. Upon a sort of hoarding before him he could distinguish a white square, which was probably a notice like that he had just read. As he went towards it he murmured to himself, "They do their advertising uncommonly well. But they've forgotten one thing. Pictures." He stopped, meditating, with one finger placed at an acute angle to his nose. Where are you goin' to, my pretty maid?" said a voice. He turned pale. This was beneath his colour, and could not be seen. Then he turned round. A man was standing in a hedge-row. At first the Old Man took him to be a servant, and the thought crossed his mind "HEDGES AND BUTLER." Then he thought he might be a publisher who wanted to pick a quarrel with him, and he said inaudibly to himself, "BICKERS AND BUSH.' Looking at him more closely, he saw the man was a beggar: an unlucky beggar to be in a bush. The enthusiastic Artist engaged upon the Illustrations of this Novel has been so entirely carried away by Mer, Boulogne-sur-Mer, and of MM. Les Maires des Environs, our MASSA MAKNEE, Prices of admission same as usual. No Extra Charge. It having come to our ears that an English Circus Company has arrived, professing to give the same Entertainment as above specified, we pronounce the assertion to be utterly devoid of truth, and beg our Patrons to be on their guard against lending their countenance to so UNHORSEMANLIKE A FALSEHOOD. NO CONNECTION WITH ANY OTHER CIRCUS. The Beggar was about the Old Man's height and age, or the Old Man was as near as possible the Beggar's height and age. The Old Man approached: this brought him nearer. The Man in the Bush was almost his double. Then the thought flashed across his mind, "I am alone: single: he is my double. It is two to one. There is the rub." He repeated, "I ask you where are you going to, my pretty maid ?" "In the first place, where are we now ?" returned the Old Man, with an almost haughty composure. The Beggar only replied with another question "Who's dar?" The other replied, as if to a pass-word, "Ole JOE." 66 Yes, de JOE." Then these Old Men, one almost the exact counterpart of the other, threw their arms and legs up in the air, and sang out simultaneouslyOle Joe kickin' up ahind and afore, an' a yellar gal a kickin' up ahind Ole JOE." Then their blended voices ceased together, and they regarded each other curiously. Why not?" "I have guessed you." "Therefore 66 Therefore, I cannot give you up." "Good. What are you doing there?" 66 Beating about the Bush." 64 Get out!" "Why not?" "Because I like life in the bush." "Is there much life there?" "A good deal." 66 If you like life in the bush, you do not drink good wine." "True: if I did, I should need no bush." "That is so. Good day. I shall go on to the village." "Don't." "Why not?" "Because there's a fair there." "Well, a fair cannot be kept dark." SIGHTS FOR SUNDAYS. There works of Nature and of Art Who says that they corrupt the heart? Canst thou deny that they incline What sanction can to place belong, That here 'tis right, while there 'tis wrong Where runs the line that's drawn by you That Sydenham 's out, do you feel clear? In your own way your Sabbath keep; O'er the sad ways of others weep. But o'er us whilst you cry and groan, Please leave our liberties alone, You mind your souls; we 'll mind our own. Thereby Hangs a Tale. PUBLICANS of England, take warning, and beware! A terrible fate seems to be threatening your Scottish brethren. In the debate on the Spirituous Liquors (Scotland) Bill, one of the speakers suggested the adoption of the Suspensory Clauses, and Government adopted the suggestion. Is not this rather too severe ? Friends as we are to temperance and sobriety, we cannot think that irregularities in the retailing of whiskey, or any other offences against the Licensing Acts, ought to be treated as hanging matters. "You cannot." 66 Why?" "Others are there before you. But it is a dull affair. The Great MAKNEE has not arrived, and the jokes of the English Clown are not understood." WHEN the CZAR dined with the DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE, His Imperial Majesty, according to the Court Circular, was attended at Gloucester House by some Russian noblemen and military officers, including three, whose names, ending in " off," present to the British mind a combination of remarkable "offs"; to wit, COUNT SCHOUVALOFF, GENERAL SKOLKOFF, and GENERAL POPOFF. It may not be superfluous to assure some punsters, subject to fearful proclivities, that COUNT SCHOUVALOFF is no scavenger, and that GENERALS SKOLKOFF and POPOFF are gallant gentlemen, who, with sufficient troops at their command, may be trusted to hold their ground in the face of any enemy, and neither to skulk, nor skedaddle, nor by any undignified mode of retreat, or with undue precipitation, pop off the field. A Chance for the Public. "No. The village is called Tristesse; or, in the Breton language, Second from Aldershot to Portsmouth the other day, broke an axle, ONE of the carriages on a tram which was conveying the Fortywhen six carriages ran off the line, to the serious damage of several of the Regiment. Smashing a Black Watch ought to be almost as effectual in quickening Railway Regulation as damaging a Director. Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 24, Holford Square, in the Parish of St. James, Clerkenwell, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Agnew & Co., Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and Published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street. in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.-SATURDAY, May 30, 1874. FEMALE SCHOOL OF ART-(Useful Occupation for Idle and Ornamental Young Men). |