THE DISSIPATED OXFORD STUDENT, A DIALOGUE BETWEEN A BROTHER, AND HIS TWO SISTERS.

Lionel.

LIONEL, LAVINIA, and CAMILLA.

Ho

OW do you do, girls? how do you do? I am glad to fee you, upon my foul I am! [Shaking them hard by the hand. Lavinia. I thought, brother, you had been at Dr.

Marchmont's!

Lion. All in good time, my dear; I fhall certainly vifit the old gentlman before leng.

Lav. Gracious, Lionel!-If my mother

Lion. My dear little Lavinia, [Chucking her under the chin.] I have a mighty notion of making vifits at my own time and appointment, inftead of my inamma's. Lav. O Lionel! and can you just now.

Lion. Come,.come, don't let us wafte our precious moments in this fulfome moralizing. If I had not luckily been hard by, I fhould not have known the coaft was clear. Pray where are the old folks gone tantivying?

Camilla. To Cleves.

Lion. To Cleves! What a happy efcape! I was upon the point of going thither myfelf. Camilla, what is the matter with thee, my little duck?

Cam. Nothing-I am only thinking--Pray when do you go to Oxford ?

Lion. Poh, poh, what do you talk of Oxford for? you are grown quite ftupid, girl. I believe you have lived too long with that old maid of a Margland. Pray how does that dear creature do? I am afraid fhe will grow melancholy from not feeing me fo long. Is fhe as pretty as the used to be? I have fome notion of fending her a fuitor.

Lav. Q brother, is it poffible you can have such fpirits?

Lion. O hang ft; if one is not merry when one can, what is the world good for? Befides, I do affure you, I fretted fo confumedly hard at first, that for the life of me I can fret no longer.

Cam. But why are you not at Dr. Marchmont's? Lion. Becaufe, my dear foul, you can't conceive how much pleasure these old doctors take in lecturing a youngfter who is in any difgrace.

Cam. Difgrace !

Lav. At all events, I befeech your to be a little careful; I would not have my poor mother find you here for the world.

Lion. O, as to that, I defy her to defire the meeting lefs than I do. But come, let's talk of fomething elfe. How go on the claffics? Is my old friend, Dr. Orkborne, as chatty and amufing as ever?

Cam. My dear Lionel, I am filled with apprehenfion and perplexity. Why fhould my mother with not to fee you? And why and how is it poffible you can with not to fee her?

Lion. What, don't you know it all?

Cam. I only know that fomething is wrong; but how, what, or which way, I have not heard. Lion. Has not Lavina told you, then?

Lav. No; I could be in no hafte to give her so mach pain.

Lion. You are a good girl enough. But how came you here, Camilla? and what is the reafon you have not feen my mother yourself?

Cam. Not feen her! I have been with her this half hour.

Lion. What! and in all that time did fhe not tell

you?

Cam. She did not name you.

Lion. Is it poffible! Well, fhe's a noble creature, I muft confefs. I wonder how fhe could ever have fuch a fon. And I am still lefs like my father than I am like her. I believe in my confcience I was changed in the cradle. Will you own me, young ladies, if fome

villanous attorney or excifeman fhould claim me by and by?

Cam. Dear Lionel, do explain to me what has happened. You talk fo wildly, that you make me think it important and trifling twenty times in a minute.

Lion. O, a horrid business! Lavina muft tell you. I'll withdraw till fhe has done. Don't defpife me, Camilla. I am confounded forry, I affure you. [Going; and then immediately returning.] Come, upon the whole, I had better tell it you myfelf; for she'll make fuch a difmal ditty of it, that it won't be over this half year. The fooner we have done with it the better. It will only put you out of fpirits. You must know I was in rather a bad fcrape at Oxford last year

It

Cam. Laft year! and you never told us of it before! Lion. O, 'twas about fomething you would not underftand; fo I fhall not mention particulars now. is enough for you to know, that two or three of us wanted a little cafh! Well, foin fhort, I fent a letter-fomewhat of a threatening fort-to old unclę Relvil! and

Cam. O Lionel !

Lion. O, I did not fign it. It was only begging a little money, which he can afford to fpare very well; and just telling him, if he did not fend it to a certain place which I mentioned, he would have his brains blown out.

Cam. How horrible!

Lion. Poh, poh; he had only to fend the money, you know, and then his brains might keep their place. Befides, you can't fuppofe there was gunpowder in the words; though to be fure, the letter was charged with a few volleys of oaths. But, would you believe it! the poor old gull was fool enough actually to fend the money where he was directed.

Lav. Hold, hold, Lionel! I cannot endure to hear you speak in such disgraceful terms of that worthy How could you treat that excellent uncle in

man.

fuch a cruel manner! How could you find a heart to fwear at fo meek, fo benevolent, fo indulgent

Lion. My dear little chicken, don't be fo precife and old maidifh. Don't you know it's a relief to a man's mind to fwear a few cutting oaths now and then when he's in a paffion? when all the time he would no more do harm to the people he fwears at, than you would, who mince out all your words as if you were talking treafon, and thought every man a spy that heard you. It is a very innocent refreshment to à man's mind, my dear. But the difficulty is, you know nothing of the world.

Cam. Fie, brother! You know how fickly our uncle has always been, and how eafily he might be alarmed.

Lion. Why yes, Camilla; I really think it was a very wicked trick; and I would give half my little finger that I had not done it. But it's over now, you know; fo what fignifies making the worst of it?

Cam. And did he not difcover you?

Lion. No; I gave him particular orders, in my letter, not to attempt any thing of that fort; affuring him there were fpies about him to watch his proceedings. The good old fimpleton took it all for gofpel. So there the matter ended. However, as ill luck would have it, about three months ago, we wanted another fum-Lav. And could you again

Lion. Why, my dear, it was only taking a little of my own fortune before hand, for I am his heir; fo we all agreed it was merely robbing myfelf; for we had feveral confultations about it; and one of us is to be a lawyer.

Cam. But you give me fome pleafure here; for I had never heard that my uncle had made you his heir. Lion. Neither had I, my deary; but I take it for granted. Befides, our little lawyer put it into my head. Well, we wrote again, and told the poor old foul, for which I affure you I am heartily penitent, that, if he did not send me double the fum, in the fame manner, without delay, his houfe was to be fet on fire, while he and all

his family were in bed and afleep. Now don't make faces nor fhruggings; for I promife you, I think already I deferve to be hung for giving him the fright; though I would not really have hurt the hair of his head for half his fortune. But who could have gueffed that the old codger would have bitten fo readily? The money however, came; and we thought the bufinefs all fecure, and agreed to get the fame fum annually.

Cam. Annually! O horrible!

Lion. Yes, my darling. You have no conception how convenient it would have been for our extra expenfes. But, unluckily, uncle grew worse, and went abroad; and then confulted with fome crab of a friend, and that friend, with fome demagogue of a magiftrate, and fo all is now blown. However, we had managed it fo cleverly, that it coft them nearly three months to find it out; owing, I must confefs, to poor uncle's cowardice, in not making his inquiries before the money was carried off, and he himself beyond the fea. other particulars Lavinia muft give you; for I have talked of it now till I have made myself quite fick. Do tell me fome diverting ftory to drive it a little out of my head. But, by the way, pray what has carried the old folks to Cleves? Have they gone to tell this fad tale to Uncle Hugh, fo that I might lofe him too?

The

Lav. No; your afflicted parents are determined not to name it. They are ftriving that nobody elfe fhall know any thing of the matter, except Dr. March

mont.

Lion. Well, they are good fouls, it must be acknowledged. I wish I deferved them better. I wish too it was not fuch plaguy dull bufinefs to be good. I confefs, girls, it wounds my confcience to think how I have afflicted my parents, especially my poor mother, who is not fo well able to bear it. But when one is at Oxford, or in London-your merry blades there, I can't deny it, my dear fifters, your merry blades there are but fad fellows. Yet there is such fun, such spirit,