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sultation that night that something portentous | but, spent his last cent in taking up, to prevent ought to come out of it.
a family disgrace; and now I, that same HerTwitter in the mean time was happy. He cules Halibut, your brother, who went before drank his wine, and was so exceeding witty and the mast to Australia after spending my foragreeable that Hercules at parting slapped him tune to save your honor, and who now, thanks on the shoulder, and told him that if ever he to my good fortune, return worth half a millwanted a friend to come to him.
ion of dollars, I insist on your giving me a check V.--A THUNDER CLAP.
for the sum I name, drawn in the name of your Halibut, senior, was sitting in his library the son. He does not want it-because I am richer day after the party recorded in our last chapter, than you are. But I exact this to punish you, smoking his cigar, and musing over his last spec- my brother, and to induce you to reflect that ulation, when a servant entered and informed there are other duties in life besides the accuhim that a gentleman calling himself Mr. Her- mulation of dollars." cules wished to see him. Halibut, senior, start “I'll write the check,” şaid old Halibut, ed at the message, but, recovering himself, told thoroughly crushed; “but I thought you were the servant to show the gentleman in.
dead, Hercules." “What folly!” he soliloquized, when he was “Not half so dead as you are, Gilbert. For again alone. “What folly to be startled at a you are dead to all family affection." He's dead and rotten long ago."
So saying, Hercules Halibut divested himself The door opened, and a tall man with a very of his red beard and red wig, and going to the long, red beard, and long red hair, entered. door, unlocked it, and called to some one withHalibut gave a sigh of relief as the man ap- out. peared, and muttering “It isn't him,” asked Halibut, junior, entered the room. the visitor to be seated.
“Here,” said Hercules, “is your marriageInstead of being seated, the visitor locked the portion. You can marry Alice Heriott to-mordoor. Ile then drew a revolver from his breast- row, my boy; and tell old Heriott, that to the pocket, cocked it, placed a chair directly oppo- sum you hold in your hand I will add as much site his petrified companion, and quietly sat more." down.
Gilbert grasped his uncle's hand silently. "Mr. Halibut," said he, “I want a hundred Then he looked at his father. and fifty thousand dollars. Be good enough to “So! this has been a plot prepared between sign a check for the amount."
you," hissed old Halibut between his teeth. “ Are you mad, man?" gasped Halibut, very “Father!” cried the young man, making a pale, and stretching his hand toward the bell- step forward. One kind word--one soft lookpull. The hand stopped midway, however, as and he would have been at his father's feet. the barrel of the revolver was lifted in a direct • Off, you vagabond !” cried the old merline with the merchant's head.
chant. “I never want to see your face again. “I want a hundred and fifty thousand dol. Take what you've got, and go!" lars," repeated the impassible visitor.
“Come, Gilbert, said Hercules, sadly. “I—I haven't got it," stammered Halibut, “Come, let us leave this place. It is not good sinking back in his chair.
for a son to see his father thus." “You lie!” said the red man, very calmly. (ld Halibut bit his lips next week when he
“I-could-perhaps, get it to-morrow. But,” beh :d Broadway alive with carriages, all poursuddenly Halibut burst out, exasperated into ing to the wedding reception of Mrs. Gilbert Halcourage, “who are you? What claim have you ibut, junior, née Heriott. on me? Are you a burglar? or-get out of Twitter was in his glory at that wedding. my house this instant !"
He borrowed five hundred dollars of Hercules, “I have this much claim, Mr. Halibut. You who was glad to lend it, paid his debts, bought are a bad man. You have wealth, but you spend a magnificent wedding-suit, and paid extravayour money badly. You are insensible to the gant attention to Miss Potosé, who was worth tenderest ties known to man. You are a self-two millions. He looked as if he was worth ish egotist, devoted to making money. I wish to three. I should not be surprised if he married see wealth equalized. Now I know a very poor her in the end. young man that a hundred and fifty thousand dollars would just make comfortable."
ПНЕ ibut, con
, scious power with which the other spoke. the secret of happiness. Never having had any “Your son, Mr. Halibut.”
time to study, the secret came to me by intui“He shall never have a shilling, by Heav- tion. I was traveling in the West (not that en!” exclaimed the old man, striking his hand any body who goes to the West may hope to furiously on the table.
meet with a similar revelation--there was much “Oh, yes, but he will though," said the red truth in the traveler's reflection that the farther man, quietly taking a pocket-book from his coat. West he went, the more he believed that the “ Here are notes forged to that amount by Gil- wise men came from the East), toward the setbert Halibut, which his brother, Hercules Hali- ting sun was I wending my way, when, like
3. Who is this protege of yourse" asked Hal: The human race has been
studying, with sin
Mohammed, like Joseph Smith, like Brigham door-plates; above all, write it in your hearts, Young, and like all the impressible recipients and you have the secret of human happiness. of modern spiritual manifestations, I was visit Make your standard a high one. Create for ed, clothed, descended upon, made wise, by a yourself an idol, a perfect Juggernaut of human revelation.
disagreeability. Collect the statistics of human I can not say it came in any one visible form. meanness; wrap it in that sort of body which On the contrary, I am inclined to believe that a most effectually disgusts you ; above all add great many visible forms were to me the means boastfulness and braggadocio to your mixture, by which the truth was made known. I was and then set it in a niche where you will pernot in a trance, or in a highly-excited intellect- petually see it. Demand, then, that all disaual state. I was very sleepy and very dusty; greeability shall come up to this darling of your I was very miserable, for I was traveling in a imagination. Make it your dear, delightful rail-car surrounded by four hundred of my be- study to collect little gems of human hatefulloved fellow-creatures. This is not in its gen- ness wherewith to enrich your idol. Come eral features like the state in which enthusiasts home to him from your business and your pleashave described themselves when great truths ures, and if there is an evil trait which you have fell upon them. Solitude, fasting, contempla- discovered in your day's intercourse, hang it like tion, silence, these fit the mind of man for spir- a pearl around his neck. When you go out to itual manifestations; any thing further from a your next day's work, what an agreeable exstate of ecstasy than mine could not be imag- citement you have provided for yourself! You ined.
select disagreeable people. They are your pasYet it came. To a humble individual clothed sion—that very dirty and selfish person who in a linen sack, and carrying a mundane carpet- crowds you in the omnibus is the very man you bag, came the greatest revelation ever made to want. There are volumes to be read in that the human race, namely, the secret of happi- man. You may add infinitely, by observing
him, to your favorite subject. He may be to I was reflecting in this manner, Why am I you what the fin of a fish is to Agassiz. Not so cross, so unhappy, so uncomfortable? Be- only yourself, but the whole human race may be cause I am so warm, so dusty, and so poor. benefited by your morning's ride. But other people are as warm, as dusty, and as He jostles you, he shuts down the window out poor as I am. Behold the brakeman-he is a of which you are looking and breathing. You living incarnation of warmth, dust, and pover- remonstrate; he is brutal and stands on his ty, and yet hear him laugh! Why, then, when rights. You determine to get out; but I am not warm, dusty, or particularly poor, am ter angel comes to your rescue and you determI also unhappy? Because I am generally sur- ine to remain, remembering the dear idol at rounded by disagreeable people. Very true. home. You are glued to your seat; Juggernaut Why, then, are so many people made disagrec- shall have the advantage of the observation. able ?
A woman gets in; she is neither young nor Here, I remember, my philosophical calmness pretty : so he contrives to jostle her, causes her of answer failed me. Here I could not answer to stumble, laughs coarsely at her confusion, and myself with that promptness which had hereto- refuses to make room. Another gets in who is fore characterized me. Suffice it, then, to say, young and pretty: he stares at her, tries to make people were generally disagreeable. Emily room for her next his interesting self, and Brown was not; but old Brown, her father, annoys her generally.
Why could not the car have been filled You conclude you have picked up enough for with Emily Browns!
Juggernaut, and get out at the City Hall in a But it was not; therefore I must suffer in si- very delighted frame of mind. lence the proximity of people who were not at While in your office, busily writing and hopeall like Emily Brown.
lessly intending to get through before dinner, CulThen it came. Like all great truths, it should vert Jowls, a “rising young man,” waits upon be given to the world. I do not wish to be you. He has known you in college; he was selfish with my great discovery. Let it reach your favorite abomination there. He knows it, to the uttermost limits of human intelligence. but forgives it; or perhaps Culvert is profound
Since the world is filled with disagreeable ly unforgiving, and inflicts upon you the worst people, cultivate a taste for disagreeable people! revenge he has in his power—his own slimy self.
That sentence should be written in letters of Yourire rises within you; you determine to inbrass or gold (as is most convenient) on the City sult him, to get rid of him. No! a soft restrainHall, Custom-house, Grace Church, the Pyra- ing hand is laid upon your impatient temper; mids (of Egypt), Pompey's Pillar, St. Peter's, it is your love of science. Culvert, the “rising Westminster Abbey, Halls of Education, and young man,” approximates very nearly to your the California steamers.
highest standard of disagreeability. Like an No place is too lofty or too lonely for the almost perfect work of art, there is nothing to dissemination of this truth. Cry it in the mark- add and rery little to take away from Culvert. et-place, mention it (cautiously and anonymous- Smooth, oily, upturned-eyed, soft-voiced, and ly) at Washington, write it on your garments, velvet-footed, you know that he has cheated his carve it on your seals, and append it to your mother, that he perpetually cheats a loving and
unsuspecting sister, that he has broken his own consequence, it is of some other person's wife's heart, that he is a living lie from head to sins. Finally, she paints you a monster of defoot, an incorporated selfishness, a coward at pravity: you almost quail to think such enormiheart. The only brave point about him is, that ty exists. You shudder that the soft voice of he dares to pretend to be a saint, and that to a woman should be the vehicle through which you, who cudgeled him at school, and knew all so much vice is made known and patent. You his vileness at college! And you respect a pre- endeavor to escape, but she walks you up and tense so mighty, and, considering how much of down a piazza from whence you see Arabella a pretense it is, you believe him to have a great- Claymore, Emily Brown-and, can it be! the ness of soul which commands your respect. guilty Millefleur-all going boating, to have a
He stays four hours. You glance at your "splendid time.” Maliciously you point out the papers hopelessly. You hint, but he does not party to Mrs. M. She then tells you in sweetunderstand; you are compelled to say—but he est accents that Emily Brown is the very moninterrupts you. What sustains you but a love ster she has been describing, and winds up with of science ? He talks of himself, of the money “Poor girl." he makes, of the good he is doing, and, above The appetite of the tiger for human flesh is all, of the serenity of his own soul! Beautiful not interesting to the unfortunate traveler who, lesson! You think of your standard, and de- deserted by his convoy, finds himself aftlictingly termine to cast it to the dogs and erect Culvert near the hot breath of one of those agile creatin its place.
ures in an Indian jungle. But suppose that man . Finally, he tells you that he has met Emily to have gone to India, not for base purposes of Brown. That deeply afflicted as he is by his commerce, but to examine the characteristics of wife's death (he is a soft and tender widower), the tiger. Imagine that before his eyes floats yet so unmistakable are the signs of Miss Brown's an enormous book—“Somebody on Tigers." preference that,
Every glimpse of the tiger becomes valuable. Love of science vanishes; you tell him what His own life, his comfort, become secondary conyou think of him; he goes on-you kick him siderations. Science and love of fame sustain down stairs. On the second landing he brings the feeble flesh. So I, impelled by love of up, bruised yet smiling, black and blue yet bland science, and sustained by the vision of this and forgiving, and tells you he forgives you, and article which is to cover me with glory as with regrets to learn by the violence of your treat- a garment, cultivated and endured Mrs. Millement how much you must be interested in Miss fleur. When I got home I added to the ornaBrown.
ments of Juggernaut-her soft roice saying What a necklace you hang that night on the viperous things, her delicate face expressing the neck of Juggernaut !
worst and meanest passions, and her constant In your summer at the sea-shore you begin to boredom-her never-ceasing, all-beginning confeel that you have less opportunity than usual to versation, and I assure you it was a horribly study your favorite science. Emily is there, and valuable addition. tells you she detests Culvert. Somehow the dis The pomposity of dear old Brown, Emily's agreeables have vanished; perhaps a phantom father, who didn't like me, his bowing down beof themselves pursued them and they jumped fore that calf of a Johnson who was rich (as why into the sea. But nol at breakfast you recog- shouldn't he be ? old J. packed pickles and did nize Mrs. Millefleur. She is somewhat young it well, and young J. found a snug plum in and pretty, thinks herself younger and prettier. preserve for him), was formerly disagreeable to She talks perpetually of herself and of Mille- me. Now, in consequence of my revelation, fleur, and of Wildopolis, where she was born. old Brown is a deeply interesting study to me. She adores politics and worships Millefleur. I like to see him believe himself a philanthroYou, of course, know that her family are the pist. I like to see him think himself above selfish “very first" in Wildopolis, and Wildopolis is considerations, while he talks of young Johnthe first city in the Union. You have, she has son's amiable character and good habits, when heard, good singing in New York; but did you he knows that young J. is a selfish and vulgar know that your favorite prima donna, whom you voluptuary. I like to see him put a dollar on supposed an Italian, was born and educated in the contribution-plate with the air of its being Wildopolis, and the Wildopolitans wouldn't list- twenty-and he regrets it is not more, but that en to her? Then New York bread is so unen- is all he can afford. durable, so much fresher and more countrified To be sure I still talk to Emily, but her father than Wildopolis bread. As for Millefleur, a very is my attraction. She is the olive which stimgood bull-dog of a fellow, he (unlike you) is ulates my tongue, but old B. is the roast beef bored with his wife--probably because he has which satisfies my appetite. I bear with his not had the revelation you have had of the vulgar patronage, his low-bred assumptionssecret of happiness—and flirts, or is disposed to for the sake of science. flirt, with Arabella Claymore, the fast girl of Your society snob was formerly my aversion. the season.
Now he is my pet macaw; I admire his lovely Mrs. Millefleur puts her little hand inside plumage, his gracious airs, when he sees his suyour white linen coat-sleeve and fastens you for perior macaw approach. I admire his graceful the morning. When she isn't talking of her timidity of being seen with a poor relation, his
pretty confusion when his cousin Grandiose sees there is the fool who believes himself a Solon; him receiving an obligation from his cousin there is the army of bores; there is the school Rusticus. Rusticus is rich and generous, and of elderly, bookish, pretentious, and hard-featoblivious of snob-weakness; or if he knows it, he ured women; there is the mean and narrow is pleasantly unconscious of it, as a lion lets an woman, who has the unwomanly attribute of peimpertinent puppy play with his beard. Still nuriousness; there is the gushing, spontaneous, Rusticus has no position in society, and dresses frank woman, who is as deep as the sea, and as fearfully. Unfortunately Rusticus will go to the past finding out as the ways of the wind, only opera, where Snob walks nightly in the wake that she blows nobody any good. The variety of Grandiose, to whom he is distantly connected is infinite, the supply is inexhaustible. by marriage. How delicious to see are Snob's How I lost my taste for all that is not disawrithings as Rusticus, remembering with a glow agreeable, askof pleasure how happy he was to loan Snob No! the soft eyes of my wife are looking unsome money in the morning, presumes Snob conscious reproaches at me. Old Brown is dead, will be equally happy to talk with him in the “ that good old man.” I treated my long enevening. Then do I cultivate Snob, then do I durance of him to the delightful reward of mareavesdrop, that no gem of degradation, no lovely rying his daughter. I did not "shed a many lie of self-disrespect, no contortions of a mean tears” for one of the choicest my specimens; soul, may escape me. Sometimes I think I love I bore old Brown's death with composure, the Snob better than any variety of my pet reptiles. calmness of a philosopher and man of science Unfortunately he is not quite rare enough to be knowing as I did that I had but to go into priceless; I can almost always find a perfect Wall Street to replace him, should I ever forspecimen, which is, as every naturalist knows, get him. almost a misfortune.
Fearing that my favorite science may grow Delicious Mrs. Aminadab Sleek! How I used upon me too much, and wishing to avoid Scylla to loathe the weeks which a cruel destiny, and without embracing Charybdis, I confine myself a distant relationship compelled me to spend at principally to the society of my wife, and women your country house! How I reprobated above of her stamp, who are not too religious to love all things your intense hypocrisy! How you pro- their husbands, play with their children ; those faned in my eyes all that was most lovely and pure ones to whom all things are pure; whose pure! Now, as a perfect specimen of your class, spotless hands can touch, without being detiled, how I adore you! How I love that temper of the fevered brow of the Magdalen; who emuyours, which, like Sykes's dog, snarls and growls late a charity which has on it the seal of Heavat every body who is not of your set! How I en; who can look unmoved on the superior admire your devotion to hours and days of pub- beauty of other women; who can love and forlic worship, and your disregard of the dinner give; who can read and yet not quote; who can hour of Mr. Sleek! How I like your dignified enjoy, and get a little cross occasionally, and contempt of that hard-worked and thin individ- have to be forgiven ; who sometimes forget ual, and your adoration of your Aunt Fangs, what year Charlemagne died, but never what who is such a lovely character that she looks hour Charles comes home to dinner. With the savage enough to be cannibal, and who tells you same virtuous intentions I sometimes spend my that love for your husband and children is a time with some good and agreeable fellows. weakness, a low degrading sentiment, a tempta- Very much do I affect some excellent men who tion of the flesh, and that a high and elevated honor that cloth which so many degrade---men human character is one which loves only the of courage, of true goodness and honesty—one church—and herself.
such man, whom I hear on Sunday, knocks JugHow I love to see you abstain from amuse- gernaut off his pedestal. When I see the earnments, from the opera where you would hear a est face, the small feeble figure, infused with a depraved woman sing a beautiful song, and to mighty soul-when I behold his life, so worthy see you devote that evening to tearing your be- of its mission—I do not study my favorite sciloved sister in the church into tatters! How I ence so attentively. love your fine sense of honor and truth, when When at my club I meet men of refinement, you uphold your favorite clergyman in his course of manliness, devoid of pretense, I conclude of tergiversation and cringing, and condemn not to give myself up entirely to my favorite your neighbor for openly holding the same opin- science. ions which cause your clergyman to cringe! Oh! But let me assure you it is a great revelation, Mrs. Aminadab, you stalk abroad. Our cities, a great truth. You can not complain of want of our villages, know you by heart—if you are not opportunity, you will not be driven to foreign interesting as a specimen, how can you be en- countries, out on the deep and dangerous waters, dured at all?
into the academies of science, or the halls of There is the man with the sickly smile who medical colleges for specimens. They are to will not take any hint that you do not wish to be found on the highways and by-ways. Unlike be persecuted by his visits, who understands no most sciences, it can be pursued together with persuasions but the heel of a boot, who admits your ordinary avocations. Let your motto be, no soft impeachment but that of a crab stick;
COME ON, YE DISAGREEABLES !" Vol. XV.-No. 89.-S s
THE SIEGE OF FORT ATKINSON. daily expected with the presents. There could I.
not have been less than 10,000 in all, many of EXT to Kit Carson, unquestionably the two whom were encamped in the immediate vicinity
most notorious characters in all the region of the fort; though the “big village” was some of the Far West, at the present time, are Bill ten miles farther up the river, where the pasBent and Yellow Bear, war-chief of the Arra- turage was better, and fire-wood more easily paho Indians. The name of Bent is too well obtained. known to require a card of introduction to the The scarcity of fuel and grass is the chief inpublic. Yellow Bear has ever been Bent's warm- convenience experienced by this fort, though est friend, and has saved that old trader's life for in other respects it is by no means agreeably him time and time again. His influence is prob- situated—its location having been chosen solely ably greater than that of any individual chief with a view to the accommodation of the neighamong all the Indian tribes, and it is due chiefly boring Indian tribes and the protection of the to him that Uncle Sam has been enabled to keep Santa Fé trade. The Arkansas River flows the peace for so many years with two of the within a few rods of its walls, having a depth most powerful nations of the plains—the Chey- of three or four feet at certain seasons of the ennes and the Arrapahoes. In Yellow Bear, year; but in summer, like most of the prairie Cooper might have found his beau ideal of the streams, its bed is generally nearly dry. The red child of the forest; for, physically a man in surrounding country is a barren waste, without the highest sense of the word, his intellectual vegetation, save a few shrub bushes and the capacity is all that could be expected from a crispy buffalo grass, diversified only by innumind without culture. Of great personal brav-merable sand hills. No wood is to be had ery, whether in battle or in the council, of pro- within thirteen miles; and “buffalo chips," the found sagacity and unshaken purpose, together dernier resort for fuel, once found in great with a rare modesty, a kindly disposition, and a abundance, are now quite scarce, the buffalo magnanimous contempt of insult, his friends having almost entirely disappeared from this and allies worship him, while foes respect but vicinity. The fort itself is of adobé, or sunfear him. Beneath the shadow of the dried brick, roofed with canvas, containing fair Rocky Mountains, or along the banks of many accommodations for the garrison, and defended a prairie creek and river, the wilderness has by a few small field-pieces and usual armabeen the silent witness of scenes of strife and ment. It has also a large corral on one side, carnage that would curdle the blood and blanch five feet in height, for the protection of the the cheek; of which, betimes, some brief recital animals. A garrison of ninety men (infantry, is borne eastward to shock incredulous ears. 6th regiment) and twenty B dragoons comprised There is a startling history connected with the the entire force at the date of our narrativeprotracted siege of Bent's Fort during the winter surprisingly deficient for so important a post. just past, of which some half-distorted facts have Two weeks had nearly elapsed since the time been doled out in meagre parcels to readers of appointed for the distribution of presents, but newspaper literature; and a moral, too, which no agent yet made his appearance. The Inif duly considered by those who have in charge dians had thus far borne the unwarrantable dethe management of our Indian affairs, might lay with remarkable patience, considering their be of practical benefit in the future. So, also, naturally restless and irritable disposition, and there is in every such event—which calls loudly the by-po-means-pleasing consciousness that for an amendment of the present policy as re- they were, day by day, half-starving their horses spects the Indian tribes. The following trite-on the sparse and abominable pasturage, and ly-told incidents are fraught with illustrations rapidly eating themselves out of all kinds of bearing upon this point, and with this view are provisions-most of them, too, having traveled now for the first time recorded on the printed hundreds of miles to meet the agent at the page.
time appointed. To this was added the suspiIt is some five years since the startling intel- cion of the red men (ever mistrustful of the ligence was brought from the Plains, by way of whites) that they were to be cheated of their Independence, Missouri, that Fort Atkinson on annuities. Thus, as day after day passed by, the Arkansas River had been captured by the and still no agent came, they became more and Indians, and its garrison massacred; and that more uneasy, and soon began to manifest unBent's and King's wagon-trains had also been in- mistakable evidences of hostility. Indeed, the tercepted, and every one of the party murdered. proposition was warmly espoused by many of Fortunately the report afterward proved un- the younger men that their treaty with the true, though it was by no means without foun- United States should be at once annulled, the dation. It was in the month of July, 1852, the annuities rejected, and an exterminating war time for the distribution of the annuities and declared; but the plan received little favor with presents to the allied tribes of the Kiowas and the head men. They began now to gather Comanches, that the Indians of the aforesaid around the fort in great numbers, threatening tribes were assembled in vast numbers in the to annihilate the garrison if the presents were vicinity of Fort Atkinson, impatiently awaiting not speedily forthcoming, and occasionally enthe arrival of Charles Fitzpatrick, the agent for deavoring to force their way inside the gate. the Comanches, who, already behind time, was In vain the officers expostulated. They knew,