Equally with Bismarck, William II understood the importance of another war in Germany's program of develop ment; but, whereas the old Chancellor found the real enemy in France, the Kaiser found him in Russia. The difference was based upon different conceptions of empire. Bismarck contemplated a Germany ultimately dominant on the continent of Europe at the least possible expense. Hence a general reduction of armaments when that position was once attained. But William II wished no such limits. He aimed at world pre dominance, and understood that the disarmament of Europe would terminate the necessity for kings and emperors altogether. Bismarck was planning as a Prussian statesman, William II as proprietor of the Hohenzollern dynasty. From the beginning he looked toward the East as the path of empire. It was not France but Russia that blocked the way. A permanent friendship with Russia was, in his eyes, impossible. The Balkan peninsula, the debris of the Ottoman Empire, Constantinople-these were the real pawns in the imperial game. Bismarck believed nothing of this. For him Germany's greatness would consist in drawing the Austrians into the German union; the permanent

weakening of France, to be kept in conflict with Great Britain over the spoils of colonial expansion; the development of Russia on the Asiatic side; and the consequent military domination of the European continent by Germany with a minimum of cost. William II wanted as much as possible of all this, but also new territories and access to the southern waters, a route to the Far East. In 1890 this was only a vague dream, but across every vista of the vision loomed the shadow of a resisting Russia.

In these first years of the Kaiser's reign was sounded the keynote of his personal use of personal use of power. "I can hardly believe that he will ever bear to have a Chancellor with a private opinion of his own," Bismarck once remarked. "That," he went on, "means a return to absolute government, which requires different qualities from those of William II." When asked why he spoke of a "return" to absolute government, and not of a continuance of it, since he himself had governed absolutely, the Prince replied: "Ah! that was quite a different matter. I may have been autocratic, but I never boasted of it!"

We now know what the Kaiser's boasting has brought upon Germany, upon Europe, and upon the world.

WILL confess frankly that in the beginning I disapproved of the war distinctly. I was even filled with regret that I

had not been asked to accompany Mr. Ford on his so-called Peace Ship, for a man of my standing and weight could not but have exerted a powerful influence in favor of any movement he chose to espouse. But Mr. Ford neglected this opportunity, and his expedition was not the unqualified success it might have proved to be.

I need not say that I studied and scrutinized the war with minute care, and gradually, from viewing it with utter disfavor, I began to perceive that it was not devoid of merits. I am no man to take a comfortable middle ground, so it was inevitable that I should stand at one extreme or its opposite. Because of this characteristic, which has, not without justice, been referred to as admirable, I proceeded from my lukewarm approval of the conflict to a whole-hearted indorsement of it.

Upon reaching this state of mind I wrote at once to inform the War Department of it, receiving in reply a formally polite note of gratification, in which I detected a sense of relief, as if a certain weight had been removed from the writer's mind. He must indeed have been gratified to be informed of the wellconsidered sanction of a man capable of judging his conduct impartially and scientifically, as I may say with modesty that I undoubtedly was.

say,

My chief reason for-shall I ratifying? the war derived from a perception of its beneficial effects upon the languages of the world, and more especially from an appreciation of the manner in which it would enrich the field of etymology for savants of a generation still unborn.

It will be clear to the most rudimen

tary intelligence how these great benefits will inevitably arrive; how every tongue will be enriched by words new and strange to its dictionaries and its lexicographers. These profound benefits are already making their appearance. For instance, I recently met a youthful British officer who referred to the period anterior to the meridian of the day as

66

pip emma." The droll word "camouflage" has already fixed itself so firmly in the language that no less an individual than my cook is able to use it with some point. On Monday she set before me a dish which I failed to recognize, and upon inquiring its nature she informed me in the following surprising sentence: "Sure, sorr, 'tis bread-puddin' camouflaged."

But to the point: Our troops are sojourning in France, where, it is redundant to point out, the French language is spoken. It is inevitable that our millions of soldiers should acquire numbers of the more striking French words-and incorporate them into their own everyday speech. Think of the wonderful possibilities at Saloniki where are gathered together in one camp English, Russian, Serb, Greek, Italian, French. have expressed curiosity as to why this great army is maintained at that point. It seems clear to me: the governments of the various Allies perceive the etymological benefits to be derived from such polyglot associations.

Many

I think I have made my position clear, and have set forth ample and conclusive reasons for my change of opinion regarding the war.

Now, then, those who know me best know me not as a student, savant, philologist, but as a determined man of action. No sooner do I reach a mature decision than my rare force of character and dynamic spirit force me to action. In the case under discussion I resolved to support the war. In short, I determined to do all in my power to make it

continue as long as I could, for the longer it continues the more widespread the benefits. At first I considered the project of offering my services to the Government, asking to be commissioned a general, or perhaps a colonel, in charge of the etymological department, but careful scrutiny informed me that our military establishment was deplorably lacking in such a branch. For a time I was in a quandary.

One evening, however, I dined in a house where Major Peets was a guest, and broaching the subject of my desires to him, asked him what he would counsel. He replied, briskly:

"Apply for a commission in the Vassar Guards."

"Vassar?" said I.

"Exactly," said he. "Vassar College." "Young women?" said I.

"Yes, indeed. You've heard of the Russian Battalion of Death, haven't you? Women showing the way to the men? . . . Then why not Vassar Guards?"

"Why not, indeed?" said I, much impressed by his disclosure. That very evening I wrote to the head of the college, making application for a commission in the regiment. After a few days I received a disappointing ply. It seemed the Major had been misinformed regarding the Vassar Guards, and that

re

did task. Martial ardor flamed within me. I made my plans at once.

I do not resemble those individuals who occupy their time in making plans which are never carried out. With me a plan is inevitably a mere outline of activities; no man can say that my plans fail to ripen into action. On the third day after my resolution was formed I set about the grim business of recruiting my battalion.

It was desirable that young women at once athletic and cultured should make up the rank and file of the organization. I wanted young women who should be able to sustain the hardships of war, but more especially those whose mental endowments were calculated to make them of greatest value in collecting, preserving, and selecting those words and phrases most calculated to be of interest and value to the etymologist. It is well to win a victory, to capture the army of an enemy, but of how much less value for

the institution really had no intention whatever of sending an educated and cultured Battalion of Death to the front. It was a grievous disappointment.

However, I was not to be deterred. Once the idea had settled in my intelligence, I could not rest until it had been carried out. If Vassar would organize and equip no Battalion of Death, I, Simeon Small, would take up that splen

VOL. CXXXVI.-No. 816.-101

the world is such a purely ephemeral military event to the skilled study and classification of a group of new words in process of being adopted into our language!

I am not insensible to ambition. When this war came to an

end I felt I might look with confidence to a lofty place in the regard of my countrymen. The Joffres, Pétains, Haigs, Per

shings, would be honored, of course. Their names would be mentioned upon a thousand pages of history. But what one of them I put this question franklywhat one of them could expect to find his name enshrined on the title-page of a dictionary?

My first step was to open a recruiting station. I hired a small room on a business street, and caused to be placed

across its face a sign not lacking in conspicuousness which announced:"

RECRUITING STATION

BATTALION OF DEATH

Able-bodied women of culture wanted to enter the service of their country

ENLIST TO-DAY

In this place I seated myself behind a table and assumed a bearing at once martial and erudite, and awaited results. More than one individual paused to glance at the sign and a number of young men, and especially boys, peered through the window at me, making remarks of a character which it is needless to repeat; indeed, a great portion of these remarks was couched in a terminology which conveyed no meaning whatever to my intelligence. Toward noon a woman of ample proportions, and what I should be obliged to describe as mature years, made her appearance without. She read the sign, then she pressed her face against the window so vehemently as to cause her nose to flatten at great risk of damaging its cartilage. She peered at me for some time, drew back a step, straightened her shoulders and pursed her lips. Then, with a certain belligerency of mien, she entered the door.

"What," she asked in a deep voice, "does this mean?"

"Madam-" said I.

"Miss," she said, brusquely; "Miss." "Indeed," said I, "at your age one naturally assumes that the obligations of matrimony have been long since acquired.

"Sir," said she, with needless vehemence, "what is my age to you?"

"I must confess," I replied, ingratiatingly, "that it is of singularly small importance.'

She glared at me. I use the term advisedly. It would seem the woman had found reason to be provoked at me. "If I chose," said she, "to remain a spinster, is that any reason why every bespectacled spindleshanks sitting under an outrageous sign should remark upon it?"

"Spindleshanks?" said I. "Am I to understand that you refer to me Spindleshanks?"

"You are," she said, shortly.

as

"I may not," said I, with dignity, "have the lower extremities of a Grecian athlete in marble, but I assure you that, such as they are, my limbs are ample for my requirements. Since the passing of that garment referred to by our grandfathers as small-clothes, it has not been considered essential for a gentleman, and particularly for a student and a scientist, to possess the-er-calves of a male ballet dancer."

"I did not come here," she said, sharply, "to discuss your legs." She used the word baldly and without blushing. "I came to inquire the meaning of your sign."

"It was yourself," I reminded her, "who introduced as a subject the anatomical fraction you mention so frankly. As to my sign, it speaks for itself. I am recruiting a Battalion of Death, the idea being based on the military unit of that name now in being in Russia, but, I may say with all modesty, I have modified the idea very greatly to its advantage. I have given to it dignity and culture, utility and the color of erudition."

"Heavens!" said she. "But get down to brass tacks, young man. Are you actually enlisting women to fight?" "I am," said I.

"In Europe?" she asked.
"Where else?" said I.

"Military uniforms and guns?" she asked.

"Decidedly," said I, “and note-books and pencils.'

"Young man, you interest me. I was arrested for wearing trousers in 1887— that was my first arrest. Last week I was in jail in Washington for sitting on the chest of a police-officer who interfered with our pickets before the White House. I have taken part in innumerable riots, and have been chairman at no less than twenty-six stormy public meetings. I am no weakling. I believe I shall enlist.'

"Are you educated?" I asked.

"Enough," said she, savagely, "to stick a bayonet into a German."

"Um," said I, "are you familiar with the word 'camouflage'?" This I put as a test question. If she had noted the appearance of this word it indicated a certain natural aptitude for the primary object of my organization.

"Excellent," said I. "You are accepted, and as you have reached mature years, and as your personal appearance is such as to suggest the possession of firmness, not to say bellicosity, I appoint you a non-commissioned officer. You may, hereafter, regard yourself as a sergeant."

I took her name, which, it appeared, was Hannah Panner, and directed her to report for active duty the following Monday. She seemed enthusiastic, which boded well for my enterprise. I fear, however, that I became prematurely optimistic. Miss Panner caused me to believe it would be a matter of no difficulty to recruit a sufficient number of suitable. women, but as the day advanced and no other entered my office I became apprehensive. At first I contemplated sending a telegram to the Secretary of War demanding the use of the machinery of the Draft, but on consideration I decided against that course. more desirable.

The second woman was selling a powder to be put inside the shoes to give ease and comfort to the feet. She informed me that infantrymen were crying for it, and that a soldier who had been able to march but five miles in a day before using the preparation was able afterward to march twenty with ease.

Volunteers were much

But volunteers did not come. Nor did I have better fortune next day. Two women came up to my desk, but neither of them enrolled in my organization. One proved to be the Field Secretary and Investigator for the Society for Preventing Working Girls from Wearing Whitetopped Shoes. Upon my assuring her that working girls did not enter into my calculations, and that our uniform did not demand white shoes, she expressed herself vehemently as being skeptical of the truth of my statements and informed me that she meant to keep me under her eye.