Sharp. Bravo! why you must be making a fortune here, my jolly Snaggs.

Snaggs. Ay, if all days were like this: but if I didn't draw pictures as well as teeth, I should make but a poorish hand on't.

Sharp. What, a painter too, as well as dentist?

Snaggs. Yes, I takes off heads, and cures the toothach.

Sharp. If taking off heads won't do it, what will? so you paint the rosy cherry-cheeked country lasses? Snaggs. Yes, I paint fair ladies all black.

Sharp. Profiles in shade!

Snaggs. No; I does it by candle-light, with their heads again a wall, and then seduces them to a proper size: then I cures weak-sighted folks.

Sharp. An oculist!

Snaggs. No; they calls me the eye-man! Poticary says he'll prosecute me for selling nostrums, when it be nothing at all but brandy and water.

Sharp. [Looks at his Watch] It wants but ten minutes of the time I'm to go with my master.-You're sure colonel Touchwood wasn't at home?

Snaggs. He! bless you, he be gone to town: if he were at home, you'd hear him before you got within sight of the house.-Main passionate. No, no, there be only muster Mordaunt the visitor, the two young ladies, the servants, and the governess. Sharp. Isn't she a complete Argus? Snaggs. No; she's the housekeeper. Sharp. I mean, isn't she all eyes?

Snaggs. If she be she's plaguily unneighbourly, for she never had a bottle of my stuff since she came to the place.

Sharp. No!

Snaggs. No: nor so much as a tooth, or a picture, pulled out, or drawn, in her life.

Sharp. That is unneighbourly.

Snaggs. And pray, old acquaintance, what has brought you and your master down so slily?

Sharp. You shall see, if you wait till it is dark.

Snaggs. An odd time for seeing. Here comes lawyer Brief.

Sharp. Then I'll go. I hate lawyers, they're such rogues. Farewell. [Going. Snaggs But, muster Sharp, wontee come to the club at night? I be hired there.

Sharp. Hired!

Snaggs. Yes, I comes off shot-free for saying good things out of my own head, from a book I keeps in my pocket. I takes the chair, and keeps the company alive by making 'em all die wi' laughing.

Sharp. Vastly clever indeed-keep 'em alive by killing 'em with laughing. Well, take care of our trunks; don't blab, and I'll be with you sooner than you think. Mum! and without intruding on your pencil, lotion, or instruments, we'll make a man of you.

[Exit.

Snaggs. And as long as I makes a penny o'you, that be all I care for. Oh, here's Mr. Brief! he wur but lawyer's 'prentice t'other day; but now, because he be asked this thing and that by a few fools in the parish, he calls himself a solicitor.

Enter BRIEF.

Brief. Snaggs, who was that just now left you? Snaggs. That, sir? Oh, that was a secret, sir. Brief. No prevarication. Do you mean to say-I ask you your oath?

sir?

Snaggs. Me take an oath! I'll be damn'd if I'll swear to please any body. Who might you think it was, Brief. It looked like a friend's servant of mine from London, and I thought he might be asking for me. Snaggs. No, sir, don't think he be in the lawyer

line.

Brief. Why?

Snaggs. He says they be all such cursed rogues.
Brief. Scan mag!

Snaggs. Yes, they can mag; that we all knaws.

Brief. Vulgar prejudice! I assure you that, even in London, there are not so many pettifogging members of the profession as there used to be.

Snaggs. Not since you be com❜d away, I dare say, sir. But I be taking up your time, sir, and your hands be full, as well as mine.

Brief. Only, you'll excuse me, I can't help thinking it's a strange way to live by taking your customer's money and teeth into the bargain.

Snaggs. It be, sir; only I do seldom pull out any o'your customer's teeth till you han't left any use to be

made on 'em.

Brief. Yes, I believe you; and I get every shilling that's laid out in the village in our way.

Snaggs. And between us, I wonder there be a shilling left. [Exeunt severally.

SCENE II.

A Drawing-room, open at the back by glass Doors to a Garden; a Door also on each side. The Moon partially seen through the sash Door;-Candles on the Table in the Apartment.

Enter MORDAUNT cautiously from the sash Door; takes a Letter from his Pocket, and approaches the Candle.

Mor. At length I have got away from the company; there's no one here: my watch says eight to a minute. I've made no mistake in the letter I hope. [Reads] Mr. Mordaunt is requested most particularly to be in Colonel Touchwood's drawing-room, which adjoins the garden, at eight o'clock on Tuesday evening: he can easily enter by the sash door, and is desired to keep all interruption out of the way. No signature!-It must be an assignation from a female! My pulse begins to quicken, and throb with impatience for the lovely writer: methinks I hear her timid step! methinks I see her, with her half-fetch'd breath, bending her downcast eye in fearful search of me, the happy object; who, taking her gently by the hand, shall sayWhat, in the name of all the devils, do those two men want? [Retires a little.

Enter from the sash Door, MAJOR TOUCHWOOD and SHARP, in dark blue Cloaks.

Maj. T. Sharp! ·

Sharp. Sir!

Maj. T. Where is he? You said you saw him enter, and but a little while before us.

Sharp. So I did, sir, so I did; and here he is, sir; here is Mr. Mordaunt.

Mor. And pray, sir, who are you? and who may your companion be?

Maj. T. Why don't you know me, Mordaunt?

Mor. Know you?-what-why-yes it must be too. Major Touchwood! who the devil thought of seeing you here? [Advancing.

Maj. T. Hush! are you alone?

Mor. I thought I were till I saw you. But what are you doing, my good friend, in that cloak and wig? why you look twenty years older.

Maj. T. Do I? then I gain my point. I have fought and wounded my colonel: I come here to conceal myself; and as my uncle is reckoned wonderfully like me, I made free with a uniform coat, and popp'd on a wig which he had left at my quarters; and to stop pursuit, and balk suspicion, I mean, with your assistance, for a day or two to deceive the whole family.

Mor. Indeed: and suppose yon hadn't met me here?
Maj. T. Oh, I was certain of that.

Mor. Certain! are you in her confidence?
Maj. T. Her! who?

Mor. If you are not, I must beg you to retire instantly.

Maj. T. Retire! I came on purpose to consult you. Mor. You could not have chosen a worse opportunity: look here, you rogue. [Shows the Letter] I conceal nothing from you; and I rather think this delightful billet is written by some beautiful creature withSharp. With a wig and military boots on.

Mor. So it was you who did me the honour to make this assignation! [To the Major.

Maj. T. I did.

Mor. I wish you a very good evening.

Maj. T. What, leave me when I want your assist

ance?

Mor. I cannot better serve you than by leaving you. I'll go instantly to the sister of your wounded colonel, and bespeak her interest in your behalf.

to.

Maj. T. The last person in the world to mention me

Mor. The first you mean; for if the colonel dies, she succeeds to six thousand pounds a year. Maj. T. And I shall be hang'd.

Mor. That, of course!

[Mimics him.

Maj. T. Well, if you must go, do me at least the favour to tell my sister Clarissa that a gentleman wishes to speak to her in the drawing-room; but do not for your life say who it is.

Mor. Your wishes shall be obeyed, and that in the kindest manner; for I have already proved my regard for the brother, by adoring the sister.

[Exit. Maj. T. It's well I've no serious need of that coxcomb's assistance: I merely put him into my confidence that he might not betray my scheme, and prevent my interview with my charming cousin Sophia!

Sharp. How happy you are, sir: you are going to see the woman you love, I the one I have married. Oh, how I look forward to the joy of our meeting; and yet it's a pity too, for my Peggy and I are never such real good friends as when we are fifty miles asunder.

Maj. T. Hush, here's my sister.

Enter CLARISSA.

Cla. A gentleman want me.-Oh, my dear uncle, I thought you were my brother.

Maj. T. Look again, sister, and say, "My dear brother, I thought you were my uncle."

Cla. And so I did. Mr. Mordaunt told me in his way that a gentleman, who was not my brother, waited to see me. I guessed his meaning, and flew to see.