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tling wench, with a bottle of brandy under her arm. Let that be as it will, he-managed matters so well, that she went away big-bellied, and was at length brought to bed of a little Cupid. This boy, whether it was by reason of any bad food that his father had eaten during the siege, or of any particular maligo nity in the stars that reigned at his nativity, came into the world with a very sickly look, and crazy constitution. As soon as he was able to hapdle his bow, he made discoveries of a most perverse dispo. sition. He dipped all his arrows in poison, thatrotted every thing they touched; and, what was more particular, aimed all his shafts at the nose, quite contrary to the practice of his elder brothers, who had made a human heart their butt in all coun. tries and ages. To break him of this roguish trick, his parents put him to school to Mercury, who did all he could to hinder him from demolishing the noses of mankind; but, in spight of education, the boy continued very unlucky; and though his malice was a little softened by good instructions, he would very frequently lct fly an invenomed arrow, and wound his votaries oftener in the nose than in the heart. Thus far the fable.
I need not tell my learned reader, that Correggio has drawo a Cripid taking his lesson from Mercury, conformable to this poem; nor that the poem itself was designed as a burlesque upon Fracastorius.
It was a little after this fatal siege of Naples, that Taliacotius began to practise in a town of Germany. He was the first love-doctor that I meet with in his. tory, and a greater man in his age than our celebrated doctor Wall. He saw his species extremely mutilated and disfigured by this new distem per that was crept into it; and therefore, in pursuance of a very seasonable invention, set up a manufacture of
noses; having first got a patent that none should presume to make noses besides himself. His first patient was a great man of Portugal, who had done good services to his country, but in the midst of them unfortunately lost his nose. Taliacotius grafted a new one on the remaining part of the gristle' or cartilaginous substance, which would sneeze, smell, take snuff, pronounce the letters M or N; and, in short, do all the functions of a genuine and natural
There was, however, one misfortune in this experiment: the Portuguese's complexion was a littleupon the subfuse, with very black eyes and dark eye-brows; and the nose being taken from a porter that had a white German skin, and cut out of those parts that are not exposed to the sun, it was 'very visible that the features of his face were not fellows. In a word, the Comdè resembled one of those maimed antique statues that has often a modern nose or fresh marble glewed to a face of such a yellow, ivory complexion, as nothing can give but, age. To remedy this particular for the future, the doctor got together a great collection of porters, men of all complexions, black, fair, brown, dark, sallow, pale, and ruddy; so that it was impossible for a patient of the most out-of-the-way colour not to find a nose to match it..
The doctor's house was now very much enlarged, and became a kind of college, or rather hospital, for the fashionable.cripples of both sexes, that resorted to him from all parts of Europe. Over his door was fastened a large golden snout, not unlike that which is placed over the great gates at Brazen-nose college in Oxford; and, as it is usual for the learned'in fo. reign Universities to distinguish their houses by a Latin septence, the doctor writ underneath this great golden proboscis two verses out of Ovid:
Militat omnis amans, habet et sua castra Cupido;
OVID Amor. El. ix. 1.
The toils of love require a warrior's art; And every lover plays the soldier's part. It is reported that Taliacotius had at one time in his house, twelve German counts, nineteen French marquisses, and a hundred Spanish caviliers, be sides one solitary English esquire, of whom more hereafter. Though the doctor had the monopoly of noses in his own hands, he is said not to have been unreasonable. Indeed, if a man had occasion for a high Roman nose, he inust go to the price of it. A carbuncle nose likewise bore an excessive rate ; but for your ordinary short turned-up noses, of which there was the greatest consumption, they cost little or nothing; at least the purchasers thought so, who would have been content to have paid much dearer for them rather than to have gone without them.
The sympathy betwixt the nose and its parent wan very extraordinary. Hudibras has told us, that when the porter died, the nose dropped of course, in which case it was always usual to return the nose, in order to have it interred with its first owner. The nose was likewise affected by the pain, as well as death of the original proprietor. An eminent instance of this nature happened to three Spaniards, whose noses were all' made out of the same piece of brawn. They found them one day shoot and swell extremely ; upon which they sent to know how the porter did : and heard, upon enquiry, that the parent
the noses had been severely kicked the day be. fore, and that the porter kept his bed on account of the braises which it had received. This was highly resented by the Spaniards, who found out the per. son that had used the porter so unmercifully, and treated him in the same manner, as if the indigoity had been done to their own noses.
In this and se. veral other cases it might be said, that the porters led the gentlemen by the nose.
On the other hand if any thing weut amiss with the nose, the porter felt the effects of it; insomuch, that it was generally articled with the patient, that he should not only abstain from all his old courses, but should,on no pretence whatsoever,smell pepper, or eat mustard ; on which occasion, the part where the incision had been made, was seized with unspeakable twinges and prickings.
The Englishman I before mentioned was so very irregular, and relapsed so frequently into the distemper which at first brought him to the learned Taliacotius, that in the space of two years he wore out five noses; and by that means so tormented the porters, that if he would have given five hundred pounds for a nose, there was not one of them that would accommodate him. This young gentleman was born of honest parents, and passed his first years in fox-hunting ; but accidentally quitting the woods, and coming up to London, he was so charmed with the beauties of the playhouse, that he had not been in town two days before he got the misfortune which carried off this part of his face. He used to be called in Germany " the Englishman of five noses," and " the gentleman that had thrice as many noses as he had cars.” Such was the raillery of those times,
I shall close this Paper with an admonition to the
young men of this town; which I think the more necessary, because I see several new fresh.coloured faces, that have made their first appearance in it, this winter. I must therefore assure them, that the art of making noses is entirely lost ; and, in the next place, bcg them not to follow the example of our ordinary town rakes, who live as if there was a Taliacotius to be met with at the corner of every street. Whatever young men may think, the nose is a very becoming part of the face; and a man makes but a very silly figure without it. But it is the nature of youth not to know the value of any thing until they have lost it. The general precept, therefore, I shall leave with them is, to regard every towo-woman as a particular kind of syren, that has a design upon their noses ; and that, amidst her. flatteries and allurements, they will fancy she speaks to them in that humourous phrase of old Plautus, Ego tibi faciem denasabo mordicus. "Keep your face out of my way, or I will bite off your
N° 261. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 9, 1710.
From my own Apartment, December 8. It is the duty of all who make philosophy the en. tertaiument of their lives, to turn their thoughts to practical schemes for the good of society, and not pass away their time in fruitless searches, which tend rather to the ostentation of knowledge, than the service of life. For this reason I cannot forbear