drawing-room is the most splendid that was ever protected from the vulgar glare of day by glowingly painted window-blinds. The foot sinks into the softness of her rich and velvety carpet as into a bed of moss. Her tables, of dark mahogany, or burnished rose or elmwood, reflect the carved ceiling in their massy mirrors. She sits upon the splendour of her crimson ottoman, and bestows the indubitableness of her opinions upon those who venture within fifteen yards of her magnificence. Her carriage has the deepest colouring, the largest armorial bearings, and the costliest mountings. Her horses are of unequalled size and sleekness; and her lacqueys move their empurpled limbs under a canopy of powdered and pomatumed hair. When she rides, she sees that there is a pedestrian world, but looks out upon it only with a calm sense of incalculable superiority, apparent upon the majestic ugliness of her countenance. Her obeisance is imperial, — colder and statelier than the obnutation of an iceberg. Her routs are splendid and exclusive. "Family dinners," compromising and economical "hops," she probably never heard of; and if she did, it was with the contempt they deserved, as tending to lower the grand scale of her social operations. The date and style of her cards of invitation settle the fashion for the winter. The male creatures, who receive the honour of invitations, are - those only who are known to attire themselves with the most aristocratical precision, and conscious air of superiority. An erroneous knot upon a neckcloth; a waistcoat buttoned one button too high, or one button too low; a vulgar arrangement of hair,not to talk of the horrible profanity of a coat cut two months out of date, or silk stockings of a pattern whose reign had ceased a whole fortnight before, inevitably strike the bearer off the privileged list. Her name is found high among the lady patronesses and ladydirectresses; and when she goes to a public place, she is followed by a select suite of young ladies, sent by their happy mammas to luxuriate in the exclusiveness of her presence. Her door is unprofaned by aught so vulgar as a number or a name; but you may know it by the lazy footmen, and overgrown poodles, who commonly congregate in its vicinity. Every sentiment is up in arms against this proud, unfeeling automaton; it is some comfort, therefore, to know that every body hates her, and that she is not happy. THE CONSEQUENTIAL-WISE-MAN-MONSTER. - Self-conceit, pomposity, and the profound admi.ation of old women, have been an overmatch for the originally weak intellect of Doctor Owlstare. He imagines himself a walking Encyclopædia, and the final court of appeal in all cases where a literary, political, moral, or religious dispute arises. Ask him to meet with the most eminent men of the day, and he never for a moment supposes that the compliment is paid to him, but to them. Tell him one of your best stories, and it will fail to produce any visible effect upon him, unless, indeed, he should condescend to hint that he has heard it better told before. Make one of your profoundest observations in philosophy or political economy, and he will only hem, and look half sage, half contemptuous. Try him upon the fine arts, and he gives you to understand that unless you have been to the Vatican, you have no right to open your lips before him, and that if you have been there, you were incapable of turning your opportunities to any good account. Venture into the arcana of science, and you are silenced, by hearing him pronounce Sir Humphrey Davy a mere school-boy. In short, the only use he makes of such information as he possesses is to exalt himself; and when his ignorance by chance stares him in the face, he gets out of the dilemma by flinging it back on the first person he encounters. In general company this manner is successful. He is not much liked, but he is immensely respected. Hospitable country gentlemen, middle-rate lawyers, wealthy merchants, with all their wives and all their daughters, hardly know how to treat him with sufficient deference. Every body begs for the honour of drinking wine with Doctor Owlstare; every body is anxious to know what Doctor Owlstare thinks upon the subject; every body sends the nicest cut in the whole salmon, and the wing and breast of the chicken to Doctor Owlstare. He goes into the drawing-room, and the lady of the house carries him his coffee with her own hands, whilst her eldest girl" who was seventeen the fifth of September last," brings him the cake. He eats and drinks an unconscionable quantity, but every body is continually beseeching him to eat and drink more. He goes home about nine-a kind of disagreeable caricature of Samuel Johnson; and his absence occasions, unconsciously, so general a relief, that the young people, in the exuberance of their spirits, propose a quadrille, and the previous generation sit down to whist, enlivening the pauses of the game by the most animated encomiums on Doctor Owlstare. THE TREACLE-TONGUED-MONSTER-is commonly a female. She is probably a would-beyoung old-maid, who has wormed herself into a sort of paltry independence, principally by having had several small legacies left her as the wages of toad-eating. She visits a good number of families of respectability, on what she calls an easy and intimate footing; that is to say, she can look in upon them very soon after breakfast, or about tea-time, and she is sure not to derange their do mestic economy, for they say, "Oh! it is only Miss Amelia Treacletongue." Her conversation is very thickly studded with tender appellatives, My dear" my love". such as 66 my sweet creature!" She is always very particular in her enquiries on the subject of health, and is "distressed" -"quite distressed," to hear of the slightest ailment. A headache alarms" her a cough "suggests the fear of consumption"- a sore throat makes her pathetic, and reminds her of "the uncertainty of human existence." She calls to ask after the patient every day, often twice a day, until the most perfect convalescence has taken place. She professes an ardent attachment to all children. She takes every little urchin in her arms, kisses him, calls him a "darling cherub," and gazes on him delightedly (at least when his mamma or papa is present), although the said "darling cherub" be a spoiled, clumsy, dumpy, red-headed, disagreeable varlet. With all the minutiae of family histories, and little bits of neighbourly scandal, Miss Amelia Treacletongue is particularly well acquainted. She communicates a suspicious story in the softest and most confidential manner; she "hints a doubt," or hesitates dislike" with a whispery gentleness, quite irresistible. Her constitution is rather delicate, yet she goes abroad in all weathers. At table, not in her own house, but in that of a -- |