Con. I have done, Sir,-my station here is to obey-I know they are gifts of a virtuous mind, and mine shall convert them to the tenderest and most grateful use. Eger. Hark! I hear a carriage-it is my father; dear girl, compose yourseli-I will consult Sidney and my lady: by their judgment we will be directed;-will that satisfy you? Con. I can have no will but my lady's; with your leave, I will retire-I would not see her in this confusion. [Exit CONSTANTIA. Eger. Dear girl, adieu! Sam. Sir Pertinax and my lady are come, Sir; and my lady desires to speak with you in her own room-Oh! she is here, Sir. [Exit SAM. Enter LADY MACSYCOPHANT. Lady M. Dear child I am glad to see you: why did you not come to town yesterday, to attend the levee-your father is incensed to the uttermost at your not being there. Eger. Madam, it is with extreme regret I tell you, that I can no longer be a slave to his temper, his politics, and his scheme of marrying me to this woman. Therefore you had better consent at once to my going out of the kingdom, and to my taking Constantia with me; for, without her, I never can be happy. Lady M. As you regard my peace, or your own character, I beg you will not be guilty of so rash a step-you promised me, you would never marry her without my consent. I will open it to your father: pray, dear Charles, be ruled-let me prevail. that the whole tenor of your conduct is most offensive. Eger. I am sorry you think so, Sir. I am sure I do not intend to offend you. Sir P. [In anger.] I care not what ye intend -Sir, I tell ye, ye do offend--What is the meaning of this conduct ?-neglect the levee !-- Sdeeth! Sir, your-what is your reason, I say, for thus neglecting the levee, and disobeying my commands? Eger. Sir, I own-I am not used to levees; --nor do I know how to dispose of myself-nor what to say or do, in such a situation. and do? gentle and simple; temporal and spiritual; Sir P. Zounds, Sir! do you not see what others lords, members, judges, generals, and bishops? aw crowding, bustling, pushing foremost intill the middle of the circle, and there waiting, watching, and striving to catch a luock or a smile fra the great mon; which they meet with an amicable risibility of aspect-a modest cadence of body-a conciliating co-operation of the whole mon-which expresses an officious promptitude for his service, and indicates that they luock upon themselves as the suppliant appendages of his power, and the enlisted Swiss of his poleetical fortune-this, Sir, is what ye ought to doand this, Sir, is what I never once omitted for these five-and-tharty years-let wha would be meenister. Eger. [Aside.] Contemptible! Sir P. What is it that ye mutter, Sir? Eger. Only a slight reflection, Sir; and not relative to you Sir P. Sir, your absenting yoursal fra the Eger. Madam, I cannot marry this lady. levee at this juncture is suspeccious-it is luocked Lady M. Well, well; but do not determine. upon as a kind of disaffection; and aw your countryFirst patiently hear what your father and Lord men are highly offended with yeer conduct: for, Lumbercourt have to propose, and let them try Sir, they do not luock upon ye as a friend or a to manage this business for you with your father-weel wisher either to Scotland or Scotsmen. pray do, Charles. Eger. Madam, I submit. Lady M. And while he is in this ill humour, I beg you will not oppose him, let him say what he will; when his passion is a little cool, I will try to bring him to reason-but pray do not thwart him. Sir P. [Without.] Haud your gab, ye scoundrel, and do as you are bid. Zounds! ye are so full of your gab. Take the chesnut gelding, return to town, and inquire what is become of my lord. Lady M. Oh! here he comes, I'll get out of [Exit. the way. Sir P. [Without.] Here you, Tomlins. Tom. [Without.] Sir. Sir P. Without Where is my son Egerton? Tom. [Without. In the library, Sir Pertinax. Sir P. Without.] Vary weel, the instant the lawyers come, let me ken it. Enter SIR PERTINAX. Sir P. Vary weel-Vary weel-ah, ye are a fine fellow-what have ye to say for yoursal-are not ye a fine spark? are ye not a fine spark, I sayah! you're a-so you would not come up till the levee? Eger. Sir, I beg your pardon--but-I-I-I was not very well;-besides-I did not think that-that my presence there was necessary. Sir P. Sir, it was necessary--I tauld ye it was necessary—and, Sir—I must now tell ye, Eger. Then, Sir, they wrong me, I assure you; but pray, Sir, in what particular can I be charged either with coldness or offence to my country? Sir P. Why, Sir, ever since your mother's uncle, Sir Stanley Egerton, left ye this three thousand pounds a year, and that ye have, in compliance with his will, taken up the name of Egerton, they think ye are grown proud--that ye have estranged yoursal fra the Maesycophantsthe opposection-and with those, again I must have associated with yeer mother's family-with tell you, wha do not wish weel till Scotland-besides, Sir, in a conversation the other day, after dinner, at yeer cousin Campbell Mackenzies, before a whole table full of yeer ain relations, did ye not publicly wish-a total extinguishment of aw party, and of aw national distinctions whatever, relative to the three kingdoms. And, ye blockhead-was that a prudent wish-before sae mony of yeer own countrymen, and be damned to ye? Or, was it a filial language to hold before me? Eger. Sir, with your pardon-I cannot think it unfilial, or imprudent; I own I do wish-most ardently wish, for a total extinction of all partiesparticularly that of English, Irish, and Scotch, might never more be brought into contest, or competition; unless, like loving brothers, in generous emulation for one cominon cause. Sir P. How, Sir; do ye persist ?—what, would ye banish aw party-and aw distinction betwaxt English, Irish, and your ain countrymen? Eger. I would, Sir. Si P. Then damine, Sir-ye are nae true Scot. Ay, Sir, ye may luock as angry as ye wull; but again I say-ye are nae true Scot. Eger. Your pardon, Sir, I think he is the true Scot, and the true citizen, who wishes equal justice to the merit and demerit of every subject of Great Britain-Amongst whom, Sir, I know but of two distinctions. Sir P. Weel, Sir, and what are those? what are those? Eger. The knave and-and the honest man. [Impatiently. Sir P. Pshaw! redeeculous! Eger. And he who makes any other-let him be of the north or of the south, of the east or of the west, in place or out of place-is an enemy to the whole, and to the virtues of humanity. [ACT II. Sir P. Let me know the instant he arrives. [Erit. Sir P. Step ye oot, Charles, and receive Lady with ass much respect and gallantry ass possible— Rodolpha. And I desire, Sir, ye wool treat her for my lord has hinted that ye have been very remiss ass a lover. Adzooks, Charles! ye should admeenister a whole torrant o' flattery till her; has made an idiot of her understanding by flattery; for a woman ne'er thinks a man loves her, till he flattery is the prime bliss o' the sex, the nectar and ambrosia o' their charms; and ye can ne'er gang and mind yeer flattery. [Exit EGERTON.] gi'e them o'er muckle of it: sae, there's a guid lad, Hah! I must keep a tight hand upon this fallow, I see. I'm frightened oot o' my wits lest his Sir P. Ay, Sir! this is your brother's im- which would ruin my whole scheme, and break mother's family should seduce him to their party, pudent doctrine-for the which I have banished my heart. A fine time o' day indeed for a blockhim for ever fra my presence, my heart, and my head to turn patriot-when the character is exfortune-Sir, I will have nae son of mine, because ploded, marked, proscribed; why, the common truly he has been educate in the English uni- people, the very vulgar, have found out the jest, varsity, presume to speak against his native land- and laugh at a patriot now-a-days, just as they do or against my principles. Sir, Scotsmen-Scots- at a conjurer, a magician, or any other impostor in men, Sir-wherever they meet throughout the globe-should unite and stick together, as it were, in a polectical phalanx. However-nae mair of that now, I will talk at large till ye about that business anon; in the meantime, Sir, notwithstanding your contempt of my advice, and your disobedience till my commands, I wool convince ye of my paternal attention till your welfare, by my management with this voluptuary-this Lord Lumbercourt, whose daughter ye are to marry:ye ken, Sir, that the fellow has been my patron above these five-and-tharty years. Eger. True, Sir. Sir P. Vary weel-and now, Sir, you see by his prodigality he is become my dependant; and accordingly I have made my bargain with himthe deel a bawbee he has in the world but what comes through these clutches; for his whole estate, which has three impleecit boroughs upon it mark-is now in my custody at nurse; the which estate, on my paying off his debts, and allowing him a life-rent of seven thousand per annum, is to be made over till me for my life; and at my death is to descend till ye and your issue-the peerage of Lumbercourt, you ken, will follow of courseso, Sir, you see there are three impleecit boroughs, the whole patrimony of Lumbercourt, and a peerage, at one slap-why it is a stroke-a hit-a hit-a capital hit, mon. Zounds! Sir, a man may live a century, and not make sic another hit again! Eger. It is a very advantageous bargain, no doubt, Sir; but what will my lord's family say to Sir P. Why, mon, he cares not if his family were aw at the deel, so his luxury be but gratified only let him have his race-horse, till feed his vanity; his polite blacklegs, to advise him in his matches on the turf, cards, and tennis; his harridan, till drink drams wi' him, scrat his face, and burn his periwig, when she is in her maudlin hysterics-the fellow has aw that he wants, and aw that he wishes, in this world Enter TOMLINS. Tom. Lady Rodolpha is come, Sir. Sir P. And my lord? society. Enter TOMLINS and LORD LUMBERCOURT. [Exit. Lord L. Sir Pertinax, I kiss your hand. to see you. Sir P. Your lordship's most devoted-I rejoice Lord L. You stole a march upon me this morning!-gave me the slip, Mac; though 1 never wanted your assistance more in my life. I thought you would have called upon me. Sir P. My dear lord, I beg ten millions of pardons, for leaving town before you-but ye ken that your lordship at dinner yesterday settled that we should meet this morning at the levee? promise to be there, I own-but- at the levee; and waited there till every mortal that old sinner, Lord Freakish, General Jolly, Lord L. To confess the truth, my dear Mac, Sir Anthony Soaker, and two or three more of that set, laid hold of me last night at the opera; and, as the General says,-I believe, by the intelligence of my head this morning-ha! ha! ha! we drank deep ere we departed-ha! ba! ha! and Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! nay, if you were with that party, my lord, I don't wonder at not seeing your lordship at the levee! Lord L. The truth is, Sir Pertinax, my fellow let me sleep too long for the levee. But I wish I had seen you before you left town-I wanted you dreadfully. the way; but on what account, my lord, did you Sir P. I am heartily sorry that I was not in want me? Lord L. Ha! ha! ha! a cursed awkward affair-and-ha! ha! yet I cannot help laughing at it neither; though it vexed me confoundedly. Sir P. Vexed you, my lord-I wish I had been wi' ye then; but for heaven's sake, my lord, what was it that could possibly vex your lordship? Lord L. Why, that impudent, teasing, dunknow the fellow? Tom No, Sir, he is about a mile behind, the ning rascal, Mahogany, my upholsterer-vou servant says. Sir P. Perfectly, my lord. Lord L. The impudent scoundrel has sued me up to some infernal kind of a-something or other, in the law, which I think they call an execution! Sir P. The rascal! Mac, that the villain will send down to Newmarket, and seize my string of horses. Sir P. Your string of horses! We must prevent that, at all events:-that would be such a disgrace, I will despatch an express to town directly, to put a stop till the scoundrel's proceedings. Lord L. Pr'ythee do, my dear Sir Pertinax. Sir P. Oh! it shall be done, my lord. Lord L. Thou art an honest fellow, Sir Pertinax, upon honour. Sir P. Oh, my lord: 'tis my duty to oblige your lordship to the very utmost stretch of my abeelity. Enter TOMLINS. Lord L. Upon which, Sir, the fellow-ha! ha! ha! I cannot help laughing at it-by way of asking pardon, ha! ha! ha! had the modesty to wait on me two or three days ago-to inform my honour, ha! ha! as he was pleased to dignify methat the execution was now ready to be put in force against my honour, ha! ha! ha!-but that, out of respect to my honour, as he had taken a great deal of my honour's money, he would no Tom. Colonel Toper presents his compliments suffer his lawyer to serve it-till he had first into you, Sir, and having no family down with him formed my honour-because he was not willing to in the country-he and captain Hardbottle, if not affront my honour! ha! ha! ha!—a son of a inconvenient, will do themselves the honour of whore! taking a family dinner with you. Sir P. I never heard of so impudent a dog. Lord L. Now, my dear Mac! ha! ha! as the Scoundrel's apology was so very satisfactory, and his information so very agreeable to my honourI told him, that in honour I could not do less than to order his honour to be paid immediately. Sir P. Ha! ha! ha!-vary weel-ye were as complaisant ass the scoundrel till the full, I think, my lord. Sir P. They are two of our militia officers: does your lordship know them? Lord L. By sight only. Sir P. I am afraid, my lord, they will interrupt our business. Lord L. Ha ha! not at all-not at all-ha! ha! ha! I should like to be acquainted with Toper, they say he is a fine jolly fellow! Sir P. Oh! very jolly, and very clever. He and the captain, my lord, are reckoned two of the hardest drinkers in the country. Lord L. Ha! ha! ha! so I have heard-let us them by all means, Mac; they will enliven the scene-how far are they from you! Lord L. Ha! ha! ha! to the full; but you shall hear you shall hear, Mac-so, Sir, with great composure, seeing a smart oaken cudgel, that stood very handily in a corner of my dressing-have room-I ordered two of my fellows to hold the rascal, and another to take the cudgel, and return the scoundrel's civility with a good drubbing, as long as the stick lasted! Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! admirable! as gude a stroke of humour as ever I heard of—and did they drub him soundly, my lord? Lord L. Oh! most liberally, ha! ha! ha! most liberally; and there I thought the affair would have rested, till I should think proper to pay the Scoundrel-but this morning, Sir, just as I was stepping into my chaise-my servants all about me-a fellow, called a tip-staff, stepped up, and begged the favour of my footman, who thrashed the upholsterer, and the two that held him, to go along with him upon a little business to my lord chief justice. Sir P. The devil! Lord L. And at the same instant I, in my turn, was accosted by two other very civil scoundrels, who, with a most insolent politeness, begged my pardon, and informed me, that I must not go into my own chaise! Sir P. How, my lord! not intill your ain carnage! Lord L. No, Sir-for that they, by order of the sheriff, must seize it, at the suit of a gentleman-one Mr. Mahogany, an upholsterer. Sir P. An impudent villain! 1 Lord L. It is all true, I assure you; so you see, my dear Mac, what a damned country this is to live in, where noblemen are obliged to pay their debts, just like merchants, cobblers, peasants, or mechanics.- -Is not that a scandal, dear Mac, to a nation. Sir P. My lord, it is not only a scandal, but a Jational grievance. Lord L. Sir, there is not another nation in the world that has such a grievance to complain of But what concerns me most, I am afraid, my dear Sir P. Just across the meadows-not half a mile, my lord-a step-a step. Lord L. Oh, let us have the jolly dogs, by all means! Sir P. My compliments, I shall be proud of their company. [Exit TOMLINS.] Gif ye please, my lord, we wull gang and chat a bit wi' the women. I have not seen lady Rodolpha since she returned fra the Bath; I long to have a little news from her aboot the company there. Lord L. Oh! she'll give you an account of them, I'll warrant you. [A very loud laugh without.] Here the hairbrain comes! it must be her by her noise. Lady R. [Without.] Allons! gude folks-follow me sans ceremonie! Enter LADY RODOLPHA, LADY MACSYCOPHANT, Lady R. [Running up to SIR PERTinax.] Sir Pertinax,-your most devoted-most obsequious, and most obedient vassal. [Courtesies very low. Sir P. Lady Rodolpha-down till the ground my congratulations, duty, and affection, sincerely attend your ladyship. [Bowing ridiculously low. Lady R. Oh! Sir Pertinax-your humeelity is most sublimely complaisant-at present unanswerable-but, Sir, I shall intensely study to return it [Courtesies very low.] fafty fold. Sir P. Weel, Madam, ha! you luock gaily weel-and how-how is your ladyship after your jaunt till the Bath? Lady R. Never better, Sir Pertinax-—as well as youth, health, riotous spirits, and a careless, happy heart can make me. Sir P. I am mighty glad till hear it, my lady. Lord L. Ay, ay,- Rodolpha is always in spirits; Sir Pertinax, Vive la bagatelle, is the philosophy of our family, ha!-Rodolpha,-ha! Lady R. Traith is it, my lord: and upon ho- ! nour, I am determined it never shall be changed by my consent-weel I vow-ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! Vice la bagatelle would be a most brilliant motto for the chariot of a belle of fashion-what say ye till my fancy, Lady Macsycophant? Lady M. It would have novelty at least to recommend it, Madam. Lady R. Which of aw charms is the most delightful that can accompany wit, taste, love, or friendship-for novelty, I take to be the true je ne scai quoi of all wordly bliss. Cousin Egerton, should not you like to have a wife with Vive la bagatelle upon her wedding chariot ? Eger. Oh! certainly, Madam. Lady R. Yes-I think it would be quite out of the common, and singularly ailegant. Eger. Indisputably, Madam-for, as a motto is a word to the wise, or rather a broad hint to the whole world, of a person's taste and principles, Vive la bagatelle would be most expressive, at first sight, of your ladyship's characteristic! Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! weel, that was a droll. motley cabinet, I vow. Vary whimsical, upon honour; but they are all great politeecians at Bath, and settle a meenistry there with ass much ease ass they do a tune for a country dance! Lady R. Oh, Maister Egerton! you touch my Lady R. Then, Sir Pertinax, in a retired part very heart wi' your approbation-ha! ha! ha! that of the room-snug-in a by-corner-in close conis the vary spirit of my intention, the instant Iference, we had a Jew and a beeshop. commence bride. Well, I am immensely proud Sir P. A Jew and a beeshop! ha! ha! a devilthat my fancy has the approbation of so sound anish gude connexion that; and pray, my lady, understanding-so sublime a genius--and so po- what were they aboot? lished, nay, so exquisite a taste, as that of the allaccomplished Mr. Egerton. Sir P. But, Lady Rodolpha, I wish, till ask your ladyship some questions aboot the company at Bath; they say ye had aw the world there. Lady R. O, yes;-there was a vary great mob indeed; but vary little company: aw canailleexcept our ain party; the place was quite crowded wi' your little purseprood mechanics-an odd kind of queer luocking animals, that ha'e started intill fortunes fra lottery tickets, rich prizes at sea, gambling in Change Alley, and sic like caprices of fortune, and awaw they aw crood till the Bath, to larn genteelity, and the names, titles, intrigues, and bon mots of us people of fashion-ha! ha! ha! Omnes. Ha! ha! ha! Lord L. Ha! ha! ha! I know them-I know the things you mean, my dear, extremely well. I have observed them a thousand times; and wondered where the devil they all came from! ha ha! ha! Lady M. Pray, Lady Rodolpha, what were your diversions at Bath? Lady R. Gude faith, my lady, the company were my diversion--and better nae human follies ever afforded-ha! ha! ha! sie an a maxture-and sic oddits, ha! ha! ha! a perfect gallimowfry! ha! ha ha! Lady Kunigunda Mackenzie and I used to gang aboot till every part of this human chaos, ha ha! on purpose till reconnoitre the monsters, and pick up their frivolities, ha! ha! ha! ha! Omnes. Ha! ha! ha! Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! why, that must have been a high entertainment till your ladyship! Lady R. Superlative, and inexhaustible, Sir Pertinax ha ha! ha! Madam, we had in yane group a peer and a sharper-a duchess and a pinmaker's wife-a boarding-school miss and her grandmother-a fat parson a lean general, and a yellow admiral-ha! ha! all speaking together, and bawling, and fretting, and fuining, and wrangling, and retorting in fierce contention, as if the fame, and the fortune, of aw the parties, were till be the issue of the conflict. Lady R. Why, Sir, the beeshop was striving to convert the Jew; while the Jew, by intervals, was slily picking up intelligence fra the beeshop, aboot the change in the meenistry, in hopes of making a stroke in the stocks. Omnes. Ha! ha! ha! Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! admirable, admirable, I honour the smouse-hah!-it was deevilish clever of him, my lord, deevilish clever, the Jew distilling the beeshop's brains. Lord L. Yes, yes, the fellow kept a sharp look out; I think it was a fair trial of skill on both sides, Mr. Egerton. Eger. True, my lord; but the Jew seems to have been in the fairer way to succeed. Lord L. Oh! all to nothing, Sir: ha! ha! ha! Well, child, I like your Jew and your bishep much-it is monstrous clever, let us have the rest of the history, pray, my dear. Lady R. Gude traith, my lord, the sum total is, that there we aw danced, and wrangled, and flattered, and slandered, and gambled, and cheated, and mingled, and jumbled Omnes. Ha! ha! ha! Lord L. Well, you are a droll girl, Rodolpha, and upon honour, ha! ha! ha!- you have given us as whimsical a sketch as ever was hit off. What say you, Mr. Sidney? Sid. Upon my word, my lord, the lady has made me see the whole assembly at Bath, in glaring, pleasing, distinct colours! Lady R. O, dear Maister Sidney, your ap probation makes me as vain as a reigning toast at her looking-glass. Enter TOMLINS. Tom. Colonel Toper and Captain Hardbottle are come, Sir. Sir P. O, vary weel! dinner immediately. Tom. It is ready, Sir. [Exit TOMLINS. Sir P. My lord, we attend your lordship. Lord L. Lady Mac, your ladyship's hand, if you please. [He leads her out. Sir P. Lady Rodolpha, here is an Arcadian swain, that has a hand at your ladyship's devotion! Lady R. And I, Sir Pertinax, ha'e yane at his Gives her hand to EGERTON.] there, Sir,-as to hearts-ye ken, cousin, they are nae brought into the account o' human dealings now-a-days. Eger. Oh! Madam, they are mere temporary baubles, especially in courtship; and no more to be depended upon than the weatner or a lot tery ticket. Lady R. Ha! ha! ha! twa axcellent seemilies, I vow, Mr. Egerton, axcellent!-for they illus trate the vagaries and inconstancy of my dissipated heart, ass exactly-ass if ye had meant till describe it. [EGERTON leads her out. Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! what a vast fund of speerits and good humour she has, Maister Sidney. Sid. A great fund, indeed, Sir Pertinax. Sir P. Hah! by this time to-morrow, Maister Sidney, I hope we shall ha'e every thing ready for ye to put the last helping hand till the earthly happiness o' your friend and pupil; and then, Sir, my cares wull be over for this life; for as till my other son I expect nae gude of him; nor should I grieve were I to see him in his coffin. But this match-Oh! it wull make me the happiest of aw human beings. [Exeunt. ACT III. SCENE I-A Library. Enter SIR PERTINAX and EGERTON. Sir P. Sir, I wull not hear a word aboot it; I insist upon it ye are wrong-ye should ha'e paid your court till my lord, and not ha'e scrupled swallowing a bumper or twa-or twanty till oblige him! Eger. Sir, I did drink his toast in a bumper. Sir P. Yas, ye did; but how?-how ?-just ass a cross-brain takes pheesic, wi' wry mouths, and sour faces, whach my lord observed; then, to mend the matter, the moment that he and the colonel got intill a drunken dispute aboot releegion, ye slily slunged awa'. Eger. I thought, Sir, it was time to go, when my lord insisted upon half-pint bumpers. Sir P. Sir, that was not levelled at you-but at the colonel, the captain, and the commissioner, in order till try their bottoms; but they aw agreed that ye and I should drink oot o' smaw glasses. Eger. But, Sir, I beg pardon-I did not choose to drink any more. had him i' that tipsy mood- -we might ha'e settled the point amongst ourselves, before the lawyers came- -but noow, Sir, I dinna ken what will be the consequence. Eger. But when a man is intoxicated, would that have been a seasonable time to settle business, Sir? Sir P. The most seasonable, Sir, the most seasonable; for, Sir, when my lord is in his cups, his suspeccion and his judgment are baith asleep, and his heart is aw jollity, fun, and gude fellowship you may then mould his consent to any thing; and can there be a happier moment than that for a bargin, or to settle a dispute wi' a friend? What is it you shrug your shoulders at, Sir? Eger. At my own ignorance, Sir: for I understand neither the philosophy nor the morality of your doctrine, Sir P. I ken ye do not, Sir-and what is warse, ye never wull understand it, ass ye proceed. In yane word, Charles-I ha'e often tauld ye, and noow again I tell ye yance for aw, that every man should be a man o' the warld, and should understand the doctrine of pleeabeelity; for, Sir, the manœuvres of plecabeclity are ass necessary to rise in the warld, ass wrangling and logical subtlety are to rise at the bar. Why ye see, Sir, I ha'e acquired a noble fortune, a princely fortune, and how do ye think I ha'e raised it? Eger. Doubtless, Sir, by your abilities. Sir P. Dootless, Sir, ye are a block head-nae, Sir, I'll tell ye hoow I raised it, Sir; I raised it by boowing; by boowing, Sir; I naver in my life could stond straight i' th' presence of a great mon; but always boowed, and boowed, and boowed, as it were by instinct. Eger. How do you mean, by instinct, Sir? Sir P. Hoow do I mean, by instinct-why, Sir, I mean by-by-by instinct of interest, Sir, whach is the universal instinct of mankind, Sir: it is wonderful to think, what a cordial, what an amicable, nay, what an infallible influence, boowing has upon the pride and vanity of human nature; Charles, answer me sincerely, ha'e ye a mind till be convinced of the force of my doctrine, by example and demonstration? Eger. Certainly, Sir. Sir P. Then, Sir, as the greatest favour I can confer upon ye, I wull give ye a short sketch of the stages of my boowing; ass an excitement and a landmark for ye till boow by, and as an infalli ble nostrum for a mon o' the warld till thrive i' the warld. Eger. Sir, I shall be proud to profit by your experience. Sir P. Vary weel. [They both sit down.] And noow, Sir, ye must recall till your thoughts, that your grandfather was a mon, whose penuri Sir P. But, Sir, I tell you there was necessity for your drinking more at this particular juncture. Eger. A necessity! in what respect, Sir? Sir P. Why, Sir, I have a certain point to carry, independent of the lawyers, with my lord, in this agreement of your marriage, aboot whach, I am afraid we shall ha'e a warm crooked squabous ble-and therefore I wanted your assistance in it. Eger. But how, Sir, could my drinking contribute to assist you in your squabble? Sir P. Yas, Šir, it would ha'e contributed--it might have prevented the squabble. Eger. How so, Sir? Sir P. Why, Sir, my lord is proud of ye for a son-in-law, and of your little French songs-your stories, and your bon mots, when ye are in the humour-and gin ye had but staid, and been a leetle jolly, and drank half a score bumpers wi' him, till he got a little tipsy, I am sure when we VOL. I....H. income of half-pay was the sum total of his fortune; and, Sir, aw my proveesion fra him was a modicum of Latin, an expartness of arcethmetic, and a short system of worldly counsel; the chief ingredients of which were, a persevering industry, a reegid economy, a smooth tongue, a pliabeelety of temper, and a constant attention till make every mon weel pleased wi' himself. Eger. Very prudent advice, Sir. Sir P. Therefore, Sir, I lay it before ye-now, Sir, wi' these materials, I set oot, a rough rawboned stripling, fra the north, till try my fortune wi' them here i' the south; and my first step |