clared that my noise was unbearable, as I ran my wooden horse and cart, or my wheelbarrow, up and down the house passage. When my noise became unendurable she used to send me into the yard, where I many times terrified her amazingly by climbing up to the water-butt in order to dabble and play with pieces of wood in the water. Of an evening, after my father came home from his situation, he occasionally read or wrote up stairs in his chamber, when I was often permitted to be in the room with him. It sometimes happened that he was called away, when I frequently took advantage of his absence to scrawl in the books and on the paper that lay upon the table, and once or twice I had the misfortune to upset the ink. At these times, however, I always managed to get out of my father's way as much as possible till I fancied that my peccadillos were forgotten. was One evening my father and I were up stairs together. I was amusing myself by scribbling on a slate, whilst "daddy reading. A glass of rum and water was standing on the table. My parent was called down stairs upon some business whilst I was left in the room by myself, and presently mounted on to my father's chair. I soon caught the scent of the liquor and water, which I thought very nice. Not being satisfied with the smell Í determined to taste, and now I considered the rum and water nicer still; so I kept on sip, sip, sip, sipping away till I had drained the glass, and of course was soon non compus mentis. made for the door, staggered out of the room, approached the stairs, and fell headlong down-bump, bump, I went down stair after stair till I was picked up at the bottom step quite insensible. I was immediately put to bed, and the next day I was extremely ill from the effects of the strong drink and the fall. I now Upon another occasion when I was playing at "touch" with my brothers I fell down a flight of stone steps. This fall bruised my head very severely; in fact, the consequences of this fall are visible to this day, in the shape of a bump on my forehead. I have mentioned these trifling circumstances to the reader in order that he may attribute any sentiments expressed by me that may not accord with his or her views of right reason to the circumstance of me falling down stairs when I was intoxicated, and to my unfortunate adventure at the flight of stone steps, for, reader, my mother and my friends positively declare that my head was cracked on one of those occasions, and they very charitably impute my little eccentricity, my erratic life, and my peculiar opinions to the aberration of my mind caused by the accidents above recorded. When my father brought home his quarter's salary he often counted it over in my presence, at which times I used to say to myself, "Oh! how I should like to have half as much money as father's got! I should never want no more then; wouldn't I have lots of Bonaparte's ribs, sweetmeats, nuts, and cakes neither!' For thus is it with children- happy, light-hearted dears, they know not the value of money. But, alas! alas! a few short years often makes us acquainted with grief and misery. I have since that happy period of childhood felt the want and learned the value of money; the cravings of Nature have ofttimes made me exclaim, "Oh! that I had but one of those halfpence that I wasted when a boy wherewith to purchase a morsel of bread to satisfy my hunger." But let me not murmur, the day of my physical redemption has arrived, and I am willing to believe that all things have worked together for my good. In the compilation of my history up to the present period I have been kindly assisted by Mistress Nodder and my mother, and I take this opportunity of publicly thanking these muchesteemed ladies for their valuable services. It is my intention, however, in the following chapters to speak and write only of those things of which I myself am cognizant. 66 At five years of age I was sent to a ma'am's" school, where I spent my time between learning my A B C, cutting young ladies' sashes, and standing on a form with a fool's cap on my head. One morning my governess detected me in the act of sewing the frocks of Miss Taylor and Miss Butler together, for which misdemeanour I had to stand on the form till twelve o'clock. At another time I was placed on a form with a fool's cap on my head because I could not distinguish the difference between the letters d and p. On this occasion ma'am took the liberty of giving me a sound box on the ears, at the same time telling me that I was a great blockhead, that I could not tell "great A from a bull's foot," nor "bouncing B from a chest of drawers," whereupon all the little masters and mistresses of Mrs. Jenner's establishment had a good laugh at my stupidity. Although I was but a little fellow I had a proud spirit, and my capacious heart secretly revolted against the idea of being knocked about by a woman and made the laughing-stock for "a parcel of gals." Rebellious ideas and strange thoughts entered into my tiny head and revolved in my brain for some weeks, when an opportunity presented itself for bringing my long-meditated theory into operation. Even at so early an age the genius for mechanical pursuits developed itself in my person; this genius I encouraged by cutting with a pair of scissors the sashes of my schoolfellows of the feminine gender, but my schoolmistress was anxious to crush these early symptoms of mechanical skill, and many were the chastisements I received for my dexterity in handling the scissors, or rather for the peculiar mode in which I chose to exercise the dexterity I possessed. "I say, Master Scapegrace," said my governess to me one day as I stood behind Miss Croker, "I say, young gentleman, what are you doing to Miss Croker's dress with them scissors you've got in your hand ?" 66 Nothing, if you please, ma'am," I replied. Just at this moment Miss Croker suddenly arose from her seat, and exclaimed, "La, bless me if Master Scapegrace arnt cut my sash in two! I thought I felt him doing something to my dress!" and then the young lady took her divided sash and showed it to Mrs. Jenner. That lady was of course very wrath at my conduct, and exclaimed, "Master Scapegrace, come here this minute, sir." To this summons I made no reply, but stood as quiet as a mouse, with my head hanging down like a criminal at the bar. "Do you hear, sir? come to me this minute, and don't stand there with your head hanging down like a bulrush," repeated the old schoolmistress. "But I shan't though," I muttered to myself. "If you don't come to me instantly, sir, it will be all the worse for you." I still continued mute, but had resolved upon the mode of action I intended to pursue. 66 "So you won't come, won't you?" said my mistress, as she advanced with the cane. Now, sir, I'll teach you to mind when I speak to you; there, sir, take that, and that for your obstinacy," said the old lady, as she kept laying the cane on my back. This was the signal for me to bring my long-meditated theory into practice; so without saying a word I closed in upon my governess and hit her hard right and left. Her spectacles soon flew off her nose on to the floor, and she was now imploring help of Miss Jay and Miss Bonner, two of the tallest girls in the school, who, however, with my other schoolfellows, appeared as if panic-struck at my proceedings. After a bit of a scuffle with the old lady I ran down stairs and went home, and was ever after prohibited by Miss Jenner from entering her "seminary for young ladies." This exclusion, however, was no punishment to me, for I liked anything better than school. Unfortunately for my mother I had become a very unruly boy. The only system upon which my too-easy parent could manage, or rather mismanage, me at this period of my life was upon the bribery system; my obedience was purchased-by the bye, a very injurious and expensive method of securing the good behaviour of children. I often made a great noise, and committed as much mischief as possible, in order that I might be bribed. One day, being particularly noisy and tiresome, my mother very naturally remon strated with me for my bad conduct. I at once told her that if she would give me a halfpenny I would be a good boy. The stipulated sum was presently forthcoming, for my parent considered herself very fortunate if she could procure peace on such very easy terms. My mother's bribe was immediately expended in apples, which were presently devoured, and I was soon as noisy as ever. "You know, Jeffrey," said my mother, "that you promised to be quiet when I gave you the halfpenny. Oh! what a naughty boy you are not to mind what I say to you." Just at this moment there was a man passing up the street with a lot of clay lambs on a board, which he was recommending to the score or more of little urchins by whom he was surrounded by singing the following triplet : "Two for a penny young lambs to sell, If I had as much money as I could tell, There, mother," said I, as I peeped through the window at the man and his clay lambs," there, if you'll buy me two of them there lambs, I'll be a good boy all the afternoon-upon my word I will." My request was instantly complied with, and I soon broke one of my lambs, and got tired of the other, and presently began my pranks again. My patient mother once more reminded me of my promise, and moreover threatened to give me a good basting; she, however, seldom succeeded in carrying such threats into execution, for my legs proved very serviceable to me in evading the cane. A man now entered our street with a basket of nuts, which he cried in the following musical strain : "Upper and under good jaw work, Crack 'em and try 'em before you buy 'em, A penny a pint good jaw work." There, mother," said I, on hearing the above sound, "if you'll let me have a halfpenny worth of nuts I'll be good till bedtime; they'll last me for hours." My too-easy and over-indulgent parent again complied after she had extorted from me promises of better behaviour; but, alas! my promises were like the shells of the nuts I was cracking—made to be broken, for ere bed-time arrived I was at fault again. Reader, I am now a parent myself. I often reflect upon the folly true it was an amiable folly-that my mother was guilty of in thus indulging her children when they were young. Parents, take warning from what I have just related. Be kind to your children, but be firm. Let your yea be yea and your nay, nay. See also that your love be enlightened by philosophy. An old charwoman occasionally came to our house for the purpose of cleaning about. This woman was a very superstitious old dame, entirely unfit to be admitted into the company of children. She was ever talking to us children about "bogies," "black holes," and "witches," and delighted in repeating ghost stories. Mothers, I must again pause to warn you, as you love your offspring, not to suffer any person to enter your houses who is guilty of talking to children about ghosts, witches, or goblins. Another summer's sun again shone upon my head. Summer, a season almost universally admired, is, however, more particularly welcome to the mother of a numerous family of young children, for at this season of the year the little ones can play in the street, or garden, or ramble in the fields, and thus afford the careworn mother an opportunity of enjoying intervals of rest and quietude within doors. TO MY DEPARTED MOTHER. BY MRS. EDWARD THOMAS. OH! now that resignation's lenient power And I was left alone to hopeless mourn; When I, despite of fond credulity, Was forced to feel, to own, my misery, And search the hallowed depths of memory! What priceless treasures love hath garner'd there ! Thy constant patience in each wayward mood, |