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I thought his testimony might be wanted; however, it happens unluckily, that he comes to confront Lady Sneerwell, not to support her.
Lady SNEER. A villain! Treacherous to me at last! Speak, fellow, have you too conspired against me!
SNAKE. I beg your ladyship ten thousand pardons; you paid me extremely liberally for the lie in question; but I unfortunately have been offered double to speak the truth.
Sir PET. Plot and counter-plot, egad! I wish your ladyship joy of your negotiation. Lady SNEER. The torments of shame and disappointment on you all! [Going. Lady TEAZ. Hold, Lady Sneerwell-before you go, let me thank you for the trouble you and that gentleman have taken, in writing letters from me to Charles, and answering them yourself; and let me also request you to make my respects to the scandalous college, of which you are president, and inform them, that Lady Teazle, licentiate, begs leave to return the diploma they granted her, as she leaves off practice, and kills characters no longer.
Lady SNEER. You too, madam !-provoking -insolent! May your husband live these fifty years! [Exit.
Sir PET. Oons! what a fury!
Lady TEAZ. A malicious creature, indeed! Sir PET. What! not for her last wish? Lady TEAZ. Oh, no!
Sir OLIV. Well, sir, and what have you to say now?
Jos. SURF. Sir, I am so confounded, to find that Lady Sneerwell could be guilty of suborning Mr. Snake in this manner, to impose on us all, that I know not what to say: however, lest her revengeful spirit should prompt her to in jure my brother, I had certainly better follow her directly. For the man who attempts to
Sir PET. Moral to the last!
Sir OLIV. Ay, and marry her, Joseph, if you Oil and vinegar!-egad you'll do very well together.
Row. I believe we have no more occasion for Mr. Snake at present?
SNAKE. Before I go, I beg pardon once for all, for whatever uneasiness I have been the humble instrument of causing to the parties present.
Sir PET. Well, well, you have made atonement by a good deed at last.
SNAKE. But I must request of the company, that it shall never be known.
Sir PET. Hey! what the plague! are you ashamed of having done a right thing once in your life?
SNAKE. Ah, sir, consider-I live by the badness of my character; and, if it were once known that I had been betrayed into an honest action, I should lose every friend I have in the world.
Sir OLIV. Well, well-we'll not traduce you by saying anything in your praise, never fear. [Exit.
Sir PET. There's a precious rogue ! Lady TEAZ. See, Sir Oliver, there needs no persuasion now to reconcile your nephew and Maria.
Sir OLIV. Ay, ay, that's as it should be, and, egad, we'll have the wedding to-morrow morning. CHAS. SURF. Thank you, dear uncle.
Sir. PET. What, you rogue! don't you ask the girl's consent first?
CHAS. SURF. Oh, I have done that a long time—a minute ago—and she has looked yes. MAR. For shame, Charles !-I protest,. Sir Peter, there has not been a word
Sir OLIV. Well, then, fewer the better; may your love for each other never know abatement. Sir PET. And may you live as happily together as Lady Teazle and I intend to do!
CHAS. SURF. Rowley, my old friend, I am sure you congratulate me; and I suspect that I owe you much.
Sir OLIV. You do, indeed, Charles.
Sir PET. Ay, honest Rowley, always said you would reform.
CHAS. SURF. Why as to reforming, Sir Peter, I'll make no promises, and that I take to be a proof that I intend to set about it. But here shall be my monitor-my gentle guide.-Ah! can I leave the virtuous path those eyes illumine?
Though thou, dear maid, shouldst waive thy beauty's
Thou still must rule, because I will obey :
An humble fugitive from Folly view,
No sanctuary near but Love and you: [To the audience.
BY MR. COLMAN.
SPOKEN BY LADY TEAZLE,
I, WHO was late so volatile and gay,
Like a trade-wind must now blow all one way,
London will prove the very source of honor.
Must I then watch the early crowing cock,
The melancholy ticking of a clock;
In a lone rustic hall forever pounded,
With dogs, cats, rats, and squalling brats sur rounded?
With humble curate can I now retire,
(While good Sir Peter boozes with the squire,) And at backgammon mortify my soul,
That pants for loo, or flutters at a vole
Seven's the main! Dear sound that must expire,
Lost at hot cockles round a Christmas fire;
And you, ye knockers, that, with brazen throat,
Pride, pomp, and circumstance of glorious
Farewell! your revels I partake no more,
All this I told our bard; he smiled, and said 'twas clear,
I ought to play deep tragedy next year.
Meanwhile he drew wise morals from his play, And in these solemn periods stalk'd away :"Bless'd were the fair like you; her faults who stopp'd,
And closed her follies when the curtain dropp'd! No more in vice or error to engage,
Or play the fool at large on life's great stage."