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Lady J. Oh, heaven! He is free, then!
Churlcs. As free as you or I, madame.
Lady J. The thought of it makes me tremble! The very name of Crackskull inspires me with terror! Morally and physically, I am told, he is a frightful monster—a hideous ruffian!
Charles. You have been misinformed, madame.
Lady J. Ah, true! you have seen him, and can tell me—
Charles. His hair is exactly Kke mine.
Cliarles. He has my nose, my mouth, and my whiskers.
Lady J. [uneasdy.] You must resemble him, thou, very strikingly, sir.
Charles. Very strikingly, madame.
Lady J. And his figure—his height?
Cluirles. Are mine exactly.
L'idy J [very uneasy.] And his age f
Charles. Is mine precisely—although not twins, we were born together.
Lady J. Good heavens! then—[charles locks door L. 2 E., then goes over and locks door E. U. E., Lady Jane shrinking in great terror.
Lady J. Wh—what are you about? Who are you, sir?
Charles, [advancing to centre, and throwing himself into a melodramatic attitude.] I am the dreaded Crackskull! Ha, ha, ha!
Lady J. [crouching, L.] Horror!
Charles, re] Not a cry—not a gesture!
Lady J. Shut up with Crackskull—awful!
Charles. Remember that you yourself introduced me.
Lady J. Oh, dear!
Cluirles. Caused violence to be employed to bring me here.
Lady J. What would you do, sir? [Producing her purse.] Hero is some loose silver.
Charles, [with a violent start.] What do you take me for 1.
Lady J. I bog your pardon, Mr. Crackskull, you require gold, of course!
Charles. You suppose me, then, a common thief? Insulting female! First you take me for a glazier, and now—
Lady J. Diamonds, then?
Cluirles. My cave is full of them.
Lady J. What, then, would you have?
Charles. My wishes are the same as your own— amusement during the wet weather.
Lady J. What, then, must I do?
Charles. Fall in love with me directly.
Lady J. [shrinking, terrified.] Oh, oh!
Charles. [going to her, grasping her arm, and drawing her to c] Speak, have you fallen in love with me? [She slips away and dodges round table.
Lady J. Mercy, Mr. Crackskull, mercy!
Cliarles. [trying to reach her.] Mercy? Ha, ha, ha! No, I want amusement during the rain; your love or your life.
Lady J. Oh, don't, Mr. Crackskull, don't!
Charles. Then love me to distraction immediately. Dare not to trifle with me; I am a desperate man—at war with the whole world—especially the police! [Suddenly darts round table,grasping her arm and dragging her to c.
Lady J. Oh, help, help!
Charles. Silence, madame, I am armed—with resolution.
Lady J. [in great terror, sinking almost to
the ground.] I will be silent! I—I swear it! [charles raises himself on tlie points of his toes and looks down threateningly at her; a momenfs pause; then a knocking is heard at door L. 2 E. Joyfully.] Ah! [Starts up and runs towards door L. 2. E. Charles follows, drags her back, throws her round to R., and casts himself into an extravagant attitude.
Servant, [knocking.] My lady, my lady!
Charles, [c] You may answer, madame.
Lady J. [r. C, agitated and trembling.] Wh-what is the matter, Andrew?
Servant, [without.] A telegraphic message that the Merediths are not coming at all—they can't—the whole country is flooded, and it's raining again, harder than ever.
Charles. The devil! I must go, then. I should be too easily arrested here. [Aside.] And besides, the lesson is sufficient. [Aloud.] Madame, I take my leave of you, and I am quite certain you have no wish to detain me.
Servant, [mthout.] Sir, sir, you had l etter make haste and go, for people say there will be such an inundation soon that nobody will be able to leave the place for at least a couple of months.
Lady J. Two months! oh, alone in my misery for two months! [ Calling to Charles, who has opened door L. 2 E.] Sir—sir—[he returns] answer me frankly.
Charles. [l. c] What?
Lady J. [r. C] You have often stopped, molested, robbed and plundered travelers t
Charles. I have been a robber from my cradle, madame.
Lady J. But your hands have never been stained with blood?
Charles. Never. [Falling on one knee and raising his hand.] Witness my solemn oath.
Lady J. Well, then, remain. You are a wretch, but I prefer a robber to—miserable solitude; a thief to everlasting doldrums; a criminal to the country after eight months' wet weather.
Cluirles. Then of course you intend to marry me?
Lady J. Horrible idea!
Charles. You know that I am not a glazier; I am of good family, related to the Merediths of Seaton Lodge.
Lady J. The Merediths?
Charles. Whom you and I were both expecting here. Mrs. Meredith, you must know, is using her endeavors to get me married to a lady of this neighborhood.
Lady J. Gracious! why, I am that lady.
Charles. Is it possible that you are Lady Jane?
Lady J. And you are—
Charles. Captain Charles Lumlcy.
Lady J. [smiling.] You are sure you are not Mr. Crackskull?
Charles, [also smiling.] That respectable gentleman is at this moment occupying a not very comfortable apartment in Newgate. [Rain heard.
Lady J. It's raining dreadfully. Harder than ever.
Charles. Let it; it cannot damp my happiness if it rains a deluge, for to-morrow you will become my wife.
Lady J. Not quite so fast, sir; although I fear that with proper persuasion I may ultimately become a victim to the united influence of "love And Rain."
Casts Of Characters, Stage Business, Costumes, Relative Positions, &c
- anD EntRancES.—R. meana Right; L. Left; R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Door; s E. Seeond Eatrance; U. E. upper.Eatrance; M. D. Middle Door. Relative Positions.—R. means Right; L. Left; C. Ceatre; R. C. Right Centre; I. C. Left Centre, &c The reader la supposed to be on the stage, facing the audience.
Scene I.—Foyer, or Saloon of the Opera House, in the Palais Royal at Paris, A. D. 1C93. In the c a Pedestal, upon which is a Clock—immediately under it a Seat. A Balustrade at the back divides the Foyer from a Lobby supposed to lead into the body of the Theatre. Arches at each side form entrances into the Foyer. As the Curtain rises, music heard as from the ball. Masquers are seen passing to and fro, and lounging over the Balustrade.
CHORUS.—(" Danse dm Folio, distant.')
Merrily! merrily! merrily! merrily!
Hasten to the Masquerade.
[Masquers gradually disperse. Enter Pierre Palliot, R. U. E. Pie. [advancing and looking around.] Wonders, will never cease! I am here, actually here—and twelve months ago who would have deemed it probable, nay, possible? But it's quite true, unless I am in a dream. Here do I stand, Pierre Palliot, aged twenty-two, native of Beauvais, son of Michel Palliot, "blacksmith and farrier, here do I positively stand in the saloon of the Opera House, in the Palais Royal at Paris, with an assignation in my hand from a lovely woman of
quality; for I have no doubt whatever that these lines have been written by some lady of high rank and exceeding beauty, who has been struck with my personal appearance and has discovered where I live. Look at the paper—soft as satin; smell it—like a garden of roses; and then the style—so mysterious and commanding: "Be at the masquerade to-night at twelve precisely, in the saloon, and immediately under the clock." The thing speaks for itself. How fortunate that I had money enough to buy a ticket. Another week, and my purse would have been empty! There's the clock; it only wants five minutes to the time!
AIR.—Pierre.—(" Ifon rochrr de St . Halo.")
My first grand step in life 'twill be,
Of girls I've wooed a score,
I never spoke before!
I scarce can draw my breath;
Will really bo—my deatii.
At Beauvais, they used to say
Enter Dr. Druggendraft, R. U. E.
Dr. D. [reading a note.] "Be at the masquerade to-night at twelve precisely, in the saloon, and immediately under the clock." Who could have sent me this note? I burn with impatience to behold the writer! Some lady of the Court, fascinated by my manners and dazzled by my reputation. [Reads the address.] "ToDr. Druggendraft, Physician in ordinary to their Royal Highnesses, the Duke and Duchess de Chartres." Let mo see! let me see! My old country woman, the Countess of Klatterhausen, who came from Bavaria with the Duchess of Orleans! Venus forbid! Mile. Duval, the new and lovely lady in waiting on the Duchess de Chartres; if it should! —but no—I can scarcely venture to hope so; and yet, a poor dependent on the Duchess' bounty, she may have been flattered by the attentions of a man of my talent and influence.
Pie. [aside, looking at his note.] I am sure it will tur n out to be from the lady who let her handkerchief fall from her coach the day before yesterday.
Dr. D. [aside.] It must be from Mile. Duval.
Pie. [aside.] It's just twelve. She'll be here in an instant, whoever she is! There's a seat under the clock—I'll take possession of it!
Dr. D. [aside.] There's a seat under the clock —I'll seeu.e it. [As he turns towards it, Pierre seats himself.] Confound it! there's a fellow just popped himself into it. [To Pierre.] I beg your pardon, sir; but would you allow me to sit there f
Pie. With the greatest pleasure, sir, after me.
Dr. D. Excuse me, sir, but I mean now.
Pie. Excuse me, sir, I cannot move at present.
Dr. D. But, sir, I am sure, when I tell you that I have a particular reason—
Pie. And, sir, when I tell you that I have particular reason—
Dr. D. But, my dear sir, I assure you that I have an appointment of the utmost confidence.
Pie. But, my dear sir, so have I.
Dr. D. What! under this clock, sir?
Pie. Immediately under this clock, sir—at twelve precisely.
Dr. D. [aside.] The devil! "At twelve precisely"—"Immediately under the clock." The very words in my note! Can it be a woman in male attire? [Aloud.] Will you allow mo to inquire—did you expect to see me here?
Pie. Haven't the slightest notion who you are, sir.
Dr. D. Sir, you have quoted words which are contained in this note, and I must therefore insist—
Pie. In that note—they are in this note!
[Comes forward, L.
Bdth. [reading their notes at the same time.] "Bn at the masquerade to-night at twelve precisely, in the saloon, and immediately under the clock.'"
Dr. D. Ha!
Dr. D. Word for word!
Dr. D. Sir! there must be some mistake. You will perceive, this letter is plainly addressed to me.
Pie. And this to me. [They exchange notes.
Dr. D. [reading.] "Monsieur Pierre Palliot, No. 7 Rue dc L'Echelle."
Pie. "To Dr. Druggendraft, Physician in ordinary to their Royal Highnesses, the"—Good gracious! You Dr. Druggendraft f WTiy, then, you're my uncle! Oh, my dear uncle!
[Going to embrace him.
Dr. D. Gently, gently, if you please. Do you mean to say—
Pic. I mean to say that I am Pierre Palliot, son of Michel Palliot, blacksmith and farrier, of Beauvais, who married your sister, who is my mother, and from whom I have a letter, which I have never been able to give you because you were never at home, though I've called ten times at least.
Dr. D. [aside.] Deuce take him! How provoking! [Aloud.] Well, well, young man, admit that you are the person you represent yourself, that does not clear up the mystery of these notes —this ridiculous rencontre.
Pie. Yes, yes, I think it will—I have a clue to it now. It's Coquillard. Dr. D. Coquillard! Who's Coquillard? Pic. Jean Coquillard, a schoolfellow of mine,
Master Palliot, I consider that your friend has taken a most unwarrantable liberty with my name, and I request you will tell him so. I wish you good evening. [Going.
Pie. Why, you're not going off so, without my mother's letter—I've got it in -my pocket—I've always carried it about with me, in case I should meet you by accident. There it is. [Producing letter, and giving it to Dr. Druggendraft.] Read it; you'll find I am recommended especially to your protection.
Dr. D. [putting the letter unread into his pocket.] Master Palliot, I tell you what I will do for you. If you will return to Beauvais to-morrow morning, and promise that I shall never hear of you any more, I will pay your traveling expenses, and feel obliged to you into the bargain.
Pie. Go back to TSeauvais! Now that I have found an uncle in Paris who can make my fortune for me! for my mother assures me you can do it with a word—
Dr. D. Your mother natters me and deceives you. Go back to Beauvais, my good lad. You may make a very respectable blacksmith, but you have neither education nor person to warrant a hope of your success here.
Pic. Neither education nor person? I'm a capital fencer, and can play the flute and the violin; and as to person, though I have not yet perhaps acquired so distinguished an air as your Paris gallants, I beg to inform you that I have already been noticed by a lady of rank and fortune.
Dr. D. [contemptuously.] You? In what way, prithee I
Pie. She dropped her handkerchief out of her carriage window—a carriage with four horses, uncle! I picked it up and ran after the carriage to give it her back again; but she never stopped to take it!
Dr. D. Because she never missed it, of course. Do you know who the lady was?
Pie. No, I didn't see her face; but the handkerchief is embroidered, and has a coronet on it, and a cipher; here it is—perhaps you can tell me.
[Producing a handkerchief.
Dr. D. A coronet and cipher? [Taking handkerchief and examining it. Aside.] Mercy preserve me! What do I see?
Dr. D. [aside.] 'Tis hers, no doubt!
Dr. D. No. [Aside.] And to think of this young coxcomb presuming to suppose that—no matter; to prevent any scandalous misinterpretations— [Puts handkerchief in to his pocket.
Pic. Hey-day! I say, what are you going to do with it f
Dr. D. Keep it. 'Tis the best service I can render you; good evening. Pie. But, uncle—
Dr. D. If you determine to return to Beauvais, remember, I will pay your expenses. Pie. But I won't do any such thing; I will stay
the only creature I know in Paris; I met him at Paris; I want to be a doctor—like you. yesterday, as I was coming back from one of my 1 Dr. D. A doctor? a horse doctor, perhaps, at fruitless calls on you, and told him that I despair- Beauvais; a doctor like me, indeed—it will bo ed altogether of finding you. Upon which he laugh- some time, I fancy, before anybody sees a doctor ed, and said that in less than two days he would like me! Go home, young man, be advised; or at bring us face to face! And he has done so! Ha! all events, let mo never hear anv more of von.
D. [aside.] The impertinent rascal! son of your only sister in this way Very well—
very well. Dr. Druggendraft, I shall stay in Pans
[ Walks about angrily.
Dr. D. From her Royal Highness? Quick! let j time at Court. me peruse. [Reads note to himself.
Pie Because I've been\brought up in the country—because I've not such fine clothes! Oh, we shall see, we shall see!
Dr. D. [ aside. ] Impossible! Not to be thought of! She must be out of her senses to imagine— Ser. [aside to the Doctor.] Her Royal Highness is waiting.
Dr. D. I come on the instant. Oh, I m"** prevent her—I cannot suffer—it would be downright madness. [Going. Pie. Dr. Druggendraft, do y«it persist r
[Intercepting him. Dr. D. Oh, by-the-by. [To Servant.] Look well at that young man. "ever he should present himself at the do^r of my apartments in the palace, remember, I am not at home. Scr. I shall tako care, sir. Dr. D. Goot'-hy. young man; if you would make a noise -n the world, stick to your father's sledge-hamrjer.
,t Exit, followed by Servant, R. U. E. Pie TNere's an uncle for you; the children in the woo'i hadn't one so barbarous. It's enough to make one forswear uncles. If I were King of France I'd abolish uncles. Go back to Beauvais! tea blacksmith-a horse doctor! I'll let him kDuw. I'll go to Coquillard the first thing in the morning; he said yesterday that a young fellow vas never thought anything of in Paris till he lad a mistress or a duel. I'll have both directly, will, and I'll see if I can't make a noise in the • '.world without a sledge-hammer. [ Going out furiously, runs against the Duke De Chartres.] / Stand out of my way, do! [Exit L. U. E.
Duke. [hastily pwking up his mask, which Pierre had knocked off. ] Confound the fellow! Is he mad or drunk i Luckily no one was near to see me unmasked. What a set of ruffians there is at these public masquerades; I wonder any women trust themselves in such a crowd, and yet there are hundreds here, and some elegant looking creatures, too. What the deuce has become of Brissac f I thought I saw him go this way.
[Exit up the stage L., looking about.
ess de Chartres, the daughter of his majesty, Louis the Fourteenth, at a public masquerade during the absence of her royal husband, without his the; sanction or knowledge, what motives may not be attributed—
Duch. My motives, sir, cannot be doubted. I have known all my life how Princes pass their I wished to see how people amused j themselves in Paris, and as I am not fikely to learn that by rj^flaining in this saloon, I beg, as we are here. «hat we may descend at once mto the ball-room.
Dr But, madame, your Royal Highness has no idea of the liberty, the license that reigns in a masquerade of this description. You will expose yourself to see and hear many things—
Duch. Which I never saw or heard before. That is precisely my object in coming, as I have already told you, so a truce to your sermons. If I faint, there is Mile. Duval to catch me and you to bring me to again. We are still actually under the roof of the Palais Royal—in two minutes I can retreat through this gallery to my own apartments; and if even cut off from that, I have the key of the private entrance from the street. In short, I am bent on the frolic and will not be disappointed. Besides—
AIR.—DLThk88.—• LtBoquet de Bal.'
Many here disguised parade,
Mile. D. Your spirits run away with you, madame.
Duch. Fear nothing. I can keep my seat— Dr. D. Your mask! your mask, madame—here's company coming.
Enter Dr. Druggendraft, with the Duchess on one arm and Mlle. Dcval on the other, R. U. E. The Duchess is in a pink domino and Mlle. Duval in a blue one.
Dr. D. From that gallery, madame, you may behold without danger; but pray keep on your mask.
Duch. I cannot—it smothers me; I must breathe a little; there is no one here at this moment to see us.
Dr. D. If it should get to the Duke's ears what will become of me i
Duch. The Duke is at Compeigne-with the army.
Dr. D. But if his majesty should learn—
Duch. You can plead my commands.
Dr. D. It will be of no avail, your Royal Highness must pardon my saying—I ought not to have obeyed them. Only consider, madame, the Duch
L. u. E.
Duke. I can see nothing of Brissac. Who have we here 1 I certainly should know that shufflingshambling gait! I'll venture a wager it's my old German physician, Doctor Druggendraft. Oh, it is, there can be no doubt; and with a girl on each arm, too. The old monopolist! [The Doctor keeps turning round with the Ladies as the Dukjc tries to examine them.] How he twists about, like a trussed fowl on the spit. He is evidently afraid of losing either his liver or his gizzard! That pink domino under his right wing has a mighty pretty air about her. If I could only find my aidede-camp, we'd relieve him of both his charges in ten minutes. Ah, there's Brissac. [Exit R.
Dr. D. Phew! Thank goodness, he's gone at last. I began to tremble. Duch. To own tho truth, so did I. Mile. D. I Was so frightened I could scarcely breathe.
Duch. I really think that man knows one of us, or had some suspicion.
Dr. D. Don't say so, madame, or I shall sink.
Mlie. D. Oh, mercy! Here he comes again with another.
Dr. D. I feel something terrible will happen.
Duke, [to Brissac] Yes! they are still here.
Dr. D. This way, then; quick, quick. [Exeunt Doctor, Duchess and Mli.e. Duval, L. U. E.
Duke. Hippocrates has taken tire alarm! Follow him, Brissac. He doesn't know you, and when you get into the thick of the crowd, make a dash, and separate him from the pink domino. I'll watch you from hence. Run, run, or yoifH^foritt
Scene U.—Thc Street. Night.
Enter the Duke, running; he stops short and looks on all sides.
Duke. No trace of hor, by all that's provoking! Brissac swore she made for the street. Confound that fool of a Scaramouch who knocked my hat over my eyes; in that instant I lost sight of her!
Enter Brissac, hastily. Brissac! you must have made a mistake—she is not this way—let us return, and—
Bri. Not if you would remain unknown, sir. The police are after us—I have had a sharp run
lose them! [As Brissac runs out Pierre enters, R. u. E., and runs against him; Pierre's hat is knocked out of his hand.
Pie. Stand out of my way, do. Stop! Pick up that hat, sir, as you knocked it out of my hand. Do you hear f Come back, sir! He won't hear, and he doesn't come back. So much the better! I'm insulted! The veiy thing I wanted. He shall give mo satisfaction. If I can find him again— [As he is going toward his hat to pick it up, the Duke, who is watching Brissac, kicks it out of his way. ] Hollo, sir! Do you know what you are doing?
Duke. Go to the devil! [Aside.] There they are! I see them! Pie. Go to the devil! Sir, I must insist— Duke. What's tho matter with you f Pie. Sir, do you know you kicked my hat f Duke. Sir, if you pester me I shall kick you! Pie. Kick me! Sir, you shall fight me! You have insulted me, and I demand satisfaction! [Aside.] I've got this fellow, and I'll stick to him. Duke, [aside.] How shall I get rid of this fool f Pie. There's my address, sir. No. 7 Rue de L'Echelle. •
Duke. Very well—you shall hear from me. [Aside.] He shall have a month in the Bastile!
Pie. I shall expect it, sir. You will favor me with your name and address, sir.
Duke, [looking out and aside.] Bravo, Brissac! He's got the pink domino away. She breaks from him, though, and there she runs—
Pie. And to-morrow morning, sir, I shall teach you a lesson. Duke, [aside.] She's mine! she's mine!
[Runs out, L. u. E.
X>uke. The police—what for" %
JJ^iNay, I know not. The girl in blue made ♦
some ctTrHplaint to tho commissary. J
Duke. Fiddle faddle—complaint —that we didn't J
run after her, f suppo.se? J
Bri. No; the offense, I think, seemed to be our *
pursuit of the pink one,. The old Doctor was half ♦
crazy. \ ♦
Duke. Ha, ha! He littJo guessed who were his ♦
tormentors. But as to the lady, she should not ♦
have taken flight if she didn't wish us to follow I
AIR.—Durr.—(Old French Air, adaptedi»J ilr. T. Cooke.) *
With women, as with other game, the pleasure'^ in the chase. ♦
Once caught, the iaterest censes—yet to blame bs' they ve the face! *
If they would not be huuted, why so chary of thei?" charms f ♦
Can't they fling themselves at once iuto tho nearest plover's arms! ♦
'Tis wicked, it s immoral, to run after them, they say\ I
Wheu 'tis very clear we couldu't if they didu't run a'wwy- ♦
[Exeityit R. ♦
Scene III.—Pierre's Lodgings in the Rixe de *
L'Echelle. A poorly furnished apartment. \ A J
window at the back, through whwh the mooin is J
streaming in. On R. the door of Ins bedchm^t- J
ber, on L., facing it, the door opening on stair- J
case. The door of a cupboard or closet, h. u. ^. ♦
A table and two chairs. i ♦
Enter Pierre, L., carrying the Duchess, who is X
still insensible. , } Pie. [placing her in a chair, c. ] Phew! I've managed it! I didn't mind the level ground; but six pair of stab's breathed me! I began to think I should never get up the last flight. Here we are, however, and tho lady still insensible! Mercy upon us—if she should be dead! I may be hanged for murder! I've a great mind to carry
Pie. [not perceiving his exit.] You will find that I her down a„ain int0 the 8treet! rThe Duchess
I am not a man to bo insulted with impunity Your name, if you please, sir. [Turning.] Gone! Without giving his name! Well—it doesn't signify—he's got mine, and if he isn't a rank coward I shall hear from him in the morning. Yes, yes, I think I am sure of my duel! And now for a mistress. H a pretty woman would but throw herself in my way—
Enter the Duchess, hastily, L. U. E.
Duch. Save me! save me!
[is fainting; Pierre catches her.
Pie. Here's one at a wish—madame, with the greatest pleasure—I—eh—why, she has fainted. Poor soul, she really has fainted. Here's an adventure—somebody's pursuing her—she begged me to save her; I will save her! I'll be her guardian angel, and waft her— Gad's life! it's as much as I can, though!
[Exit, carrying Duchess, R.
moves and utters a sigh. ] Ah! she's not dead at all events! I'll get a light and a glass of water!
[Runs into bedchamber, R. Duch. [reviving.] All dark !—where am If— what has happened? Mile. Duval—Doctor—am I dreaming? What place is this?—ah, I remember! an uproar, a confusion—I was pursued by some one. Gracious powers! whither have they transported me? Help, help!
Pie. [within.] Coming! coming, madame, directly!
Duch. A stranger's voice! Where shall I fly?
[Feeling about the room.
Re-enter Pierre, with a lighted candle and a glass of water, R. Pie. Here—here's a glass of water, madame. I'm sorry I've nothing better to offer you, but[She turm, she starts.] Oh! what a beautiful, creature!