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Fortune seems resolved to humble the Family of Warfield. Mortifications are often more painful than real Calamities.

that would carry a single or double upon an occasion, and make a pretty appearance at church, or upon a visit. This at first I opposed stoutly; but it was stoutly defended. However, as I weakened, my antagonist gained strength, till at last it was resolved to part with him.

WHEN we were returned home, the
mght was dedicated to schemes of future
conquest. Deborah exerted much sagacity
in conjecturing which of the two girls was
ely to have the best place, and most
opportunities of seeing good company.
The only obstacle to our preferment was
in obtaining the Squire's recommendation;
hat he had already shown us too many
instances of his friendship to doubt of it
now. Even in bed, my wife kept up the
Escal theme: "Well, faith, my dear
Charles, between ourselves, I think we
have made an excellent day's work of it."
-"Pretty well!” cried I, not knowing
what to say. "What, only pretty well
returned she: "I think it is very well.
Suppose the girls should come to make
acquaintances of taste in town! This I
am assured of, that London is the only
place in the world for all manner of hus-
baads. Besides, my dear, stranger things
happen every day: and as ladies of quality
are so taken with my daughters, what will
not men of quality be? Entre nous, I
protest I like my Lady Blarney vastly – so
very obliging. However, Miss Carolina
Wilhelmina Amelia Skeggs has my warm
heart. But yet, when they came to talk
of places in town, you saw at once how
I nailed them. Tell me, my dear, don't
you think I did for my children there?"
-Ay," returned I, not knowing well
what to think of the matter; "Heaven
grant they may be both the better for it
this day three months!" This was one of
those observations I usually made to im-
press my wife with an opinion of my sa-
gacity: for if the girls succeeded, then it
was a pious wish fulfilled; but if any
thing unfortunate ensued, then it might be
looked upon as a prophecy. All this con-
versation, however, was only preparatory
to another scheme; and indeed I dreaded
as much. This was nothing less than that,
as we were now to hold up our heads a
little higher in the world, it would be pro-
per to sell the colt, which was grown old,
at a neighbouring fair, and buy us a horse



As the fair happened on the following day, I had intentions of going myself; but my wife persuaded me that I had got a cold, and nothing could prevail upon her to permit me from home. No, my dear," said she, our son Moses is a discreet boy, and can buy and sell to a very good advantage: you know all our great bargains are of his purchasing. He always stands out and higgles, and actually tires them till he gets a bargain."

As I had some opinion of my son's prudence, I was willing enough to entrust him with this commission: and the next morning I perceived his sisters mighty busy in fitting out Moses for the fair; trimming his hair, brushing his buckles, and cocking his hat with pins. The business of the toilet being over, we had at last the satisfaction of seeing him mounted upon the colt, with a deal box before him to bring home groceries in. He had on a coat made of that cloth they call thunderand-lightning, which, though grown too short, was much too good to be thrown away. His waistcoat was of gosling green, and his sisters had tied his hair with a broad black riband. We all followed him several paces from the door, bawling after him, "Good luck! good luck!” till we could see him no longer.

He was scarce gone, when Mr. Thornhill's butler came to congratulate us upon our good fortune, saying that he overheard his young master mention our names with great commendation.

Good fortune seemed resolved not to come alone. Another footman from the same family followed, with a card for my daughters, importing that the two ladies had received such pleasing accounts from Mr. Thornhill of us all, that after a few previous inquiries they hoped to be perfectly satisfied. 'Ay," cried my wife, "I now see it is no easy matter to get into the families of the great; but when one once gets in, then, as Moses says, one may go



to sleep." To this piece of humour, for she intended it for wit, my daughters assented with a loud laugh of pleasure. In short, such was her satisfaction at this message, that she actually put her hand in her pocket, and gave the messenger sevenpence halfpenny. The


This was to be our visiting day. next that came was Mr. Burchell, who had been at the fair. He brought my little ones a pennyworth of gingerbread each, which my wife undertook to keep for them, and give them by letters at a time. He brought my daughters also a couple of boxes, in which they might keep wafers, snuff, patches, or even money, when they got it. My wife was usually fond of a weasel-skin purse, as being the most lucky; but this by the by. We had still a regard for Mr. Burchell, though his late rude behaviour was in some measure displeasing; nor could we now avoid communicating our happiness to him, and asking his advice: although we seldom followed advice, we were all ready enough to ask it. When he read the note from the two ladies, he shook his head, and observed, that an affair of this sort demanded the utmost circumspection. This air of diffidence highly displeased my wife. "I never doubted, sir," cried she, your readiness to be You have against my daughters and me. more circumspection than is wanted. However, I fancy when we come to ask advice, we will apply to persons who seem to have made use of it themselves.""Whatever my own conduct may have been, madam," replied he, "is not the present question: though, as I have made no use of advice myself, I should in conAs I science give it to those that will." was apprehensive this answer might draw on a repartee, making up by abuse what it wanted in wit, I changed the subject, by seeming to wonder what could keep our son so long at the fair, as it was now almost nightfall. "Never mind our son,' cried my wife; "depend upon it he knows I'll warrant we'll never what he is about. see him sell his hen of a rainy day. have seen him buy such bargains as would amaze one. I'll tell you a good story about that, that will make you split your sides with laughing. But, as I live,


yonder comes Moses, without a horse,
and the box at his back."




As she spoke, Moses came slowly on foot, and sweating under the deal box, 66 'Welcome, welcome, which he had strapt round his shoulders like a pedlar. Moses! well, my boy, what have you brought us from the fair?"-"I have brought you myself," cried Moses, with a sly look, and resting the box on the Ay, Moses," cried my wife, dresser. "that we know; but where is the horse? "for "I have sold him," cried Moses, three pounds five shillings and 'Well done, my good boy,' pence.' returned she; "I knew you would touch Between ourselves, three them off. pounds five shillings and twopence is no bad day's work. Come, let us have it I have laid it all then."-"I have brought back no money, cried Moses again. out in a bargain, and here it is," pulling out a bundle from his breast: "here they A gross are; a gross of green spectacles, with silver rims and shagreen cases.' of green spectacles!" repeated my wife, "And you have parted in a faint voice. back with the colt, and brought us nothing but a gross of green paltry spectacles !"-" Dear mother,” cried the boy, why won't you listen to reason? I had them a dead bargain, or I should not; The silver rims have brought them. alone will sell for double the money." A fig for the silver rims," cried my wife, in a passion: "I dare swear they won't sell for above half the money at the rate of broken silver, five shillings an ounce."-"You need be under no uneasiness," cried I, "about selling the rims, for they are not worth sixpence; for I perceive they are only copper varnished over."-"What!" cried my wife, “not No," silver! the rims not silver?"cried I, "no more silver than your saucepan."-" And so," returned she, "we have parted with the colt, and have only got a gross of green spectacles, with copper rims and shagreen cases? A murrain take such trumpery! The blockhead has been imposed upon, and should have known his company better."—"There, my dear," cried I, "you are wrong; should not have known them at all."




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"Marry, hang the idiot!" returned she, "to bring me such stuff: if I had them I would throw them in the fire."-" There again you are wrong, my dear," cried I; "for though they be copper, we will keep them by us, as copper spectacles, you know, are better than nothing."




By this time the unfortunate Moses was undeceived. He now saw that he had been imposed upon by a prowling sharper, who, observing his figure, had marked him for an easy prey. I therefore asked the circumstances of his deception. He sold the horse, it seems, and walked the fair in search of another. A reverend-looking an brought him to a tent, under pretence of having one to sell. "Here,' continued Moses, "we met another man, very well dressed, who desired to borrow twenty pounds upon these, saying that he wanted money, and would dispose of them for a third of the value. The first gentle man, who pretended to be my friend, whispered me to buy them, and cautioned me not to let so good an offer pass. sent for Mr. Flamborough, and they talked him up as finely as they did me; and so at last we were persuaded to buy the two gross between us."


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"a Giant and a Dwarf were friends, and kept together. They made a bargain, that they would never forsake each other, but go seek adventures. The first battle they fought was with two Saracens, and the Dwarf, who was very courageous, dealt one of the champions a most angry blow. It did the Saracen very little injury, who, lifting up his sword, fairly struck off the poor Dwarf's arm. He was now in a woful plight; but the Giant, coming to his assistance, in a short time left the two Saracens dead on the plain, and the Dwarf cut off the dead man's head out of spite. They then travelled on another adventure. This was against three bloody-minded Satyrs, who were carrying away a damsel in distress. The Dwarf was not quite so fierce now as before; but for all that struck the first blow, which was returned by another that knocked out his eye; but the Giant was soon up with them, and, had they not fled, would certainly have killed them every one. They were all very joyful for this victory, and the damsel who was relieved fell in love with the Giant, and married him. They now travelled far, and farther than I can tell, till they met with a company of robbers. The Giant, for the first time, was foremost now; but the Dwarf was not far behind. The battle was stout and long. Wherever the Giant came, all fell before him; but the Dwarf had like to have been killed more than once. At last the victory declared for the two adventurers; but the Dwarf lost his leg. The Dwarf had now lost an arm, a leg, and an eye, while the Giant was without a single wound. Upon which he cried out to his little companion, 'My little hero,this is glorious sport! let us get one victory more, and then we shall have honour for ever.'-'No,' cries the Dwarf, who was by this time grown wiser, 'no, I declare off; I'll fight no more: for I find in every battle that you get all the honours and rewards, but all the blows fall upon me.''

I was going to moralize this fable, when our attention was called off to a warm dispute between my wife and Mr. Burchell, upon my daughters' intended expedition to town. My wife very strenuously insisted upon the advantages that would result from it: Mr. Burchell, on the contrary,


Mr. Burchell is found to be an Enemy, for he has the confidence to give disagreeable Advice. OUR family had now made several attempts to be fine; but some unforeseen disaster demolished each as soon as projected. I endeavoured to take the advantage of every disappointment to improve their, good sense, in proportion as they were frustrated in ambition. "You see, my children," cried I, "how little is to be got by attempts to impose upon the world in Coping with our betters. Such as are poor, and will associate with none but the rich, are hated by those they avoid, and despised by those they follow. Unequal combinations are always disadvantageous to the weaker side: the rich having the pleasure, and the poor the inconveniences that result from them. But come, Dick, my boy, and repeat the fable that you were reading to-day, for the good of the com


pany. "Once upon a time," cried the child,


dissuaded her with great ardour; and I stood neuter. His present dissuasions seemed but the second part of those which were received with so ill a grace in the morning. The dispute grew high; while poor Ďeborah, instead of reasoning stronger, talked louder, and at last was obliged to take shelter from a defeat in clamour. The conclusion of her harangue, however, was highly displeasing to us all: she knew, she said, of some who had their own secret reasons for what they advised; but, for her part, she wished such to stay away from her house for the future. 'Madam," cried Burchell, with looks of great composure, which tended to inflame her the more, as for secret reasons you are right: I have secret reasons, which I forbear to mention, because you are not able to answer those of which I make no secret: but I find my visits here are become troublesome; I'll take my leave therefore now, and perhaps come once more to take a final farewell when I am quitting the country." Thus saying, he took up his hat, nor could the attempts of Sophia, whose looks seemed to upbraid his precipitancy, prevent his going.


When gone, we all regarded each other for some minutes with confusion. My wife, who knew herself to be the cause, strove to hide her concern with a forced smile, and an air of assurance, which I was willing to reprove: "How, woman," cried I to her, "is it thus we treat strangers? Is it thus we return their kindness? Be assured, my dear, that these were the harshest words, and to me the most unpleasing, that ever escaped your lips!". "Why would he provoke me then?" replied she; "but I know the motives of his advice perfectly well. He would prevent my girls from going to town, that he may have the pleasure of my youngest daughter's company here at home. But, whatever happens, she shall choose better company than such low-lived fellows as he.""Low-lived, my dear, do you call him?" cried I; "it is very possible we may mistake this man's character, for he seems, upon some occasions, the most finished gentleman I ever knew. Tell me, Sophia, my girl, has he ever given you any secret nces of his attachment?"—"His con

versation with me, sir," replied my daughter, "has ever been sensible, modest, and pleasing. As to aught else—no, never Once, indeed, I remember to have heard him say, he never knew a woman who could find merit in a man that seemed poor."-"Such, my dear," cried I, "is the common cant of all the unfortunate or idle. But I hope you have been taught to judge properly of such men, and that it would be even madness to expect happiness from one who has been so very bad an economist of his own. Your mother and I have now better prospects for you. The next winter, which you will probably spend in town, will give you opportunities of making a more prudent choice."

What Sophia's reflections were upon this occasion I cannot pretend to determine; but I was not displeased at the bottom that we were rid of a guest from whom I had much to fear. Our breach of hospitality went to my conscience a little; but I quickly silenced that monitor by two or three specious reasons, which served to satisfy and reconcile me to myself. The pain which conscience gives the man who has already done wrong is soon got over. Conscience is a coward; and those faults it has not strength enough to prevent, it seldom has justice enough

to accuse.


Fresh Mortifications, or a Demonstration that seeming Calamities may be real Blessings. THE journey of my daughters to town was now resolved upon, Mr. Thornhill having kindly promised to inspect their conduct himself, and inform us by letter of their behaviour. But it was thought indispensably necessary that their appear ance should equal the greatness of their expectations, which could not be done without expense. We debated therefore in full council what were the easiest methods of raising money, or, more properly speaking, what we could most conveniently sell. The deliberation was soon finished: it was found that our remaining horse was utterly useless for the plough without his companion, and equally unfit for the road, as wanting an eye: it was therefore determined that we


should dispose of him for the purpose
above mentioned, at the neighbouring
fair; and, to prevent imposition, that I
should go with him myself. Though this
was one of the first mercantile transactions
of my life, yet I had no doubt about ac-
quitting myself with reputation. The
opinion a man forms of his own prudence
is measured by that of the company he
keeps: and as mine was most in the
family way, I had conceived no unfavour
able sentiments of my worldly wisdom.
My wife, however, next morning, at
parting, after I had got some paces from
the door, called me back to advise me, in
a whisper, to have all my eyes about me.
I had, in the usual forms, when I came
to the fair, put my horse through all his
paces, but for some time had no bidders.
At last a chapman approached, and after
he had for a good while examined the
horse round, finding him blind of one
eye, he would have nothing to say to
him; a second came up, but observing he
had a spavin, declared he would not take
him for the driving home; a third per-
ceived he had a windgall, and would
bid no money; a fourth knew by his eye
that he had the botts; a fifth wondered
what a plague I could do at the fair with
a blind, spavined, galled hack, that was
only fit to be cut up for a dog kennel.
By this time, I began to have a most
hearty contempt for the poor animal my
self, and was almost ashamed at the
approach of every customer: for though
I did not entirely believe all the fellows
told me, yet I reflected that the number
of witnesses was a strong presumption
they were
right; and St. Gregory, upon
Good Works, professes himself to be of

possessed me more favourably. His locks
of silver grey venerably shaded his temples,
and his green old age seemed to be the
result of health and benevolence. How-
ever, his presence did not interrupt our
conversation: my friend and I discoursed
on the various turns of fortune we had
met; the Whistonian controversy, my last
pamphlet, the archdeacon's reply, and the
hard measure that was dealt me.
our attention was in a short time taken
off, by the appearance of a youth, who,
entering the room, respectfully said some-
thing softly to the old stranger. "Make
no apologies, my child," said the old
man; to do good is a duty we owe to
all our fellow-creatures: take this, I wish
it were more; but five pounds will relieve
your distress, and you are welcome."
The modest youth shed tears of gratitude,
and yet his gratitude was scarce equal
to mine. I could have hugged the good
old man in my arms, his benevolence
pleased me so. He continued to read,
and we resumed our conversation, until
my companion, after some time, recollect-
ing that he had business to transact in the
fair, promised to be soon back; adding,
that he always desired to have as much
of Dr. Primrose's company as possible.
The old gentleman, hearing my name
mentioned, seemed to look at me with
attention for some time; and when my
friend was gone, most respectfully de-
manded if I was any way related to the
great Primrose, that courageous monoga-
mist, who had been the bulwark of the
Church. Never did my heart feel sincerer
rapture than at that moment. "Sir,"
cried I, "the applause of so good a man
as I am sure you are, adds to that happi-
ness in my breast which your benevolence
has already excited. You behold before
you, sir, that Dr. Primrose, the monoga-
mist, whom you have been pleased to call
great. You here see that unfortunate
divine, who has so long, and it would ill
become me to say, successfully, fought
against the deuterogamy of the age.'
"Sir," cried the stranger, struck with
awe, "I fear I have been too familiar,
but you'll forgive my curiosity, sir: I beg
pardon."-"Sir," cried I, grasping his

the same


I was in this mortifying situation, when
abrother clergyman, an old acquaintance,
who had also business at the fair, came
up, and, shaking me by the hand, pro-
posed adjourning to a public-house, and
taking a glass of whatever we could get.
I readily closed with the offer, and enter-
ng an alehouse, we were shown into a
little back room, where there was only a
venerable old man, who sat wholly intent
over a large book, which he was reading.

I never in my life saw a figure that pre-hand, "you are so far from displeasing

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