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and how, and how : what intrigues, what gallantries are carrying on in the beau monde 2 Sir H. I should ask you that question, madam, since your ladyship makes the beau monde wherever you come. Lady L. Ah, Sir Harry, I’ve been almost ruined, pestered to death here, by the incessant attacks of a mighty colonel ; he has besieged me. Sir H. I hope your ladyship did not surrender, though. Lady L. No, no; but was forced to capitulate. But since you are come to raise the siege, we'll dance, and sing, and laugh Sir H. And love, and kiss chambre? Lady L. Attends, attends, un peu I remember, | Sir Harry, you promised me, in Paris, never to ask that impertinent question again. Sir H. Pshaw, madam that was above two months ago: besides, madam, treaties made in France are never kept. Lady L. Would you marry me, Sir Harry Sir H. Oh! I do detest marriage.—But I will marry you. Lady L. Your word, sir, is not to be relied on : if a gentleman will forfeit his honour in dealings of business, we may reasonably suspect his fidelity in an almour. Sir H. My honour in dealings of business! Why, madam, I never had any business in all my life. Lady L. Yes, Sir Harry, I have heard a very odd story, and am sorry that a gentleman of your figure should undergo the scandal. Sir H. Out with it, madam. Lady L. Why, the merchant, sir, that transmitted your bills of exchange to you in France, complains of some indirect and dishonourable dealings,
Montrez moi votre
Sir H. Who, old Smuggler? Lady L. Ay, ay, you know him, I find. Sir H. I have some reason, I think; why the rogue has cheated me of above five hundred pounds within these three years. Lady L. 'Tis your business then to acquit yourself publicly; for he spreads the scandal every where. Sir H. Acquit myself publicly I’ll drive instantly into the city, and came the old villain: he shall run the gauntlet round the Royal Exchange. Lady L. Why, he is in the house now, sir. Sir H. What, in this house 2 Lady L. Ay, in the next room. Sir H. Then, sirrah, lend me your cudgel. Lady L. Sir Harry, you won’t raise a disturbance in my house? Sir H. Disturbance, madam no, no, I’ll beat him with the temper of a philosopher. Here, Mrs Parly, show me the gentleman. [Exit with PARLY. Lady L. Now shall I get the old monster well beaten, and Sir Harry pestered next term with bloodsheds, batteries, costs, and damages, solicitors, and attorneys; and if they don’t tease him out of his good humour, I’ll never plot again, [Exit.
Smug. Oh, this damned tide-waiter! A ship and cargo worth five thousand pounds! Why, 'tis richly worth five hundred perjuries.
Enter SIR H. WILD AIR.
Sir H. Dear Mr Alderman, I'm your most devoted and humble servant. Smug. My best friend, Sir Harry, you’re welcome to England. Sir H. I’ll assure you, sir, there’s not a man in the king’s dominions I am gladder to meet, dear, dear Mr Alderman. [Bowing very low. Smug. Oh, lord, sir, you travellers have the most obliging ways with you ! Sir H. There is a business, Mr Alderman, fallen out, which you may oblige me infinitely by—I am very sorry that I am forced to be troublesome ; but necessity, Mr Alderman Smug, Ay, sir, as you say, necessity But, upon my word, sir, I am very short of money at present; but Sir H. That's not the matter, sir; I'm above an obligation that way: but the business is, I’m reduced to an indispensable necessity of being obliged to you for a beating Here, take this cudgel. Smug. A beating, Sir Harry! has has has I beat a knight baronet! an alderman turn cudgel-player! Ha! ha ha! Sir H. Upon my word, sir, you must beat me, or I cudgel you; take your choice. Smug. Pshaw pshaw you jest. Sir H. Nay, 'tis sure as fate So, Alderman, I hope you’ll pardon my curiosity. [Strikes him. Smug. Curiosity Deuce take your curiosity, sir! —What d'ye mean? Sir H. Nothing at all; I'm but in jest, sir. Smug. Oh, I can take any thing in jest ! but a man might imagine, by the smartness of the stroke, that you were in downright earnest. Sir H. Not in the least, sir; [Strikes him.] not in the least, indeed, sir.
Smug. Pray, good sir, no more of your jests; for they are the bluntest jests that ever I knew. Sir H. [Strikes.] I heartily beg your pardon, with all my heart, sir. “ Smug., Pardon, sir! Well, sir, that is satisfaction enough from a gentleman. But, seriously, now, if you pass any more of your jests upon me, I shall grow angry. Sir H. I humbly beg your permission to break one or two more. [Strikes him. Smug. Oh, lord, sir, you’ll break my bones I Are you mad, sir? Murder, felony, manslaughter 1 - [SIR HARRY knocks him down. Sir H. Sir, I beg you ten thousand pardons; but I am absolutely compelled to it, upon my honour, sir: nothing can be more averse to my inclinations, than to jest with my honest, dear, loving, obliging friend the Alderman. [Striking him all this while: SMUGGLER tumbles over and over.
Enter LADY LUREwRLL.
Lady L. Oh, lord! Sir Harry’s murdering the poor old unan. Smug, Oh, dearmadam, I was beaten in jest, till I am murdered in good earnest. Lady L. Oh! you barbarous man —Now the devil take you, Sir Harry, for not beating him harder— Well, my dear, you shall come at night, and I'll make you amends. [Here SIR HARRY takes Snuff. Smug. Madam, I will have amends before I leave the place—Sir, how durst you use me thus: Sir H. Sir? Smug. Sir, I say that I will have satisfaction. Sir H. With all my heart. [Throws Snuff into his Eyes. Smog. Oh, murder! blindness! fire! Oh, madam,
madam, get me some water. Water | fire fire wa
ter! - [Exit with LADY LUREwell. Sir H. How pleasant is resenting an injury with
out passion 'Tis the beauty of revenge.
Colonel S. I bring him word where she lodged 2 I the civillest rival in the world? 'Tis impossible.
hoard. I shall urge it no farther, sir. i only thought sir, that my character in the world might add authcrity to my words, without so many repetitions.
Colonel S. Pardon me, dear Vizard. Our belief struggles hard, before it can be brought to yield to the disadvantage of what we love. But what said Sir Harry :
Wizard. He pitied the poor credulous colonel, laughed heartily, flew away with all the raptures of a bridegroom, repeating these lines:
A mistress ne'er c
an pall her lover's joys,