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SCHOOL FOR FATHERS;

OR,

LIONEL AND CLARISSA.

ACT I. SCENE I.

A Chamber in Colonel Oldboy's House: Colonel OldBoy is discovered at breakfast reading a news-paper; at a little distance from the tea-table sits Jenkins; and on the opposite side, DIANA, who appears playing upon a harpsicord. A Girl attending.

- AIR.

Ah how delightful the morning,
How sweet are the prospects it yields;

Summer luxuriant adorning
The gardens, the groves, and the fields.

Begrateful to the season,
It's pleasures let's employ;

Kind Nature gives, and Reason
Permits us to enjoy.

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Col. Well said Dy, thank you Dy. This, master Jenkins, is the way I make my daughter entertain me every morning at breakfast. Come here, and kiss me, you slut, come here, and kiss me, you baggage. Dian. Lord, papa, you call one such names Col. A fine girl, master Jenkins, a devilish fine girl! she has got my eye to a twinkle. There's fire for you —spirit"—I design to marry her to a Duke : how much money do you think a Duke would expect with such a wench jen. Why, Colonel, with submission, I think there is no occasion to go out of our own country here; we have never a Duke in it, I believe, but we have many an honest gentleman, who, in my opinion, might deserve the young lady. 23 Col. So, you would have me marry Dy to a country ’squire, eh? How say you to this, Dyl would not you rather be married to a Duke Dian. So my husband’s a rake, papa, I don’t care what he is. Col. A rakes you damned confounded little baggage; why you wou’d not wish to marry a rake, wou’d you ? So her husband is a rake, she does not care what he is! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 32 Dian. Well, but listen to me, papa–When you go out with your gun, do you take any pleasure in shooting the poor tame ducks, and chickens in your yard No, the partridge, the pheasant, the woodcock are the game; there is some sport in bringing them down because they are wild; and it is just the same

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with a husband or a lover. I would not waste powder
and shot, to wound one of your sober pretty behaved
gentlemen; but to hit a libertine, extravagant, mad-
cap fellow, to take him upon the wing— 42
Col. Do you hear her, master Jenkins Ha, ha, hal
Jen. Well, but, good Colonel, what do you say to
my worthy and honourable patron here, Sir John
Flowerdale He has an estate of eight thousand pounds
a year, as well paid rents as any in the kingdom, and
but one only daughter to enjoy it; and yet he is wil-
ling, you see, to give this daughter to your son. 49
Dian. Pray, Mr. Jenkins, how does Miss Clarissa
and our university friend Mr. Lionel That is the
only grave young man I ever liked, and the only
handsome one I ever was acquainted with, that did
not make love to me.
Col. Ay, master Jenkins, who is this Lionel They
say, he is a damn'd witty knowing fellow ; and egad
I think him well enough for one brought up in a col-
lege. 58
jen. His father was a general officer, a particular
friend of Sir John's, who, like many more brave men,
that live and die in defending their country, left little
else than honour behind him. Sir John sent this
young man, at his own expence, to Oxford; where,
while his son lived, they were upon the same footing:
and since our young gentleman's death, which you
know unfortunately happened about two years ago,
he has continued him there. During the vacation, he
is come to pay us a visit, and Sir John intends that

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he shall shortly take orders for a very considerable benefice in the gift of the family, the present incumbent of which is an aged man. 71

Dian. The last time I was at your house, he was teaching Miss Clarissa mathematics and philosophy. Lord, what a strange brain I have I If I was to sit down to distraćt myself with such studies—

Col. Go, hussy, let some of your brother's rascals inform their master that he has been long enough at his toilet; here is a message from Sir John Flowerdale —You a brain for mathematics indeed! We shall have women wanting to head our regiments to-morrow or next day. 8s

Dian. Well, papa, and suppose we did. I believe, in a battle of the sexes, you men would hardly get the better of us.

AIR.

To rob them of strength, when wise Nature thought fit
By women to still do her duty,

Instead of a sword she endu'd them with wit,
And gave them a shield in their beauty.

Sound, sound the trumpet, both sexes to arms
Our tyrants at once, and protećtors / 90

We quickly shall see whether courage or charms,
Decide for the Helens or Hectors.

SCENE II.

Colonel OLD Bo Y, Jen KINs.

Col. Well, master Jenkins ! don't you think now that a Nobleman, a Duke, an Earl, or a Marquis, might be content to share his title I say, you understand me—with a sweetener of thirty or forty thousand pounds, to pay off Mortgages Besides, there’s a prospect of my whole estate; for I dare swear her brother will never have any children. 99 Jen. I should be concerned at that, Colonel, when there are two such fortunes to descend to his heirs, as your's and Sir John Flowerdale’s. Col. Why look you, master Jenkins, Sir John Flowerdale is an honest gentleman; our families are nearly related; we have been neighbours time out of mind; and if he and I have an odd dispute now and then, it is not for want of a cordial esteem at bottom. He is going to marry his daughter to my son ; she is a beautiful girl, an elegant girl, a sensible girl, a worthy girl, and—a word in your ear—damn me if I a'n't very sorry for her. I 11 Jen. Sorry! Colonel Col. Ay—between ourselves, master Jenkins, my son won’t do. jen. How do you mean? Col. I tell you, master Jenkins, he won’t do—he is not the thing, a prig—At sixteen years old, or there

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