Lady M. Heavens and earth, Mr. Oldboy!

Col. What's the matter, Madam? I mean, Madam, that he might have been changed at nurse, Madam; and I believe he was.

Mr. Jes. Huh! huh! huh!

Col. Do you laugh at me, you saucy jackanapes! Lady M. Who's there? somebody bring me a chair. Really, Mr. Oldboy, you' throw my weakly frame into such repeated convulsions-but I see your aim; you want to lay me in my grave, and you will very soon have that satisfaction.

Col. I can't bear the sight of him.

261

Lady M. Open that window, give me air, or I shall faint.

Mr. Jes. Hold, hold, let me tie a handkerchief about my neck first. This cursed sharp north wind -Antoine, bring down my muff.

Col. Ay, do, and his great-coat.

Lady M. Margret, some harts-horn. My dear Mr. Oldboy, why will you fly out in this way, when you know how it shocks my tender nerves?

Col. 'Sblood, Madam, its enough to make a man mad.

Lady M. Hartshorn! Hartshorn!

Mr. Jes. Colonel !

Col. Do you hear the puppy?

Mr. Jes. Will you give me leave to ask you one question ?

Col. I don't know whether I will or not.

279

Mr. Jes. I should be glad to know, that's all, what single circumstance in my conduct, carriage, or figure you can possibly find fault with-Perhaps I may be brought to reform-Pr'ythee let me hear from your own mouth, then, seriously what it is you do like, and what it is you do not like.

Col. Hum!

Mr. Jes. Be ingenuous, speak and spare not.
Col. You would know?

AIR.

Zounds, Sir! then I'll tell you without any jest,
The thing of all things, which I hate and detest ;.
A coxcomb, a fop,

A dainty milk-sop;

Who, essenc'd and dizen'd from bottom to top,

Looks just like a doll for a milliner's shop.

A thing full of prate,

And pride and conceit;

All fashion, no weight;

Who shrugs, and takes snuff,

And carries a muff;

A minikin,

Finiking,

French powder-puff:

And now, Sir, I fancy, I've told you enough.

SCENE IV.

Lady MARY OLDBOY, Mr. JESSAMY.

Mr. Jes. What's the matter with the Colonel, Madam; does your ladyship know ?

Lady M. Heigho! don't be surprised, my dear; it was the same thing with my late dear brother, Lord Jessamy; they never could agree that good natured friendly soul, knowing the delicacy of my constitution, has often said, sister Mary, I pity you. Not but your father has good qualities, and I assure you I remember him a very fine gentleman himself. In the year of the hard frost, one thousand seven hundred and thirty-nine, when he first paid his addresses to me, he was called agreeable Jack Oldboy, though I married him without the consent of your noble grandfather.

316

Mr. Jes. I think he ought to be proud of me: I believe there's many a Duke, nay Prince, who would esteem themselves happy in having such a son

Lady M. Yes, my dear; but your sister was always your father's favourite: he intends to give her a prodigious fortune, and sets his heart upon seeing her a woman of quality.

Mr. Jes. He should wish to see her look a little like a gentlewoman first. When she was in London last winter, I am told she was taken notice of by a few men. But she wants air, manner.

327

Lady M. And has not a bit of the genius of our family, and I never knew a woman of it, but herself, without. I have tried her about three years ago I set her to translate a little French song: I found she had not even an idea of versification; and she put down love and joy for rhyme-so I gave her over.

Mr. Jes. Why, indeed, she appears to have more of the Thalestris than the Sappho about her.

Lady M. Well, my dear, I must go and dress myself, though I protest I am fitter for my bed than my coach. And condescend to the Colonel a little-Do my dear, if it be only to oblige your mamma.

339

SCENE V.

Mr. JESSAMY..

Let me consider: I am going to visit a country Baronet here: who would fain prevail upon me to marry his daughter: the old gentleman has heard of my parts and understanding; Miss of my figure and address. But, suppose I should not like her when I see her? Why, positively, then I will not have her; the treaty's at an end, and, sans compliment, we break up the congress. But, won't that be cruel, after having suffered her to flatter herself with hopes, and shewing myself to her. She's a strange dowdy I dare believe however, she brings provision with her for a separate maintenance.

351

Antoine, appretez la toilet. I am going to spend a cursed day; that I perceive already; I wish it was over, I dread it as much as a general election.

AIR.

When a man of fashion condescends,
To herd among his country friends,
They watch his looks, his motions:

One booby gapes, another stares,
And all he says, does, eats, drinks, wears,
Must suit their rustic notions.

But as for this bruitish old clown here;
S'death, why did I ever come down here!
The savage will now never quit me :
Then a consort to take,

For my family's sake,

I'm in a fine jeopardy, split me!

360

SCENE VI.

Changes to a Study in Sir JOHN FLOWERDALE'S House;

two Chairs and a Table, with Globes and Mathema

tical Instruments.

CLARISSA enters, followed by

JENNY.

AIR.

Clar. Immortal pow'rs prote& me,

Assist, support, direct me: