Mer. That's my name indeed: didst thou think I had forgot it? Amph. Dost thou see me? Mer. Why, dost thou pretend to go invisible? If thou hast any business here, dispatch it quickly: I have no leisure to throw away upon such prattling companions. Amph. Thy companion, slave! How dar'st thou use this insolent language to thy master ? Mer. How! thou my master? By what title? İ never had any other master but Amphitryon. Amph. Well, and for whom dost thou take me? Mer. For some rogue or other; but what rogue I know not. Amph. Dost thou not know me for Amphitryon, slave? Mer. How should I know thee, when I see thou dost not know thyself? Thou Amphitryon! In what tavern hast thou been, and how many bottles did thy business, to metamorphose thee into my lord? Amph. I will so drub thee for this insolence Mer. How now, Impudence! are you threatening your betters? I should bring you to condign punishment, but that I have a great respect for the good wine, tho' I find it in a fool's noddle. Amph. What, none to let me in? Why, Phædral Bromia ! Mer. Peace, fellow; if my wife hears thee, we are both undone. At a word, Phædra and Bromia are very busy; and my lady and my lord must not be disturbed. Amph. Amazement seizes me ! Mer. At what art thou amazed? My Lord Am. phitryon and my Lady Alcmena had a falling out, and are retired, without seconds, to decide the quarrel. If thou wert not a meddlesome fool, thou wouldst not be thrusting thy nose into other people's matters. Get thee about thy business, if thou hast any; for I'll hear no more of thee. [Exit Mercury from above. Amph. Brav'd by my slave, dishonour'd by my wife ! To what a desp'rate plunge am I reduc'd, If this be true the villain says? But why That feeble if? It must be true; she owns it. Enter SOSIA, POLIDAS, GRIPUS, and TRANIO. Grip. Yonder he is, walking hastily to and fro be. fore his door, like a citizen clapping his sides before his shop, in a frosty morning: 'tis to catch a stomach, I believe. Sos. I begin to be afraid that he has more stomach to my sides and shoulders, than to his own victuals. How he shakes his head, and stamps, and what strides he fetches! He's in one of his damn'd moods again. I don't like the looks of him. Amph. Oh, my mannerly, fair-spoken, obedient without slave, are you there? I can reach you now, climbing. Now we shall try who's drunk, and who's sober. Sos. Why, this is as it should be. I was somewhat suspicious that you were in a pestilent humour. Yes, we will have a crash at the bottle, whenever your lordship pleases. I have summoned them, you see; and they are notable topers, especially Judge Gripus. Grip. Yes, 'faith, I never refuse my glass, in a good quarrel. Amph. [To Sosia.] Why, thou insolent villain ! I'll teach a slave how to use his master thus. Sos. Here's a fine business towards! I am sure I ran as fast as ever my legs could carry me, to call them. Nay, you may trust my diligence in all affairs belonging to the belly. Grip. He has been very faithful to his commission, I'll bear him witness. Amph. How can you be witness where you were not present? The balcony, sirrah, the balcony ! Sos. Why, to my best remembrance, you never invited the balcony. Amph. What nonsense dost thou plead for an excuse of thy foul language, and thy base replies? Sos. You fright a man out of his senses first, and blame him afterwards for talking nonsense. But 'tis better for me to talk nonsense, than for some to do nonsense; I will say that, whatever comes on't. Pray, sir, let all things be done decently. What, I hope, when a man is to be hanged, he is not truss'd upon the gallows, like a dumb dog, without telling him wherefore. Amph. By your pardon, gentlemen; I have no longer patience to forbear him. Sos. Justice, justice, my Lord Gripus! as you are a true magistrate, protect me. Here's a process of beating going forward, without sentence given. Grip. My Lord Amphitryon, this must not be. Let me first understand the demerits of the criminal. Sos. Hold you to that point, I beseech your honour, as you commiserate the case of a poor, innocent malefactor. Amph. To shut the door against me, in my very face! to deny me entrance! to brave me from the balcony to laugh at me! to threaten me! What proofs of innocence call you these? But if I punish not this insolence [Is going to beat him, and is held by Polidas and Tranio. I beg you, let me go Sos. I charge you, in the king's name, hold him fast; for you see he's bloodily disposed. Grip. Now, what hast thou to say for thyself, Sosia ? Sos. I say, in the first place-Be sure you hold him, gentlemen; for I shall never plead worth one farthing while I am bodily afraid. Pol. Speak boldly; I warrant thee. Sos. Then, if I may speak boldly, under my lord's favour-I do not say he lies, neither-no, I am too well bred for that—but his lordship fibs most abominably. Amph. Do you hear his impudence?-Yet will you let me go? Sos. No impudence at all, my lord; for how could I, naturally speaking, be in the balcony and affronting you, when, at the same time, I was in every street in Thebes, inviting these gentlemen to dinner? Grip. Hold a little. How long since was it, that he spoke to you from the said balcony ? Amph. Just now; not a minute before he brought you hither. Sos. Now speak, my witnesses. Grip. I can answer for him, for this last half hour. Pol. And I. Tran. And I. Sos. Now, judge equitably, gentlemen, whether I was not a civil, well-bred person, to tell my lord he fibs only. Amph. Who gave you that order to invite them? Sos. He that best might, yourself By the same token, you bid old Bromia provide an 'twere for a god; and I put in for a brace, or a leash; no, now I think on't, 'twas for ten couple of gods, to make sure of plenty. Amph. When did I give thee this pretended com-, mission? Sos. Why, you gave me this pretended commission just after you had given Phædra a purse of gold to |