ંદ lady always allowed me to be very good-natured, " and not to have the leaft fhare of harm in me. "Yet, ftill I had friends, numerous friends, and "to them I was refolved to apply. O Friendship! "thou fond foother of the human breaft, to thee "we fly in every calamity; to thee the wretched "feek for fuccour; on thee the care-tired fon of mifery fondly relies; from thy kind affiftance the "unfortunate always hopes relief, and may be ever "fure of difappointment! My first application "was to a city-fcrivener, who had frequently of"fered to lend me money when he knew I did not 66 want it. I informed him, that now was the time "to put his friendship to the teft; that I wanted to "borrow a couple of hundreds for a certain occa"fion, and was refolved to take it up from him. "And pray, Sir, cried my friend, do you want all "this money? Indeed I never wanted it more, re"turned I. I am forry for that, cries the fcrivener, "with all my heart; for they who want money, "when they come to borrow, will always want "money when they fhould come to pay. 66 66 66 "From him I flew with indignation to one of the "best friends I had in the world, and made the fame requeft. Indeed, Mr. Dry-bone, cries my friend, "I always thought it would come to this. You "know, Sir, I would not advife you but for your own good; but your conduct has hitherto been "ridiculous in the highest degree, and fome of your acquaintance always thought you a very filly fel"low. Let me fee, you want two hundred pounds. "Do you only want two hundred, Sir, exactly ?· "To confefs a truth, returned I, I fhall want three "hundred; but then I have another friend, from whom I can borrow the reft. Why then, re"plied my friend, if you would take my advice (and you know I fhould not prefume to advise 66 you but for your own good), I would recommend "it to you to borrow the whole fum from that other "friend; and then one note will ferve for all, you "know. 66 Poverty now began to come faft upon me; yet "instead of growing more provident or cautious as "I grew poor, I became every day more indolent "and fimple. A friend was arrested for fifty pounds; "I was unable to extricate him except by becoming "his bail. When at liberty he fled from his credi"tors, and left me to take his place: in prifon I expected greater fatisfactions than I had enjoyed at large. I hoped to converfe with men in this new "world fimple and believing like myfelf, but I "found them as cunning and as cautious as those "in the world I had left behind. They fpunged up my money whilft it lafted, borrowed my coals "and never paid for them, and cheated me when I played at cribbage. All this was done because they believed me to be very good-natured, and knew that I had no harm in me. 66 "Upon my firft entrance into this manfion, "which is to fome the abode of defpair, I felt "no fenfations different from thofe I experienced "abroad. I was now on one fide the door, and "thofe who were unconfined were on the other; "this was all the difference between us. At first "indeed I felt fome uneafinefs, in confidering how "I fhould be able to provide this week for the wants "of the week enfuing; but after fome time, if I "found myfelf fure of eating one day, I never "troubled my head how I was to be fupplied ano"ther. I feized every precarious meal with the "utmoft good-humour; indulged no rants of fpleen at my fituation; never called down Heaven and all the ftars to behold me dining upon an halfpenny-worth of radishes; my very companions were taught to believe that I liked fallad better 66 66 66 H 2 "than "than mutton. I contented myself with thinking, "that all my life I thould either eat white bread or brown; confidered, that all that happened was "beft; laughed when I was not in pain, took the "world as it went, and read Tacitus often, for "want of more books and company. ૬. "How long I might have continued in this torpid "ftate of fimplicity I cannot tell, had I not been "rouzed by feeing an old acquaintance, whom I "knew to be a prudent blockhead, preferred to a "place in the government. I now found that I "had purfued a wrong track, and that the true way "of being able to relieve others, was first to aim at independence myfelf; my immediate care, there"fore, was to leave my prefent habitation, and make "an entire reformation in my conduct and beha❝viour. For a free, open, undefigning deport"ment, I put on that of clofenefs, prudence, and "œconomy. One of the moft heroic actions I ever "performed, and for which I fhall praife myfelf as long as I live, was the refufing half-a-crown to an old acquaintance, at the time when he wanted "it, and I had it to fpare; for this alone I deferve "to be decreed an ovation. 66 66 66 66 "I now therefore purfued a course of uninter"rupted frugality, feldom wanted a dinner, and "was confequently invited to twenty. I foon began to get to get the character of a faving hunks that "had money, and infenfibly grew into efteem. Neighbours have afked my advice in the difpofal "of their daughters; and I have always taken care "not to give any. I have contracted a friendship "with an alderman, only by obferving, that if we "take a farthing from a thousand pounds, it will "be a thousand pounds no longer. I have been in"vited to a pawnbroker's - table, by pretending to "hate gravy; and am now actually upon treaty of marriage with a rich widow, for only having ob "ferved CITIZEN OF THE WORLD. ΙΟΙ " ferved that the bread was rifing. If ever I am "afked a queftion, whether I know it or not, in" ftead of anfwering, I only fmile and look wife. "If a charity is propofed, I go about with the hat, "but put nothing in myself. If a wretch folicits my pity, I observe that the world is filled with my "pity, I obferve that the world is filled with im"poftors, and take a certain method of not being "deceived, by never relieving. In fhort, I now "find the trueft way of finding efteem even from "the indigent, is to give away nothing, and thus have "much in our power to give. LATELY in company with my friend in black, whofe converfation is now both my amufement and inftruction, I could not avoid obferving the great numbers of old bachelors and maiden ladies with which this city feems to be over-run. Sure marriage, faid I, is not fufficiently encouraged, or we fhould never behold fuch crowds of battered beaux and decayed coquets ftill attempting to drive a trade they have been fo long unfit for, and fwarming upon the gaiety of the age. I behold an old bachelor in the most contemptible light, as an animal that lives upon the common ftock without contributing his fhare he is a beaft of prey, and the laws fhould make use of as many ftratagems, and as much force to drive the reluctant favage into the toils, as the Indians when they hunt the rhinoceros. The mob fhould be permitted to hallo after him, boys miglit н 3 play 10 VINU AIMBOTLIAD 102 CITIZEN OF THE WORLD. play tricks on him with impunity, every well-bred company fhould laugh at him, and if, when turned of fixty, he offered to make love, his mistress might fpit in his face, or, what would be perhaps a greater punishment, fhould fairly grant the favour. As for old maids, continued I, they should not be treated with fo much feverity, becaufe I fuppofe none would be fo if they could. No lady in her fenfes would choose to make a fubordinate figure at christenings and lyings-in, when the might be the principal herfelf; nor curry favour with a fifter-inlaw, when he might command an hufband; nor toil in preparing cuftards, when the might lie a-bed and give directions how they ought to be made; nor ftifle all her fenfations in demure formality, when fhe might with matrimonial freedom fhake her acquaintance by the hand, and wink at a double entendre. No lady could be fo very filly as to live fingle, if he could help it. I confider an unmarried lady declining into the vale of years, as one of thofe charming countries bordering on China that lies wafte for want of proper inhabitants. We are not to accufe the country, but the ignorance of its neighbours, who are infenfible of its beauties, though at liberty to enter and cultivate the foil. "Indeed, Sir," replied my companion, " you "are very little acquainted with the English ladies, "to think they are old maids against their will. I "dare venture to affirm that you can hardly felect "one of them all, but has had frequent offers of "marriage, which either pride or avarice has not "made her reject. Inftead of thinking it a dif grace, they take every occafion to boaft of their "former cruelty; a foldier does not exult more "when he counts over the wounds he has received, than a female veteran when the relates the wounds "The has formerly given: exhauftlefs when the begins a narrative of the former death-dealing 66 66 power |