I knowing how the humor it did fit
Of the fond Gull to be saluted first,
Catch at my Cap, but move it not a whit,
Which he perceiving, seems with spight to burst.
But Cineas, why expect you more of me
Then I of you? I am as good a man,
And better too by many a quality :
For Vault, and dance, and fence, and rime I can :
You keep a whore at your own charge, men tell me,
Indeed friend Cineas, therein you do excell me.
762. On Captain Sharke.
One ask'd a friend where Captain Shark did lye,
Why sir (quoth he) at Algate, at the Pye;
Away, quoth th'other, he lies not there I know't,
No, sayes the other, then he lies in's throat.
A lean, yet fat Recusant being confin'd
Unto a Justice house, whose wife was great,
(Not great with child, but hugely great with meat)
At supper thus began to grope his mind,
To hoc est corpus what say you? she sed;
Marry (quoth he) I say it is well fed.
764. Gossips discourse.
When Gillian and her Gossips all are met,
And in the match of Gossiping down set,
And plain Mass-Parson cutting bread for th'table
To tell how fast they talk, my tongue's not able
One tels strange news, th'other Godsworbet cries,
The third shakes her head, alack replies,
She on her Hens, this on her Ducks do talk,
On thousand things at once their tongues shall walk.
So long as cocks can tread, and hens will lay,
Gill, and Gills gossips will have words to say.
765. Capax incapabilis.
Produs in's Office seems a simple Scribe,
Yet hath he cunning learnt to take a bribe.
766. A Parson and a Thief.
A lusty Parson riding on the way,
Was by a Thief commanded for to stay;
The Parson drew his sword, for well he durst,
And quickly put his foe unto the worst.
Sir (quoth the Thief) I by your habit see
You are a Church-man, and debate should flee,
You know 'tis written in the sacred Word,
Jesus to Peter said, Put up thy sword:
True (quoth the Parson) but withall then hear,
Saint Peter first had cut off Malchus ear.
767. Similes habent labra lactucas.
Dick Swash (or swaggering Dick) through Fleetstreet reeles, With Sis & Bettrice waiting at his heels :
To one that would have tane the wall, he swore,
Zounds, dost not see my Punck and Paramour?
One told a Souldier sitting at the board,
(And silent) that he had an edgelesse sword;
Who straight reply'd, Sir, I will do my best,
To break your pate, though I ne'r break a jest.
One to a Serving-man this Counsell sent,
To get a Master that's intelligent;
Then if of him no wages he could get,
Yet he would understand he's in his debt.
Two Theeves by night began a lock to pick,
One in the house awake, thus answer'd quick,
Why, how now? what a stir you there do keep?
Goe, come again, we are not yet asleep.
He that loves glasse without a G.
Leave out L. and what is he?
772. Enecat amplexu nimio, sic simia fœtum.
Call Davus knave, he straight-way draws his sword,
And makes you prove as much, or eat your word.
But if you call him honest Rogue, or Jew,
He huggs you then for giving him his due.
Festus th'art old, and yet wouldst mary'd be:
Ere thou do so, this counsel take of me :
Look into Lillies Grammar, there thou'lt find,
Cornu a Horn, a word still Vndeclin'd
774. A Gentleman and his Physitian.
A Gentleman not richest in discretion,
Was alwayes sending for his own Physitian.
And on a time, he needs would of him know,
What was the cause his pulse did go so slow?
Why (quoth the Doctor) thus it comes to passe,
T'must needs go slow, which goes upon an Asse.
775. On Saint George.
To save a maid Saint George a Dragon slue,
Which was a noble act, if all be true;
Some say there are no Dragons; and 'tis said
There's no Saint George; pray Fove there be a maid.
Tom went to the Market, where Tom met with Tom, Tom asked Tom, what Tom? how far'st thou Tom? Who Tom, I Tom? Is Tom (quoth Tom) you Tom; A Well God a mercy Tom; how do you Tom? ·
Faith ne'r so well (quoth Tom) since Tom was Tom : And thus was the greeting past 'twixt Tom and Tom.
Fucus was fox'd last night, but 'tis conceal'd,
And would not for his Office 'twere reveal'd.
778. Dulce quod utile.
An honest Vicar riding by the way,
Not knowing better how to spend the day,
Did sing unto himself some certain Psalms ;
A blind man hearing him, strait begg'd his alms;
To whom (quoth he) with coyn I cannot part,
But God thee blesse, good man with all my heart.
O, said the blind man, greater is my losse,
When such as you do blesse without a crosse.
Dacus with some good colour and pretence,
Tearms his wifes beauty silent eloquence;
For she doth lay more colours on her face,
Then ever Tully us'd his speech to grace.
Though I were blind, or though I never saw him,
Yet if I should Silla but talking hear;
For a right roaring gallant I should know him,
For of a whore he talks, and still doth swear.
781. Varietas iniquitas.
Mat will not marry: true, 'cause ty'd to none,
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