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Land. Yes, and the noife of the cattle all daythe market is juft under your window.

Fer The devil!

Land. Yes, and to-morrow the affize begins-Oh you'll have plenty of buftle, Sir-plenty. (rubbing bis hands.)

Fer. Too much of a good thing I fear, Eh (Mrs. PENELOPE SNAP heard without.) What's that? an old woman! Zounds, fhow me into the Drum quick! quick! [Exit FERVOR and Landlord.

Enter Mifs PENELOPE SNAP, followed by Sir BAROMETER OLDSTYLE.-Mrs. P. in a travelling dress very much difordered. Before they enter Mrs. P. is heard on the fairs:

"The travellers room indeed-I never met with fuch treatment in my life,-'tis impoffible to put up with it." They enter.

Sir B. Pho, don't be vexed-'tis unlucky to be fure; but being in a paffion, will not make one a jot more comfortable.

Pen. Brother, brother, 'tis impoffible to keep one's temper. (in great anger.)

Sir B. (Afide.) And yet you have kept your's the fame for the last fifty years. (Mrs. P. appears fretful.) What's the use of being angry,-it only puts one in a fever, a fever puts one in the hands of the doctor, he puts one to bed for three or four months, that's worse than being cramm'd in a ftage for three or four hours.

Pen. Impoffible-I dare fay I look as red as(Landlord comes out of the Drum, with the bill of fare. Fer. (Within) A lobster, d'ye hear.~

Land. Yes, Sir

Pen. What! (in astonishment.)

Sir B. Oh, Landlord

Pen. (Croffing between Landlord and Sir B.-in a rage, and speaking very loud.) Hark ye, Sir

Sir B. Huh fifter, the Landlord's not deaf-
Pen. I wish you were dumb.
Land. I hope no offence, Sir-
Sir B. Only a little inconvenience.
Pen. Inconvenience!

Sir

Fer. (Within.) Landlord.

(turning to Landlord.)

Land. Yes Sir (goes to the Drum.)

Pen. This is too much.-Had you been lefs partial, brother, to that old fashioned wheel-barrow of yours, and had it repaired and modernized in proper time, we never should have been in this predicament.

Sir B. Sifter, fifter, I've told you a thousand times I hate to barter prefent comfort for future convenience-there's an old faying, and a good one too, "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bufh."

Pen. And what's the confequence!

Sir B. (Getting angry.) Why this is the confequence, instead of lounging in a wheel barrow, as you are pleased to call my carriage, you've been blefs'd with a squeeze in a modern long ftage coach-wedged in with ten other miferable mortals, not to mention two fick children, a dog, and a large nosegay, (that's modern improvement for ye!)-modern convenience! modern devil; but 'tis no ufe to be angry.

Pen. Horrible!-'tis well we are incog,—I would not have it known that Sir Barometer Oldstyle, and his Sifter Miss Penelope Snap, travell'd in such a vulgar way for the universe.

Sir B. Nonfenfe! if neceffity requires it, where's the difgrace, those that know me, know that I am an honeft man-thofe that don't know me, I don't care a pinch o'fnuff about (taking fnuff.) there's

an old faying

Pen. Pfhaw, I hate old fayings,

Sir B. And I hate modern doings-Madam.

Enter Landlord from the Drum.

Land. I hope nothing unpleasant has happen'dPen. Yes Sir, fomething very unpleasant has happen'd; they pretended the poft-horfes were all engaged for the affizes, and fo jamm'd us into your flow waggon,-a toad in a hole was better off by half. Land. I'm very forry

Sir B. That is not all, Sir, that is not all, finding no chaife was to be had, on our arrival I went inftantly to your abominable coach office-here below,-"pray, Sir, faid I, to the clerk, how many does the coach to town carry infide"-the fellow answered in a breath" fix before, ten behind, but they are all bespoke infide and out, and no room is left but in the boot and basket"-an impudent fcoundrel, but come, let us fee the bill of fare, and as we cannot proceed-take care that the beds are well aired.

Land. It is very unfortunate Sir, but there's not a bed in the house but what's engaged, and the Captain has just bespoke the last article we had left on the bill.[Exit.

Pen. No beds!

Sir B. No refreshment! (They look at each other in confternation.) These are the bleffings of an affize. Pen. Oh I'm rejoiced nobody knows who we are -(FERVOR enters from his room and flops to read the direction of two letters, which he holds, one in each hand.) Fer. (reading.)-Sir Barometer Oldstyle→→→

Sir B. Eh!

Fer. And who's the other, (looking at the direction of the other letter.) Mifs Penelope Snap. Pen. Ha! (fcreams.)

Fer. What another buftle !-My dear Madam, I hope

Pen. Ha! ftand off-you're a witch.
Fer. Am I?

Sir B. Who are you, Sir?

Fer. Hang me if I can tell, this lady feems to know.-Pray Sir, who are you?

Sir B. Sir, you seem to know me, tho' you don't know yourself-for you have juft pronounc'd my

name.

Fer. Eh! what, Sir Barometer Oldstyle?-
Sir B. The fame, and that Lady is-

Fer. (turning fharp to Mifs P.) Penelope Snap.
Pen. Paa!--(turns from him in anger.)

Fer. My old guardian and his maiden fifter by

the Gods; Oh! here will be another bustle. (afide.)

Enter Corporal BARREL.

Corp. They are come your honour.

Fer. No?

Corp. Juft arrived.

Fer. Who? the excifemen?

Corp. No, your honour, the recruits..

Fer. Oh-very well.

Pen. What! more company!

[Exit Corp.

Fer. Yes, Madam, my company-à fet of as fine fellows as ever eat roast beef. (While FERVOR Speaks to the Corporal, Sir B. takes the opportunity of reading the direction of the letter, which FERVOR holds carelesfly.

me.

Sir B. That letter, Sir, seems to be directed to

Fer. Zounds he must not have it yet, old Broadbrim may have told him fome of my unlucky pranks. (Afide.) Your agent in town, Sir, did me the ho nour of entrusting me with a letter giving it reluctantly) am happy in having the opportunity of delivering it to early. (afide) Here'll be a buftle.

C

Sir B. Worthy fellow; yes, I fee 'tis his handwriting, where are my fpectacles?

Fer. What the devil's to be done now? I'll invite 'em into the Drum-it's well the bed turns into a fofa, or the room would not hold us all. (afide.) Madam, permit me to entreat you'd do me the honour to make use of my apartment, till you can be better accommodated-it's fmall to be fure, but fnug and remarkably quiet.

Pen. Sir, your politenefs-(curtfies.)
Fer. My dear Madam

band.)

um-um- (kiffes her

Pen. (Afide.) How infinitely elegant!
Fer. Allow me to fhew you the door.

Pen. (giving ber band). Oh-how fuperior to old fashion politenefs, is the elegance and ease of modern manners.

[Exit. Sir B. (having opened the letter, and bolding his fpectacles across the paper, reads.)

"Friend,

"Before you have perused many lines of this epiftle, thou wilt be ftruck"

Fer. (lapping Sir B. on the fhoulder.) This is the way, Sir Barometer. (pointing to the door.)

Sir B. Then its a damn'd bad way, Sir.-What d'ye mean?

Fer. Mifs Penelope has done me the honour to accept the use of my apartment, and an invitation to dinner. I am forry I cannot exprefs my feelings with fufficient ftrength-but--if

Sir B. Sir, you exprefs your feelings ftronger than any man I ever knew in my life.

Fer. I fear every accommodation in the house is engaged. -could I enforce any other arguments

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Sir B. Sir, I beg you'd not be at that troublethose you have already made ufe of, are irrefiftible,

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