That in this World there's not a Wart
That has not there a Counterpart;
Nor can there on the face of Ground
An Individual Beard be found,
That has not in that Foreign Nation
A Fellow of the felf-fame Fafhiona
So cut, fo colour'd and fo curl'd,
As thofe are in th' Inferior World.
H' had read Dee's Prefaces before,
The Dev'l and Euclide o'er and o'er
And all th3 Intrigues 'twixt him and Kelley,
Lefcus and th' Emperor would tell ye g
But with the Moon was more familiar
Than e'er was Almanack well-willer.
Her Secrets underftood fo clear,
That fome believ'd he had been there
Knew when she was in fitteft Mood,
For cutting Corns, or letting Blood
When for anointing Scabs or Itches,
Or to the Bum applying Leeches;
When Sows and Bitches may be fpay'd
And in what Sign best Cyder's made;
Whether the Wane be, or Increase,
Beft to fet Garlick, or fow Peafe.
Who first found out the Man i' th' Moon,
That to the Ancients was unknown;
How many Dukes, and Earls, and Peers,
Are in the Planetary Spheres ;
Their Airy Empire, and Command,
Their fev'ral ftrengths by Sea and Land
What Factions th' have, and what they drive at
In publick Vogue, or what in private ;
With what Defigns and Interefts
Each Party manages Contests.
He made an Inftrument to know
If the Moon fhine at Full or no
That would, as foon as e'r fhe fhone ftrait
Whether 'twere Day or Night demonftrate;
Tell what her D'ameter t' an Inch is,
And prove she is not made of Green-Cheefe,
It would demonftrate, that the Man in
The Moon's a Sea Mediterranean.
And that it is no Dog or Bitch,
That ftands behind him at his Breech;
G g 2
But a huge Cafpian Sea, or Lake
With Arms, which Men for Legs mistake
How large a Gulph his Tail composes,
And what a goodly Bay his Nofe is 5
How many German Leagues by th' Scale
Cape-Snout's from Promontory-Tail.
He made a Planetary Gin
VVhich Rats would run their own heads in,
And come on purpose to be taken,
Without th' Expence of Cheefe or Bacon
With Lute-ftrings he would counterfeit
Maggots that crawl on Dish of Meat;
Quote Moles and Spots on any Place
O' th' Body, by the Index Face:
Detect loft Maiden-heads, by freezing,
Or breaking wind of Dames, or pifling.
Cure Warts and Corns, with application
Of Medines to th' Imagination;
Fright Agues into Dogs, and feare
VVith Rhimes the Tooth-ach, and Catarrh.
Chafe evil Spirits away by dint
Of Cickle-Horfboe, Hollow-flint,
Spit Fire out of a Walnut-shell,
Which made the Roman Slaves rebel.
And fire a Mine in China here
With Sympathetick Gun-powder.
He knew whats'ever's to be known,
But much more than he knew would own.
What Medicine 'twas that Paracelfus
Could make a Man with, as he tells us;
What figur'd Slates are best to make
On watry Surface Duck or Drake.
VVhat Bowling-stones in running Race
Upon a Board have swifteft pace.
VVhether a Pulfe beat in the black
Lift of a depled Loufe's Back;
If Systole or Diastole move
Quickest when he's in Wrath or Love:
VVhen two of them do run a Race,
VVhether they Gallop, Trot, or Pace.
How many Scores a Flea will jump,
Of his own Length from Head to Rump
VVhich Secrates and Charephon
In vain affay'd fo long agon;
Whether his Snout a perfect Nofe is,
And not an Elephant's Probofcis ;
How many different Species
Of Maggots breed in rotten Cheefe :
And which are next of kin to thofe
Engender'd in a Chandler's Nofe;
Or those not feen but understood,
That live in Vinegar and Wood:
A paltry Wretch he had half-ftarv'd,
That him in place of Zany ferv'd;
Hight Whachum, bred to dafh and draw,
Not Wine, but more unwholfome Law:
To make 'twixt Words and Lines huge Gaps,
Wide as Meridians in Maps.
To fquander Paper, and fpare Ink,
Or cheat Men of their Words fome think;
From this by merited Degrees,
He'd to more high Advancement rife:
To be an under-Conjurer,
Or Journey-man Aftrologer;
His bus'nefs was to pump and wheedle,
And Men with their own Keys unriddle.
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