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Print new Additions to their Feats, And Emendations in Gazetts; And when, for furious haste to run, They durst not stay to fire a Gun, Have don't with Bonfires, and at home, Made Squibs and Crackers overcome. To set the Rabble on a Flame, And keep their Governours from Blame, Disperse the News, the Pulpit tells, Confirm'd with Fire-works, and with Bells; And though reduc'd to that Extream, They have been forc'd to fing Te Deum ; Yet, with Religious Blasphemy, By flattering Heaven with a Lye, And for their Beating, giving Thanks, They've'rais’d Recruits, and fill’d their Banks For those who run from the Enemy, Engage them equally to fly; And when the Fight becomes a Chace, Those win the Day , that win the Race; And that which would not pass in Fights, Has done the Feat with easie Slights.
Recover'd many a desp’rate Campaign
With Bourdeaux, Burgundy and Champaign.
Restor'd the fainting High and Mighty
With Brandy-wine and Aqua-vitæ ;
And made them stoutly overcome,
With Bachrach, Hoccamore and Mum ;
Whom th' uncontrould Decrees of Fate
To Victory neceffitate,
With which, although they run or burn,
They unavoidably return :
Or else their Sultan-Populaces
Still strangle all their routed Bassa's.
Quoth Hudibras, I understand
What Fights thou mean'st at Sea and Land;
And who those were that ran away,
And yet gave out, the had won the day:
Although the Rabble sous'd them for't,
O’er Head and Ears in Mud and Dirt.
'Tis true our Modern way of War
Is grown more Politick by far,
But not so Resolute and Bold,
Nor tyd to Honour, as the Old.
or now they laugh at giving Battel,
Unless it be to Herds of Cattel:
Or fighting Convoys of Provision,
The whole Design o' th’ Expedition;
And not with downright Blows to rout
The Enemy, but Eat them out ;
As Fighting, in all Beasts of Prey,
And Eating, are perform’d one way;
To give Defiance to their Teeth,
And fight their stubborn Guts to Death,
And those achieve the high’st Renown,
That bring the other's Stomach down.
There's now no fear of Wounds nor Maiming,
All Dangers are reduc d' to Famine;
And Feats of Arms, to Plot, Design,
Surprize, and Stratagem, and Mine.
But have no Need, nor Use of Courage,
Unless it be for Glory or Forage :
For if they fight, 'tis but by Chance,
When one side vent'ring to advance,
And come uncivilly too near,
Are charg’d unmercifully i'th Rear :
And forcd, with terrible Resistance,
To keep hereafter at a Distance.
To pick out Ground t'encamp upon,
Where store of largest Rivers run,
That serve, instead of Peaceful Barriers,
To part th’ Engagements of their Warriers.
Where both from side to side may skip,
And only encounter at Bo-peep:
For Men are found the stouter-hearted,
The certainer they're to be parted ;
And therefore post themselves in Bogs,
As th'antient Mice attack'd the Frogs ;
And made their Mortal Enemy,
The Water-Rat, their strict Ally.
For 'tis not now who's stout and bold;
But who bears Hunger best and Cold.
And he's approv'd the most deserving,
Who longest can hold out at Starving:
And he that routs most Pigs and Cows is
The formidableft Man at Prowess.
So th’ Emperor Caligula,
That triumph'd o'er the British Sea ;
Took Crabs and Oysters Prisoners,
And Lobsters, 'stead of Cuirasiers;
Engag’d his Legions in fierce Bustles,
With Periwinkles, Prawns and Muscles;
And led his Troops with furious Gallops,
To charge whole Regiments of Scallops
Not like their ancient way of War,
To wait on his Triumphal Carr :
But when he went to Dine or Sup,
More bravely eat his Captives up;
And left all War by his Example,
Reduc'd to vi&t’ling of a Camp well.
Quoth Ralph, By all that you have faid,
And twice as much that I could add,
'Tis plain, you cannot now do worse,
Than take this Out of fashion'd course;
To hope by Stratagem to wooe her,
Or waging Battel to subdue her,
Though some have done it in Romances,
And hang’d them int' amorous Fancies,
As those, who won the Amazons
By wanton drubbing of their Bones: