Oil, vinegar, sugar, and saltness agree:
To make out the dinner, full certain I am,

That Ridge is anchovy, and Reynolds 2 is lamb;
That Hickey's3 a capon; and, by the same rule,
Magnanimous Goldsmith a gooseberry fool.
At a dinner so various-at such a repast,
Who'd not be a glutton, and stick to the last?
Here, waiter, more wine! let me sit while I'm able,
Till all my companions sink under the table;
Then, with chaos and blunders encircling my head,
Let me ponder, and tell what I think of the dead.

Here lies the good Dean, reunited to earth,

15

20

25

Who mixt reason with pleasure, and wisdom with mirth :
If he had any faults, he has left us in doubt,
At least, in six weeks, I could not find 'em out;
Yet some have declar'd, and it can't be denied 'em,
That sly-boots was cursedly cunning to hide 'em.

30

35

Here lies our good Edmund, whose genius was such, We scarcely can praise it or blame it too much; Who, born for the universe, narrow'd his mind, And to party gave up what was meant for mankind: Though fraught with all learning, yet straining his throat, To persuade Tommy Townshend to lend him a vote; Who, too deep for his hearers, still went on refining, And thought of convincing, while they thought of dining:" Though equal to all things, for all things unfit; Too nice for a statesman, too proud for a wit; For a patriot, too cool; for a drudge, disobedient; And too fond of the right to pursue the expedient. In short, 'twas his fate, unemploy'd or in place, sir, To eat mutton cold, and cut blocks with a razor.

1 Counsellor John Ridge, a gentleman belonging to the Irish bar. 2 Sir Joshua Reynolds. 3 An eminent attorney.

40

4 Mr. T. Townshend, member for Whitchurch, afterwards Lord Sydney.

5 Mr. Burke's speeches in Parliament, though distinguished by all the characteristic force of reasoning and eloquence of their highly gifted author, were not always listened to with patience by his brother members, who not unfrequently took the opportunity of retiring to dinner when he rose to speak. To this circumstance, which procured for the orator the sobriquet of the Dinner Bell, the poet here alludes.-B.

Here lies honest William, whose heart was a mint,

While the owner ne'er knew half the good that was in't;

The pupil of impulse, it forced him along,

45

His conduct still right, with his argument wrong;

Still aiming at honour, yet fearing to roam,

The coachman was tipsy, the chariot drove home:

Would you ask for his merits? alas! he had none;
What was good was spontaneous, his faults were his own.

49

Here lies honest Richard, whose fate I must sigh at; Alas, that such frolic should now be so quiet! What spirits were his! what wit and what whim! Now breaking a jest, and now breaking a limb! 1

Now wrangling and grumbling to keep up the ball,
Now teasing and vexing, yet laughing at all!
In short, so provoking a devil was Dick,

55

That we wish'd him full ten times a-day at Old Nick;
But missing his mirth and agreeable vein,
As often we wish'd to have Dick back again.

60

Here Cumberland lies, having acted his parts, The Terence of England, the mender of hearts;

A flattering painter, who made it his care

To draw men as they ought to be, not as they are.

His gallants are all faultless, his women divine,

65

And Comedy wonders at being so fine;

Like a tragedy queen he has dizen'd her out,
Or rather like Tragedy giving a rout.

His fools have their follies so lost in a crowd

Of virtues and feelings, that folly grows proud;
And coxcombs, alike in their failings alone,
Adopting his portraits, are pleased with their own.
Say, where has our poet this malady caught,
Or wherefore his characters thus without fault?
Say, was it, that vainly directing his view

70

75

To find out men's virtues, and finding them few,
Quite sick of pursuing each troublesome elf,
He grew lazy at last, and drew from himself ?2

1 Mr. Richard Burke having slightly fractured an arm and a leg at different times, the Doctor has rallied him on these accidents, as a kind

of retributive justice, for breaking his jests upon other people.

2 Mrs. Piozzi says this portrait of Cumberland is ironical.-Ed.

80

Here Douglas retires from his toils, to relax,
The scourge of impostors, the terror of quacks:
Come all ye quack bards, and ye quacking divines,
Come and dance on the spot where your tyrant reclines :
When satire and censure encircl'd his throne,

I fear'd for your safety-I fear'd for my own;
But now he is gone, and we want a detector,
Our Dodds1 shall be pious, our Kenricks shall lecture;
Macpherson write bombast, and call it a style ;

3

4

5

2

Our Townshend make speeches, and I shall compile: New Lauders and Bowers the Tweed shall cross over, No countryman living their tricks to discover;

1 The Rev. Dr. Dodd, who was executed for forgery.

6

85

90

2 Dr. Kenrick, who read lectures at the Devil Tavern, under the title of The School of Shakespeare.' [Kenrick was a well-known writer upon town, of prodigious versatility, and some talent. Dr. Johnson once observed of him, "Sir, he is one of the many who have made themselves public, without making themselves known." He was a man of no principle, and frequently wrote the severest libels against those with whom he was living on terms of apparent friendship. Amongst those who experienced the bitterness of his abuse was our author himself, which led to the altercation with Evans the bookseller.-See 'Life of Goldsmith' prefixed to v. i., p. 33. He was the original editor of the Morning Chronicle, but was afterwards dismissed for negligence.-B.]

3 James Macpherson, Esq., who lately, from the mere force of his style, wrote down the first poet of all antiquity. [Macpherson's claim to original genius rests chiefly upon what has not yet been ascertained with sufficient accuracy, viz., his own share in the publication which he gave to the world as a translation of Ossian's Poems. He was, however, unquestionably a man of considerable talents, and not deficient in classical learning. The popularity of his Ossian induced him to publish a version of Homer in the same style of measured prose; but this work, which is the one alluded to in the first part of this note, certainly added nothing to his reputation.—B.]

6

4 William Lauder, a Scottish schoolmaster, who, by interpolating certain passages from the Adamus Exul' of Grotius, from Masenius, and others, with translations from Paradise Lost,' endeavoured to fix on Milton a charge of extensive plagiarism from the modern Latin poets. Dr. Douglas, in a pamphlet entitled, 'Milton no Plagiary,' detected and exposed this impudent imposture, and extorted from the author a confession and apology, dictated by Dr. Johnson, who had been so far imposed upon by the forgery as to furnish a preface and postscript to Lauder's pamphlet.-B.

5 Archibald Bower, a Scottish Jesuit, and author of a ' History of the Popes from St. Peter to Lambertini.' He also published, about the year 1755, his 'Motives of Conversion from Popery to Protestantism.' Dr. Douglas published a critical examination of this pamphlet, in which he

Detection her taper shall quench to a spark,

And Scotchman meet Scotchman, and cheat in the dark.

95

100

105

Here lies David Garrick, describe me who can, An abridgment of all that was pleasant in man; As an actor, confess't without rival to shine, As a wit, if not first, in the very first line : Yet, with talents like these, and an excellent heart, The man had his failings, a dupe to his art. Like an ill-judging beauty, his colours he spread, And beplaster'd with rouge his own natural red. On the stage he was natural, simple, affecting; 'Twas only that when he was off he was acting. With no reason on earth to go out of his way, He turn'd and he varied full ten times a-day: Though secure of our hearts, yet confoundedly sick If they were not his own by finessing and trick: He cast off his friends, as a huntsman his pack, For he knew when he pleased he could whistle them back. Of praise a mere glutton, he swallow'd what came, And the puff of a dunce, he mistook it for fame; Till his relish, grown callous almost to disease, Who pepper'd the highest, was surest to please. But let us be candid, and speak out our mind, If dunces applauded, he paid them in kind. Ye Kenricks, ye Kellys,' and Woodfalls so grave, What a commerce was yours, while you got and you gave! How did Grub Street re-echo the shouts that you raised, While he was be-Roscius'd, and you were be-praised! But peace to his spirit wherever it flies,

2

To act as an angel and mix with the skies:
Those poets who owe their best fame to his skill,
Shall still be his flatterers, go where he will,

110

115

120

convicted Bower of gross imposture, and totally destroyed the credit of his history.-B.

1 Mr. Hugh Kelly, originally a staymaker, afterwards a newspaper editor and dramatist, and latterly a barrister, was a native of Ireland. His comedies of False Delicacy' and the School for Wives,' had considerable success. He also wrote 'Clementina,' 'A Word to the Wise,' &c.-B.

2 Mr. William Woodfall, editor of the London Packet, and afterwards of the Morning Chronicle.

Old Shakespeare receive him with praise and with love, And Beaumonts and Bens be his Kellys above.1

126

Here Hickey reclines, a most blunt pleasant creature, And slander itself must allow him good nature; He cherish'd his friend, and he relish'd a bumper; Yet one fault he had, and that one was a thumper. Perhaps you may ask if the man was a miser? I answer, No, no, for he always was wiser. Too courteous, perhaps, or obligingly flat? His very worst foe can't accuse him of that.

دو

130

The following poems by Garrick are quoted by some editors, who think they "may in some measure account for the severity exercised by Dr. Goldsmith in respect to that gentleman.' But these editors have been set right by others, who show that both jeux d'esprit were produced after Retaliation.' The Fable' appeared in the Annual Register, 1776, and in Davies's 'Garrick,' 1780, v. ii., p. 157.—ED.

JUPITER AND MERCURY;

A FABLE.

HERE, Hermes, says Jove, who with nectar was mellow,
Go fetch me some clay-I will make an odd fellow !

Right and wrong shall be jumbled,-much gold and some dross :
Without cause be he pleas'd, without cause be he cross;

Be sure, as I work, to throw in contradictions,

A great love of truth, yet a mind turn'd to fictions:
Now mix these ingredients, which, warm'd in the baking,
Turn to learning and gaming, religion and raking.
With the love of a wench, let his writings be chaste;
Tip his tongue with strange matter, his pen with fine taste;
That the rake and the poet o'er all may prevail,

Set fire to the head, and set fire to the tail.
For the joy of each sex, on the world I'll bestow it,
This scholar, rake, Christian, dupe, gamester, and poet;
Though a mixture so odd, he shall merit great fame,
And among brother mortals-be GOLDSMITH his name:
When on earth this strange meteor no more shall appear,
You, Hermes, shall fetch him to make us sport here.

ON DR. GOLDSMITH'S CHARACTERISTICAL COOKERY.
A JEU D'ESPRIT.

ARE these the choice dishes the Doctor has sent us?

Is this the great poet whose works so content us?

This Goldsmith's fine feast, who has written fine books ?—
Heaven sends us good meat, but the Devil sends cooks.*

* God sends meat, and the Devil sends cooks.—Ray's Proverbs.—ED.