Sir Pet. Ah! you would have retorted on him. Sir Pet. Yes, yes, I know his honour too well. Chas. Surf. But you might as well have suspected him as me in this matter, for all that. Mightn't he, Joseph? Sir Pet. Well, well, I believe you. Jos. Surf. Would they were both out of the room! [Aside. Sir Pet. And in future, perhaps, we may not be such strangers. Re-enter SERVANT and whispers JOSEPH SURFACE. Serv. Lady Sneerwell is below, and says she will come up. Jos. Surf. Gentlemen, I beg pardon-I must wait on you downstairs; here's a person come on particular business. Chas. Surf. Well, you can see him in another room. Sir Peter and I have not met a long time, and I have something to say to him. Jos. Surf. [Aside.] They must not be left together.[Aloud.] I'll send Lady Sneerwell away, and return directly. -[Aside to SIR PETER.] Sir Peter, not a word of the French milliner. Sir Pet. [Aside to JOSEPH SURFACE.] I! not for the world! -[Exit JOSEPH SURFACE.] Ah, Charles, if you associated more with your brother, one might indeed hope for your reformation. He is a man of sentiment. Well, there is nothing in the world so noble as a man of sentiment. Chas. Surf. Psha! he is too moral by half; and so apprehensive of his good name, as he calls it, that I suppose he would as soon let a priest into his house as a wench. Sir Pet. No, no,-come, come,-you wrong him. No, no, Joseph is no rake, but he is no such saint either, in that respect.-[Aside.] I have a great mind to tell him-we should have such a laugh at Joseph. Chas. Surf. Oh, hang him! he's a very anchorite, a young hermit! Sir Pet. Hark'ee-you must not abuse him: he may chance to hear of it again, I promise you, Chas. Surf. Why, you won't tell him? Sir Pet. No-but-this way.-[Aside.] Egad, I'll tell him. [Aloud.] Hark'ee, have you a mind to have a good laugh at Joseph? Chas. Surf. I should like it of all things. Sir Pet. Then, i'faith, we will! I'll be quit with him for discovering me. He had a girl with him when I called. Chas. Surf. What! Joseph? you jest. [Whispers. Sir Pet. Hush!-a little French milliner-and the best of the jest is-she's in the room now. Chas. Surf. Behind the screen! [Points to the screen. Odds life, let's unveil her! Sir Pet. No, no, he's coming:-you shan't, indeed! Chas. Surf. Oh, egad, we'll have a peep at the little milliner! Sir Pet. Not for the world!-Joseph will never forgive me. Chas. Surf. I'll stand by you Sir Pet. Odds, here he is! [CHARLES SURFACE throws down the screen. Re-enter JOSEPH SURFACE. Chas. Surf. Lady Teazle, by all that's wonderful! Chas. Surf. Sir Peter, this is one of the smartest French milliners I ever saw. Egad, you seem all to have been diverting yourselves here at hide and seek, and I don't see who is out of the secret. Shall I beg your ladyship to inform me? Not a word!-Brother, will you be pleased to explain this matter? What! is Morality dumb too?-Sir Peter, though I found you in the dark, perhaps you are not so now! All mute! Well-though I can make nothing of the affair, I suppose you perfectly understand one another; so I'll leave you to yourselves.-[Going.] Brother, I'm sorry to find you have given that worthy man grounds for so much uneasiness.Sir Peter! there's nothing in the world so noble as a man of sentiment! [Exit. Jos. Surf. Sir Peter-notwithstanding-I confess-that appearances are against me-if you will afford me your patience I make no doubt-but I shall explain everything to your satisfaction. Sir Pet. If you please, sir. -raised eyebrows Jos. Surf. The fact is, sir, that Lady Teazle, knowing my pretensions to your ward Maria—I say, sir, Lady Teazle, being apprehensive of the jealousy of your temper-and knowing my friendship to the family-she, sir, I say-called here-in order that I might explain these pretensions-but on your coming-being apprehensive as I said of your jealousy— she withdrew-and this, you may depend on it, is the whole truth of the matter. Sir Pet. A very clear account, upon my word; and I dare swear the lady will vouch for every article of it. Lady Teaz. For not one word of it, Sir Peter! Sir Pet. How! don't you think it worth while to agree in the lie? Lady Teaz. There is not one syllable of truth in what that gentleman has told you. Sir Pet. I believe you, upon my soul, ma'am! Jos. Surf. [Aside to LADY TEAZLE.] 'Sdeath, madam, will you betray me? Lady Teaz. Good Mr. Hypocrite, by your leave, I'll speak for myself. Sir Pet. Ay, let her alone, sir; you'll find she'll make out a better story than you, without prompting. Lady Teaz. Hear me, Sir Peter!-I came here on no matter relating to your ward, and even ignorant of this gentleman's pretensions to her. But I came, seduced by his insidious arguments, at least to listen to his pretended passion, if not to sacrifice your honour to his baseness. Sir Pet. Now, I believe, the truth is coming, indeed! Lady Teaz. No, sir; she has recovered her senses, and your own arts have furnished her with the means.-Sir Peter, I do not expect you to credit me-but the tenderness you expressed for me, when I am sure you could not think I was a witness to it, has penetrated so to my heart, that had I left the place without the shame of this discovery, my future life should have spoken the sincerity of my gratitude. As for that smoothtongued hypocrite, who would have seduced the wife of his too credulous friend, while he affected honourable addresses to his ward-I behold him now in a light so truly despicable, that I shall never again respect myself for having listened to him. [Exit. Jos. Surf. Notwithstanding all this, Sir Peter, Heaven knows Sir Pet. That you are a villain! and so I leave you to your conscience. Jos. Surf. You are too rash, Sir Peter; you shall hear me. The man who shuts out conviction by refusing to [Exeunt SIR PETER and JOSEPH SURFACE, talking. ACT V SCENE I. The Library in JOSEPH SURFACE'S House. Enter JOSEPH SURFACE and SERVANT. Jos. Surf. Mr. Stanley! and why should you think I would see him? you must know he comes to ask something. Serv. Sir, I should not have let him in, but that Mr. Rowley came to the door with him. Jos. Surf. Psha! blockhead! to suppose that I should now be in a temper to receive visits from poor relations!-Well, why don't you show the fellow up? Serv. I will, sir.-Why, sir, it was not my fault that Sir Peter discovered my lady Jos. Surf. Go, fool!—[Exit SERVANT.] Sure Fortune never played a man of my policy such a trick before! My character with Sir Peter, my hopes with Maria, destroyed in a moment! I'm in a rare humour to listen to other people's distresses! I shan't be able to bestow even a benevolent sentiment on Stanley.-So! here he comes, and Rowley with him. I must try to recover myself, and put a little charity into my face, however. Enter SIR OLIVER SURFACE and ROWLEY. [Exit. Sir Oliv. What! does he avoid us? That was he, was it not? Row. It was, sir. But I doubt you are come a little too abruptly. His nerves are so weak, that the sight of a poor relation may be too much for him. I should have gone first to break it to him. Sir Oliv. Oh, plague of his nerves! Yet this is he whom Sir Peter extols as a man of the most benevolent way of thinking! Row. As to his way of thinking, I cannot pretend to decide; for, to do him justice, he appears to have as much speculative benevolence as any private gentleman in the kingdom, though he is seldom so sensual as to indulge himself in the exercise of it. Sir Oliv. Yet he has a string of charitable sentiments at his fingers' ends. Row. Or, rather, at his tongue's end, Sir Oliver; for I believe there is no sentiment he has such faith in as that Charity begins at home. Sir Oliv. And his, I presume, is of that domestic sort which never stirs abroad at all. Row. I doubt you'll find it so;-but he's coming. I mustn't seem to interrupt you; and you know, immediately as you leave him, I come in to announce your arrival in your real character. Sir Oliv. True; and afterwards you'll meet me at Sir Peter's. |