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Jenny. Who, I, sir?
Col. 0. Ay, here's money for you; what the devil are you afraid of? I'll take you into keeping; you shall go and live at one of my tenant's houses.
Jenny. I wonder you aren't ashamed, sir, to make an honest girl any such proposal; you, that have a worthy gentlewoman, nay, a lady, of your own. To be sure, she's a little stricken in years; but why shouldn't she grow elderly as well as yourself?
Col. O. Burn a lady! I love a pretty girl
I have no pretensions to that title. . Col. O, Why, you pert baggage, you don't know me?
Jenny. What do you pinch my fingers for ? — Yes, yes, I know you well enough; and your charekter's well known all over the country, running after poor young creatures, as you do, to ruinate them.
Col. O. What, then people say
Jenny. Indeed, they talk very bad of you; and, whatever you may think, sir, though I'm in a menial station, I'm come of people that wou’dn't see me put upon ; there are those that would take my part against the proudest he in the land, that should offer any thing uncivil.
Col. O. Well, come, let me know now, how does your young lady like my son?
Jenny. You want to pump me, do you? I suppose, you would know whether I can keep my tongue within my teeth.
Col. O. She doesn't like him then ?
Jenny. I don't say so, sir-Isn't this a shame now? I suppose, to-morrow or next day, it will be reported that Jenny has been talking-Jenny said that and t'other-But here, sir, I ax you, did I tell you any such thing?
Col. O, Why, yes, you did.
Col. O. Ad! I'll mouzle you !
[Runs out. Enter LADY MARY OLDBOY, DIANA, and HAR
MAN. Lady M. O. Mr Oldboy, won't you give me your hand, to lead me up stairs, my dear?-Sir, I am prodigiously obliged to you; I protest, I have not been so well I don't know when I have had no return of my bilious complaint after dinner to-day, and ate so voraciously !-Did you observe, miss? Doctor Arsenic will be quite astonished when he hears it; surely his new-invented medicine has done me a prodigious deal of service.
Col. O. Ah! you'll always be taking one slop or other, till you poison yourself._Give me a pinch of your ladyship's snuff.
Lady M. O. This is a mighty pretty sort of a man, Colonel who is he?
Col. O, A young fellow, my lady, recommended to me,
Lady M. 0. I protest, he has the sweetest taste for poetry !He has repeated to me two or three of his own things; and I have been telling him of the poem my late brother, Lord Jessamy, made on the mouse that was drowned.
Col. O. Ay, a fine subject for a poem; a mouse that was drowned in a
Lady M. O. Hush, my dear Colonel, don't mention it; to be sure, the circumstance was vastly indelicate; but, for the number of lines, the poem was as charming a morsel-Pray, sir, was there any news when
left London? Col. O. What is that crawling on your ladyship's petticoat?
Lady M. O, Where-where?
Col. 0. Zounds ! a spider, with legs as long as my arm!
Lady M. O. Oh, Heavens! Ah, don't let me look at it! I shall faint, I shall faint ! a spider, a spider ! a spider!
Erit, Col. O. Hold-zounds, let her go! I knew the spider would set her a galloping, with her damned fuss about her brother, my Lord Jessamy !-Harman, come here, how do you like my daughter? Is the girl you are in love with as handsome as this ?
Har. In my opinion, sir.
Col. O. What! as handsome as Dy?-I'll lay you twenty pounds she has not such a pair of eyes. He tells me he's in love, Dy-raging mad for love, and, by his talk, I begin to believe him.
Diana. Now, for my part, papa, I doubt it very much; though, by what I heard the gentleman say just now within, I find, he imagines the lady has a violent partiality for him ; and yet he may be mistaken there too.
Col. O. For shame, Dy, what the mischief do you mean? How can you talk so tartly to a poor young fellow under misfortunes! Give him your hand, and ask his pardon.--Don't mind her, Harman--For all this, she is as good-natured a little devil as ever was born.
Har. You may remember, sir, I told you before dinner, that I had for some time carried on a private correspondence with my lovely girl ; and that her father, whose consent we despair of obtaining, is the great obstacle to our happiness.
Col. O. Why don't you carry her off, in spite of him, then? I ran away with
my Lady Mary, she'll tell you the thing herself.-Her old conceited lord of a father thought I was not good enough; but I mounted a garden wall, notwithstanding their chevaux-de-frize of broken glass bottles, took her out
of a three pair of stairs window, and brought her down a ladder in my arms—By the way, she would have squeezed through a cat-hole to get at me. And I would have taken her out of the Tower of London, damme, if it had been surrounded with the three regiments of guards.
Diana. But surely, papa, you would not persuade the gentleman to such a proceeding as this is ;-consider the noise it will make in the country; and if you are known to be the adviser and abettor
Col. O. Why, what do I care? I say, if he takes my advice he'll run away with her, and I'll give him all the assistance I can.
Har. I am sure, sir, you are very kind; and, to tell you the truth, I have, more than once, had the very scheme in my head, if I thought it was feasible, and how to go about it.
Col. 0. Feasible, and knew how to go about it! The thing's feasible enough, if the girl's willing to go off with you, and you have spirit sufficient to undertake it.
Har. O, as for that, sir, I can answer.
Diana. What, sir? that the lady will be willing to go off with you?
Har. No, ma'am, that I have spirit enough to take her, if she is willing to go ;-and thus far I dare venture to promise, that, between this and to-morrow inorning, I will find out whether she is or not.
Col. O. So he may she lives but in this county ; -and tell her, Harman, you have met with a friend, who is inclined to serve you. You shall have my post-chaise, at a minute's warning; and if a hundred pieces will be of any use to you, you may command them.
Har. And are you really serious, sir?
Col. 0. Serious ? damme if I an't. I have put twenty young fellows in the way of getting girls, that they never would have thought of-and bring her to
my house-whenever you come, you shall have a supper and a bed; but you must marry her first, because my lady will be squeamish.
Diană. Well, but, my dear papa, upon my word you have a great deal to answer for: suppose it was vour own case to have a daughter in such circumstances, would you be obliged to any one
Col. 0. Hold your tongue, hussy, who bid you put in your oar? However, Harman, I don't want to set you upon any thing—'tis no affair of mine, to be sure
I only give you advice, and tell you how I would act, if I were in your place.
Har. I assure you, sir, I am quite charmed with the advice; and, since you are ready to stand my friend, I am ready to follow it.
Col. 0. You are ,
Col. O. Say no more, then, here's my hand-You understand me- No occasion to talk any further of it at present-When we are alone-Dy, take Mr Harman into the drawing-room, and give him some tea. I say, Harman, mum. (Exeunt severally.
CLARISSA's Dressing-Room. On one side, a Table,
with a Glass, Boxes, and Two Chairs.
Enter Diaxa, then JESSAMY.
· Diana. Come, brother, I undertake to be mistress
of the ceremony, upon this occasion, and introduce you to your first audience. Miss Flowerdale is nos bere, I perceive; but no matter,