Fifty long miles had those sad rogues to travel, The priest had order'd peas into their shoes. A nostrum, famous in old Popish times, Which Popish parsons for its power exalt, The knaves set off the self-same day, The other limp'd, as if he had been shot. One saw the Virgin soon-peccavi cried-- Made fit, with saints above, to live for ever. In coming back, however, let me say, His eyes in tears, his cheeks and brow in sweat, "How now?" the light-toed, white-washed pilgrim broke, "You lazy lubber!" "Odds curse it!" cried the other, "tis no jokeMy feet, once hard as any rock Are now as soft as blubber. "Excuse me, Virgin Mary, that I swear- "But, brother sinner, pray explain How 'tis that you are not in pain; What pow'r hath work'd a wonder for thy toes: Whilst I just like a snail am crawling, Now swearing, now on saints devoutly bawling, 66 you Merry as if that nought had happened-burn ye!" "Why," cried the other, grinning, must know That just before I ventur'd on my journey, To walk a little more at ease, I took the liberty to boil my peas." THE EVERLASTING BREECHES. IT chanc'd on a time that an Irish dear honey, In what he much wanted, a good pair of breeches! same! His purse stuff'd with chink, and his heart full of glee, Pat soon found a shop to his mind, d'ye see? On a prime piece of stuff now his eyes quickly casting, And asking the name, he was told "everlasting!" "If it be everlasting," quoth Pat, with a leer, "By the holy St. Patrick! I'll purchase two pair!" WEDLOCK IS A TICKLISH THING. WEDLOCK is a ticklish thing, Hey merrily ho, and ho merrily hey; Hey merrily ho, hey ho! Oh, how delightful pass their days away, Spoken]-Will you take a walk this morning, my love? Yes, my dear. Then you had better put on your clogs, my chicken, for fear of catching cold. And pray do you put on your great coat, lest you might increase your cough. Thank you, my darling, for your care of me. When do you intend to instruct our new willa on Ampstead Eath. Vhy as soon as them 'ere artichecks sends in their demensions, and so on. Don't forget to have towers and such like things, to make it look all the world as though it wur a little castle. I von't, I von't; and I'll have a worander in front, that you may look at the folk go up and down on a Sunday arternoon. Can't we cover the front with shells to make it look like a, like a-1 know, a emintage you means. Yes, my dear. So ve vill, my duck. Oh, Wedlock's joys are soft and sweet, Hey merrily ho, and ho merrily hey! Let us only change the scene, Ho terrible hey, and hey terrible ho! What she proposes, be it good or bad, Spoken]-Do you dine at home to-day, sir? I can't tell, ma'am. What shall I provide? What you like. Would you like a roasted chicken? You know I don't like roasted chicken. Well, boiled then? Worse and worse. What will you have then? Nothing. Very well, sir. Very well, ma'am. I say, Mr. Shrimp, vhen am I to have that 'ere new polese, vhich you promised me? Vhen you treats a gemman like a gemman, and conducts yourself like a lady. O, not till then. No. Wery vell, sir, then you will let me perish with cold. That I'm sure you von't, for you are alvays in ot vater. O, I vish you vere-At the devil; I knows you do, but I'll live a few years longer on purpose to plague you. Thus Wedlock is a dreadful state, Ho terrible hey, and hey terrible ho! CARDINAL Wolsey was a man Of an unbounded stomach, Shakspeare says. But had he seen a player in our days He would have owned that Wolsey's bulk ideal This actor's belt surrounds, Which is, moreover, all alive and real. To visit every clime between the poles, Must not, in this proceeding, be mistaken; In this most laudable employ He found himself at Lille one afternoon, And catch a peep at the ascending moon, With sight of streams, and trees, and snowy fleeces, When we are pleasantly employed time flies; Pulled out his watch, and cried-" Past nine, Why, zounds, they shut the gates at ten." Backward he turn'd his steps instanter, He couldn't gallop, trot, or canter, (Those who had seen him would confess it) he Marched well for one of such obesity. Eyeing his watch, and now his forehead mopping, He puffed and blew along the road, Afraid of melting, more afraid of stopping, When in his path he met a clown Returning from the town. Tell me," he panted, in a thawing state, "Dost think I can get in friend, at the gate ?" "Get in!" replied the hesitating loon, Measuring with his eye our bulky wight, "Why-yes, Sir, I should think you might, "A load of hay went in this afternoon.' DEEPLY shadow'd by the night, On the platform'd tower he stands ; And his lonely hour is bright With the dream of conquer'd lands, Where his plumed host appears, And its soaring eagle bears Its boast of blood and tears Unto heaven! |