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hardly leave our courtiers time to scheme a single project for beating the French; and our enemies may gain upon us, while we are thus employed in telling our governor how much we intend to keep them under.
But a people by too frequent a use of addresses may by this means come at last to defeat the very purpose for which they are designed. If we are thus exclaiming in raptures upon every occasion, we deprive curselves of the powers of flattery, when there may be a real necessity. A boy three weeks ago swimming across the Thames, was every minute crying out, for his amusement, I've got the cramp, I've got the cramp:' the boatmen pushed off once or twice, and they found it was fun; he soon after cried out in earnest, but nobody believed him, and he sunk to the bottom.
In short, sir, I am quite displeased with any un. necessary cavalcade whatever. I hope we shall soon have occasion to triumph, and then I shall be ready myself either to eat a turtle feast or to shout at a bonfire and will either lend my faggot at the fire, or flourish my hat at every loyal health that may be proposed.
1 am, Sir, &c.
A SECOND LETTER,
Supposed to be Written by a Common-Councilman, describing the Coronation.
AM the same common-councilman who troubled you some days ago. To whom can I complain but to you? for you have many a dismal correspondent; in this time of joy my wife does not choose to hear me, because, she says, I'm always melancholy when she's in spirits. I have been to see the coronation, and a fine sight it was, as I am told, to those who had the pleasure of being near spectators. The diamonds, I am told, were as thick as Bristol stones in a shew-glass; the ladies and gentlemen walked along, one foot before another, and threw their eyes about them, on this side and that, perfectly like clock-work. O! Mr. Printer, it had been a fine sight indeed, if there was but a little more eating.
Instead of that, there we sat, penned up in our scaffolding, like sheep upon a market-day in Smithfield but the devil a thing could I get to eat (God pardon me for swearing) except the fragments of a plumb cake, that was all squeezed into crumbs in my wife's pocket, as she came through the crowd. You must know, sir, that in order to do the thing genteelly, and that all my family might be amused at the same time, my wife, my daughter, and I, took two-guinea places for the coronation, and I gave my two eldest boys (who by the by are twins, fine children) eighteen-pence a piece to go to Sudrick fair, to see the Court of the Black King of Morocco, which will serve to please children well enough.
That we might have good places on the scaffolding, my wife insisted upon going at seven o'clock in the evening before the coronation, for she said she would not lose a full prospect for the world. This resolution, I own, shocked me. 'Grizzle,' said I to her, Grizzle, my dear, consider that you are but weakly, always ailing, and will never bear sitting all night upon the scaffold. You remember what a cold you caught the last fast day by rising but half an hour before your time to go to church, and how I was scolded as the cause of it. Besides, my dear, our daughter Anna Ameila Wilhelmina Carolina will look like a perfect fright if she sits up: and you know the girl's face is something at her time of life, considering her fortune is but small. Mr. Grogan,' replied my wife, Mr. Grogan, this is always the case, when you find me in spirits; I don't want to go, not I, nor I dont't care whether I go at all; it is seldom that I am in spirits, but this is always the case.' In short, Mr. Printer, what will you have on't? to the coronation we went.
What difficulties we had in getting a coach; how we were shoved about in the mob; how I had my pocket picked of the last new almanack, and my steel tobacco-box; how my daughter lost half an eye brow, and her laced shoe in a gutter; my wife's lamentation upon this, with the adventures of a crumbled plumb-cake; relate all this; we suffered this and ten times more before we got to our places.
At last, however, we were seated. My wife is certainly a heart of oak; I thought sitting up in the damp night-air would have killed her; I have known her for two months take possession of our easy chair, mobbed up in flannel night-caps, and trembling at a breath of air; but she now bore the night as merrily as if she had sat up at a christen
ing. My daughter and she did not seem to value it a farthing. She told me two or three stories that she knows will always make me laugh, and my daughter sung me the noontide air,' towards one o'clock in the morning. However, with all their endeavours, I was as cold and as dismal as ever I remember. If this be the pleasures of a coronation, cried I to myself, I had rather see the court of king Solomon, in all his glory, at my ease in Bartholomew fair.
Towards morning, sleep began to come fast upon me; and the sun rising and warming the air, still inclined me to rest a little. You must know, sir, that I am naturally of a sleepy constitution, I have often sat up at table with my eyes open, and have been asleep all the while. What will you have on't? just about eight o'clock in the morning I fell asleep. I fell into the most pleasing dream in the world. I shall never forget it; I dreamed that I was at my lord-mayor's feast, and had scaled the crust of a venison-pasty; I kept eating and eating, in my sleep, and thought I could never have enough. After some time, the pasty methought was taken away, and the dessert was brought in its room. Thought I to myself, if I have not got enough of venison, I am resolved to make it up by the largest snap at the sweetmeats. Accordingly I grasped a whole pyramid; the rest of the guests seeing me with so much, one gave me a snap, the other gave me a snap; I was pulled this way by my neighbour on my right hand, and that way by my neighbour on the left, but still kept my ground without flinching, and continued eating and pocketing as fast as I could. I never was so pulled and hauled in my whole life. At length, however, going to smell to a lobster that lay before me, methought it caught
me with its claws fast by the nose. The pain I feft upon this occasion is inexpressible; in fact, it broke my dream; when awaking I found my wife and daughter applying a smelling-bottle to my nose, and telling me it was time to go home; they assured me every means had been tried to awake me, while the procession was going forward, but that I still continued to sleep till the whole ceremony was over. Mr. Printer, this is a hard case, and as I read your most ingenious work, it will be some comfort, when I see this inserted, to find that—I write for it too.
I am, Sir,
Your distressed humble servant,
W. Hatfield & Co. Printers, Great New-street.