Will break down reason's feeble fences, of Perkinism, and the consequent aggrandisement of our profession. Should any of our opponents be so captious as to assert, that such principles and such motives of action should not be encouraged in society-that they have a most pernicious tendency, and other nonsense of that sort, I must take the liberty to refer them to the First Consul of the French Republic, whose conduct has ever been modelled according to the principles above stated, and who is certainly the most powerful Logician of the age, perfectly able to confound those who shut their eyes against the light of conviction. But to revert to the Doctor's Treatise, and Perkins's impudent replication. The man who could raise the very old Gentleman himself, by the legitimate powers of necromancy, was not so easily defeated. Accordingly he returns to the charge in another edition-admits the existence of the numerous cases on infants, horses, &c. but lays them all level with the following unanswerable argument. The proselytes of Perkinism having been driven from every other argument, have, as a 'last resource, alledged that the Patent Metallic Tractors have removed the disorders of infants ' and horses. Even this flimsy pretence is capa'ble of a satisfactory refutation. In these cases it is not the Patient, but the Observer, who is deceived by his own imagination!!! See Haygarth's Book, page 40. Mirabile Dictu! And act a part, so very scurvy, Will so bewilder and astound one, They make a lame horse seem a sound one! Then quoth his ladies ECCHYMOSIS, 88 88 Then quote his lady's ECCHYMOSIS. The celebrated story of the lady's ecchymosis comes handed down to your Worships by five successive reporters. The lady incog. who makes so conspicuous a figure in Dr. Haygarth's narration, told another lady, who told a Medical Friend of Dr.. H. who told Dr. Caustic, who tells your Worships this important anecdote. Now as in the multitude of counsellors there is safety,' multitude of reporters there is certainty. the story, which I shall give in the language of Dr. H.'s Medical Friend aforesaid. so in a But to A-lady informed me that a lady of her acquaintance, who had great faith in the efficacy of the Tractors, on seeing a small ecchymosis, about the size of a silver penny, at the corner of the eye, desired to try on it the effect of her favourite remedy. The lady, who was intended And was not bigger much, if any, to be the subject of the trial, consented, and the other lady produced the instruments, and after drawing them four or five times over the spot declared that it changed to a paler colour, and on repeating the use of them a few minutes longer, that it had almost vanished, and was scarcely visible, and departed in high triumph at her success. I was assured by the lady who underwent the operation, that she looked in the glass 'immediately after, and that not the least visible 'alteration had taken place!! (From Haygarth's Book, page 40.) I had determined to exert my influence in all the Medical societies, that the above case be read at the opening of each meeting, until there should not be left of the Tractors, in this island, a wreck behind.' But a far better plan of Dr. H. himself has precluded the necessity of this measure, which was to announce in all the advertisements of his book in the public papers, that it explains why the disorders of infants and horses are said to have been cured by the Tractors.' (See his daily advertisements in the papers. Indeed, I am at a loss which to admire most, the pretty fanciful relation above cited, which is all the new edition of the Doctor's Treatise against the Tractors contains, to justify the assertion in the advertisements before mentioned, or kis singular skill in constructing such a fabric on this foundation. Did I possess the talents of the Doctor in the advertising department, I should an 'Twas then assailed, with courage hearty, And now,' quoth she, I scarce can view it, • These Tractors are the things that do it; • Oh la ! I vow, it's taken flight, ' And vanish'd fairly out of sight. nounce this my pithy performance to the public, by publishing in all the papers, that the price of the Tractors was, in consequence of Dr. Caustic's opposition, fallen to the price of old iron, and Perkin's pamphlets, having been proscribed by physicians, were condemned, and actually burnt by the hangman on execution-day, at the Old Bailey, in the presence of every individual of the College of Physicians, and half the citizens of London. I would beg leave to add to this incomparable Haygarthian demonstration an argument of my own, which I think is not less powerful. It is impossible that these Tractors should perform any real cure, as they act solely on the imagination either of the patient or the operator. But cures performed by the power of imagination must be imaginary cures, that is, no cures at all. But Madam Hoaxhoax, in her glass, 6 Exclaim'd, My last new wig I'll burn up, If 'tis not bigger than a turnip!!!' In public papers, more's his glory, 89 By Haygath's tale of Lady Hoax. It is not true, as some sagacious Coffee-house politicians have asserted, that Madame Hoax (or more correctly double Hoax) is the wife of a Chinese Mandarin, settled on the Mountains of the Moon, in Abyssinia, for the purpose of ascertaining the influence of imagination in the cure of diseases. No, Gentlemen, she is a Baroness of true English breed, more sturdy than a Semiramis, a Penthesilea, or a Joan of Arc, and will prove, in our cause, a championess of pre-eminent prowess. Should your Worships wish for further acquaintance with this Lady, which in my opinion would be for your mutual advantage, you will take the trouble to enquire at my garret, No. 299, Dyot Street, St. Giles's (having removed from my former place of residence, third floor, 327, Grub, Street, with a view of being nearer my friend, Sir, Joseph, in Soho Square), and her address shall be at your service. |