Come along, ye sots, let's see if we can find Mir. Ay, and a parson too, if you please. the dog again. Patch, lock her up, d'ye hear? Ha, ha, ha! I can't help laughing to think how [Exeunt Sir Jealous and Servants. all the young coxcombs about town will be Patch. Yes, sir-Ay, walk till your heels mortified when they hear of our marriage. ache, you'll find nobody, I promise you. Sir F. So they will, so they will! ha,ha,ha! Mir. Well, I fancy I shall be so happy with my Gardy

Isa. Who could that scout be he talks of? Patch. Nay, I can't imagine, without it was Whisper.

Sir F. If wearing pearls and jewels, or eatIsa. Well, dear Patch! let's employ all our ing gold, as the old saying is, can make thee thoughts how to escape this horrid don Diego; happy, thou shalt be so, my sweetest, my lovemy very heart sinks at his terrible name. ly, my charming, my-verily I know not what Patch. Fear not, madam; don Carlo shall to call thee. be the man, or I'll lose the reputation of con- Mir. You must know, Gardy, that I am so triving; and then what's a chambermaid good eager to have this business concluded, that I have for? [Exeunt. employed my woman's brother, who is a lawyer in the Temple, to settle matters just to your liking; you are to give your consent to my marriage, which is to yourself you know: but, mum, you must take no notice of that. So then I will, that is, with your leave, put my writings into his hands; then to-morrow we come slap 1) upon them with a wedding that nobody thought on, by which you seize me and my estate, and I suppose make a bonfire of your own act and deed.

SCENE V.-SIR FRANCIS GRIPE'S House. Enter SIR FRANCIS GRIPE and MIRANDA. Mir. Well, Gardy, how did I perform the dumb scene.

Sir. F. To admiration - Thou dear little rogue! let me buss thee for it: nay, adad I will, Chargy, so muzzle, and tuzzle, and hug thee; I will, i'faith, I will.

[Hugging and kissing her. Mir. Nay, Gardy, don't be so lavish. Who would ride post when the journey lasts for life? Sir F. Oh, I'm transported! When, when, my dear! wilt thou convince the world of the happy day? when shall we marry, ha?

Mir. There's nothing wanting but your consent, sir Francis.

Sir F. My consent! what does my charmer mean?

Mir. Nay, 'tis only a whim; but I'll have every thing according to form-therefore when you sign an authentic paper, drawn up by an able lawyer, that I have your leave to marry, the next day makes me yours, Gardy.

Sir F. Ha, ha, ha! a whim indeed! why, is it not demonstration I give my leave when I marry thee?

Mir. Not for your reputation, Gardy; the malicious world will be apt to say you trick me into marriage, and so take the merit from my choice: now I will have the act my own, to let the idle fops see how much I perfer a man loaded with years and wisdom.

Sir F. Nay but, Chargy, if—

Mir. Nay, Gardy, no ifs.-Have I refus'd three northern lords, two British peers, and half a score knights, to have put in your ifs?

Sir F. So thou hast indeed, and I will trust to thy management. 'Od, I'm all of a fire. Mir. Tis a wonder the dry stubble does not blaze. [Aside.

Enter MARPLOT.

Sir F. Manners! What, had I no servants without?

Mar. None that could do my business, guardian, which is at present with this lady. Mir. With me, Mr. Marplot? what is it, I beseech you?

Sir F. Ay, sir, what is it? any thing that relates to her, may be delivered to me. Mar. I deny that.

Sir F. Humph! Prythee leave out years, Charg! I'm not so old, as thou shalt find. Mir. That's more than I do, sir. Adad, I'm young: there's a caper for ye! [Jumps. Mar. Indeed, madam! Why then to proMir. Oh, never excuse it; why I like you ceed: Fame says, you know best whether she the better for being old-but I shall suspect tells truth or not, that you and my most con you don't love me if you refuse me this for- scionable guardian here design'd, contriv'd, mality. plotted, and agreed to chouse a very civil, Sir F. Not love thee, Chargy! Adad, I do honest, honourable gentleman out of a hundred. love thee better than, than, than, better than pounds: guilty or not? what shall I say? 'egad, better than money; i'faith I do

Mir. That's false, I'm sure. [Aside] To prove

it do this then.

Sir F. Well, I will do it, Chargy, provided I bring a licence at the same time.

Mir. That I contriv'd it!

Mar. Ay, you-you said never a wor against it; so far you are guilty.

Sir F. Pray tell that civil, honest, honour able gentleman, that if he has any more suc sums to fool away, they shall be received like the last; ha, ha, ha! Chous'd, quotha! But, used of late in London, that it is very difficult to un- harkye, let him know at the same time, th knowledge of it; and thus the country gentleman is if he dare to report I trick'd him of it, I shal often at a loss in London. Mixed with a number of recommend a lawyer to him, who shall show expressions the most vile and abominable that ever could him a trick for twice as much 2). D'ye hear be used, there are some highly poetical ones. The lan

derstand the conversation of gentlemen without some

guage itself is famous for Onomatopoeia, such as, flimsy tell him that.

for a bank-note; and it is derived from all the know'n Languages in the world, enriched with sea-terms, and expressions from Eotany-bay, etc. To pop a sham, means, to deceive by false pretences

1) Siang; to come slap upon a person, means sadden)

2) S.ang: to show a trick for twice as much, or
worth two, which is the most general expression,
to be an over-match for a person.

Mar. So, and this is the way you use a eight, as he us'd to do, he shall be saluted gentleman, and my friend!

Mir. Is the wretch thy friend? Mar. The wretch! lookye, madam, don't call names; 'egad, I won't take it.

Mir. Why, you won't beat me, will you? Ha, ha!

Mar. I don't know whether I will or no.

with a pistol or a blunderbuss.

Sir F. Oh, monstrous! Why, Chargy, did he use to come to the garden-gate?

Mir. The gardener describ'd just such another man that always watch'd his coming out, and fain would have brib'd him for his entrance-Tell him he shall find a warm reception

Sir F. Sir, I shall make a servant show you if he comes this night. out at the window if you are saucy.

Mar. Pistols and blunderbusses! 'Egad, a Mar. I am your most humble servant, guar-warm reception indeed! I shall take care to dian; I design to go out the same way I came inform him of your kindness, and advise him in. I would only ask this lady one question. to keep further off.

Don't you think he's a fine gentleman?

Sir F. Who's a fine gentleman?
Mar. Not you, Gardy, not you! Don't

you

Mir. I hope he will understand my meaning better than to follow your advice. [Aside. Sir F. Thou hast sign'd, seal'd and ta'en pos

think, in your soul, that sir George Airy is a session of my heart for ever, Chargy, ha, ha, ha! and for you, Mr. Saucebox, let me have no more of your messages, if ever you design

very fine gentleman?

Mir. He dresses well.

Sir F. Which is chiefly owing to his tailor to inherit your estate, gentleman. and valet de chambre.

Mar. Why, there 'tis now. Sure I shall

Mar. Well! and who is your dress owing be out of your clutches one day-Well, guarto, ha? There's a beau, ma'am-do but look al Lim!

Sir F. Sirrah!

Mir. And if being a beau be a proof of his being a fine gentleman, he may be so.

dian, I say no more: but if you be not as arrant a cuckold as e'er drove bargain upon the Exchange, or paid attendance to a court, I am the son of a whetstone; and so your humble

servant.

Mir. Mr. Marplot, don't forget the message:

Mar. Nang, nang, nang!

Mar. He may be so! Why, ma'am, the juditions part of the world allow him wit, cou-ha, ha, ha, ha! rage, gallantry, ay, and economy too, though I think he forfeited that character when he flung away a hundred pounds upon your dumb ladyship.

[Exit. Sir F. I am so provok'd-'tis well he's gone. Mir. Oh, mind him not, Gardy, but let's sign articles, and then—

Sir F. Does that gall him? Ha, ha, ha! Sir F. And then-Adad, I believe I am meMir. So, sir George, remaining in deep dis-tamorphos'd, my pulse beats high, and my blood content, has sent you, his trusty squire, to ut-boils, methinks [Kissing and hugging her. ter his complaint. Ha, ha, ha! Mir. Oh, fie, Gardy! be not so violent: conMar. Yes, madam! and you, like a cruel sider the market lasts all the year.-Well, I'll hard-hearted Jew, value it no more than I in, and see if the lawyer be come: you'll follow. would your lady ship, were I sir George; you

[Exit. Sir F. Ay, to the world's end, my dear! Mir. Oh, don't call names: I know you love Well, Frank, thou art a lucky fellow in thy to be employed, and I'll oblige you, and you old age to have such a delicate morsel, and stall Carry him a message from me. thirty thousand pounds, in love with thee. I Mar. According as I like it. What is it? shall be the envy of bachelors, the glory of Mir. Nay, a kind one, you may be sure- married men, and the wonder of the town. First, tell him I have chose this gentleman, Some guardians would be glad to compound to Lave and to hold 1) and so forth. for part of the estate at dispatching an heiress, [Taking the Hand of Sir F. but I engross the whole. O! mihi praeteritos referet si Jupiter annos.

Mar. Much good may he do you! Sir F. Oh, the dear rogue! how I dote on [Aside. Mir. And advise his impertinence to trouble SIR e no more, for I prefer sir Francis for a band before all the fops in the universe. Mar. Oh Lord, oh Lord! she's bewitched,

at's certain.

SCENE VI.-A Tavern.

[Exit.

GEORGE AIRY and CHARLES discovered, with Wine, Pens, Ink, and Paper on the Table. WHISPER waiting. Sir G. Nay, pr'ythee, don't be grave, Charles:

Here's a husband for eighteen misfortunes will happen. Ha, ha, ha! 'tis ere's a tit-bit for a young lady-here's a some comfort to have a companion in our sufpe, an air, and a grace-here's bones ratt-ferings.

-g in a leathern bag-[Turning Sir Fran- Charles. I am only apprehensive for Isaabout here's buckram and canvass to binda; her father's humour is implacable; and Wrub you to repentance.

Sir F. Sirrah, my cane shall teach you re**tance presently.

how far his jealousy may transport him to her undoing, shocks my soul to think.

Sir G. But since you escap'd undiscover'd by him, his rage will quickly lash into a calm,

Mar. No, faith, I have felt its twin brother
m just such a wither'd hand too lately. never fear it.
Mir. One thing more; advise him to keep

Charles. But who knows what that unlucky the garden-gate on the left hand, for if dog, Marplot, told him; nor can I imagine dare to saunter there, about the hour of what brought him thither: that fellow is ever 1. These words are employed in the marriage-contract, he never designs it. doing mischief; and yet, to give him his due, This is some blundering and low-terms, like other heterogenea, make an odd arce in friendly conversation. adventure wherein he thought to show his

friendship, as he calls it! a curse on him! omen. My dear Marplot! let me embrace thee; Sir G. Then you must forgive him. What said he?

Charles. Said! nay, I had more mind to cut his throat, than to hear his excuses. Sir G. Where is he?

Whis. Sir, I saw him go into sir Francis Gripe's, just now.

Charles. Oh! then he's upon your business, sir George a thousand to one but he makes some mistake there too.

Sir G. Impossible, without he huffs the lady, and makes love to sir Francis.

Enter Drawer.

thou art my friend, my better angel.
Mar. What do you mean, sir George?
Sir G. No matter what I mean. Here, take
bumper to the garden-gate,you dear rogue, you!
Mar. You have reason to be transported,
sir George; I have sav'd your life.

a

Sir G. My life! thou hast sav'd my soul, man. Charles, if thou dost not pledge this health, may'st thou never taste the joys of love. Charles. Whisper, be sure you take care how you deliver this. [Gives him a Letter] Bring me the answer to my lodgings. Whis. I warrant you, sir.

Mar. Whither does that letter go? Now

Draw. Mr. Marplot is below, gentlemen, dare I not ask for my blood-That fellow and desires to know if he may have leave to wait upon ye.

Charles. How civil the rogue is when he has done a fault!

Sir G. Ho! desire him to walk up. [Exit Drawer] Pr'ythee, Charles, throw off this chagrin, and be good company,

Charles. Nay, hang him, I'm not angry with him.

Enter MARPlot.

knows more secrets than I do.-Aside. Following Whisper as he is going]-Whisper! Whisper!

Whis. Sir.

Mar. Whisper, here's half a crown for you.
Whis. Thank ye, sir.

[Exit.

Mar. Now where is that letter going?
Whis. Into my pocket, sir.
Charles. Now I'm for you.
Sir G. To the garden-gate at the hour of

Do but mark his sheepish look, sir George.eight, Charles: allons; huzza!
Mar. Dear Charles! don't overwhelm a man
already under insupportable affliction. I'm sure
I always intend to serve my friends; but if
my malicious stars deny the happiness, is the

fault mine?

Sir G. Never mind him, Mr. Marplot; he's eat up with spleen. But tell me what says Miranda?

Mar. Says!-nay, we are all undone there too. Charles. I told you so; nothing prospers that he undertakes.

Mar. Why, can I help her having chose your father for better for worse?

Charles. So; there's another of fortune's strokes. I suppose I shall be edged out of my estate with twins every year, let who will get 'em.

Sir G. What! is the woman really possess'd? Mar. Yes, with the spirit of contradiction: she railed at you most prodigiously.

Sir G. That's no ill sign.

Mar. You'd say it was no good sign if you knew all.

Sir G. Why, pr'ythee?

Charles. I begin to conceive you. Mar. That's more than I do, 'egad-To the garden-gate, huzza! [Drinks] But I hope you design to keep far enough off on't, sir George.

Sir G. Ay, ay, never fear that; she shall see despise her frowns; let her use the blunderbuss against the next fool; she shan't reach me with the smoke, I warrant her; ha, ha, ha!

Mar. Ah, Charles! if you could receive a disappointment thus en cavalier, one should have some comfort in being beat for you,

Charles. The fool comprehends nothing. Sir G. Nor would I have him. Pr'ythee, take him along with thee.

Charles. Enough.

Sir G. I kiss both your hands-And now for the garden-gate.

It's beauty gives the assignation there, And love too powerful grows t'admit of fear. [Exil. Charles. Come, you shall go home with me. Mar. Shall I! and are we friends, Charles? -I am glad of it.

Charles. Come along.

[Exit.

Mar. Hark'e, sir George, let me warn you; Mar. 'Egad, Charles's asking me to go home pursue your old haunt no more; it may be with him gives me a shrewd suspicion there's dangerous. [Charles sits down to write. more in the garden-gate than I 'comprehend. Sir G. My old haunt! what do you mean? Faith, I'll give him the drop 1), and away to Mar. Why, in short then, since you will Gardy's and find it out. have it, Miranda vows if you dare approach the garden-gate at eight o'clock, as you us'd, you shall meet with a warm reception.

Sir G. A warm reception!

Mar. Ay, a very warm reception-you shall be saluted with a blunderbuss, sir. These were her very words: nay, she bid me tell you so too. Sir G. Ha! the garden-gate at eight, as I us'd to do! There must be meaning in this. Is there such a gate, Charles?

Mar. Is there such a gate, Charles? Charles. Yes, yes, it opens into the Park: I suppose her ladyship has made many a scamper through it.

Sir G. It must be an assignation then. Ha! my heart springs for joy; tis a propitious

-ACT. IV.

[Exit.

which gives an opportunity to your master to
make use of his ladder of ropes. The closet
window shall be open, and Isabinda ready to
receive him. Bid him come immediately.
Whis. Excellent! he'll not disappoint, I war- Patch. Yes, very sure, madam; but I heard
rant him.-But hold, I have a letter here which sir Jealous coming down stairs, so clapped
I'm to carry an answer to. I cannot think his letter into my pocket. [Feels for the Letter.
what language the direction is.
Isa. A letter! give it me quickly.
Patch. Pho! 'tis no language, but a cha- Patch. Bless me! what's become on't-I'm
racter which the lovers invented to avert dis- sure I put it-
[Searching still.
covery-Ha! I hear my old master coming Isa. Is it possible thou couldst be so care-
down stairs; it is impossible you should have less?-Oh, I'm undone for ever if it be lost.
an answer: away, and bid him come himself Patch. I must have dropp'd it upon the stairs.
for that. Be gone, we're ruin'd if you're seen, But why are you so much alarm'd? if the
for he has doubled his care since the last accident. worst happens nobody can read it, madam,
Whis. I go, I go.
[Exit. nor find out whom it was design'd for.
Patch. There, go thou into my pocket. [Puts Isa. If it falls into my father's hands the
it aside, and it falls down] Now I'll up the very figure of a letter will produce ill conse-
back stairs lest I meet him-Well, a dextrous quences. Run and look for it upon the stairs
chambermaid is the ladies' best utensil, I say. this moment.

SCENE II.-ISABINDA'S Chamber.
ISABINDA and PATCH discovered.
Isa. Are you sure nobody saw you speak
to Whisper?

[Exit. Patch. Nay, I'm sure it can be no where
else-

Enter SIR JEALOUS TRAFFICK, with a Letter in his Hand.

Enter Butler,

How now, what do you want?

[Going.

Sir J. So, this is some comfort; this tells me that signior don Diego Babinetto is safely arriv'd. He shall marry my daughter the minute he comes-Ha, ha! what's here? [Takes up the Letter Patch dropped] A letter! I don't know what to make of the superscription. I'll see what's withinside. [Opens it]-Oh, poor Charles! oh, unfortunate Isabinda! Humph-'tis Hebrew, I think. What can this

But. My master ordered me to lay the cloth here for supper.

Isa. Ruin'd past redemption- [Aside.
Patch. You mistake, sure. What shall we do?
Isa. I thought he expected company to-night

But. I thought so too, madam; but I sup

mean?-There must be some trick in it. This pose he has altered his mind.

[Lays the Cloth, and exit. Isa. The letter is the cause. This heedless

was certainly design'd for my daughter; but I don't know that she can speak any language but her mother tongue. No matter for that; action has undone me. Fly and fasten the this may be one of love's hieroglyphics; and closet window, which will give Charles notice 1 fancy I saw Patch's tail sweep by: that to retire. Ha! my father! oh, confusion! wench may be a slut, and instead of guarding my honour betray it. I'll find it out, I'm resch'd-Who's there?

Enter Servant.

What answer did you bring from the gentlemen I sent you to invite?

I

Serv. That they'd all wait on, you, sir, as told you before; but I suppose you forgut, sir.

Sir J. Did I so, sir? but I shan't forget to break your head if any of them come, sir. Serv. Come, sir! why, did not you send me to desire their company, sir?

Sir J. But I send you now to desire their bience. Say I have something extraordinary an out, which calls me abroad contrary to expectation, and ask their pardon; and, d'ye bear, send the butler to me.

Serv. Yes, sir.

Enter Butler.

[Exit.

Sir J. He wants the eyes of Argus that has a young handsome daughter in this town; but

Enter SIR JEALOUS TRAFFICK.

Sir J. Hold, hold, Patch; whither are you going? I'll have nobody stir out of the room till after supper.

Patch. Sir, I was going to reach your easy chair-oh, wretched accident! [Aside. Sir J. I'll have nobody stir out of the room. don't want my easy chair.

I

Isa. What will be the event of this? [Aside. Sir J. Harkye, daughter, do you know this hand?

Isa. As I suspected [Aside]-Hand, do you call it, sir? 'tis some schoolboy's scrawl. Patch. Oh, invention! thou chambermaid's best friend, assist me! [Aside. Sir J. Are you sure you don't understand it? [Patch feels in her Bosom, and shakes her Coats.

Str J. What is it? speak.

Patch. Yes, sir, it is a charm for the toothcomfort is I shall not be troubled long ache-I have worn it these seven years; 'twas ber. He that pretends to rule a girl once given me by an angel for aught I know, when ber teens had better be at sea in a storm, I was raving with the pain, for nobody knew and would be in less danger. [Exit. from whence he came nor whither he went.

He charged me never to open it, lest some Sir J. Hey, hey! why, you are a-top of the dire vengeance befall me, and heaven knows house, and you are down in the cellar. What what will be the event. Oh, cruel misfortune! is the meaning of this? is it on purpose to that I should drop it and you should open it cross me, ha? -If you had not open'd it

Sir J. Pox of your charms and whims for me! if that be all 'tis well enough: there, there, burn it, and I warrant you no vengeance will follow.

Patch. So all's right again thus far. [Aside. Isa. I would not lose Patch for the world -I'll take courage a little. [Aside] Is this usage for your daughter, sir? must my virtue and conduct be suspected for every trifle? You immure me like some dire offender here, and deny me all the recreations which my sex enjoy, and the custom of the country and modesty allow; yet not content with that, you make my confinement more intolerable by your mistrusts and jealousies. Would I were dead, so I were free from this.

Sir J. To-morrow rids you of this tiresome load: Don Diego Babinetto will be here, and then my care ends and his begins.

Isa. Is he come then?-Oh, how shall I avoid this hated marriage!

Enter Servants, with Supper. Sir J. Come, will you sit down? Isa. I can't eat, sir.

[Aside.

Patch. Pray, madam, take it a little lower; I cannot reach that note, I fear.

Isa. Well,.begin-Oh, Patch, we shall be discover'd. [Aside. Patch. I sink with apprehension, madam. [Aside]-Humph, humph.

[Sings. Charles opens the Closet door. Charles. Music and singing! Death! her father there! [The Women shriek] Then 1 must fly

[Exit into the Closet. Sir Jealous rises up hastily, seeing Charles slip back into the Closet.

Sir J. Hell and furies! a man in the closet!Patch. Ah! a ghost! a ghost!-He must not enter the closet.

[Isabinda throws herself down before the Closet door as in a swoon. Sir J. The devil! I'll make a ghost of him, I warrant you. [Strives to get by. Patch. Oh, hold, sir, have a care; you'll tread upon my lady-Who waits there? bring some water. Oh, this comes of your opening the charm. Oh, oh, oh, oh! [Weeps aloud.

Sir J. I'll charm you, housewife. Here lies the charm that conjur'd this fellow in, I'm sure Patch. No, I dare swear he has given her on't. Come out, you rascal, do so. Zounds! supper enough. I wish I could get into the take her from the door or I'll spurn her from closet. [Aside. it, and break your neck down stairs. Where Sir J. Well, if you can't eat, then give me are you, sirrah? Villain! robber of my hoa song, whilst I do. nour! I'll pull you out of your nest.

-

Isa. I have such a cold I can scarce speak, sir, much less sing. How shall I prevent Charles's coming in?. [Aside. Sir J. I hope you have the use of your fingers, madam. Play a tune upon your spinnet whilst your woman sings me a song.

Patch. I'm as much out of tune as my lady, if he knew all.'

Isa. I shall make excellent music.

[Aside.

[Goes into the Closet. Patch. You'll be mistaken, old gentleman; the bird is flown.

Isa. I'm glad I have 'scap'd so well; I was almost dead in earnest with the fright.

Re-enter SIR JEALOUS out of the Closet. Sir J. Whoever the dog were he has escap'd out of the window, for the sash is up. but though he is got out of my reach, you are [Sits down to play. not. And first, Mrs. Pander, with your charms Patch. Really, sir, I am so frighten'd about for the tooth-ache, get out of my house, go, your opening this charm that I can't remem- troop; yet hold, stay, I'll see you out of doors ber one song. myself; but I'll secure your charge ere I go.

Sir J. Pish! hang your charm! come, come, sing any thing.

Patch. Yes, I'm likely to sing, truly. [4side] Humph, humph; bless, me! I can't raise my voice, my heart pants so.

Sir J. VVhy, what does your heart pant so that you can't play neither? Pray what key are you in, ha?'

Patch. Ah, would the key 1) was turn'd on

you once.

Isa. What do you mean, sir? was she not a creature of your own providing?

Sir J. She was of the devil's providing, for aught I know.

Patch. What have I done, sir, to merit your displeasure?

Sir J. I don't know which of you have done it, but you shall both suffer for it, till I can discover whose guilt it is. Go, get in there: [Aside. I'll move you from this side of the house. Sir J. Why don't you sing, I say? [Pushes Isabinda in at the Door and locks Patch. When madam has put her spinnet it, puts the Key in his Pocket] I'll keep the key myself; I'll try what ghost will get inte that room: and now forsooth I'll wait on you down stairs.

in tune, sir: humph, humph-
Isa. I cannot play, sir, whatever ails me.
[Rising.
Sir J. Zounds! sit down and play me a tune,
or I'll break the spinnet about your ears.
Isa. What will become of me?
[Sits down and plays.
Sir. J. Come, mistress. [To Patch.
Patch. Yes, sir.
[Sings, but horridly out of tune.

1) The pun consists in the word Key's being employed |
in music as well as for the door.

Patch. Ah, my poor lady!-Down stairs. sir! but I won't go out, sir, till I have lock's up my clothes, and that's flat.

Sir J. If thou wert as naked as thou wer: born, thou shouldst not stay to put on.. smock, and that's flat. [Exeun

SCENE III.-The Street.

Sir J. [Putting Patch out at the Door