Lord T. Fie, fie, madam! is this your way such a word from him in my life before! The of reasoning? 'tis time to wake you then-man always used to have manners, in his Tis not your ill hours alone that disturb me, worst humours. There's something that I but as often the ill company that occasion don't see, at the bottom of all this But his those ill hours. head's always upon some impracticable scheme or other; so I won't trouble mine any longer about him. Lady T. Sure I don't understand you now, my lord; what ill company do I keep? Lord T. Why, at best, women that lose their money, and men that win it; or perhaps Enter MANLY. men that are voluntary bubbles at one game, Mr. Manly, your servant! in bopes a lady will give him fair play at Man. I ask pardon for intrusion, madam; another. Then that unavoidable mixture with but I hope my business with my lord will known rakes, concealed thieves, and sharpers excuse it. in embroidery-or, what to me is still more Lady T. I believe you'll find him in the shocking, that herd of familiar, chattering, next room, sir. crop-eared coxcombs! Man. Will you give me leave, madam? Lady T. And a husband must give eminent proof of his sense, that thinks their follies you were a lady. dangerous. Lord T. Their being fools, madam, is not always the husband's security; or, if it were, fortune sometimes gives them advantages that might make a thinking woman tremble. Lady T. What do you mean? Lord T. That women sometimes lose more than they are able to pay; and if a creditor be a little pressing, the lady may be reduced to try if, instead of gold, the gentleman will accept of a trinket. Lady T. My lord, you grow scurrilous; you'll make me hate you! I'll have you to know, I keep company with the politest people in town, and the assemblies I frequent are full of such. Lord T. So are the churches-now and then. Lady T. My friends frequent them too, as well as the assemblies. Lord T. Yes, and would do it oftener, if a groom of the chambers were allowed to furnish cards to the company. I might Man. What a well-bred age do we live in! [Aside. Exit. Enter LADY GRACE. Lady T. Oh, my dear lady Grace! how could you leave me so unmercifully alone, all this while? Lady G. Ithought my lord had been with you. Lady T. Why yes; and therefore I wanted your relief; for he has been in such a fluster here. Lady G. Bless me! for what? Lady T. Only our usual breakfast! we have each of us had our dish of matrimonial comfort this morning-We have been charming company! Lady G. I am mighty glad of it! sure it must be a vast happiness when a man and wife can give themselves the same turn of conversation! Lady T. Oh, the prettiest thing in the world! Lady G. Now I should be afraid, that where. Lady T. I see what you drive at all this two people are every day together so, they while-you would lay an imputation on my must often be in want of something to talk upon. fame, to cover your own avarice. Lady T. Oh, my dear, you are the most take any pleasures, I find, that were not ex-mistaken in the world! married people have pensive. things to talk of, child, that never enter into Lord T. Have a care, madam; don't let me the imagination of others.-Why, here's my think you value your chastity only, to make lord and I, now; we have not been married me reproachable for not indulging you in above two short years, you know, and we every thing else that's vicious-I, madam, have have already eight or ten things constantly in a reputation too to guard, that's dear to me bank, that whenever we want company, we as yours-The follies of an ungoverned wife can take up any one of them for two hours may make the wisest man uneasy; but 'tis his together, and the subject never the flatter; Gwn fault if ever they render him contemptible. nay, if we have occasion for it, it will be as Lady T. My lord, my lord- you would make fresh next day too as it was the first hour it a woman mad! entertained us. Lord T. Madam, madam, you would make a man a fool! Lady G. Certainly, that must be vastly pretty! Lady T. Oh, there's no life like it! Why, Lady T. If heaven has made you otherwise, t'other day, for example, when you dined that won't be in my power, abroad, my lord and I, after a pretty, cheerLord T. Whatever may be in your incli-ful, tete-a-tete meal, sat us down by the firenation, madam, I'll prevent you making me a side, in an easy, indolent, pick-tooth way, for beggar at least. Lady T. A beggar! Croesus! I am out of patience! I won't come home till four tomorrow morning. about a quarter of an hour, as if we had not thought of any other's being in the room-At last, stretching himself and yawning-"My dear" says he-"aw-you came home very Lord T. That may be, madam; but I'll or late last night"-""Twas but just turned of der the doors to be locked at twelve. two," says I-"I was in bed-aw-by eleven," Lady T. Then I won't come home till to- says he "So you are every night," says Imorrow night. Well," says he, "I am amazed you can sit Lord T. Then, madam, you shall never up so late"-"How can you be amazed," says come home again. [Exit. I, "at a thing that happens so often?"-Upon Lady T. What does he mean? I never heard which we entered into a conversation—and though this is a point has entertained us above lead you so far into the world; you are a fifty times already, we always find so many, pride, and design to live soberly. pretty, new things to say upon it, that I be- Lady G. Why, I confess, my nature and lieve in my soul it will last as long as we live. my education do, in a good degree, incline Lady G. But pray, in such sort of family me that way. dialogues (though extremely well for passing Lady T. Well, how a woman of spirit (for the time), don't there now and then enter some you don't want that, child) can dream of livlittle witty sort of bitterness? ing soberly, is to me inconceivable! for you will marry, I suppose? Lady T. Oh, yes! which does not do amiss at all-A smart repartee, with a zest of recrimination at the head of it, makes the prettiest sherbet! Ay, ay, if we did not mix a little of the acid with it, a matrimonial society would be so luscious that nothing but an old liquorish prude would be able to bear it. Lady G. Well, certainly you have the most elegant taste Lady T. Though, to tell you the truth, my dear, I rather think we squeezed a little too much lemon into it this bout; for it grew so sour at last, that- I think-I almost told him he was a fool-and he again-talked something oddly of-turning me out of doors. Lady G. O, have a care of that! Lady G. I can't tell but I may. Lady T. And won't you live in town? Lady G. Half the year I should like it very well. Lady T. My stars! and you would really live in London half the year, to be sober in it? Lady G. Why not?' Lady T. Why, can't you as well go and be sober in the country? Lady G. So I would-t'other half year. Lady T. And pray what comfortable scheme of life would you form, now, for your summer and winter sober entertainments? Lady G. A scheme that, I think, might very well content us. Lady T. Oh, of all things, let's hear it. Lady T. Nay, if he should, I may thank my Lady G. Why, in summer I could pass my own wise father for it.-But to be serious, my leisure hours in reading, walking by a canal, dear, what would you really have a woman or sitting at the end of it under a great tree; do in my case? in dressing, dining, chatting with an agreeable Lady G. Why-if I had a sober husband, friend; perhaps hearing a little music, taking as you have, I would make myself the hap- a dish of tea, or a game at cards, soberly; piest wife in the world, by being as sober managing my family, looking into its accounts, as be. playing with my children, if I had any, or in Lady T. Oh, you wicked thing! how can a thousand other innocent amusements-soyou tease one at this rate, when you know berly; and possibly, by these means, I might he is so very sober, that, except giving me induce my husband to be as sober as myself. money, there is not one thing in the world Lady T. Well, my dear, thou art an astonhe can do to please me. And I, at the same ishing creature! for sure such primitive, antime, partly by nature, and partly perhaps by tediluvian notions of life have not been in any keeping the best company, do with my soul head these thousand years — Under a great love almost every thing he hates. I dote upon tree! Oh, my soul!-But I beg we may have assemblies-my heart bounds at a ball and the sober town scheme too-for I am charmed at an opera-I expire. Then I love play to with the country one! - distraction!-cards enchant me- and dice- Lady G. You shall; and I'll try to stick to put me out of my little wits-Dear, dear ha- my sobriety there too. zard!—Oh, what a flow. of spirits it gives one! -Do you never play at hazard, child? Lady T. Well, though I'm sure it will give me the vapours, I must hear it, however. Lady G. Oh, never! I don't think it sits Lady G. Why then, for fear of your faintwell upon women-there's something so mas- ing, madam, I will first so far come into the culine, so much the air of a rake in it! You fashion, that I would never be dressed out of see how it makes the men swear and curse! it--but still it should be soberly; for I can't and when a woman is thrown into the same think it any disgrace to a woman of my pripassion-whyvate fortune, not to wear her lace as fine as Lady T. That's very true; one is a little put the wedding-suit of a first duchess. Though to it, sometimes, not to make use of the same there is one extravagance I would venture to words to express it. come up to. Lady T. Ay, now for it! Lady G. I would every day be as neat as bride. Lady G. Well, and upon ill luck, pray what words are you really forced to make use of? Lady T. Why, upon a very hard case in-a deed, when a sad wrong word is rising just Lady T. Why the men say that's a great to one's tongue's end, I give a great gulp-step to be made one-Well, now you are and swallow it. Lady G. Well, and is not that enough to Lady T. Solemnly!-a thousand times; but then one is constantly forsworn. dressed, pray let's see to what purpose. Lady G. I would visit - that is, my real friends; but as little for form as possible.-1 would go to court; sometimes to an assembly, nay, play at quadrille-soberly: I would see all the good plays, and, because 'tis the fashions now and then an opera-but I would not es Lady G. And how can you answer that? pire there, for fear I should never go agains Lady T. My dear, what we say when we and lastly, I can't say, but for curiosity, if are losers, we look upon to be no more bind- liked my company, I might be drawn in once ing than a lover's oath or a great man's pro- to a masquerade; and this, I think, is as far mise. But I beg pardon, child, I should not as any woman can go-soberly. Lady T. Well, if it had not been for this venged of her; for I will do her the greatest last piece of sobriety, I was just going to call friendship in the world-against her will. for some surfeit-water. Lord T. What an uncommon philosophy Lady G. Why, don't you think, with the art thou master of, to make even thy malice further aid of breakfasting, dining, and taking a virtue! the air, supping, sleeping, not to say a word of devotion, the four-and-twenty hours might roll over in a tolerable manner? Lady T. Tolerable! deplorable! Why, child, all you propose is but to endure life; now want to enjoy it. Enter MRS. TRUSTY. Man. Yet, my lord, I assure you there is no one action of my life gives me more pleasure than your approbation of it. Lord T. Dear Charles! my heart's impatient till thou art nearer to me; and, as a proof that I have long wished thee so, while your daily conduct has chosen rather to deserve, than to ask, my sister's favour, I have been Mrs. T. Ma'am, your ladyship's chair is ready. as secretly industrious to make her sensible Lady T. Have the footmen their white flam- of your merit; and since, on this occasion, beaux yet? for last night I was poisoned. you have opened your whole heart to me, Mrs. T. Yes, ma'am, there were some came 'tis now with equal pleasure I assure you we [Exit. have both succeeded-she is as firmly yoursMan. Impossible! you flatter me! in this morning. Lady T. My dear, you will excuse me; but, you know, my time is so precious Lady G. That I beg I may not hinder your least enjoyment of it. Lady T. You will call on me at lady Revel's? Lady T. But I am so afraid it will break into your scheme, my dear! Lady G. When it does, I will — soberly break from you. Lord T. I'm glad you think it flattery, but she herself shall prove it none; she dines with us alone:-when the servants are withdrawn, I'll open a conversation that shall excuse my leaving you together - Oh, Charles! had I, like thee, been cautious in my choice, what melancholy hours had this heart avoided! Man. No more of that, I beg, my lord. Lord T. But 'twill, at least, be some relief Lady T. Why then, till we meet again, to my anxiety, however barren of content the dear sister, I wish you all tolerable happiness. state has been to me, to see so near a friend [Exeunt. and sister happy in it. Your harmony of life will be an instance, how much the choice of temper is preferable to beauty. Enter LORD TOWNLY and MAnly. Lord T. I did not think my lady Wronghead had such a notable brain; though I can't say she was so very wise, in trusting this silly girl, you call Myrtilla, with the secret. Man. No, my lord, you mistake me; had the girl been in the secret, perhaps I had never come at it myself, Lord T. Why, I thought you said the girl writ this letter to you, and that my lady Wronghead sent it enclosed to my sister. Man. If you please to give me leave, my lord-the fact is thus-This enclosed letter to While your soft hours in mutual kindness SCENE I.-MRS. MOTHERLY's House. Man. Sir Francis, your servant. Man. I am come to see how the family Lady Grace was a real, original one, written goes on here. by this girl to the count we have been talking Sir F. Troth, all as busy as bees! I have of the count drops it, and my lady Wrong-been upon the wing ever since eight o'clock head finds it-then, only changing the cover, this morning. ale seals it up, as a letter of business, just Man. By your early hour, then, I suppose written by herself to me; and pretending to you have been making your court to some he in a hurry, gets this innocent girl to write of the great men. the direction for her. Sir F. Why, faith, you have hit it, sir!Lord T. Oh, then the girl did not know I was advised to loose no time: so I e'en went she was superscribing a billet-doux of her own, straight forward to one great man I had neto you? ver seen in my life before. Mart. No, my lord; for when I first ques- Man. Right! that was doing business: but tioned her about the direction, she owned it who had you got to introduce you? immediately; but when I showed her that her Sir F. Why, nobody--I remember I had letter to the count was within it, and told her heard a wise man say-My son, be boldhores it came into my hands, the poor crea- so, troth, I introduced myself. lore was amazed, and thought herself betrayed, Man. As how, pray? oth by the count and my lady in short, Sir F. Why, thus-Lookye-"Please your pon this discovery, the girl and I grew so lordship," says I, "I am sir Francis Wronggracious, that she has let me into some trans-head, of Bumper-hall, and member of parliations in my lady Wronghead's family, ment for the borough of Guzzledown.""Sir, which, with my having a careful eye over your humble servant," says my lord; "tho'f I Laem, may prevent the ruin of it. Lord T. You are very generous, to be clicitous for a lady that has given you have not the honour to know your person, I so have heard you are a very honest gentleman, so and I am glad your borough has made choice of so worthy a representative; and so," says Man. But I will be most unmercifully re- he, "sir Francis, have you any service to uch uneasiness. command me?" Naw, cousin, those last words, Sir F. Why, troth, I cant well tell you you may be sure, gave me no small encou- what they have done; but I can tell you what ragement. And tho'f I know, sir, you have I did: and, I think, pretty well in the main; no extraordinary opinion of my parts, yet, I only I happened to make a little mistake at believe, you won't say I mist it naw. last, indeed. Man. How was that? Man. Well, I hope I shall have no cause. Sir F. So, when I found him so courteous Sir F. Why, they were all got there into "My lord," says I, "I did not think to ha' a sort of a puzzling debate, about the good troubled your lordship with business upon my of the nation-and I were always for that, first visit: but, since your lordship is pleased you know-but, in short, the arguments were not to stand upon ceremony, why, truly," so long winded o'both sides, that, waunds! says I, "I think naw is as good as another I did not well understand 'um: hawsomever, time." Man. Right! there you pushed him home. Sir F. Ay, ay, I had a mind to let him see that I was none of your mealy-mouthed ones. Man. Very good. I was convinced, and so resolved to vote right, according to my conscience-so, when they came to put the question, as they call it-I don't know how it 'twas-but I doubt I cried, ay! when I should ha' cried, no! Man. How came that about? Sir F. "So, in short, my lord," says I, "I have a good estate-but-a-it's a little awt Sir F. Why, by a mistake, as I tell you— at elbows:1) and, as I desire to serve my king for there was a good-humoured sort of a genas well as my country, I shall be very willing tleman, one Mr. Totherside, I think they call to accept of a place at court." him, that sat next me, as soon as I had cried, Man. So, this was making short on't. ay! gives me a hearty shake by the handSir F. Icod, I shot him flying, cousin! some "Sir," says he, "you are a man of honour of you hawf-witted ones, naw, would ha' and a true Englishman! and I should be hummed and hawed, and dangled a month or proud to be better acquainted with you”— two after him, before they durst open their and so with that he takes me by the sleeve, mouths about a place, and mayhap not ha' got it at last neither. along with the crowd, into the lobby-so I knew nowght but, odds flesh! I was got o'the wrong side the post-for I were told, afterwards, I should have staid where I was. Man. Oh, I'm glad you're so sure on'tSir F. You shall hear, cousin-"Sir Francis," says my lord, "pray what sort of a place Man. And so, if you had not quite made may you ha' turned your thoughts upon?"- your fortune before, you have clinched it now! "My lord," says I, "beggars must not be-Ah, thou head of the Wrongheads! [Aside. choosers; but ony place," says I, “about a Lady W. [Without] Very well, very well. thousand a year, will be well enough to be Sir F. Odso! here's my lady come home doing with till something better falls in"-for at last! I thowght it would not look well to stond haggling with him at first. Man. No, no, your business was to get footing any way. Sir F. Right! there's it! ay, cousin, I see you know the world. Enter LADY WRONGHEAD, COUNT BASSET, and MISS JENNY. Lady W. Cousin, your servant: I hope you will pardon my rudeness; but we have really been in such a continual hurry here, that we have not had a leisure moment to return your last visit. Man. Yes, yes, one sees more of it every day-Well, but what said my lord to all this? Sir F. "Sir Francis," says he, "I shall be Man. Oh, madam, I am a man of no ceglad to serve you any way that lies in my remony; you see that has not hindered my power;" so he gave me a squeeze by the coming again. hand, as much as to say, give yourself no trouble-I'll do your business; with that he turned him abawt to somebody with a coloured ribbon across here, that looked in my thowghts, as if he came for a place too. Man. Ha! so upon these hopes you are to make your fortune? Sir F. Why, do you think there's any doubt of it, sir? Man. Oh, no, I have not the least doubt about it-for, just as you have done, I made my fortune ten years ago. Sir F. Why, I never knew you had a place, cousin. Lady W. You are infinitely obliging; but I'll redeem my credit with you. Man. At your own time, madam. Count B. I must say that for Mr. Manly, madam-if making people easy is the rule of good breeding, he is certainly the best bred man in the world. Man. Soh! I am not to drop my acquaintance, I find. [Aside]—I am afraid, sir, I shall grow vain upon your good opinion. Count B. I don't know that, sir; but I am sure what you are pleased to say makes me so Man. The most impudent modesty that ever I met with! [Aside Lady W. Lard, how ready his wit is! [Aside Sir F. Don't you think, sir, the count's Man. Nor I neither, upon my faith, cousin. But you perhaps may have better fortune; for I suppose my lord has heard of what importance you were in the debate to-day-You very fine gentleman? have been since down at the house, I presume? Sir F. Oh, yes; I would not neglect the house for ever so much. Man. Well; and pray what have they done there? 1) A coat out at elbows wants mending-an estate Man. Oh, among the ladies, certainly part Apar Sir F. And yet he's as stout as a lion Waunds, he'll storm any thing! [Apar Man. Will he so? Why then, sir, tak care of your citadel. [Apa Sir F. Ah, you are a wag, cousin! [Apara Man. I hope, ladies, the town air continues of a thing before company, it always make to agree with you? me worse, you know. Jenny. Oh, perfectly well, sir! We have Man. If I have any skill in the fair sex, been abroad, in our new coach, all day long miss and her mamma have only quarrelled -and we have bought an ocean of fine things. because they are both of a mind. This faceAnd to-morrow we go to the masquerade; tious count seems to have made a very genand on Friday to the play; and on Saturday teel step into the family! to the opera; and on Sunday we are to be [Aside. at the what d'ye call it-assembly, and see Enter MYRTILLA. MANLY talks apart with her. the ladies play at quadrille, and piquet, and Lady W. Well, sir Francis, and what ombre, and hazard, and basset; and on Mon- news have you brought us from Westminster day we are to see the king; and so on Tues-to-day? day Sir F. News, madam! 'Ecod, I have some Lady W. Hold, hold, miss! you must not-and such as does not, come every day, I let your tongue run so fast, child-you forget; can tell you. A word in your ear-I have you know I brought you hither to learn mo- got a promise of a place at court of a thoudesty. sand pawnd a year already. Man. Yes, yes, and she is improved with a vengeance! Lady W. Have you so, sir? And, pray, [Aside. who may you thank for't? Now, who is in Jenny. Lawrd, mamma! I am sure I did the right? Is not this better than throwing not say any harm: and, if one must not so much away after a stinking pack of foxspeak in one's turn, one may be kept under hounds in the country? Now your family as long as one lives, for aught I see. may be the better for it. Lady W. O'my conscience, this girl grows so beadstrong Sir F. Ay, ay, there's your fine growing spirit for you! Now tack it dawn, an' you can. Jenny. All I said, papa, was only to entertain my cousin Manly. Man. My pretty dear, I am mightily obliged to you. Jenny. Look you there now, madam. Sir F. Nay, that's what persuaded me to come up, my dove. Lady W. Mighty well! Come-let me have another hundred pound then. Sir F. Another, child! Waunds! you have had one hundred this morning; pray, what's become of that, my dear? Lady W. What's become of it! Why, I'll show you, my love. Jenny, have you the bills about you? Jenny. Yes, mamma. Lady W. What's become of it? Why, bing me before you, sir!-I know why she laid out, my dear, with fifty more to it, that does it, well enough- [Aside to the Count. I was forced to borrow of the count here. Count B. Hush, hush, my dear! don't be Jenny. Yes, indeed, papa, and that would uneasy at that; she'll suspect us. [Aside. hardly do neither-There's the account. Jenny. Let her suspect! what do I care? Sir F. [Turning over the Bills] Let's see! I don't know but I have as much reason let's see! what the devil have we got here? to suspect as she-though perhaps I am not Man. Then you have sounded your aunt, so afraid of her. you say, and she readily comes in to all I proposed to you? [Apart. Myr. Sir, she shall not fail you. Count B. Egad, if I don't keep a tight hand on my tit, here, she'll run away with Myr. Sir, I'll answer with my life, she is my project, before I can bring it to bear! most thankfully yours in every article. She [Aside. mightily desires to see you, sir. [Apart. Lady W. The young harlot is certainly in Man. I am going home directly; bring her se with him; but I must not let them see to my house in half an hour; and if she tank so and yet I can't bear it.-[Aside]- makes good what you tell me, you shall both pruy life, count, you'll spoil that forward find your account in it. [Apart. -you should not encourage her so. Count B. Pardon me, madam, I was only [Apart. Exit. aising her to observe what your ladyship Sir F. Odds life, madam! here's nothing said to her-In one word, madam, she has a but toys and trinkets, and fans and clock, alousy of your ladyship, and I am forced to stockings, by wholesale. encourage her, to blind'it: 'twill be better to Lady W. There's nothing but what's protake no notice of her behaviour to me. per, and for your credit, sir Francis - Nay, [Apart. you see I am so good a housewife, that, in Lady W. You are right; I will be more necessaries for myself, I have scarce laid out [Apart. a shilling. Count B. To-morrow at the masquerade Sir F. No, by my troth, so it seems; for may lose her. Aside. the devil o'one thing's here that I can see you Lady W. We shall be observed; I'll send have any occasion for. o a note, and settle that affair-go on Lady W. My dear, do you think I came ith the girl, and don't mind me. [Apart. hither to live out of the fashion? why, the Count B. I have been taking your part, my greatest distinction of a fine lady, in this town, wcale angel. is in the variety of pretty things that she has. Lady W. Jenny! come hither, child-you no occasion for. aust not be so hasty, my dear-I only adte you for your good. Jenny. Yes, mamma; but when I am told Jenny. Sure, papa, could you imagine, that women of quality wanted nothing but stays and petticoats? |