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Lady W. Now, that is so like bim! Lady W. No doubt on't! Think of your
Sir F. Án hundred pound in the morning, eat your dinner, and be thankful, go! [Drioand want another afore night! Waunds and ing him to the Door] Come, Mrs. Motherly
. fire! the lord mayor of London could not [Éxit Lady Wronghead and Mrs. Motherly hold it at this rate.
Sir F. Very fine! so here I mun fast, till Man. Oh, do you feel it, sir? [Aside. I am almost famished, for the good of my
Lady W. My dear, you seem uneasy; let country, while madam is laying me out an me have the bundred pound, and compose bundred pound a day, in lace as fine as a yourself.
cobweb, for the honour of my family! Odds Sir F. Compose the devil, madam! why, flesh! things had need go well at this rate! do you consider what a hundred pound a day Squire R. Nay, nay-come, feyther. comes to in a year?
[Exeunt Sir Francis and Squire Richard. Lady W. My life, if I account with you from one day to another, that's really all my
Re-enter MYRTILLA. head is able to bear at a time – But I'll tell Myr. Madam, my lady desires you and the you what I consider consider that my ad-count will please to come, and assist her fanvice bas got you a thousand pound a year cy in some of the new laces. this morning-That now, methinks, you might
Count B. We'll wait upon herconsider, sir.
Jenny. So, I told you how it was; you see Sir F. A thousand pound! Yes; but may- she can't bear to leave us together. hap. I mayn't receive the first quarter on't this Count B. No matter, my dear: you
know she has asked me to stay supper: so, when
your papa and she are a-bed," Mrs. Myrtilla Enter SQUIRE RICHARD.
will let me into the house again; then you Squire R. Feyther, an you doan't come may steal into her chamber, and we'll bave a quickly, the meat' will be coaled: and I'd fain pretty sneaker of punch together. pick a bit with you.
Myr. Ay,, ay, madam, you may command Lady W. Bless me, sir Francis! you are me in any thing. not going to sup by yourself?
Jenny. Well, that will be pure! Sir F. No, but I'm going to dine by my- Count B. But you had best go to her alone, self, and that's pretty near the matter, madam. my life; it will look better if I come after you.
Lady W. Had not you as good stay a little,, Jenny. Ay, so it will; and to-morrow you my dear? We shall all eat in half an hour; know at the masquerade: O dear, dear!! and I was thinking to ask my cousin Manly wish the time were come. to take a family morsel with us.
Myr. So, sir, am not I very commode to Sir F. Nay, for my cousin's good company, you? I don't care if I ride a day's journey without Count B. Well, child, and don't you find baiting
your account in it? Did I not tell you we Man. By no means, sir Francis. I am going might still be of use to one another? upon a litile business.
Myr. Well, but bow stands your affair Sir E. Well, sir, I know you don't love with miss in the main ? compliments.
Count B. Ob, she's mad for the masqueMan. You'll excuse me, madam
rade! It drives like a nail; we want nothing Lady W. Since you have business, sir- now but a parson to clinch it. Did not your
[Erit Munly. aunt say she could get one at a short warning?
Myr. Yes, yes; my lord Townly's chaplain Enter Mrs. MOTHERLY.
is her cousin, you know; he'll do your busiOh, Mrs. Motherly! you were saying this mor-ness and mine at the same time. ning, you had some very fine_lace to show Count B. Oh, it's true! but where shall we me-can't I see it now? [Sir Francis stares. appoint him?
Mrs. M. Why really, madam, I had made Myr. Why you know my lady Townly's a sort of a promise to let the countess of Nicely bouse is always open to the masks upon a have the first sight of it, for the birth-day; ball night, before they go to the Haymarket. but your ladyship
Count B. Good. Lady W. Oh, I die if I don't see it be- Myr. Now the doctor proposes we should fore her.
all come thither in our habits, and when the Squire R. Woant you goa, feyther? rooms are full, we may steal up into bis cham
Sir F. Waunds, lad, I shall ba' no stomach ber, be says, and there-crack-he'll give us at this rate!
all canonical commission to go to bed together Mrs. M. Well, madam, though I say it, Count B. Admirable! Well, the devil fetch 'tis the sweetest pattern that ever came over me, if I shall not be heartily glad to see thee -and, for fineness-no cobweb comes up to it. well settled, child.
Sir F. Odds guts and gizzard, madam! Lace Myr. And may be tuck me under his arm as fine as a cobweb! why, what the devil's at the same time, if I shall not think myself tbat to cost, now?
obliged to you as long as I live-But I must Mrs. M. Nay, if sir Francis does not like run to my squire. it, madam
Count B. "And I to the ladies — so, your Lady W. He like it! Dear Mrs. Motberly, humble servant, sweet Mrs. Wrongbead! he is not to wear it.
Myr. Yours, as in duty bound, most nobl Sir F. Flesh, madam! but I suppose I am count Basset! to pay for it!
Count B. Why, ay! Count! That title ba
to see you.
been of some use to me, indeed: not that I Sir. F. Every shilling-among a parcel of bare any more pretence to it, than I have to pigtail puppies, and pale-faced women of quality: a blue riband. Yet I have made a pretty con- Man. If you remember I gave you a hint siderable figure in life with it. I have lolled of this. in my own chariot, dealt at assemblies, dined Sir F. Why, ay, it's true, you did so: but with 'ambassadors, and made ont at quadrille the devil himself could not have believed she with the first women of quality-But-tempora would bave rid post to him. mutantur - since that damned squadron at Man. Sir, if you stay but a fortnight in this White's have left me out of their last secret, town, you will every day see hundreds as I am reduced to trade upon my own stock of fast upon the gallop as she is. industry, and make my last push upon a wife. Sir F. Ah, ihis London is a base place inIf I can snap up miss Jenny and her eight deed! — Waunds, if things should happen to thousand pounds, I shall once more cut a fi- go wrong with me at Westminster, at this gure,
and cock my bat in the face of the best rate, bow the devil sball I keep out of a gaol ? of theru: for, since our modern men of for- Man. Why, truly, there seems to me but tune are grown wise enough to be sharpers, one way to avoid it. I think sharpers are fools that don't take up Sir F. Ah, would you could tell me that, the airs of men of quality.
Man. The way lies plain before you, sir;
the same road that brought you bither, will SCENE 1.- LORD TOWNlY's House. , carry you safe home again.
Sir F. Odds flesh, cousin! what! and leave Enter WILLIAMS and Mr. MANLY.
a thousand pounds a year behind me? Wil. Sir Francis Wronghead, sir, desires Man. Pooh, poob!' leave any thing behind
you, but your family and you are a Non. Desire sir Francis to walk in. [E.cit by it. Williams)- I suppose by this time, bis wise Sir F. Ay, but consider, cousin, what a worship begins to find that the balance of his scurvy figure I shall make in the country, if journey to London is on the wrong side. I come dawn withawt it.
Man. You will make a much more lamenEnter SIR FRANCIS WRONGHEAD.
table figure in a gaol without it. Sir Franris, your servant. How came I by Sir F. Maybap, 'at you have no great opithe favour of this extraordinary visit? nion of my journey to London then, cousin? Sir F. Ab, cousin!
Man. Sir Francis, to do you the service of Van. Wby that sorrowful face, man? a real friend, I must speak very plainly to Sir F. I have no friend alive but you- you; you don't yet see half the ruin that's beMan. I am sorry for that— But what's the fore you. malter?
Sir F. Good lack! how may you mean, Su F. I have played the fool by this jour-cousin ? I see now- for my bitter wife
Man. In one word, your whole affairs stand Man. Wbat of ber?
thus-In a week you'll lose your seat at WestSer F. Is playing the devil.
minster; in a forinight my lady will run you Man. Wby, truly, that's a part that most into gaol, by keeping the best company; in of your fine ladies begin with, as soon as they four-and-twenty hour's your daughter will run get to London.
away with a sharper, because she han't been Sir F. If I'm a living man, cousin, she has used to better company; and your son will made away with above two hundred and fifty steal into marriage wiih a casť mistress, bepounds since yesterday morning. But there's cause he has not been used to any company vde bundred on't goes more to my heart than at all. all tbe rest.
Sir F. I'the name o'goodness, why should Man. And how might that be disposed of? you think all this? Sir F. Troub, I am almost ashamed to tell you. Man. Because I have proof of it; in short, Man. Out with it.
I know so much of their secrets, that if all Si E. Why, she has been at an assembly. this is not prevented to-night, it will be out
Man. Wbai, since I saw you? I thought of your power to do it to-morrow morning. you bad all supped at home last night. Šir F.' Waunds! if what you tell me he
Sir F. Why, so we did—and all as merry true, I'll stuff my whole family into a stageas grigs. I'cod, my heart was so open, that coach, and trundle them into the country again I essed another bundred into her apron, to on Monday morning. go out early this morning with-But ihe cloth Man. Stick to that, sir, and we may yet was no sooner taken away, than in comes find a way to redeem all. I bear company ay lady Townly here, with another rantipole entering—You know they see masks bere todame of quality, and out they must bave her, day-conceal yourself in this room, and for her said, to introduce her at my lady Noble's the truth of what I have told you, take the assembly, forsooth - A few words, you may evidence of your own senses: but be sure you sve sure, made the bargain--so, bawnce! and keep close till I give you the signal. away tbey drive, as if the devil had got into Sir F. Sir, I'll warrant you-Ab, my lady! e coach-boz-so, about four or five in the my lady Wronghead! what a bitter business
raing-bome comes madam, with her eyes have you drawn me into! 7 foot deep in her head-and my poor hun- Man. Hush! to your post; here comes one tsed pounds left behind her at the hazard-table. couple already. [Sir F. and Man. relire through Man. All lost at dice!
the centre Door.
Enter SQUIRE RICHARD and MYRTILLA, in Count B. Oh, bere he comes, I believe.
Masquerade Dresses. Squire R. What, is this the doctor's cham- Enter MYRTILLA, with a Constable. ber?
Const. Well, madam, pray which is the Myr. Yes, yes ; speak softly.
party that wants a spice of my office bere? Squire R. Well, but where is be?
Myr. That the gentleman. Myr. He'll be ready for us presently, but
[Pointing to the Count. he says he can't do us the good turn without Count B. Hey-day? what, in masquerade, witnesses: so, when the count and your sister doctor? come, you know he and you may be fathers Const. Doctor! sir, I believe you have mistafor one another.
ken your man: but if you are called count Squire R. Well, well, tit for tat! ay, ay, Basset, I have a billet-doux in my hand for that will be friendly.
you, that will set you right presently. Myr. And see, here they come!
Count B. What the devil's the meaning of
all this? Enter Count Basset and Miss Jenny, in Const. Only my lord chief justice's warrant Masquerade Dresses.
against you, for forgery, sir. Count B. So, so,' here's your brother and Count B. Blood and thunder! his bride before us, my dear.
. And so, sir, if you please to pull Jenny. Well, I vow, my heart's at my off your fool's frock ther
Til wait upon you mouth still! I thought I should never have to the next justice of peace immediately. got rid of mamma; but while she stood gap- [Sir Francis and Manly advance. ing upon the dance, I gave her the slip! Jenny. Ob, dear me, what's the matter? Lawd, do but feel how it beats here!
[Trembling Count B. Oh, the pretty flutterer! I protest, Count B. Oh, nothing, only a masqueramy dear, you have put "mine into the same ding frolic, my dear. palpitation!
Squire R. Oh, ho, is that all! Jenny: Ay, you say so-but let's see now Sir F. No, sirrah! that is not all. -Oh, lud!' I' vow it thumps purely-well, [Sir Francis Wronghead coming softly well, I see it will do; and so where's the behind the Squire, knocks him down parson?
with his Cane. Count B. Mrs. Myrtilla, will you be so good Squire R.. Oh, lawd! Oh, lawd! he has as to see if the doctor's ready for us? beaten my brains out.
Myr. He only staid for you, sir; I'll fetch Man. Hold, hold, sir Francis; have a little him immediately.
[Exit. mercy upon my poor godson, pray, sir. Jenny. Pray, sir, am not I to take place Sir F.' Wounds, cousin, I ha'nt patience. of mamma, when I'm a countess?
Count B. Manly! nay then I'm blown to Count B. No doubt on't, my dear. the devil!
[ Aside. Jenny. Oh, lud! how her back will be up Squire R. Oh, my head! my head ! then, ?) when she meets me at an assembly; or you and I in our coach and six at Hyde- Enter Lady WRONGHEAD, dressed as a park together!
Shepherdess. Count B. Ay, or when she hears the boxkeepers at an opera, call out—“The countess Lady W. What's the matter here, gentleof Basset's servants!"
men? For heaven's sake! What, are you Jenny. Well, I say it, that will be deli- murdering my children? cious! And then mayhap to have a fine gentle- Const. "No, no, madam; no murder; only man, with a star and a what-d'ye-call-um a little suspicion of felony, that's all. riband, lead me to my chair, with his bat Sir F. [To Jenny] And for you, Mrs. Hotunder his arm all the way! “Hold up," says upon't, I could find in my heart to make you the chairman; "and so," says I, “my lord, wear that habit as long as you live, you jade your humble servant.”_“I suppose, madam," you. Do you know, hussy, that you were says he, “we shall see you at my lady Qua- within two minutes of marrying a pickpocket? drille's?"_“Ay, ay, to be sure, my lord," Count B. So, so, all's out I find! (Aside. says I. - So in swops me, with my hoop Jenny. Oh, the mercy! why pray, papa, stuffed up to my forehead; and away they is not the count a man of quality then ? trot, swing! swang! with my tassels dangling Sir F. Oh, yes, one of the unhanged ones, and my flambeaux blazing!' and-Oh, it's ä it seems. charming thing to be a woman of quality! Lady W. Married! Oh, the confident thing!
Count B. Well! I see that plainly, my dear, There was his urgent business then-slighted there's ne'er a duchess of them all will become for her! I ban't patience!-and, for aught I an equipage like you.
know, I have been all this while making a Jenny. Well, well, do you find equipage, friendship with a highwayman.
Aside and I'll find airs, I warrant you.
Man. "Mr. Constable, secure there. Squire R. Troth! I think this masquerading's Sir F. Ah, my lady! my lady! this comes the merriest game that ever I saw in my life! of your journey to London: but now I'll have Tho's in my mind, and there were but a little a frolic of my own, madam; therefore pack wrestling, or cudgel-playing naw, it would help up your trumpery this very night; for the it hugely. But what a-rope makes the parson moment my horses are able to crawl, you
and your brats shall make a journey into the 1) An allusion to the manner in which the cats draw up
country again. their backs, when they are allacked by a dog, etc.
Lady ř. Indeed, you are mistaken, sir
Francis-1 shall not stir out of town yet, I chaplain you expected is still within call. promise you.
Myr. Come, sir, don't repine: marriage is Sir F. 'Not stir? Waunds, madam- at worst but playing upon the square.
Man. Hold, sir!—if you'll give me leave a Count B. Ay, but the worst of the match little-l fancy I shall prevail with my lady to too, is the devil. think better on't.
Man. Well, sir, to let you see it is not Sir F. Ab, cousin, you are a friend indeed! so bad as you think it; as a reward for her Man. (Apart to Lady Wronghead] Look honesty, in detecting your practices, instead you, madam, as to the favour you designed of the forged bill you would have put upon me, in sepding this spurious letter enclosed her, there's a real one of five hundred pounds, to my lady Grace, all the revenge I bare 10 begin a new honeymoon with. taken, is to have saved your son and daughter
[Gives it to Myrtilla. from ruin.-Now if you will take them fairly Count B. Sir, this is so generous an actand quietly into the country again, I will Man. No compliments, dear sir-I am not ease your ladyship from ruin.
at leisure now to receive them. Mr. Constable, Lady W. What do you mean, sir? will you be so good as to wait upon this Han. Wby, sir Francis-shall never know gentleman into the next room, and give this what is in this letter; look upon it. How it lady in marriage to him?
[Exit. came into my hands you shall know at leisure. Const. Sir, I'll do it faithfully.
Lady W. Ha! my billet-doux to the count! Count B. Well, five hundred will serve to and an appointment in it! I shall sink with make a handsome push with, however. And confusion !
I am not the first of the fraternity who has Man. What shall I say to sir Francis, madam? run his head into one noose, to keep it out Lady W. Dear sir, I am in such a trem- of another - Come, spouse. bling! preserve my honour, and I am all Myr. Yes, my life. obedience. [ Apart to Man.
[Exeunt Myrtilla, Count Basset, Man. Sir Francis-my lady is ready to re
and Constable. ceive your commands for her journey, when- Sir F. And that I may be sure my family's ever you please to appoint it.
rid of him for ever-come, my lady, let's Sir F. Ah, cousin, I doubt I am obliged even take our children along with us, and be to you for it.
all witness of the ceremony.
[Exeunt. Van. Come, come, sir Francis, take it as you find it. Obedience in a wife is a good SCENE II.-A dressing Room. ibing, though it were never so wonderful!And now, sir, we have nothing to do but to Lady Townty discovered as just up; Mrs. dispose of this gentleman.
TRUSTY waiting. Count B. Mr. Manly; sir, I hope you won't Mrs. T. Dear madam, what should make ruin me!
your ladyship so ill? Man. Did not you forge this note for five Lady T. How is it possible to be well, bundred pounds, sir?
where one is killed for want of sleep? Count B. Sir-I see you know the world, Mrs. T. Dear me! it was so long before and therefore I shall not pretend to prevari- you rung, madam, I was in hopes your lacale-But it has hurt nobody yet, sir; I beg dyship bad been finely composed. you will not stigmatize me; since you have Lady T. Composed? why I have lain in an spoiled my fortune in one family, I hope you ing here; this house is worse than an inn won't be so cruel to a young "fellow, as to with ten stage coaches : what between my lord's put it out of my power, sir, 10 make it in impertinent people of business in a morning, asolber, sir.
and the intolerable thick shoes of footmen at Van. Look you, sir, I have not much time noon, one has not a wink all night. to waste with you: but if you expect mercy
Mrs. T. Indeed, madam, it's a great pity yourself
, you must show it to one you have my lord can't be persuaded into the bours of been cruel to
people of quality - though I must say that, Count B. Cruel, sir?
madam, your ladyship is certainly the best Man. Have you not ruined this young woman? matrimonial manager in town. Count B. I, sir?
Lady T. Oh, you are quite mistaken, Trusty! Man. I know you have—therefore you can't I manage very ill; for, notwithstanding all blame her, if, in the fact you are charged the power I have, by never being over fond with, she is a principal witness against you. of my lord-yet I want money infinitely ofHowever
, you have one, and only one chance tener than he is willing to give it me. to get off with. Marry her this instant-and Mrs. T. Ah! if his lordship. could but be you take off her evidence.
brought to play himself, madam, then he Count B. Dear sir!
mighi feel what it is to want money. Man. No words, sir; a wife or a mittimus. Lady T. Oh, don't talk of it! Do you know Count B. Lord, sir! this is the most un- that I am undone, Trusty?
Mrs. T. Mercy forbid, madam! Man. A private penance or a public one- Lady T. Broke, ruined, plundered!-strip
ped, even to a confiscation of my last guinea! Count B. Hold, sir, since you are pleased Mrs. T. You don't tell me so, madam! 19 give me my choice, I will not make so ill Lady T. And where to raise ten pound in compliment to the lady, as not to give her the world—What is to be done, Trusty?
Mrs. T. Truly, I wish I were wise enough Man. It must be done this minute, sir; the to tell you, madam: but may be your ladyship
may have a run of better fortune upon some this time—the man's now writing a receipt of ihe good company that comes bere to-night. below for it.
Lady T. But I have not a single guinea to Mrs. T. No matter; my lady says you must try my fortune.
not pay bim with that money; there's not Mrs. T. Ha! that's a bad business indeed, enough, it seems—there's a pistole and a guimadam-Adad, I have a thought in my head, nea that is not good in it-besides, there is a madam, if it is not loo late
mistake in the account too-[Twitching the Lady T. Out with it quickly then, I be- Bag from him] But she is not at leisure to seech thee.
examine it now: so you must bid Mr. WbatMrs. T. Has not the steward something of d'ye-callum call another time. fifty pounds, madam, that you left in his Lady T. What is all that noise there? hands to pay somebody aboui this time? Pound. Why, and it please your ladyship
Lady 1. Oh, ay; I had forgol—'twas to a- Lady T. Prythee don't plague me now; but what's his Gilthy name?
do as you were ordered. Mrs. T. Now I remember, madam, 'twas Pound. Nay, what your ladyship pleases, to Mr. Lutestring, your old mercer, that your madam.
. ladyship turned off about a year ago, because Mrs. T. There they are, madam-[Pours he would trust you no longer.
the money out of the Bag] The pretty things Lady T. The very wretch! If he bas not
so near falling into a nasty tradespaid it, run quickly, dear Trusty, and bid man's hands, I protesi it made me tremble him bring it hither immediately. [Exit Trusty] for them!-I fancy your ladyship had as good Well, sure mortal woman' never had such give me that bad guinea, for 'luck's sakefortune! five, five and nine, against poor se- thank you,, ma'am
[Takes a Guinea ven, for ever!-No, after ihal horrid bar of Lady T. Why, I did not bid you take it. my chance-that lady Wronghead's fatal red Mrs. T. No; but your ladyship looked as if fist upon the table, "I saw it was impossible you were just going to bid me; and so I was ever io win another stake--Sit up all night-willing to save you the trouble of speaking, lose all one's money-dream of winning thou- madam. sands—wake without a shilling! and then- Lady T. Well, thou hast deserved it; and How like a hag I look!—In short-the plea- so, for once-[Noise without] But hark! don't sures of life are not worth this disorder. If I hear the man making a noise yonder? it were not for shame now, I could almost Mrs. T. I'll listen. think lady Grace's sober scheme not quite so Lady T. Pr'ythee do. ridiculous-If my wise lord could but hold Mrs. 1. [Goes to the Door] Ay, they are his tongue for a week, '!is odds but I should at it, madam--he's in a bitter passion with hate the town in a fortnight-But I will not poor Poundage - Bless me! I believe be'll be driven out of it, that's positive.
[4 Man's Voice without] I won't swear, Enter Mrs. Trusty.
bui damn me if I don't have my money. Mrs. T. Oh, madam, there's no bearing of Mrs. T. Mercy on us, how the wretch swears! it! Mr. Lutestring was just let in at the door, Lady T. And a sober citizen too! that's as I came to the stair foot; and the sleward a shame. is now actually paying him the money in Mrs. T. Ha! I think all's silent, of a sudthe hall.
den-may be the porter has knocked him Lady T. Run to the staircase head again-down-I'll step and see.
. and scream to him that I must speak with Lady T. These tradespeople are the troublebim this instant.
somest creatures! No words will satisfy them! [Mrs. Trusty runs out, and speaks. Mrs. T. [Within) Mr. Poundage!-a hem!
Re-enter Mrs. TRUSTI. Mr. Poundage, a word with you quickly! Mrs. T. Oh, madam! undone! undone! My Pound. Within I'll come to you presently. lord has just bolted out upon ?) the man, and
Mrs. T. Within) Presently won't do, man; is hearing all · his pitiful story over-If your you must come this minute.
ladyship pleases to come bitber, you may Pound. [Within] I am but just paying a hear him yourself. little money here.
Lady T. No matter; it will come round Mrs. T. Within Odds my life, paying presently; I shall have it from my lord, withmoney! Is the man distracted? Come here, 1 out losing a word by the way, r'll warrant you, tell you, to my lady, this moment-quick! Mrs. 1. Oh lud, madam! here's my lord
just coming in! Re-enter Mrs. TRUSTY.
Lady T. Do you get out of the way, then. Lady T. Will the monster come, or no? [Excit Mrs. Trusty j I am afraid I want spi
Mrs. T. Yes, I hear bim now, madam; herits; but he will soon give them me. is bobbling up as fast as he can. Lady T. Don't let him come in-for he will
Enter LORD TownLY. keep such a babbling about his accounts-my Lord T. How comes it, madam, that a brain is not able to bear him.
tradesman dares be clamorous in my bouse, [Poundage comes to the Door, with for money due to him from you?
a Money-bag in his Hand. Lady 1. You don't expect, my lord, that I Mrs. T. Oh, it's well you are come, sir! should answer for other people's impertinence! where's the fifty pounds.
Lord T, I expect, madam, you should answer Pound. . Why here it is: if you had not for your own extravagancies, that are the ocbeen in such baste, I should have paid it byl 1) Slang for, to come suddenly upon a person.