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Ros. I swear, and heaven befriend me as not ye give the poor girl a quarter of an I keep this vow inviolate. hour's warning?
Hyp. Rise, madam, and now receive a secret, which I need not charge you to be careful of, since as well your quiet as my own depends upon it. A little common prudence between us, in all probability, before night may make us happy in our separate wishes.
Ros. What mean you, sir? sure you are some angel sent to my deliverance.
Hyp. My charmer!
[Embraces her. Don M. Ah, my cares are over. Hyp. O! I told ye, sir-hearts and towns are never too strong for a surprise. Don M. Pr'ythee be quiet, I hate the sight of ye. - Rosara! come hither, you wicked thing, come hither, I say.
Ros. I am glad to see you so well pleased, sir. Don M. Oh! I cannot live-I can't live; it Hyp. Truly, madam, I have been often told pours upon me like a torrent, I am as full as so: but, like most angels of my kind, there a bumper-it runs over at my eyes, I shall is a mortal man in the world, who I have a choke.-Answer me two questions, and kill great mind should know that I am-but a
Ros. Any thing that will make you more pleased, sir.
Don M. Are you positively resolved to marry this gentleman?"
Ros. Sir, I am convinced 'tis the first match that can make me happy.
Don M. I am the miserablest dog aliveand I warrant you are willing to marry him to-morrow morning, if I should ask you? Ros. Sooner, sir, if you think it necessary. Don M. Oh! this malicious jade has a mind destroy me all at once- - Ye cursed toad! how did you do to get in with her so? [To Hypolita.
Ros. Hypolita! nay then, from what you have said, and what I have heard Octavio say to of ye, I guess your story: but this was so
extravagant a thought!
Hyp. That's true, madam; it-it-it was a little round about indeed; I might have found a nearer way to don Philip: but these men are such tetchy things, they can never stay one's time; always in haste, just as they please; now we are to look kind, then grave; now soft, then sincere-so you see, there is such a plague, that I don't know-one does not care to be rid of them neither.
Ros. A very generous confession! Hyp. Well, madam, now you know me thoroughly, I hope you'll think me as fit for a husband as another woman.
Ros. Then I must marry ye?
Hyp. Ay, and speedily too; for I expect don Philip every moment; and if we don't look about us he will be apt to forbid the banns. Ros. If he comes, what shall we do? Hyp. I am provided for him-Here comes your father-he's secure. Come, put on a dumb consenting air, and leave the rest to me. Ros. Well! this getting the better of my wise papa, won't be the least part of my satisfaction.
Re-enter DON MANUEL.
Don M. So, son! how does the battle go now? Ha'ye cannonaded stoutly? Does she cry quarter?
Hyp. My dear father, let me embrace you -my life's too poor to make you a return.You have given me an empire, sir, I would not change to be grand seignior.
Don M. Ah, rogue! he has done it; he has done it! he has her! ha! is't not so, my little champion?
Hyp. Victoria, sir, the town's my own. Look here! and here, sir! thus have I been plundering this half hour; and thus, and thus, and thus, till my lips ache again. [Kisses her. Don M. Ah! give me the great chair-I can't bear my joy.-You rampant rogue, could
Ros. Come, sir, take heart, your joy won't be always so troublesome. Don M. You lie, hussy, I shall be plagued with it as long as I live.
Hyp. You must not live above two hours then. [Aside.
Don M. I warrant this raking rogue will get her with child too-I shall have a young squab Spaniard upon my lap, that will so grandpapa me!
Don M. Do you know, puppy, that I am ready to cry?
Trap. Cry, sir! for what?
Don M. Joy! joy! you whelp! my cares are over; madam's to marry your master, sirrah; and I am as wet with joy as if I had been thrown into a sea of good luck—Why don't you cry, dog?
Trap. Uh! well, sir, I do-But now if you please let me tell you my business.
Don M. Well, what's the matter, sirrah? Trap. Nay, no great matter, sir, only Slylooks is come, that's all.
Don M. Slylooks! what, ba, ha! Trap. He, sir, he. Don M. I'm glad of it, faith-now I shall Octavio:-But now I'll have a touch of the have a little diversion to moderate my joy-bamboozle with him. [Aside]-Look ye, sir, I'll wait on the gentleman myself; don't you while I see nothing to contradict what you be out of the way, son, I'll be with ye pre-say you are, d'ye see, you shall find me a sently. O my jaws! this fit will carry me off. gentleman.
the bamboozler? | Don M. Impudent rogue! the freedom of
Ye dear toad, good by. [Exit, with Trappanti. Don P. So my father told me, sir.
Ros. At least we shall make him change it, I believe.
Hyp. That we shall; and here comes one that's to play upon him.
Enter FLORA, hastily.
Don M. But then, on the other hand, d'ye see, a man's honesty is not always written in his face; and (begging your pardon) if you should prove a damned rogue now, d'ye see. Don P. Sir, I can't in reason take any thing ill that proceeds only from your caution.
Don M. Civil rascal. [Aside] No, no, as you say, I hope you wont take it ill neither; for how do I know, you know, but what you tell me (begging your pardon again, sir), may be all a lie?
Flora. Don Philip! where are ye? I must needs speak with ye. Begging your ladyship's pardon, madam. [Whispers Hypolita] Stand Don P. Another man indeed might say the to your arms, the enemy's at the gate faith. same to you: but I shall take it kindly, sir, But I've just thought of a sure card to win if you suppose me a villain no oftener than the lady into our party.
Ros. Who can this youth be she's SO familiar with?
Hyp. I like your advice so well, that to tell ye the truth, I have made bold to take it before you gave it me. Come, I'll introduce ye. [To Flora. Flora. Then the business is done. Hyp. Madam, if your ladyship pleases. [To Rosara. Ros. Is this gentleman your friend, sir? Hyp. This friend, madam, is my gentlewoman, at your service.
Ros. Gentlewoman! what, are we all going into breeches then?
Flora. That used to be my post, madam, when I wore a needle: but now I have got a sword by my side, I shall be proud to be your ladyship's humble servant.
you have occasion to suspect me.
Don M. Sir, you speak like a man of honour, 'tis confessed; but (begging your pardon again, sir) so may a rascal too sometimes.
Don P. But a man of honour, sir, can never speak like a rascal.
Don M. Why then, with your honour's leave, sir, is there nobody here in Madrid that knows you?
Don P. Sir, I never saw Madrid till within these two hours, though there is a gentleman in town that knew me intimately at Seville; I met him by accident at the inn where I alighted; he's known here; if it will give you any present satisfaction, I believe I could easily produce him to vouch for me.
Don M. At the inn, say ye, did you meet this gentleman? What's his name pray? Don P. Octavio Cruzado.
Ros. Troth I think it's a pity you should Don M. Ha! my bully confessor: this agrees either of you ever part with your swords: I word for word with honest Trappanti's innever saw a prettier couple of adroit cavaliers telligence. [Aside] Well, sir, and pray what in my life.-Come, ladies-gentlemen, I beg does he give you for this job? your pardon.
SCENE I.-The same.
Don P. Job, sir?
Don M. Ay, that is, do you undertake it out of good fellowship? or are you to have a sort of fellow-feeling in the matter? Don P. Sir, if you believe me to be the Enter Dos MANUEL and DON PHILIP, son of don Fernando, I must tell ye your Don M. Well, sir! and so you were robbed manner of receiving me is what you ought of your portmanteau, you say, at Toledo, in not to suppose can please him, or I can thank which were all your letters and writings re-you for. If you think me an impostor, I'll lating to your marriage with my daughter, ease you of the trouble of suspecting me, and and that's the reason you are come without 'em? leave your house till I can bring better proofs Don P. Sir, I was not robbed of the regard who I am.
I owe my father's friend: that, sir, I have Don M. Do so, friend; and in the mean brought with me, and 'twould have been ill time, d'ye see, pray give my humble service manners not to have paid it on my first arrival. to the politician, and tell him that to your Don M. Ah! how smooth the spark is certain knowledge, the old fellow, the old [Aside] Well, sir, I am pretty considerably rogue, and the old put, d'ye see, knows how glad to see you: but I hope you'll excuse me, to bamboozle as well as himself. f in a matter of this consequence, I seem a Litle cautious,
Don P. Politician, and bamboozle! Pray, sir, let me understand you, that I may know how to answer you.
Don P. Sir, I shan't propose any immediate progress in my affair till you receive fresh Don M. Come, come, don't be discouraged, atrice from my father; in the mean time, I friend-sometimes, you know, the strongest all think myself obliged by the bare freedom wits must fail; you have an admirable head, st your house, and such entertainment as you'd 'tis confess'd, with as able a face to it as ever at least afford a common stranger. stuck opon two shoulders; but who the devil
can help ill luck? for it happens at this time, I'm inform'd an impudent young rascal has d'ye see, that it won't do.
Don P. Won't do, sir?
Don M. Nay, if you won't understand me now, here comes an honest fellow now, that! will speak you point blank to the matter.
Come hither, friend: dost thou know this gentleman?
Trap. Bless me, sir, is it you? Sir, this is my old master I lived with at Seville.
Don P. I remember thee: thy name's Trappanti; thou wert my servant when I first went to travel.
Trap. Ay, sir, and about twenty months after you came home too.
picked it out of some writings in the port-
Don M. Well said, my little champion.
Don P. Now, in my opinion, child, that might as well put thee in mind of thy own condition; for suppose thy wit and impudence should so far succeed, as to let thee ruin this Don P. You see, sir, this fellow knows me. gentleman's family, by really marrying his Don M. O! I never questioned it in the daughter, thou canst not but know 'tis imposleast, sir.-Pr'ythee what's this worthy gentle- sible thou shouldst enjoy her long; a very man's name, friend? few days must unavoidably discover thee; in
Trap. Sir, your honour has heard me talk the mean time, if thou wilt spare me the of him a thousand times; his name, sir, his trouble of exposing thee, and generously conname's Guzman; his father, sir, old don Guz-fess thy roguery, thus far I'll forgive thee; man, is the most eminent lawyer in Seville; but if thou still proceedest upon his credulity was the very person that drew up the settle- to a marriage with the lady, don't flatter thyment and articles of my master's marriage self that all her fortune shall buy off my eviwith your honour's daughter: this gentleman dence; for I'm bound in honour, as well as knows all the particulars as well as if he had law, to hang thee for the robbery. drawn 'em up himself. But, sir, I hope there's no mistake in 'em that may defer the marriage? Don P. Confusion!
Don M. Now, sir, what sort of answer d'ye think fit to make me?
Hyp. Sir, you are extremely kind.
Hyp. But mayn't I presume, my dear friend, this wheedle was offer'd as a trial of this gentleman's credulity? Ha, ha, ha!
Don P. Now, sir, I'm obliged in honour Don M. Indeed, my friend, 'tis a very not to leave your house, till at least have shallow one. Canst thou think I'm such a seen the villain that calls himself don Philip, sot as to believe, that if he knew 'twere in that has robb'd me; and would you, sir, of thy power to hang him, he would not have your honour, and your daughter.—As for this run away at the first sight of thee? Trap. Ay, sir, he must be a dull rogue indeed that would not run away from a halter. Ha, ha, ha! [All laugh
Trap. Sir, I demand protection. [Runs behind Don Manuel. Don M. Hold, sir, since you are so brisk, and in my own house too, call your master, friend; you'll find we have swords within can match you.
Don P. Sir, I ask your pardon: I begin now to be a little sensible of my folly — I perceive this gentleman has done his business with you effectually however, sir, the duty Trap. Ay, sir, I may chance to send you owe my father obliges me not to leave your one will take down your courage. [Exit. cause, though I leave your house immediately; Don P. I ask your pardon, sir, I must con- when you see me next, you'll know don Phifess, the villany I saw designed against my lip from a rascal.
father's friend had transported me beyond good Don M. Ah! 'twill be the same thing, if I manners: but be assured, sir, use me hence- know a rascal from don Philip: but if you forward as you please, I will detect it, though please, sir, never give yourself any further I lose my life. Nothing shall affront me now, trouble in this business; for what you have till I have proved myself your friend indeed, done, d'ye see, is so far from interrupting my and don Fernando's son. daughter's marriage, that, with this gentle
Don M. Nay, lookye, sir, I will be very man's leave, I'm resolved to finish it this very civil too-I won't say a word-you shall e'en hour; so that when you see your friend the squabble it out by yourselves: not but at the politician, you must tell him you had cursed same time thou art to me the merriest fellow luck, that's all. Ha, ha, ha! that ever I saw in my life.
Re-enter TRAPPANTI, with HYPOLITA and
Hyp. Who's this that dares usurp my name,
Flora. Is this the gentleman, sir?
Don P. Very well, sir; I may have better when I see you next.
Hyp. Lookye, sir, since your undertaking (though you design'd it otherwise) has promoted my happiness, thus far I pass it by though I question if a man, that stoops to de such base injuries, dares defend 'em with ki sword. However, now at least you're warn’<l but be assured your next attempt→
Don P. Will startle you, my spark: Tr afraid you'll be a little humbler when you → band-cuff'd. Though you won't take my wer
against him, sir, perhaps another magistrate Trap. Sir, I will, and a great deal more: may my oath; which, because I see his mar- but pray, sir, give me leave to recover my riage is in haste, I am obliged to make im- courage-1 protest the keen looks of that mediately: if he can out-face the law too, I instrument have quite frighted it away. Pray shall be content to be the coxcomb then you put it up, sir.
think me. Don P. Nay, to let thee see I had rather Don M. Ah, poor fellow! he's resolved to be thy friend than enemy, I'll bribe thee to carry it off with a good face, however. Ha, ha! be honest: discharge thy conscience like a Trap. Ay, sir, that's all he has for't indeed. man, and I'll engage to make these five, ten Hyp. Trappanti, follow him, and do as I pieces.
[Apart to Trappanti.
Trap. I warrant ye, sir. [Exit. Don M. Ha! my little champion, let me kiss thee; thou hast carried the day like a hero! man nor woman, nothing can stand before thee. I'll make thee monarch of my I daughter immediately.
Hyp. That's the Indies, sir.
Don M. Well said, my lad-Oh, my heart's going to dance again-Pr'ythee let's in before it gets the better of me, and give the bride an account of thy victory [Exeunt.
Enter a Servant.
Trap. Sir, your business will be done effectually.
Don P. Here, friend! will ye tell your master desire to speak with him? [Exit Servant. Oct. Don Philip!
Don P. Octavio! This is fortunate indeedthe only place in the world I would have wish'd to have found you in.
Oct. What's the matter?
Don P. You'll see presently-but pr'ythee how stands your affair with your mistress? Oct. The devil take me if I can tell ye-l
Enter OCTAVIO, with a Letter. Oct. Rosara false! distraction! Sure this letter don't know what to make of her; about an must be but artifice, a humour, to try how hour ago she was for scaling walls to come far my love can bear-and yet methinks she at me, and this minute-whip, she's going to can't but know the impudence of my young marry the stranger I told you of; nay, conrival, and her father's importunity, are too fesses too, it is with her own consent; and pressing to allow her any time to fool away: yet begs by all means to see me as soon as and if she were really false, she could not her wedding's over.-Isn't it very pretty? take a pride in confessing it. Death! I know not what to think; the sex is all a riddle, and we are the fools that crack our brains to expound it
Fil. Sir, she says, in short, she can't possibly speak with you now, for she's just going to be married.
Oct. Death! daggers! blood! confusion! and ten thousand furies!
Fal. Hey-day! what's all this for? Oct. My brains are turn'd, Viletta. Fil. Ay, by my troth, so one would think, if one could but believe you had any at all; if you have three grains, I'm sure you can't but know her compliance with this match must ge her a little liberty; and can you suppose she'd desire to see you an hour hence, if she did not design to make use of it?
O.. Don't flatter me, Viletta.
Fil Faith, sir, I'll be very plain, you are to me the dullest person I ever saw in my life: but if you have a mind, I'll tell her you
Oct No, don't say so, Viletta.
Re-enter a Servant.
Don P. Something gay indeed. Serv. Sir, my master will wait on you presently.
[Exil. Oct. But the plague on't is, my love cannot bear this jesting.—Well now, how stands your affair? Have you seen your mistress yet? Don P. No; I can't get admittance to her Oct. How so?
Don P. When I came to pay my duty here to the old gentleman-Oct. Here!
Don P. Ay, I found an impudent young rascal here before me, that had taken my name upon him, robb'd me of my portmanteau, and by virtue of some papers there, knew all my concerns to a tittle; he has told a plausible tale to her father, faced him down that I'm an impostor, and if I don't this minute prevent him, is going to marry the lady.
Oct. Death and hell! [Aside] What sort of fellow was this rascal?
Don P. A little pert coxcomb; by his impudence and dress, I guess him to be some French page.
Oct. Confusion! my friend at last my rival too-Yet hold! my rival is my friend, he owns he has not seen her yet- [Aside.
Don P. You seem concern'd.
Oct. Undone for ever, unless dear Philip's still my friend!
Don P. What's the matter?
Then pray, sir, do as she bids you; don't stay here to spoil your own sport: you'll Lave the old gentleman come thundering down Oct. Let me conjure ye, by all the ties of apon ye by-and-by, and then we shall have honour, friendship, and pity, never to attempt ye at your ten thousand furies again-hist! her more! bere's company! good bye t'ye.
[Exit. Don P. You amaze me!
Re-enter DON PHILIP, with his Sword drawn,
Don P. Come, sir, there's no retreating this you must justify.
Oct. "Tis the same dear creature I so passionately dote on.
Don P. Is't possible? Nay then, he easy in thy thoughts, Octavio; and now I dare con
fess the folly of my own: I'm not sorry thou'rt stand a little fairer for you; all I beg is but my rival here. In spite of all my weak philo- your patient hearing.
sophy, I must own the secret wishes of my Don M. Well, sir, you shall have it-Here soul are still Hypolita's. I know not why, he comes, bring him to trial as soon as you but I can't help thinking that my fortune still please. resolves, spite of her cruelty, to make me
one day happy.
Re-enter FLORA and HYPOLITA. Flora. So Trappanti has succeeded, he's come without the officers. [Apart to Hypolita. Hyp. Hearing, sir, you were below, I didn't care to disturb the family by putting the of ficers to the trouble of a needless search; let me see your warrant, I'm ready to obey it. Oct. Dear Philip, let me embrace ye.-But Don M. Ay, where's your officer? how shall we manage the rascal of an im- Flora. I thought to have seen him march postor? Suppose you run immediately, and in state, with an alguazil before him. swear the robbery against him? Don P. I was afraid, sir, upon second
Oct. Quit but Rosara, I'll engage she shall be yours.
Don P. Not only that, but will assist you with my life to gain her: I shall easily excuse myself to my father for not marrying the mistress of my dearest friend.
Don P. I was just going about it, but my thoughts, your business would not stay for a accidental meeting with this fellow has luckily warrant, though 'tis possible I may provide prevented me; who, you must know, has been for you, for I think this gentleman's a machief engineer in the contrivance against me; gistrate: in the mean time-O! here, I have but between threats, bribes, and promises, prevailed with an alguazil to wait upon ye. has confessed the whole roguery, and is now ready to swear it against him: so, because I understand the spark is very near his marriage, I thought this would be the best and soonest way to detect him.
Oct. That's right! the least delay might have lost all; besides, I am here to strengthen his evidence, for I can swear that you are the true don Philip. Don P. Right!
Alg. Did you send for me, sir? Don P. Ay, secure that gentleman. Don M. Hold! hold! sir, all things in order: this gentleman is yet my guest; let me be first acquainted with his crime, and then I shall better know how he deserves to be treated; and that we may have no hard words upon one another, if you please, sir, let me first
Trap. Sir, with humble submission, that talk with you in private. [They whisper. will be quite wrong? Oct. Why so?
Hyp. Undone! that fool Trappanti, or that villain, I know not which, has at least mistaken or betray'd me! Ruin'd, past redemption! [Apart to Flora.
Trap. Because, sir, the old gentleman is substantially convinced that 'tis you who have put don Philip upon laying his pretended claim Flora. Death! what d'ye mean? that hanging to his daughter, purely to defer the marriage, look were enough to confirm a suspicion; bear that in the mean time you might get an op-up, for shame. [Apart. portunity to run away with her; for which Hyp. Impossible! I am dash'd, confounded; reason, sir, you'll find your evidence will but if thou hast any courage left, show it quickly; fly in your face, and hasten the match with go speak before my fears betray me. Apart. your rival. Don M. If you can make this appear by any witness, sir, I confess 'twill surprise me indeed.
Don P. Ha! there's reason in that; all your endeavours will but confirm his jealousy of me. Oct. What would you have me do? Trap. Don't appear at the trial, sir. Don P. By no means; ra her wait a little in the street: be within call and leave the management to me.
Oct. Be careful, dear Philip. Don P. I always used to be more fortunate in serving my friend than myself.
Oct. But hark ye! here lives an alguazil at
Don P. Stand aside till I call for
Re-enter DON MANUEL.
Don M. Well, sir! what service have you to command me now, pray?
Don P. Now, sir, I hope my credit will
Flora. Ay, sir, if you have any witnesses, we desire you'd produce 'em.
Don P. Sir, I have a witness at your service, and a substantial one. Hey! Trappanti!
Hyp. Ha! the rogue winks-Then there's life again. [Aside] Is this your witness, sir?
Don P. Yes, sir, this poor fellow at last, it seems, happens to be honest enough to confess himself a rogue, and your accomplice. Hyp. Ha, ha!
Don P. Ha, ha! You are very merry, sir. Don M. Nay, there's a jest between ye, that's certain-But come, friend, what say you to the business? Have ye any proof to offer upon oath, that this gentleman is the true don Philip, and consequently this other an impostor? Don P. Speak boldly.
Trap. Ay, sir, but shall I come to no harm if I do speak?
Don M. Let it be the truth, and I'll protect thee. Trap. Are you sure I shall be safe, sir? Don M. I'll give thee my word of honour speak boldly to the question.