this northern Spa have learn'd the respect due to a title. [Aside.] La Varole!

La Var. Mi lor-

Lord F. You ha'n't yet been at Muddymcat-hall, to announce my arrival, have you?

La Var. Not yet, mi lor.

Lord F. Then you need not go till Saturday, [Exit LA VAROLE.] as I am in no particular haste to view my intended sposa, I shall sacrifice a day or two more to the pursuit of my friend Loveless's wife-Amanda is a charming creature-strike me ugly: and if I have any discernment in the world, she thinks no less of my Lord Foppington.

Re-enter LA VAROLE,

La Var. Mi lor, de shoemaker, de tailor, de hosier, de sempstress, de peru, be all ready, if your lordship please to dress.

Lord F. 'Tis well; admit them.

La Var. Hey, messieurs, entrez.

Enter TAILOR, SHOEMAKER, &c. Servants stand
about the Dressing-table.

Lord F. So, gentlemen, I hope you have all taken pains to shew yourselves masters in your professions. Tai. I think I may presume, sir—

La Var. My lor, you clown, you.

Tai. My lord, I ask your lordship's pardon, my lord. I hope, my lord, your lordship will be pleased to own I have brought your lordship as accomplished a suit of clothes as ever peer of England wore, my lord; will your lordship please to view'em now?

Lord F. Ay; but let my people dispose the glasses so that I may see myself before and behind; for I love to see myself all round.

[Servants place around him several large Glasses. Whilst he puts on his Coast, enter YOUNG FASHION

and LORY.

Young F. Hey-day! what the devil have we here?

* *

-Sure my gentleman's grown a favourite at court, he has got so many people at his levee. [Apart. Lory. Sir, these people come in order to make him a favourite at court-they are to establish him with the ladies. [Apart.

Young F. Good heaven! to what an ebb of taste are women fallen, that it should be in the power of a laced coat to recommend a gallant to them! [Apart. Lory. Sir, tailors and hair-dressers debauch all the

women.

[Apart.

[Apart.

Young F. Thou say'st true.-But now for my reception. Lord F. (To TAILOR.) Death, and eternal tortures! Sir-I say the coat is too wide here by a foot.

Tai. My lord, if it had been tighter, 'twould neither have hook'd nor button'd.

Lord F. Rat the hooks and buttons, sir! Can any thing be worse than this? As Gad shall jedge me, it hangs on my shoulders like a chairman's surtout.

Tai. 'Tis not for me to dispute your lordship's fancy.

Lory. There, sir, observe what respect does.

[Apart. Young. F. Respect! D―n him for a coxcomb-but let's accost him. [Apart.] Brother, I'm your humble

servant.

Lord F. O Lard, Tam, I did not expect you in England-Brother, I'm glad to see you-but what has brought you to Scarborough, Tam?--Look you, sir, [to the TAILOR] I shall never be reconciled to this nauseous wrapping gown, therefore pray get me another suit with all possible expedition; for this is my eternal aversion. [Exit TAILOR.] Well but, Tam, you don't tell me what has driven you to Scarborough. Mrs. Calico, are not you of my mind?

Semp. Directly, my lord.—I hope your lordship is pleased with your ruffles.

Ford. F. In love with them, stab my vitals! Bring me my bill, you shall be paid to-morrow. Semp. I humbly thank your lordship [Exit.

Lord. F. Hark thee, shoemaker, these shoes a'n't ugly, but they don't fit me.

Shoe. My lord, I think they fit you very well. Lord. F. They hurt me just below the instep. Shoe. (Kneels, and feels his Foot.) No, my lord, they don't hurt you there.

Lord. F. I tell thee they pinch me execrably.

Shoe. (Rising.) Why then, my lord, if those shoes pinch you, I'll be d-n'd.

Lord. F. Why, wilt thou undertake to persuade me I cannot feel?

Shoe. Your lordship may please to feel what you think fit, but that shoe does not hurt you-I think I understand my trade.

Lord. F. Now, by all that's good and powerful, thou art an incomprehensive coxcomb-but thou makest good shoes, and so I'll bear with thee.

Shoe. My lord, I have worked for half the people of quality in this town these twenty years, and 'tis very hard I shouldn't know when a shoe hurts, and when it don't.

Lord. F. Well, pr'ythee begone about thy business. (Exit SHOEMAKER,) Mr. Mendlegs, a word with you -The calves of these stockings are thicken'd a little too much; they make my legs look like a porter's.

Mend. My lord, methinks they look mighty well. Lord. F. Ay, but you are not soo good a judge of those things as I am-I have studied them all my life -therefore pray let the next be the thickness of a crown-piece less.

Mend. Indeed, my lord, they are the same kind I had the honour to furnish your lordship with in town.

Lord. F. Very possible, Mr. Mendlegs: but that was in the beginning of the winter, and you should always remember, Mr. Hosier, that if you make a nobleman's spring legs as robust as his autumnal calves, you commit a manstrous impropriety, and make no allowance for the fatigues of the winter.

[Rises, exit HOSIER. Jewel. I hope, mylord, these buckles have had the

unspeakable satisfaction of being honoured with your lordship's approbation?

Lord. F. Why, they are of a pretty fancy; but don't you think them rather of the smallest?

Jewel. My lord, they could not well be larger, to keep on your lordship's shoe.

Lord. F. My good sir, you forget that these matters are not as they used to be: formerly, indeed, the buckle was a sort of machine, intended to keep on the shoe; but the case is now quite reversed; and the shoe is of no earthly use, but to keep on the buckle. Now give me my watches, (SERVANT fetches the watches) my chapeau, (SERVANT brings a dress hat) my handkerchief, (SERVANT pours some scented liquid on a handkerchief and brings it) my snaff-bax, (SERVANT brings snuff-box) there, now the business of the morning is pretty well over. [Exit JEWELLER. Young F. Well, Lory, what dost think on't? a very friendly reception from a brother, after three years absence!

[Apart. Lory. Why, sir, 'tis your own fault-here you have stood ever since you came in, and have not commended any one thing that belongs to him. [Apart.

Young F. (SERVANTS all go off.) Nor ever shall while they belong to a coxcomb. [Apart.] Now your people of business are gone, brother, I hope I may obtain a quarter of an hour's audience of you.

Lord F. Faith, Tam, I must beg you'll excuse me at this time, for I have an engagement which I would not break for the salvation of mankind. Hey!— there!-is my carriage at the door?-You'll excuse

Young F. Shall you be back to dinner?

Lord F. As Gad shall jedge me, I can't tell; for it is passible I may dine with some friends at Donner's. Young F. Shall I meet you there? for I must needs talk with you.

Lord F. That I'm afraid mayn't be quite so praper; for those I commonly eat with are a people of nice conversation; and you know, Tam, your education has

been a little at large-but there are other ordinaries in town very good beef ordinaries-I suppose, Tam, you can eat beef?-However, dear Tam, I'm glad to see thee in England, stap my vitals! [Exit. Young F. Hell and furies! Is this to be borne? Lory. Faith, sir, I could almost have given him a knock o' the pate myself.

Young F. 'Tis enough; I will now shew you the excess of my passion, by being very calm. Come, Lory, lay your loggerhead to mine, and, in cold blood, let us contrive his destruction.

Lory. Here comes a head, sir, would contrive it better than both our loggerheads, if she would but join in the confederacy.

Young F. By this light, Madam Coupler; she seems dissatisfied at something: let us observe her.

Enter Mrs. COUPLER.

[They retire.

Mrs. C. Soh! I am likely to be well rewarded for my services truly; my suspicions, I find, were but too just.-What! refuse to advance me a petty sum, when I am upon the point of making him master of a galleon! But let him look to the consequences, an ungrateful, narrow-minded coxcomb.

be

Young F. So he is, upon my soul, old lady; it must my brother you speak of.

Mrs. C. Ha!-stripling, how came you here? What, hast spent all, eh? And art thou come to dun his lordship for assistance?

Young F. No, I want somebody's assistance to cut his lordship's throat, without the risk of being hang'd for him.

Mrs. C. 'Egad, sirrah, I could help thee to do him almost as good a turn, without the danger of being burn'd in the hand for't.

Young F. How-how, old Mischief?

Mrs. C. Why, you must know I have done you the kindness to make up a match for your brother.

Young F. I'm very much beholden to you, truly!