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Sir T. Why, sir, this modest gentleman wanted to pass himself upon me as Lord Foppinglon, and carry ofr my daughter. Love. A likely plot to succeed, truly, ha,
ha! Lord F. As Gad shall judge me, Loveless, I did not expect this from thee. Come, pr’ythee confess the joke; tell Sir Tunbelly that I am the real Lord Foppir.gton who yesterday made love to thy wife ; was honoured by her with a slap on the face, and afterwards pink'd through the body by thee.
Sir T. A likely story, truly, that a peer would behave thus?
Love. A pretty fellow, indeed, that would scandalize the character he wants to assume; but what will you do with him, Sir Tunbelly?
Sir T. Commit him, certainly, unless the bride and bridegroom choose to pardon hiin.
Lord F. Bride and bridegroom! For Gad's sake, Sir Tunbelly, 'tis tarture to me to hear you call 'em so.
Miss H. Why, you ugly thing, what, would you have him call us dog and cat?
Lord F. By no means, miss; for that sounds ten times more like man and wife than t'other. Sir T. A precious rogue this to come a wooing!
Re-enter a SERVANT. Serv. There are some gentlefolks below to wait upon Lord Foppington. Coi T. 'Sdeath, Tom, what will you do now?
[Apart to Young Fashion. Lord F. Now, sir Tunbelly, here are witnesses, who I believe are not corrupted.
Sir T. Peace, fellow! Would your lordship choose to have your guests shewn here, or shall they wait till we come to 'em ?
Young F. I believe, sir Tunbelly, we had better not have these visitors here yet. 'Egad , all must out.
[A side. Love. Confess, confess, we'll stand by you.
[-Apart to Young Fashion. Lord F. Nay, Sir Tunbelly, I insist on your calling evidence on both sides-and if I do not prove that fellow an impostor
Young F. Brother, I will save you the trouble, by now confessing that I am not what I have passed myself for. Sir Tunbelly, I am a gentleman, and I flatter myself a man of character; but 'tis with great pride I assure you I am not Lord Foppington. Sir T Ouns! - what's this?
- an impostor? - a cheat?-fire and faggots, sir, if you are not lord Foppington, who the devil are you?
Young F. Sir, the best of my condition is, I am your son-in-law; and the worst of it is, I am brother to that noble peer.
Lord F. Impudent to the last, Gad dem me.
Young F.Pardon me,sir;thanks to thegoodness of your chaplain, and the kind offices of this old gentlewoman.
Lory. 'Tis true, indeed, sir; I gave your daughter away, and Mrs. Nurse, here, was clerk,
Sir T'. Knock that rascal down! But speak, Jezebel, how's this?
Nurse. Alas! your honour, forgive me! I have been overreach'd in this business as well as you. Your worship knows, if the wedding-dinner had been ready, you would have given her away with your own hands.
Sir T. But how durst you do this, without acquaint
Nurse. Alas, if your worship had seen how the poor thing begg’d and pray'd, and clung and twin'd about me like ivy round an old wall , you would say, I, who had nursd it, and rear'd it, must have had a heart like stone to refuse it.
Sir T. Ouns! I shall go mad! Unloose my lord there, you scoundrels.
Lord F. Why, when these gentlemen are at leisure, I should be glad to congratulate you on your son-inlaw, with a little more freedom of address.
Miss H. 'Egad, though, I don't see which is to be my husband, after all.
Love. Come, come, Sir Tunbelly, a man of your understanding must perceive, that an affair of this kind is not to be mended by anger and reproaches.
Col. T. Take my word for it, Sir Tunbelly , you are only tricked into a son-in-law you may be proud of; my friend, Tom Fashion, is as honest a fellow as ever breath'd.
Love. That he is, depend on't; and will hunt or drink with you most affectionately; be generous, old boy, and forgive them—
Sir. T'. Never. The hussy!--when I had set my heart on
etting her a title. Lord F. Now, Sir Tunbelly , that I am untruss'dgive me leave to thank thee for the very extraordinary reception I have met with in thy damn'd, execrable mansion; and at the same time to assure you, that of all the bumpkins and blockheads I have had the misfortune to meet with, thou art the most obstinate and egregious, strike me ugly!
Sir T'. 'Whal's this? I believe you are both rogues alike.
Lord F. No, Sir Tunbelly, thou wilt find to thy unspeakable mortification, that I am the real Lord Foppington, who was to have disgraced myself by an alliance with a clod; and that thou hast match'd thy girl to a beggarly younger brother of mine, whose titledeeds might be contain'd in thy tobacco-box.
Sir T. Puppy! puppy!-I might prevent their being beggars, if I chose it; for I could give 'em as good a rent-roll as your lordship.
Lord F. Ay, old fellow, but you will not do that, for that would be acting like a Christian, and thou art a barbarian, stap my vitals.
Sir T. Udzookers! Now six such words more, and I'll forgive them directly.
Love. 'Slife, Sir Tunbelly, you should do it, and bless yourself. Ladies, what say you?
Aman. Good Sir Tunbelly, you must consent.
Ber. Come, you have been young yourself, Sir Tunbelly.
Str T. Well then, if I must, I must; but turn-turn that sneering lord out, however, and let me be revenged on somebody. But first look whether I am a barbarian or not; there, children, I join your hands; and when I'm in a better humour, I'll give you my blessing.
Love. Nobly done, Sir Tunbelly; and we shall see you dance at a grandson's christening yet.
Miss H. By goles though, I don't understand this. What, an't I to be a lady, after all?
only plain Mrs-What's my husband's name, Nurse?
Nurse. Squire Fashion.
Miss H. Squire, is he?-Well, that's better than nothing.
Lord F. Now I will put on a philosophic air, and shew these people, that it is not possible to put a man of my quality out of countenance. [ Aside.] Dear Tam, since things are fallen out, pr’ythee give me leave to wish thee joy; I do it de bon coeur, strike me dumb! You have married into a family of great politeness and uncommon elegance of manners, and your bride appears to be a lady beautiful in person, modest in her deportment, refined in her sentiments, and of nice morality. split my windpipe!
Miss H. By goles, husband , break his bones, if he calls me names.
Young F. Your lordship may keep up your spirits with your grimace, if you please; I shall support mine, by Sir Tunbelly's favour, with this lady and three thousand pounds a year.
Lord F. Well, 'adieu, Tam-Ladies, I kiss your hands. Sir Tunbelly, I shall now quit this thy den; but while I retain the use of my arms, I shall ever remember thou art a demn'd, horrid savage; Ged demn
[Exit. Sir T. By the mass, 'tis well he's gone—for I should ha'been provoked, by-and-by, to ha’dun un a mischief Well, if this is a lord, I think Hoyden has luck o'her. side, in troth.
Col T. She has indeed, Sir Tunbelly--but I hear the fiddles ; his lordship, I know, had provided 'em.
A TRIP TO SCARBOROUGH.
Love. O, a dance and a bottle, Sir Tunbelly, by all
Sir T. I had forgot the company below; well-what we must be merry then, ha? and dance and drink, ha? Well, 'fore George, you shan't say I do these things by halves. Son-in-law there looks a hearty rogue, so we'll have a night on't: and which of these ladies will be the old man's partner, ha ?—'Ecod, I don't know how I came to be in so good a humour.
Ber. Well, Sir Tunbelly, my friend and I both will endeavour to keep you so : you have done a generous action, and are entitled to our attention. If you should be at a loss to divert your new guests, we will assist you to relate to them the plot of your daughter's marriage, and his lordship's deserved mortification; a subject which perhaps may afford no bad evening's entertainment.
Sir T. 'Ecod, with all my heart; though I am a main bungler at a long story.
Ber. Never fear, we will assist you, if the tale is judged worth being repeated; but of this you may be assured, that while the intention is evidently to please, British auditors will ever be indulgent to the errors of the performance.
This Comedy is principally an adaptation from one by Vanbrugh, entitled, 'The Relapse, or Virtue in Danger.' In its original it was disfigured by a coarse and vulgar humour; and even the taste and ability of Sheridan have failed in making it well worthy a place among sterling English Dramas. Our author, in this and other similarattempts, appears to have been unfortunate, and makes us regret his resigning the impulses of his own genius.