Capt. A. That I will, with all my heart. Now for a parental lecture-I hope he has heard nothing of the business that has brought me here-I wish the gout had held him fast in Devonshire, with al my soul!

Enter SIR ANTHONY.

Sir, I am delighted to see you here, and looking so .well!-your sudden arrival at Bath made me apprehensive for your health.

Sir Anth. Very apprehensive, I dare say, Jack.What, you are recruiting here, hey!

Capt. A. Yes, sir, I am on duty.

Sir Anth. Well, Jack, I am glad to see you, though I did not expect it; for I was going to write to you on a little matter of business.-Jack, I have been considering that I grow old and infirm, and shall proba-* bly not trouble you long.

Capt. A. Pardon me, sir, I never saw you look more strong and hearty, and I pray fervently that you may continue so.

Sir Anth. I hope your prayers may be heard with all my heart. Well then, Jack, I have been considering that I am so strong and hearty, I may continue to plague you a long time.-Now, Jack, I am sensible that the income of your commission, and what I have hitherto allowed you, is but a small pittance for a lad of your spirit.

Capt. A. Sir, you are very good.

Sir Anth. And it is my wish, while yet I live, to have my boy make some figure in the world.-I have resolved, therefore, to fix you at once in a noble independence.

Capt. A. Sir, your kindness overpowers me-Yet, sir, I presume you would not wish me to quit the army?

Sir Anth. Oh! that shall be as your wife chooses.
Capt. A. My wife, sir!

Sir Anth. Ay, ay, settle that between you-settle that between you.

Capt. A. A wife, sir, did you say?

Sir Anth. Ay, a wife-why, did I not mention that before?

Capt. A. Not a word of her, sir.

Sir. Anth. Odd so!-I musn't forget her thoughYes, Jack, the independence I was talking of is by a marriage the fortune is saddled with a wife; but I suppose that makes no difference?

Capt. A. Sir! sir! you amaze me!

Sir Anth. Why, what the devil's the matter with the fool? Just now you were all gratitude and duty. Capt. A. I was, sir,-you talked to me of independence and a fortune, but not a word of a wife.

Sir. Anth. Why, what difference does that make? -Odds life, sir! if you have the estate, you must take it with the live stock on it, as it stands.

Capt. A. Pray, sir, who is the lady?

Sir Anth. What's that to you, sir?-Come, give me your promise to love and to marry her directly.

Capt. A. Sure, sir, this is not very reasonable; to summon my affections for a lady I know nothing of? Sir Anth. I am sure, sir, 'tis more unreasonable in you to object to a lady you know nothing of.

Capt. A. You must excuse me, sir, if I tell you, once for all, that in this point I cannot obey you.

Sir Anth. Hark ye, Jack;-I have heard you for some time with patience-I have been cool-quite cool; but take care-you know I am compliance itself, when I am not thwarted; no one more easily led, when I have my own way;—but don't put me in a frenzy.

Capt. A. Sir, I must repeat it-in this I cannot obey you.

Sir Anth. Now d-n me! if ever I call you Jack again while I live!

Capt. A. Nay, sir, but hear me.

Sir Anth. Sir, I won't hear a word—not a word; not one word! so give me your promise by a nod. And I'll tell you what, Jack-I mean, you dog-if you don't, by

Capt. A. What, sir, promise to link myself to some mass of ugliness!

Sir Anth. Z-ds, sirrah! the lady shall be as ugly as I choose: she shall have a hump on each shoulder: she shall be as crooked as the crescent: her one eye shall roll like the bull's in Cox's Museum. She shall have a skin like a mummy, and the beard of a Jew. She shall be all this, sirrah! yet I'll make you ogle her all day, and sit up all night to write sonnets on her beauty.

Capt. A. This is reason and moderation indeed! Sir Anth. None of your sneering, puppy! no grinning, jackanapes!

Capt. A. Indeed, sir, I never was in a worse humour for mirth in my life.

Sir Anth. 'Tis false, sir; I know you are laughing in your sleeve; I know you'll grin when I am gone, sirrah!

Capt. A. Sir, I hope I know my duty better.

Sir Anth. None of your passion, sir! none of your violence, if you please-it won't do with me, I promise you.

Capt. A. Indeed, sir, I was never cooler in my life. Sir Anth. 'Tis a confounded lie!-I know you are in a passion in your heart; I know you are, you hypocritical young dog-but it won't do.

Capt. A. Nay, sir, upon my word

Sir Anth. So you will fly out! can't you be cool, like me? What the devil good can passion do? Passion is of no service, you impudent, insolent, overbearing reprobate! There, you sneer again!-don't provoke me! but you rely upon the mildness of my temper-you do, you dog! you play upon the meekness of my disposition! Yet, take care- the patience of a saint may be overcome at last!—but mark! I give you six hours and a half to consider of this: if you then agree, without any condition to do every thing on earth that I choose, why-confound you! I may in time forgive you,-if not, z-ds! don't enter the same hemisphere with me; don't dare to breathe the same air, or use the same light with me; but get an atmosphere and a sun of your own! I'll strip you of your

commission; I'll lodge a five-and-threepence in the hands of trustees, and you shall live on the interest. I'll disown you, I'll disinherit you, I'll unget you! and d-n me! if ever I call you Jack again! [Exit. Capt. A. Mild, gentle, considerate father! I kiss your hands.

Enter FAG.

Fag. Assuredly, sir, your father is wroth to a degree; he comes down stairs eight or ten steps at a time, muttering, growling, and thumping the banisters all the way; I, and the cook's dog, stand bowing at the door -rap! he gives me a stroke on the head with his cane; bids me carry that to my master; then kicking the poor turnspit in to the area, d-ns us all for a puppy triumvirate!-Upon my credit, sir, were I in your place, and found my father such very bad company, I should certainly drop his acquaintance.

Capt. A. Cease your impertinence, sir-did you come in for nothing more? Stand out of the way.

[Pushes him aside, and exit.

Fag. So! Sir Anthony trims my master: he is afraid to reply to his father, then vents his spleen on poor Fag! When one is vexed by one person, to revenge one's self on another, who happens to come in the way, shews the worst of temper, the basest

Enter ERRAND BOY.

Boy. Mr. Fag! Mr. Fag! your master calls you. Fag. Well you little, dirty puppy, you needn't bawl so-the meanest disposition, the

Boy. Quick, quick! Mr. Fag.

Fag. Quick, quick! you impudent jackanapes! am I to be commanded by you too, you little, impertinent, insolent, kitchen-bred-. [Kicks him off.

SCENE II. The North Parade.

Enter LUCY.

Lucy. So, I shall have another rival to add to my

mistress's list-Captain Absolute; however, I shall not enter his name till my purse has received due notice in form. Sir Lucius is generally more punctual, when he expects to hear from his dear Dalia, as he calls her:-I wonder he's not here!

Enter SIR LUCIUS O'TRIGGER.

Sir L. Hah! my little ambassadress; upon my conscience I have been looking for you; I have been on the South Parade this half hour.

Lucy. [Speaking simply.] O gemini; and I have been waiting for your worship here on the North.

Sir. L. 'Faith! may be, that was the reason we did not meet; and it is very comical too, how you could go out, and I not see you-for I was only taking a nap at the Parade Coffee-house, and I chose the window, on purpose that I might not miss you.

Lucy. My stars! Now I'd wager a sixpence I went by while you were asleep.

Sir L Sure enough it must have been so; and I never dreamt it was so late, till I waked.-Well, but my_little girl, have you got nothing for me?

Lucy. Yes, but I have—I've got a letter for you in my pocket!

Sir L. I'faith! I guessed you weren't come emptyhanded; well, let me see what the dear creature says. Lucy. There, Sir Lucius. [Gives him a letter.

Sir L. [Reads.] 'Sir,-There is often a sudden incentive impulse in love, that has a greater induction than years of domestic combination: such was the commotion I felt at the first superfluous view of Sir Lucius O'Trigger.' Very pretty upon my word! 'Female punctuation forbids me to say more! yet, let me add, that it will give me joy infallible to find Sir Lucius worthy the last criterion of my affections.

'Yours, while meretricious,

'DELIA.' Upon my conscience! Lucy, your lady is a great mistress of language! 'Faith, she's quite the queen of the dictionary; for the devil a word dare refuse coming at her

B