Maria. Never to his brother!

Sir P. Go-perverse and obstinate! but take care, madam; you have never yet known what the authority of a guardian is: don't compel me to inform you of it. Maria. I can only say, you shall not have just reason. 'Tis true, by my father's will, I am for a short period bound to regard you as his substitute; but must cease to think you so, when you would compel me to be miserable. [Exit Maria.

Sir P. Was ever man so crossed as I am! Every thing conspiring to fret me! I had not been involved in matrimony a fortnight, before her father, a hale and hearty man, died, on purpose, I believe, for the pleasure of plaguing me with the care of his daughter. [Lady Teazle sings without.] But here comes my helpmate! She appears in great good humour. How happy I should be if I could tease her into loving me, though but a little!

Enter LADY TEAZLE.

Lady T. Lud! Sir Peter, I hope you havn't been quarrelling with Maria? It is not using me well to be ill-humoured when I am not by.

Sir P. Ah! Lady Teazle, you might have the power to make me good-humoured at all times.

Lady T. I am sure I wish I had; for I want you to be in charming sweet temper at this moment. Do be good-humoured now, and let me have two hundred pounds, will you?

Sir P. Two hundred pounds! What, an't I to be in a good humour without paying for it? But speak to me thus, and i'faith there's nothing I could refuse you. You shall have it; [Gives her notes] but seal me a bond for the repayment.

well.

Lady T. 0 no-there-my note of hand will do as [Offering her hand. Sir P. And you shall no longer reproach me with not giving you an independent settlement. shortly to surprise you:-but shall we always live thus, hey?

I mean

Lady T. If you please. I'm sure I don't care how soon we leave off quarrelling, provided you'll own you were tired first.

Sir P. Well then, let our future contest be, who shall be most obliging.

Lady T. I assure you, Sir Peter, good nature becomes you you look now as you did before we were married, when you used to walk with me under the elms, and tell me stories of what a gallant you were in your youth, and chuck me under the chin, you would; and ask me if I thought I could love an old fellow, who would deny me nothing-didn't you?

Sir P. Yes, yes, and you were as kind and attentiveLady T. Ay, so I was, and would always take your part, when my acquaintance used to abuse you, and turn you into ridicule.

Sir P. Indeed!

Lady T. Ay, and when my cousin Sophy has called you a stiff, peevish old bachelor, and laughed at me for thinking of marrying one who might be my father, I have always defended you, and said, I didn't think you so ugly by any means.

Sir P. Thank you.

Lady T. And I dared say you'd make a very good sort of a husband.

Sir P. And you prophesied right; and we shall now be the happiest couple

Lady T. And never differ again?

Sir P. No never!—though at the same time, indeed, my dear Lady Teazle, you must watch your temper very seriously; for in all our little quarrels, my dear, if you recollect, my love, you always begin first. Lady T. I beg your pardon, my dear Sir Peter: indeed, you always gave the provocation.

Sir. P. Now see, my angel! take care-contradicting isn't the way to keep friends.

Lady T. Then don't you begin it, my love!

Sir P. There, now! you-you are going on. You don't perceive, my life, that you are just doing the very thing which you know always makes me angry.

Lady T. Nay, you know if you will be angry without any reason, my dear

Sir P. There! now you want to quarrel again.

Lady T. No, I am sure I don't:—but if you will be so peevish

Sir P. There now! who begins first?

Lady T. Why you, to be sure. I said nothing→→ but there's no bearing your temper.

Sir P. No, no, madam: the fault is in your own temper.

Lady T. Ay, you are just what my cousin Sophy said you would be.

Sir P. Your cousin Sophy is a forward, impertinent gipsy.

Lady T. You are a great bear, I'm sure, to abuse my relations.

Sir P. Now may all the plagues of marriage be doubled on me,if ever I try to be friends with you any more! Lady T. So much the better.

Sir P. No, no, madam: 'tis evident you never cared a pin for me, and I was a madman to marry you-a pert, rural coquette, that had refused half the honest 'squires in the neighbourhood.

Lady T. And I am sure I was a fool to marry you —an old dangling bachelor, who was single at fifty, only because he never could meet with any one who would have him.

Sir P. Ay, ay, madam; but you were pleased enough to listen to me; you never had such an offer before.

Lady T. No! didn't I refuse Sir Tivy Terrier, who every body said would have been a better match? for his estate is just as good as yours, and he has broke his neck since we have been married.

Sir P. I have done with you, madam! You are an unfeeling, ungrateful-but there's an end of every thing. I believe you capable of every thing that is bad. Yes, madam, I now believe the reports relative to you and Charles, madam.-Yes, madam, you and Charles are-not without grounds

Lady T. Take care, Sir Peter! you had better not insinuate any such thing! I'll not be suspected without cause, I promise you.

Sir P. Very well, madam! very well! A separate maintenance as soon as you please. Yes, madam, or a divorce! I'll make an example of myself for the benefit of all old bachelors.

Lady T. Agreed! agreed!-And now, my dear Sir Peter, we are of a mind once more, we may be the happiest couple-and never differ again, you know- ha! ha! ha! Well, you are going to be in a passion, I see, and I shall only interrupt you-so, bye-bye. [Exit.

Sir P. Plagues and tortures! Can't I make her angry either! Oh, I am the most miserable fellow! but I'll not bear her presuming to keep her temper: no! she may break my heart, but she sha'n't keep her temper. [Exit.

SCENE II.-Charles Surface's House.

Enter TRIP, SIR OLIVER SURFACE, and MOSES.

Trip. Here, master Moses! if you'll stay a moment, I'll try whether-what's the gentleman's name?

Sir O. Mr. Moses, what is my name?

Moses. Mr. Premium.

Trip. Premium-very well.

[Exit Trip.

Sir O. To judge by the servants, one wouldn't believe the master was ruined. But what!-sure, this was my brother's house?

Moses. Yes, sir; Mr. Charles bought it of Mr. Joseph, with the furniture, pictures, &c. just as the old gentleman left it. Sir Peter thought it a piece of extravagance in him.

Sir O. In my mind, the other's economy in selling it to him was more reprehensible by half.

Re-enter TRIP.

Trip. My master says you must wait, gentlemen: he has company, and can't speak with you yet.

Sir O. If he knew who it was wanted to see him, perhaps he would not send such a message?

Trip. Yes, yes, sir: he knows you are here-I did not forget little Premium: no, no, no. Sir O. Very well; and I pray, sir, your name?

what may

be

Trip. Trip, sir; my name is Trip, at your service. Sir O. Well then, Mr. Trip, you have a pleasant sort of place here, I guess?

Trip. Why, yes-here are three or four of us pass our time agreeably enough; but then our wages are sometimes a little in arrear-and not very great either -but fifty pounds a year, and find our own bags and bouquets.

Sir O. Bags and bouquets! halters and bastinadoes! [Aside. Trip. And, a-propos, Moses-have you been able to get me that little bill discounted?

Sir O. Wants to raise money too!-mercy on me! Has his distresses too, I warrant, like a lord, and affects creditors and duns.

[Aside. Moses. 'Twas not to be done, indeed, Mr. Trip. [Gives Trip the note. Trip. Good lack, you surprise me ! My friend Brush has endorsed it, and I thought when he put his name at the back of a bill 'twas the same as cash.

Moses. No! 'twouldn't do.

Trip. A small sum-but twenty pounds. Hark'ee, Moses, do you think you could'nt get it me by way of annuity?

Sir Q. An annuity! ha ha! a footman raise money by way of annuity! Well done, luxury, egad!

[Aside. Moses. Well, but you must ensure your place. Trip. O with all my heart! I'll ensure my place, and my life too, if you please.

Sir O. It's more than I would your neck. [Aside. Moses. But is there nothing you could deposit? Trip. Why, nothing capital of my master's wardrobe has dropped lately; [Bell rings.] but I could give