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Sir O. Egad, they'll persuade me presently I'm in Bengal [Aside. Charles S. Now I propose, Mr. Premium, if 'tis agreeable to you, a post-obit on Sir Oliver's life: though at the same time, the old fellow has been so liberal to me, that I give you my word, I should be very sorry to hear any thing had happened to him.

Sir O. Not more than I should, I assure you. But the bond you mention happens to be just the worst security you could offer me--for I might live to a hundred, and never see the principal.

Charles S. O, yes, you would-the moment Sir Oliver dies, you know, you would come on me for the money.

Sir O. Then I believe I should be the most unwelcome dun you ever had in your life.

Charles S. What! I suppose you're afraid that Sir Oliver is too good a life?

Sir O. No, indeed, I am not; though I have heard he is as hale and healthy as any man of his years in Christendom.

Charles S. There again, now you are misinformed. No, no, the climate has hurt him considerably, poor uncle Oliver! Yes, yes, he breaks apace, I'm toldand is so much altered lately, that his nearest relations would not know him!

Sir O. No! ha! ha! ha! so much altered lately, that his nearest relations would not know him! ha! ha! ha! egad-Ha! ha! ha!

Charles S. Ha! ha!—you're glad to hear that, little Premium?

Sir O. No, no, I'm not.

Charles S. Yes, yes, you are-ha! ha! ha!-You know that mends your chance.

Sir O. But I'm told Sir Oliver is coming over?-nay, some say he is actually arrived?

Charles S. Pshaw! Sure I must know better than you whether he's come or not. No, no; rely on't, he's at this moment at Calcutta-isn't he, Moses? Moses. O yes, certainly.

Sir O. Very true, as you say, you must know better than I, though I have it from pretty good authorityhav'n't I Moses?

Moses. Yes, most undoubted!

Sir O. But, sir, as I understand you want a few hundreds immediately-is there nothing you could dispose of?

Charles S. How do you mean?

Sir O. For instance, now, I have heard that your father left behind him a great quantity of massy old plate?

Charles S. O Lud!-that's gone long ago.-Moses can tell you how, better than I can.

Sir O. Good lack! all the family race-cups and corporation bowls. [Aside.]-Then it was also supposed that his library was one of the most valuable and complete.

Charles S. Yes, yes, so it was-vastly too much so for a private gentleman. For my part, I was always of a communicative disposition, so I thought it a shame to keep so much knowledge to myself.

Sir O. Mercy upon me! Learning that had run in the family like an heir-loom! [Aside.] Pray, what are become of the books?

Charles S. You must inquire of the auctioneer, Master Premium, for I don't believe even Moses can direct you.

Moses. I know nothing of books.

Sir O. So, so, nothing of the family property left, I suppose?

Charles S. Not much indeed; unless you have a mind to the family pictures. I have got a roomful of ancestors above, and if you have a taste for old paintings, egad, you shall have 'em a bargain.

Sir O. Hey! what the devil! Sure, you wouldn't sell your forefathers, would you?

Charles S. Every man of them, to the best bidder. Sir O. What! your great uncles and aunts? Charles S. Ay, and my great grandfathers and grandmothers too.

Sir O. Now I give him up.[Aside.]What the plague, have you no bowels for your own kindred? Odd's life, do you take me for Shylock in the play, that you would raise money of me on your own flesh and blood? Charles S. Nay, my little broker, don't be angry: what need you care if you have your money's worth? Sir O. Well, I'll be the purchaser: I think I can dispose of the family canvass.—Oh, I'll never forgive him this! never! [Aside.

Enter CARELESS.

Care. Come, Charles, what keeps you?

Charles S. I can't come yet: i'faith, we are going to have a sale above stairs; here's little Premium will buy all my ancestors.

Care. O, burn your ancestors!

Charles S. No, he may do that afterwards, if he pleases. Stay, Careless, we want you: egad, you shall be auctioneer; so come along with us.

Care. Oh, have with you, if that's the case. I can handle a hammer as well as a dice-box! Going! going! Sir O. Oh, the profligates! [Aside. Charles S. Come, Moses, you shall be appraiser, if we want one. Gad's life, little Premium, you don't seem to like the business?

Sir O. O yes, I do vastly. Ha! ha! ha! yes, yes, I think it a rare joke to sell one's family by auctionha ha!- the prodigal! [Aside. Charles S. To be sure! when a man wants money, where the plague should he get assistance, if he can't make free with his own relations?

Sir O. I'll never forgive him; never! never!
[Exeunt.

ACT IV.

SCENE I.-Picture Room at Charles's-Large Chair— Family Pedigree hanging up in the Wing. Enter CHARLES SURFACE, SIR OLIVER SURFACE, MOSES, and CARELESS.

Charles S. Walk in, gentlemen; pray walk in-here

they are, the family of the Surfaces, up to the conquest. Sir O. And, in my opinion, a goodly collection.

Charles S. Ay, ay, these are done in the true spirit of portrait-painting;—no volontier grace or expression. Not like the works of your modern Raphaels, who give you the strongest resemblance, yet contrive to make your portrait independent of you; so that you may sink the original, and not hurt the picture. No, no; the merit of these is the inveterate likeness-all stiff and awkward as the originals, and like nothing in human nature besides.

Sir O. Ah! we shall never see such figures of men again.

Charles S. I hope not.-Well, you see, Master Premium, what a domestic character I am : here I sit of an evening surrounded by my family.-But, come, get to your pulpit, Mr. Auctioneer; here's an old gouty chair. of my grandfather's will answer the purpose.

Care. Ay, ay, this will do.--But, Charles, I hav'n't a hammer; and what's an auctioneer without his hammer?

Charles S. Egad, that's true. [Taking pedigree down.] What parchment have we here?-0, our genealogy in full. Here, Careless,-you shall have no common bit of mahogany; here's the family tree for you, you rogue,—this shall be your hammer, and now you may knock down my ancestors with their own pedigree.

Sir O. What an unnatural rogue! an ex post facto parricide. [A side. Care. Yes, yes, here's a list of our generation indeed; faith, Charles, this is the most convenient thing you could have found for the business, for, 'twill not only serve as a hammer, but a catalogue into the bargain.Come, begin-A-going, a-going, a-going!

Charles S. Bravo, Careless!-Well, here's my great uncle, Sir Richard Raveline, a marvellous good general in his day, I assure you. He served in all the Duke of Marlborough's wars, and got that cut over his eye at the battle of Malplaquet. --What say you, Mr.Premium?

-look at him-there's a hero, not cut out of his feather, as your modern clipt captains are, but enveloped in wig and regimentals, as a general should be.-What do you bid?

Sir O. [Aside to Moses.] Bid him speak.

Moses. Mr. Premium would have you speak.

Charles S. Why, then, he shall have him for ten pounds, and I'm sure that's not dear for a staff officer. Sir O. Heaven deliver me! his famous uncle Richard for ten pounds! [Aside.]-Very well, sir, I take

him at that.

Charles S. Careless, knock down my uncle Richard. -Here, now, is a maiden sister of his, my great Aunt Deborah, done by Kneller in his best manner, and esteemed a very formidable likeness.-There she is, you see, a shepherdess feeding her flock.-You shall have her for five pounds ten-the sheep are worth the money. Sir O. Ah! poor Deborah! a woman who set such a value on herself. [Aside.] Five pounds ten-she's

mine.

Charles S. Knock down my aunt Deborah, Careless! This, now, is a grand-father of my mother's, a learned Judge, well known on the western circuit.What do you rate him at, Moses?

Moses. Four guineas.

Charles S. Four guineas!-Gad's life, you don't bid me the price of his wig.-Mr. Premium, you have more respect for the woolsack; do let us knock his lordship down at fifteen.

Str O. By all means.

Care. Gone!

Charles S. And there are two brothers of his, William and Walter Blunt, Esquires, both members of parliament, and noted speakers; and what's very extraordinary, I believe, this is the first time they were ever bought or sold.

Sir O. That is very extraordinary, indeed! I'll take them at your own price, for the honour of parliament. Care. Well said, little Premium!-I'll knock them down at forty.

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