Sir P. I! not for the world!-[Apart to JOSEPH.] -Ah! Charles, if you associated more with your brother, one might indeed hope for your reformation. He is a man of sentiment-Well, there is nothing in the world so noble as a man of sentiment!

Charles S. Pshaw! he is too moral by half-and so apprehensive of his good name, as he calls it, that he would as soon let a priest into his house as a wench.

Sir P. No, no,-Come, come,-you wrong him.No, no! Joseph is no rake, but he is no such saint either, in that respect.——I have a great mind to tell him-we should have such a laugh at Joseph. [A side. Charles S. Oh, hang him! He's a very anchorite, a young hermit.

Sir P. Hark'ee-you must not abuse him: he may chance to hear of it again, I promise you.

Charles S. Why, you won't tell him?

Sir P. No-but-this way. Egad, I'll tell him.— [Aside.] Hark'ee-have you a mind to have a good laugh at Joseph?

Charles S. I should like it of all things.

Sir P. Then, i'faith we will-I'll be quit with him for discovering me-He had a girl with him when I called [Whispers.

Charles S. What! Joseph ?-you jest.

Sir P. Hush!-a little French milliner-and the best of the jest is-she's in the room now. Charles S. The devil she is! Sir P. Hush! I tell you! Charles S. Behind the screen!

veil.

[Looking at closet. [Points to screen. 'Slife, let us un

Sir P. No, no-he's coming-you sha'n't, indeed! Charles S. O, egad, we'll have a peep at the little milliner! [Endeavouring to get towards the screen. [SIR P. preventing.

Sir P. Not for the world-Joseph will never for.. give me―

Charles S. I'll stand by you—

Sir P. Odds, here he is! [JOSEPH SURFACE enters, just as CHARLES SURFAGE throws down the screen.

Charles S. Lady Teazle! by all that's wonderful? Sir P. Lady Teazle! by all that's damnable! Charles S. Sir Peter, this is one of the smartest French milliners I ever saw. Egad, you seem all to have been diverting yourselves here at hide and seek, and I don't see who is out of the secret. Shall I beg your ladyship to inform me? Not a word!-Brother, will you be pleased to explain this matter? What! is Morality dumb too?-Sir Peter, though I found you in the dark, perhaps you are not so now! All mute!-Well-though I can make nothing of the affair, I suppose you perfectly understand one another

-so I'll leave you to yourselves-[Going.] Brother, I'm sorry to find you have given that worthy man grounds for so much uneasiness.-Sir Peter! there's nothing in the world so noble as a man of sentiment. -[Exit CHARLES. They stand for some time looking

at each other.

Joseph S. Sir Peter-notwithstanding—I confess that appearances are against me-if you will afford me your patience-I make no doubt-but I shall explain every thing to your satisfaction.

Sir P. If you please, sir.

Joseph S. The fact is, sir, that Lady Teazle, knowing my pretensions to your ward Maria-I say, sir Lady Teazle, being apprehensive of the jealousy of your temper and knowing my friendship to the family-she, sir, I say,-called here-in order thatI might explain these pretensions-but on your coming-being apprehensive as I said—of your jealousy she withdrew-and this, you may depend on it, is the whole truth of the matter.

Sir P. A very clear account, upon my word; and I dare swear the lady will vouch for every article of it.

Lady T. For not one word of it, Sir Peter!

Sir P. How! don't you think it worth while to agree in the lie!

Lady T. There is not one syllable of truth in what that gentleman has told you.

P

Sir P. I believe you, upon my soul, ma'am! Joseph S [Aside.]-'Sdeath, madam, will you betray me?

Lady T. Good Mr. Hypocrite, by your leave, I'll speak for myself.

Sir P. Ay, let her alone, sir; you'll find she'll make out a better story than you, without prompting. Lady T. Hear me, Sir Peter!-I came hither on no matter relating to your ward, and even ignorant of this gentleman's pretensions to her. But I came, seduced by his insidious arguments, at least to listen to his pretended passion, if not to sacrifice your honour to his baseness.

Sir P. Now, I believe, the truth is coming, indeed!

Joseph S. The woman's mad!

Lady T. No, sir,-she has recovered her senses, and your own arts have furnished her with the means.— Sir Peter, I do not expect you to credit me—but the tenderness you expressed for me, when I am sure you could not think I was a witness to it, has penetrated to my heart, that had I left the place without the shame of this discovery, my future life should have spoken the sincerity of my gratitude. As for that smoothtongued hypocrite, who would have seduced the wife of his too credulous friend, while he affected Lonourable addresses to his ward-I behold him now in a light so truly despicable, that I shall never again respect myself for having listened to him.

[Exit LADY TEAZLE. Joseph S. Notwithstanding all this, Sir Peter, Heaven knows

Sir P. That you are a villain! and so I leave you to your conscience.

Joseph S. You are too rash, Sir Peter; you shall hear me. The man who shuts out conviction by refusing to

Sir P. O damn your sentiments!

[Exeunt SIR PETER and SURFACE, talking.

ACT V.

SCENE I.-The Library.

Enter JOSEPH SURFACE and SERVANT.

Joseph S. Mr Stanley!-and why should you think I would see him? You must know he comes to ask something.

Serv. Sir, I should not have let him in, but that Mr. Rowley came to the door with him.

Joseph S. Pshaw! blockhead! to suppose that I should now be in a temper to receive visits from poor relations!-Well, why don't you shew the fellow up?

Serv. I will, sir.-Why, sir, it was not my fault that Sir Peter discovered my lady

Joseph S. Go, fool; [Exit SERVANT]-Sure Fortune never played a man of my policy such a trick before. My character with Sir Peter, my hopes with Maria, destroyed in a moment! I'm in a rare humour to listen to other people's distresses! I sha'n't be able to bestow even a benevolent sentiment on Stanley.-So! here he comes, and Rowley with him. I must try to recover myself, and put a little charity into my face, however. [Exit.

Enter SIR OLIVER SURFACE and ROWLEY. Sir O. What! does he avoid us!-That was he, was it not?

Row. It was, sir. But I doubt you are come a little too abruptly. His nerves are so weak, that the sight of a poor relation may be too much for him. I should have gone first to break it to him.

Sir O. O, plague of his nerves! Yet this is he whom Sir Peter extols as a man of the most benevolent way of thinking!

Row. As to his way of thinking, I cannot pretend to decide; for, to do him justice, he appears to have as much speculative benevolence as any private gentleman in the kingdom, though he is seldom so sensual as to indulge himself in the exercise of it.

Sir O. Yet he has a string of charitabte sentiments, I suppose, at his fingers'ends.

Row. Or rather at his tongue's end, Sir Oliver; for I believe there is no sentiment he has such faith in as that 'Charity begins at home.'

Sir O. And his, I presume, is of that domestic sort which never stirs abroad at all.

Row. I doubt you'll find it so ;-but he's coming. I mustn't seem to interrupt you; and you know immediately as you leave him, I come in to announce your arrival in your real character.

Sir O. True; and afterwards you'll meet me at Sir Peter's.

Row. Without losing a moment.
[Exit.
Sir O. I don't like the complaisance of his features.
Enter JOSEPH SURFAGE.

Joseph S. Sir, I beg you ten thousand pardons for keeping you a moment waiting-Mr. Stanley, I pre

sume

Sir O. At your service.

Joseph S. Sir, I beg you will do me the honour to sit down-I entreat you, sir!—

Sir O. Dear sir-there's no occasion-too civil by half! [A side. Joseph S. I have not the pleasure of knowing you, Mr. Stanley; but I am extremely happy to see you look so well. You were nearly related to my mother, Mr. Stanley, I think?

Sir O. I was, sir;-so nearly that my present poverty, I fear, may do discredit to her wealthy children, else I should not have presumed to trouble you.

Joseph S. Dear sir, there needs no apology :-he that is in distress, though a stranger, has a right to claim kindred with the wealthy. I am sure I wish I was one of that class, and had it in my power to offer you even a small relief.

Sir O. If your uncle, Sir Oliver, were here, I should

have a friend.

Joseph S. I wish he was, sir, with all my heart; you