should not want an advocate with him, believe me, sir. Sir O. I should not need one-my distresses would recommend me. But I imagined his bounty would en→ able you to become the agent of his charity. Joseph S. My dear sir, you were strangely misinformed. Sir Oliver is a worthy man, a very worthy man; but avarice, Mr. Stanley, is the vice of age. I will tell you, my good sir, in confidence, what he has done for me has been a mere nothing; though people, I know, have thought otherwise; and, for my part, I never chose to contradict the report. Sir O. What! has he never transmitted you bullion -rupees - pagodas? Joseph S. O, dear sir, nothing of the kind:-No, no-a few presents now and then-china, shawls, congou tea, avadavats, and Indian crackers-little more believe me. Sir O. Here's gratitude for twelve thousand pounds! -Avadavats and Indian crackers! [Aside Joseph S. Then, my dear sir, you have heard, I doubt not, of the extravagance of my brother: there are very few would credit what I have done for that unfortunate young man. Sir O. Not I, for one! [Aside Joseph S. The sums I have lent him!-Indeed, I have been exceedingly to blame; it was an amiable weakness; however, I don't pretend to defend it,and now I feel it doubly culpable, since it has deprived me of the pleasure of serving you, Mr. Stanley, as my heart dictates. Sir O. Dissembler! [Aside.]-Then, sir, you can't assist me? Joseph S. At present, it grieves me to say, I cannot; but whenever I have the ability, you may depend upon hearing from me. Sir O. I am extremely sorry Joseph S. Not more than I, believe me ;-to pity without the power to relieve, is still more, painful than to ask and be denied. ** Sir O. Kind sir, your most obedient humble ser vant. Joseph S. You leave me deeply affected, Mr. Stanley. William be ready to open the door. Sir O. 0, dear sir, no ceremony. Sir O. Sir, your most obsequious. Joseph S. You may depend upon hearing from me, whenever I can be of service. Sir. O. Sweet sir, you are too good! Joseph S. In the mean time, I wish you health and spirits. Sir O. Your ever grateful and perpetual humble servant. Joseph S. Sir, yours as sincerely. Sir O. Now I am satisfied! [Aside; Exit. Joseph S, This is one bad effect of a good character: it invites application from the unfortunate, and there needs no small degree of address to gain the reputation of benevolence without incurring the expense. The silver ore of pure charity is an expensive article in the catalogue of a man's good qualities; whereas the sentimental French plate I use instead of it, makes just as good a show, and pays no tax. Enter RowLEY. Row. Mr. Surface, your servant: I was apprehensive of interrupting you, though my business demands immediate attention, as this note will inform you. Joseph S. Always happy to see Mr. Rowley,-a rascal! [Aside.-Reads the letter. r.]-Sir Oliver Surface! My uncle arrived! Row. He is, indeed: we have just parted with him -quite well, after a speedy voyage, and impatient to embrace his worthy nephew. Joseph S. I am astonished!-William: stop Mr. Stanley, if he's not gone. Row. Oh! he's out of reach, 1 believe. Joseph S. Why did you not let me know this wher you came in together? Row. I thought you had particular business;-but I must be gone to inform your brother, and appoint himr here to meet your uncle. He will be with you in a quarter of an hour. Joseph S. So he says. Well, I am strangely overjoyed at his coming.-Never, to be sure, was any thing so damned unlucky. [A side. Row. You will be delighted to see how well he looks. Joseph S. Oh! I am overjoyed to hear it-Just at this time! [Aside. Row. I'll tell him how impatiently you expect him. [Exit. Joseph S. Do, do; pray give my best duty and affection. Indeed, I cannot express the sensations I feel at the thought of seeing him-Certainly his coming just at this time is the cruellest piece of illfortune! [Exit. SCENE II.-Sir Peter Teazle's Enter MAID and MRS. CANDOUR. Maid. Indeed, ma'am, my lady will see nobody at present. Mrs. C. Did you tell her it was her friend, Mrs. Candour? Maid. Yes, ma'am; but she begs you will excuse her. Mrs. C. Do go again,-I shall be glad to see her, if it be only for a moment, for I am sure she must be in great distress. [Exit Maid.] Dear heart, how provoking! I'm not mistress of half the circumstances! We shall have the whole affair in the newspapers, with the names of the parties at length, before I have dropped the story at a dozen houses. Enter SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE Oh, dear Sir Benjamin! you have heard, I supposeSir B. Of Lady Teazle and Mr. Surface Mrs. C. And Sir Peter's discovery Sir B. O! the strangest piece of business, to be sure! Mrs. C. Well, I never was so surprised in my life. I am so sorry for all parties, indeed. Sir B. Now I don't pity Sir Peter at all: he was so extravagantly partial to Mr. Surface. Mrs. C. Mr. Surface! Why, 'twas with Charles, Lady Teazle was detected. Sir B. No such thing, I tell you-Mr. Surface is the gallant. Mrs. C. No, no, Charles is the man. 'Twas Mr. Surface brought Sir Peter on purpose to discover them. Sir B. I tell you I had it from one Mr. C. And I have it from one Sir B. Who had it from one, who had it Mrs C. From one immediately-but here comes Lady Sneerwell; perhaps she knows the whole affair. Enter LADY SNEERWELL. Lady S. So, my dear Mrs. Candour, here's a sad affair of our friend Teazle. Mrs. C. Ay, my dear friend, who would have thought Lady S. Well, there is no trusting appearances; though, indeed, she was always too lively for me. Mrs. C. To be sure, her manners were a little too free but then she was so young! Lady S. And had, indeed, some good qualities Mrs C. So she had, indeed. But have you heard the particulars? Lady S. No; but every body says that Mr. SurfaceSir B. Ay, there; I told you Mr. Surface was the man. Mrs C. No, no: indeed the assignation was with Charles. Lady S. With Charles! You alarm me, Mrs. Candour! Mrs. C. Yes, yes, he was the lover. Mr. Surface, to do him justice, was only the informer. Sir B. Well, I'll not dispute with you, Mrs. Candour; but, be it which it may, I hope that Sir Peter's wound will not Mrs C. Sir Peter's wound! O mercy! I didn't hear a word of their fighting. Lady S, Nor I, a syllable. Sir B. No! what, no mention of the duel? Sir B. O, yes: they fought before they left the room. Lady S. Pray, let us hear. Mrs. C. Ay, do oblige us with the duel. Sir B. 'Sir,' says Sir Peter, immediately after the discovery, 'you are a most ungrateful fellow.' Mrs C. Ay, to Charles Sir B. No, no-to Mr. Surface-'a most ungrateful fellow; and old as I am, sir,' says he, 'I insist on immediate satisfaction.' Mrs. C. Ay, that must have been to Charles; for 'tis very unlikely Mr. Surface should fight in his own house. Sir B. Gad's life, ma'am, not at all-Giving me immediate satisfaction.' On this, ma'am, Lady Teazle, seeing Sir Peter in such danger, ran out of the room in strong hysterics, and Charles after her, calling out for hartshorn and water; then, madam, they began to fight with swords- Enter CRABTREE, Crab. With pistols, nephew-pistols: I have it from undoubted authority. Mrs C. O, Mr. Crabtree, then it is all true! Crab. Too true, indeed, madam, and Sir Peter is dangerously wounded— Sir B. By a thrust in segoon quite through his left side Crab. By a bullut lodged in the thorax. Crab. Yes, madam; though Charles would have avoided the matter, if he could. Mrs. C. I told you who it was; I knew Charles was the person. Sir B. My uncle, I see, knows nothing of the matter. Crab. But Sir Peter taxed him with the basest ingratitude. Sir B That I told you, you know— |