Sneer. The devil!-Did he mean all that by shaking his head? Puff. Every word of it-if he shook his head as I taught him. Sneer. O here are some of our old acquaintance. 'Sir C. My neice, and your neice too! 'By heav'n! there's witchcraft in't. He could not else 'Have gain'd their hearts. But see where they approach; 'Some horrid purpose low'ring on their brows! Sir W. Let us withdraw and mark them.' [They retire up. Enter the two NIECES. 1st. Nie. Ellena here! 2d Nie. He comes, the false disturber of my quiet. "But see the proud destroyer of my peace. Revenge is all the good I've left. 'Now vengeance do thy worst. Enter WHISKERANDOS. Whis. O hateful liberty-if thus in vain 'I seek my Tilburína! 'Both Nie. And ever shalt! [Aside. [Aside. [Sir Christopher and Sir Walter come forward.] Sir C. and Sir W. Hold! we will avenge you. Whis. Hold you-or see your nieces bleed.' [The two Nieces draw their two daggers to strike Whiskerandos; the two Uncles, at the instant, with their two swords drawn, catch their two Nieces' arms, and turn the points of their swords to Whiskerandos, who immediately draws two daggers, and holds them to the two Nieces' bosoms.] Puff. There's situation for you! there's an heroie group! You see, the ladies can't stab Whiskerandos→→ he durst not strike them for fear of their uncles-the uncles durst not kill him because of their nieces. have them all at a dead lock! for every one of them is afraid to let go first. I Sneer. Why, then they must stand there for ever. Puff. So they would, ifl hadn't a very fine contrivance for't. Now, mind-Beef! Enter BEEFEATER, with his Halberd. 'Beef. In the Queen's name, I charge you all to drop Your swords and daggers!' [They drop their swords and daggers. Sneer. That is a contrivance, indeed! Puff. Aye-in the Queen's name. 'Sir C. Come, niece! 'Sir W. Come, niece! [Exeunt with the two Nieces. "Whis.What's he who bids us thus renounce our guard? Beef. Thou must do more! renounce thy love! 'Whis. Thou liest, base Beefeater! 'Beef. Ha! Hell! the lie! "By heav'n, thou'st rous'd the lion in my heart! 'Off, yeoman's habit! base disguise! off! off! [Discovers himself, by throwing off his upper dress, and appearing in a very fine shape dress.] Am I a Beefeater now? 'Or beams my crest as terrible as when 'In Biscay's Bay I took thy captive sloop? 'Whis. I thank thee, fortune! that hast thus bestow'd 'A weapon to chastise this insolent. [Takes up one of the swords. 'Beef. I take thy challenge, Spaniard, and I thank Thee, fortune, too! [Takes up the other sword. 'Whis. Vengeance and Tilburina ! 'Beef. Exactly so! [They fight, and after the usual number of wounds given, Whiskerandos falls. 'Whis. O cursed parry! The last thrust in tierce 'Was fatal! Captain, thou hast fenced well! < And Whiskerandos quits this bustling scene For all eter- Puff. O, my dear sir, you are too slow : now mind me. Sir, shall I trouble you to die again? Whis. Certainly, sir! this bustling scene 6 F And Whiskerandos quits For all eter―― [Rolls himself up in the carpet. 'Beef.nity, he should have added'— Puff. No, sir, that's not it: once more, if and I'll kill you myself. you please, Whis. [Unrolling himself.] I wish, sir, you would practise this without me: I can't stay dying here all night. [Exit. Puff. Very well, we'll go over it by and by. I must humour these gentlemen! 'Beef. Farewell, brave Spaniard! and when next'Puff. Dear sir, you needn't speak that speech, as the body has walked off. Beef. That's true sir; then I'll join the fleet. Puff. If you please. [Exit BEEFEATER.] Now enter Tilburina! Sneer. Egad, the business comes on quick here. satin. Sneer. Why in white salin? Puff. O Lord, sir, when a heroine goes mad, she always goes into white satin-don't she, Dangle! Dan. Always-it's a rule. Puff. Yes, here it is, [Looking at the book.] Enter Tilburina, stark mad, in white satin, and her Confidant, stark mad, in white linen.' Enter TILBURINA and CONFIDANT, mad, according to custom. Sneer. But what the deuce! is the Confidant to be mad too? Puff. To be sure she is: the Confidant is always to do whatever her mistress does; weep when she weeps, smile when she smiles, go mad when she goes mad. Now, madam Confidant-but keep your madness in the background, if you please. 'Til. The wind whistles-the moon rises-[screams] -see, They have kill'd my squirrel in his cage!-[Kneels. 'Is this a grasshopper?-Ha! no, it is my 'I know you have him in your breeches pocketAn oyster may be crossed in love!-Who says A whale's a bird!-Ha? did you call my love?— 'He's here!-He's there!-He's every where!'Ah me! he's no where.' [Exit TILBURINA. [THE CONFIDANT imitates TILBURINA, and exit. Puff. There! do you ever desire to see any body madder than that? Sneer. Never, while I live! And pray what becomes of her? Puff. She is gone to throw herself into the sea, to be sure-and that brings us at once to the scene of action, and so to my catastrophe-my sea-fight, I mean. Sneer. What, you bring that in at last? Puff. Yes, yes; you know my play is called the Spanish Armada, otherwise, egad, I have no occasion for the battle at all. Now then for magnificence! my battle! my noise! and my procession? You are all ready? Prom [Within.] Yes, sir. my Puff. Very well. Now, then, change the scene, and then for our grand display. 6 [The scene changes to a view of the Spanish Armada in close action with the British fleet. Music plays Britons strike home.' Spanish fleet destroyed by fire-ships' &c. English fleet advances,-Music plays' Rule Britannia.' During this scene, Puffdirects and applauds every thing: then] Well, pretty well-but not quite perfect; so, ladies and gentlemen, if you please, we'll rehearse this piece again on the first opportunity. [Curtain drops. REMARKS. THIS amusing little drama is on a similar plan to that of the Duke of Buckingham, entitled 'The Rehearsal.' It is throughout lively, witty, and sarcastic; and may be taken as affording an excellent specimen of the author's power to embody satire with the most laughable efforts of the dramatic muse. |