same ridiculous vanity, which makes her dress up her coarse features, and deck her dull chat with hard words which she don't understand'

Mrs. M. There, sir, an attack upon my language! what do you think of that?-an aspersion upon my parts of speech! was ever such a brute! Sure if I reprehend any thing in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs. Capt. A. He deserves to be hanged and quartered! let me see-same ridiculous vanity'

Mrs. M. You need not read it again, sir!

Capt. A. I beg pardon, ma'am— 'does also lay her open to the grossest deceptions from flattery and pretended admiration'-an impudent coxcomb-'so that I have a scheme to see you shortly, with the old Harridan's consent, and even to make her a go-between in our interviews.'-Was ever such assurance!

Mrs. M. Did you ever hear any thing like it! [They rise.] He'll elude my vigilance, will he?-yes, yes!ha! ha! he's very likely to enter these doors!—we'll try who can plot best!

Capt. A. So we will, ma'am—so we will.—Ha! ha! ha! a conceited puppy! ha! ha! ha!-Well, but Mrs. Malaprop, as the girl seems so infatuated by this fellow, suppose you were to wink at her corresponding with him for a little time-let her even plot an elopement with him-then do you connive at her escapewhile I, just in the nick, will have the fellow laid by the heels, and fairly contrive to carry her off in his stead.

Mrs. M. I am delighted with the scheme; never was any thing better perpetrated.

Capt. A. But, pray, could 1 not see the lady for a few minutes now?—I should like to try her temper a little.

Mrs. M. Why, I don't know; I doubt she is not prepared for a visit of this kind. There is a decorum in these matters.

Capt. A. O Lord, she won't mind me! only tell her, Beverley

Mrs. M. Sir!

Capt A. Gently, good tongue!

Mrs. M. What did you say of Beverley?

[Aside.

Capt. A. Oh! I was going to propose that you should tell her, by way of jest, that it was Beverley who was below-she'd come down fast enough thenha! ha! ha!

Mrs. M. 'Twould be a trick she well deserves; besides, you know the fellow tells her he'll get my consent to see her-ha! ha! Let him if he can, say again. Lydia, come down here! [Calling.] He'll make me a go-between in their interviews!-ha! ha! ha! Come down, I say, Lydia! I don't wonder at your laughing-ha! ha! ha! his impudence is truly ridiculous.

Capt. A. 'Tis very ridiculous, upon my soul, ma'am, -ha! ha! ha!

Mrs. M. The little hussy won't hear. Well, I'll go and tell her at once who it is-she shall know that Captain Absolute is come to wait on her. And I'll make her behave as becomes a young woman. Capt. A. As you please, ma'am.

Mrs. M. For the present, Captain, your servantAh, you've not done laughing yet, I see-elude my vigilance! yes, yes-Ha! ha! ha! [Exit. now, that

Capt. A. Ha! ha! ha! one would think,

I might throw off all disguise at once, and seize my prize with security; but such is Lydia's caprice, that, to undeceive, were probably to lose her. I'll see whether she knows me.

[Walks aside, surveying the Pictures.

Enter LYDIA.

Lyd. What a scene am I now to go through! surely nothing can be more dreadful than to be obliged to listen to the loathsome addresses of a stranger to one's heart. I have heard of girls persecuted, as I am, who have appealed in behalf of their favoured lover, to the generosity of his rival: suppose I were to try it-there stands the hated rival-an officer too! but, oh, how

C

unlike my Beverley! I wonder he don't begin-truly, he seems a very negligent wooer!-quite at his ease, upon my word! I'll speak first-Mr. Absolute!

Capt. A. Ma'am.

Lyd. O heavens! Beverley!

[Turns round.

Capt. A. Hush! hush, my life! softly! be not surprised! Lyd. I am so astonished! and so terrified! and so overjoyed! For heaven's sake, how came you here?

Capt. A. Briefly, I have deceived your aunt. I was informed that my new rival was to visit here this evening, and, contriving to have him kept away, have passed myself on her for Captain Absolute

Lyd. Oh, charming! and she really takes you for young Absolute?

Capt. A. Oh, she's convinced of it.

Lyd. Ha! ha! ha! I can't forbear laughing, to think how her sagacity is over-reached.

Capt. A. But we trifle with our precious moments -such another opportunity may not occur; then let me now conjure my kind, my condescending angel, to fix the time when I may rescue her from undeserved persecution, and, with a licensed warmth, plead for my reward.

Lyd. Will yon then, Beverley, consent to forfeit that portion of my paltry wealth? that burden on the wings of love?

Capt. A. Oh, come to me-rich only thus-in loveliness! Bring no portion to me but thy love; 'twill be generous in you, Lydia; for well you know, it is the only dower your poor Beverley can repay.

Lyd. How persuasive are his words! how charming will poverty be with him!

[A side.

Capt. A. By heavens, I would fling all goods of fortune from me with a prodigal hand, to enjoy the scene where I might clasp my Lydia to my bosom, and say, the world affords no smile to me but here.

[Embracing her. If she holds out now, the devil is in it. [Aside. Lyd. Now could I fly with him to the Antipodes— bu my persecution is not yet come to a crisis. [A side.

Enter MRS. MALAPROP, listening.

Mrs. M. I am impatient to know how the little hussy deports herself.

[A side. Capt. A. So pensive, Lydia!—is then your warmth abated?

Mrs. M. Warmth abated?-so!-she has been in a passion, I suppose.

[Aside. Mrs. M. An ill-temper'd little devil!-She'll be in a passion all her life, will she?

Lyd. No; nor ever can while I have life.

[A side. Lyd. Let her choice be Captain Absolute, but Beverley is mine.

Mrs. M. I am astonished at her assurance!-to his face-this to his face!

[Aside.

Capt. A. Thus, then, let me enforce my suit.

[Kneeling. Mrs. M. Ay-poor young man!-down on his knees, entreating for pity!-I can contain no longer. [A side. -Why, thou vixen!—I have overheard you. Capt. A. Oh, confound her vigilance! [A side. Mrs. M. Captain Absolute-I know not how to apologize for her shocking rudeness.

Capt. A. So, all's safe, I find.[Aside.] I have hopes, madam, that time will bring the young lady

Mrs M. O, there 's nothing to be hoped for from her! she's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile.

Lyd. Nay, madam, what do you charge me with now?

Mrs. M. Why thou unblushing rebel-didn't you tell this gentleman to his face, that you loved another better?-didn't you say you never would be his?

Lyd. No, madam, I did not.

Mrs. M. Good heavens, what assurance !-Lydia, Lydia, you ought to know that lying don't become a young woman! Didn't you boast that Beverley-that stroller, Beverley-possessed your heart? Tell me that, I say.

Lyd. 'Tis true, ma'am, and none but Beverley

Mrs. M. Hold!-hold, assurance!-you shall not be so rude.

Capt. A. Nay, pray, Mrs. Malaprop, don't stop the young lady's speech:-she's very welcome to talk thus -it does not hurt me in the least, I assure you.

Mrs. M, You are too good, captain-too amiably patient:-but come with me, miss-let us see you again soon, captain-remember what we have fixed.

Capt. A. I shall, ma'am.

Mrs. M. Come, take a graceful leave of the gentle

man.

Lyd. May every blessing wait on my Beverley, my [Mrs. M. prevents her speaking.

loved Bev

Mrs. M. Hussy!-Come along-come along. [Exeunt CAPT. ABSOLUTE, kissing his hand to LYDIA-MRS. MALAPROP and LYDIA.

SCENE IV.-ACRES' Lodgings.

ACRES and DAVID discovered; ACRES just dressed.

Acres. Indeed, David-dress does make a difference, David.

Dav. 'Tis all in all, I think—difference? why, an' you were to go now to Clod Hall, I am certain the old lady wouldn't know you: master Butler wouldn't believe his own eyes, and Mrs. Pickle would cry, 'Lard presarve me!' our dairy maid would come gigling to the door, and I warrant Dolly Tester, your honour's favourite, would blush like my waistcoat. Oons! I'll hold a gallon, there an't a dog in the house but would bark, and I question whether Phyllis would wag a hair of her tail?

Acres. Ay, David, there's nothing like polishing. Dav. So I says of your honour's boots: but the boy never heeds me!

Acres. But David, has Mr. de la Grace been here? I must rub up my balancing, and chasing, and boring. Dav. I'll call again, sir.

Acres. Do; and see if there are any letters for me at the Post-office.