could accommodate the gentlemen by the fireside, with three chairs and a bolster ?

HASTINGS. I hate sleeping by the fireside.

MARLOW. And I detest your three chairs and a bolster.
TONY. You do, do you? — then, let me see

what if you 5

go on a mile further, to the Buck's Head; the old Buck's Head on the hill, one of the best inns in the whole county?

HASTINGS. O ho! so we have escaped an adventure for this night, however.

LANDLORD. [Apart to TONY] Sure, you be n't sending them 10 to your father's as an inn, be you?

TONY. Mum, you fool you. Let them find that out. [To them] You have only to keep on straight forward, till you come to a large old house by the roadside. You'll see a pair of large horns over the door. That's the sign. Drive up the 15 yard, and call stoutly about you.

HASTINGS. Sir, we are obliged to you. The servants can't miss the way?

TUNY. No, no; but I tell you, though, the landlord is rich, and going to leave off business; so he wants to be thought a 20 gentleman, saving your presence, he he he! He'll be for giving you his company; and, ecod, if you mind him, he'll persuade you that his mother was an alderman and his aunt a justice of peace.

LANDLORD. A troublesome old blade, to be sure; but a 25 keeps as good wines and beds as any in the whole country.

MARLOW. Well, if he supplies us with these, we shall want no further connection. We are to turn to the right, did you say? TONY. No, no; straight forward. I'll just step myself, and show you a piece of the way. [To the LANDLORD] Mum! 30 LANDLORD. Ah, bless your heart, for a sweet, pleasant damn'd mischievous son.

[Exeunt]

5

ΙΟ

ACT THE SECOND

SCENE. An old-fashioned house

Enter HARDCASTLE, followed by three or four awkward
SERVANTS

HARDCASTLE. Well, I hope you are perfect in the table exercise I have been teaching you these three days. You all know your posts and your places, and can show that you have been used to good company, without ever stirring from home. OMNES. Ay, ay.

HARDCASTLE. When company comes, you are not to pop out and stare, and then run in again, like frighted rabbits in

a warren.

OMNES. No, no.

HARDCASTLE. You, Diggory, whom I have taken from the barn, are to make a show at the side table; and you, Roger, whom I have advanced from the plow, are to place yourself behind my chair. But you 're not to stand so, with your hands in your pockets. Take your hands from your pockets, Roger; 15 and from your head, you blockhead, you. See how Diggory carries his hands. They're a little too stiff, indeed, but that's no great matter.

DIGGORY. Ay, mind how I hold them. I learned to hold my hands this way, when I was upon drill for the militia. And so 20 being upon drill

HARDCASTLE. You must not be so talkative, Diggory. You must be all attention to the guests. You must hear us talk, and not think of talking; you must see us drink, and not think of drinking; you must see us eat, and not think of eating.

ΝΠ

DIGGORY. By the laws, your worship, that's parfectly unpossible. Whenever Diggory sees yeating going forward, ecod, he 's always wishing for a mouthful himself.

HARDCASTLE. Blockhead! Is not a bellyful in the kitchen as good as a bellyful in the parlor? Stay your stomach with 5 that reflection.

DIGGORY. Ecod, I thank your worship, I'll make a shift to stay my stomach with a slice of cold beef in the pantry. HARDCASTLE. Diggory, you are too talkative.- Then, if I happen to say a good thing, or tell a good story at table, you 10 must not all burst out a-laughing, as if you made part of the company.

DIGGORY. Then, ecod, your worship must not tell the story of the Ould Grouse in the gun room; I can't help laughing at that -he! he he! for the soul of me. We have laughed 15

at that these twenty years-ha! ha! ha! →.

HARDCASTLE. Ha! ha ha! The story is a good one. Well, honest Diggory, you may laugh at that; but still remember to be attentive. Suppose one of the company should call for a glass of wine, how will you behave? A glass of wine, sir, if you 20 . please [TO DIGGORY] Eh, why don't you move?

DIGGORY. Ecod, your worship, I never have courage till I see the eatables and drinkables brought upo' the table, and then I'm as bauld as a lion.

HARDCASTLE. What, will nobody move?

FIRST SERVANT. I'm not to leave this pleace.

SECOND SERVANT. I'm sure it's no pleace of mine.
THIRD SERVANT. Nor mine, for sartain.

DIGGORY. Wauns, and I'm sure it canna be mine.

25

HARDCASTLE. You numskulls! and so while, like your 30 betters, you are quarreling for places, the guests must be starved. Oh, you dunces! I find I must begin all over again But don't I hear a coach drive into the yard? To your posts,