HASTINGS. Thou dear dissembler! You must know, my Constance, I have just seized this happy opportunity of my friend's visit here to get admittance into the family. The horses that carried us down are now fatigued with their journey, but they'll soon be refreshed; and then, if my dearest girl will trust in her faithful Hastings, we shall soon be landed in France, where even among slaves the laws of marriage are respected. MISS NEVILLE. I have often told you that though ready to obey you, I yet should leave my little fortune behind with reluctance. The greatest part of it was left me by my uncle, the India director, and chiefly consists in jewels. I have been for some time persuading my aunt to let me wear them. I fancy I'm very near succeeding. The instant they are put into my possession, you shall find me ready to make them and myself yours. 483 HASTINGS. My dear Charles! Let me congratulate you! -The most fortunate accident! Who do you think is just alighted? MARLOW. Cannot guess. 507 HASTINGS. Our mistresses, boy-Miss Hardcastle and Miss Neville. Give me leave to introduce Miss Constance Neville to your acquaintance. Happening to dine in the neighborhood, they called on their return to take fresh horses here. Miss Hardcastle has just stepped into the next room, and will be back in an instant. Wasn't it lucky? eh! MARLOW. (Aside) I have been mortified enough of all conscience, and here comes something to complete my embarrassment. HASTINGS. Well, but wasn't it the most fortunate thing in the world? 520 MARLOW. Oh, yes! Very fortunate-a most joyful encounter.-But our dresses, George, you know are in disorder-What if we should postpone the happiness till tomorrow-to-morrow at her own house? - It will be every bit as convenient-and rather more respectful.-To-morrow let it be. 527 (Offering to go) MISS NEVILLE. By no means, sir. Your ceremony will displease her. The disorder of your dress will show the ardor of your impatience. Besides, she knows you are in the house, and will permit you to see her. MARLOW. Oh, the devil! how shall I support it? Hem! hem! Hastings, you must not go. You are to assist me, you know. I shall be confoundedly ridiculous. Yet, hang it! I'll take courage. Hem! 537 HASTINGS. Pshaw, man! it's but the first plunge, and all 's over. She's but a woman, you know. MARLOW. And of all women she that I dread most to encounter. 542 Enter MISS HARDCASTLE, as returned from walking; a bonnet, &c. HASTINGS. (Introducing them) Miss Hardcastle, Mr. Marlow. I'm proud of bringing two persons of such merit together, that only want to know, to esteem each other. MISS HARDCASTLE. (Aside) Now for meeting my modest gentleman with a demure face, and quite in his own manner. (After a pause, in which he appears very uneasy and disconcerted) I'm glad of your safe arrival, sir. I'm told you had some accidents by the way. 552 MARLOW. Only a few, madam. Yes, we had some. Yes, madam, a good many accidents, but should be sorry-madam-or rather glad of any accidents-that are so agreeably concluded.-Hem! 557 HASTINGS. Our presence will but spoil conversation; so we'll retire to the next room. (To him) You don't consider, man, that we are to manage a little tête-à-tête of our own. Exeunt [HASTINGS and MISS NEVILLE] MISS HARDCASTLE. (After a pause) But you have not been wholly an observer, I presume, sir; the ladies, I should hope, have employed some part of your addresses. MARLOW. (Relapsing into timidity) Pardon me, madam, I-I-I-as yet have studied-only-to-deserve them. MISS HARDCASTLE. And that, some say, is the very worst way to obtain them. 608 MARLOW. My meaning, madam, but infinitely better expressed. And I can't help observing-a MISS HARDCASTLE. (Aside) Who could ever suppose this fellow impudent upon some occasions? (To him) You were going to observe, sir633 MARLOW. I was observing, madam-I protest, madam, I forget what I was going to observe. HASTINGS. (To him) Bravo, bravo! Never spoke so well in your whole life.-Well, Miss Hardcastle, I see that you and Mr. Marlow are going to be very good comMISS HARDCASTLE. (Aside) I vow, and pany. I believe our being here will but em- so do I. (To him) You were observing, barrass the interview. sir, that in this age of hypocrisy-something MARLOW. Not in the least, Mr. Hastings. about hypocrisy, sir. 591 640 MARLOW. Yes, madam. In this age of hypocrisy there are few who upon strict inquiry do not- -a-a-a MISS HARDCASTLE. I understand you perfectly, sir. 645 MARLOW. (Aside) Egad! and that's more than I do myself. MISS HARDCASTLE. You mean that in this hypocritical age there are few that do not condemn in public what they practise in private, and think they pay every debt to virtue when they praise it. 652 MARLOW. True, madam; those who have most virtue in their mouths, have least of it in their bosoms.-But I'm sure I tire you, madam. 656 MARLOW. Yes, madam. I was sayingthat there are some occasions when a total want of courage, madam, destroys all theand puts us-upon a-a-a MISS HARDCASTLE. I agree with you entirely; a want of courage upon some occasions assumes the appearance of ignorance, and betrays us when we most want to excel. I beg you'll proceed. 669 MARLOW. Yes, madam. Morally speaking, madam-but I see Miss Neville expecting us in the next room. I would not intrude for the world. 673 MISS HARDCASTLE. I protest, sir, I never was more agreeably entertained in all my life. Pray go on! MARLOW. Yes, madam; I was—but she beckons us to join her. Madam, shall I do myself the honor to attend you? 679 MISS HARDCASTLE. Well, then, I'll follow. MARLOW. (Aside) This pretty, smooth dialogue has done for me. Exit MISS HARDCASTLE. [Alone] Ha! ha! ha! Was there ever such a sober, sentimental interview? I'm certain he scarce looked in my face the whole time. Yet the fellow but for his unaccountable bashfulness is pretty well too. He has good sense, but then so buried in his fears that it fatigues one more than HASTINGS. Never there! You amaze me! From your air and manner, I concluded you had been bred all your life either at Ranelagh, St. James's, or Tower Wharf. 714 MRS. HARDCASTLE. O! sir, you're only pleased to say so. We country persons can have no manner at all. I'm in love with the town, and that serves to raise me above some of our neighboring rustics; but who can have a manner that has never seen the Pantheon, the Grotto Gardens, the Borough, and such places where the nobility chiefly resort? All I can do is to enjoy London at second hand. I take care to know every tête-à-tête from the Scandalous Magazine, and have all the fashions, as they come out, in a letter from the two Miss Rickets of Crooked Lane.-Pray how do you like this head, Mr. Hastings? HASTINGS. Extremely elegant and dégagée,1 upon my word, madam. Your friseur is a Frenchman, I suppose? 1 at ease. 731 HASTINGS. You are right, madam; for as among the ladies there are none ugly, so among the men there are none old. MRS. HARDCASTLE. But what do you think his answer was? Why, with his usual Gothic1 vivacity, he said I only wanted him to throw off his wig to convert it into a tête for my own wearing. 760 HASTINGS. Intolerable! At your age you may wear what you please, and it must become you. MRS. HARDCASTLE. Pray, Mr. Hastings, what do you take to be the most fashionable age about town? 766 HASTINGS. Your niece, is she? And that young gentleman, a brother of yours, I should presume? 782 MRS. HARDCASTLE. My son, sir. They are contracted to each other. Observe their little sports. They fall in and out ten times a day, as if they were man and wife already. (To them) Well, Tony, child, what soft things are you saying to your cousin Constance this evening? 789 TONY. I have been saying no soft things, but that it's very hard to be followed about so. Ecod! I've not a place in the house now that's left to myself but the stable! 793 MRS. HARDCASTLE. Never mind him, Con, my dear. He's in another story behind your back. MISS NEVILLE. There's something generous in my cousin's manner. He falls out before faces to be forgiven in private. 799 TONY. That's a damned confounded crack. MRS. HARDCASTLE. Ah! he's a sly one. Don't you think they are like each other about the mouth, Mr. Hastings?—the Blenkinsop mouth to a T! They're of a size, too. Back to back, my pretties, that Mr. Hastings may see you. Come, Tony. 807 TONY. You had as good not make me, I tell you. (Measuring) MISS NEVILLE. O lud! he has almost cracked my head. 811 MRS. HARDCASTLE. Oh, the monster! For shame, Tony! You a man, and behave so! TONY. If I'm a man, let me have my fortin. Ecod! I'll not be made a fool of no longer. 816 MRS. HARDCASTLE. Is this, ungrateful boy. all that I'm to get for the pains I have taken in your education-I that have rocked you in your cradle and fed that pretty mouth with a spoon! Did not I work that waistcoat to make you genteel? Did not I prescribe for you every day, and weep while the receipt was operating? 824 TONY. Ecod! you had reason to weep, for you have been dosing me ever since I was born. I have gone through every receipt in The Complete Huswife ten times over, and you have thoughts of coursing me through Quincy next spring. But, ecod! I tell you, I'll not be made a fool of no longer. 831 MRS. HARDCASTLE. Wasn't it all for your good, viper?-Wasn't it all for your good? TONY. I wish you'd let me and my good alone, then. Snubbing this way when I'm in spirits! If I'm to have any good, let it come of itself-not to keep dinging it, dinging it into one so. 838 MRS. HARDCASTLE. That's false; I never see you when you're in spirits. No, Tony, you then go to the alehouse or kennel. I'm never to be delighted with your agreeable wild notes, unfeeling monster! 843 TONY. Ecod! mamma, your own notes are the wildest of the two. MRS. HARDCASTLE. Was ever the like? But I see he wants to break my heart; I see he does! 848 HASTINGS. Dear madam, permit me to lecture the young gentleman a little. I'm certain I can persuade him to his duty. MRS. HARDCASTLE. Well, I must retire. Come, Constance, my love. You see, Mr. Hastings, the wretchedness of my situation; was ever poor woman so plagued with a dear sweet, pretty, provoking, undutiful boy? 856 Exeunt MRS. HARDCASTLE and MISS NEVILLE TONY. (Singing) "There was a young man riding by, and fain would have his will. Rang do didlo dee."-Don't mind her. Let her cry. It's the comfort of her heart. I have seen her and sister cry over a book for an hour together, and they said they liked the book the better the more it made them cry. HASTINGS. Then you're no friend to the ladies, I find, my pretty young gentleman? TONY. That 's as I find 'um. 866 TONY. I have seen her since the height of that. [Holding out his arm] She has as many tricks as a hare in a thicket or a colt the first day's breaking. 879 HASTINGS. To me she appears sensible and silent. TONY. Aye, before company. But when she's with her playmates, she's as loud as a hog in a gate. 884 HASTINGS. But there is a meek modesty about her that charms me. TONY. Yes, but curb her never so little, she kicks up and you're flung in a ditch. HASTINGS. Well, but you must allow her a little beauty-yes, you must allow her some beauty. 891 TONY. Bandbox! She's all a made-up thing, mun. Ah! could you but see Bet Bouncer of these parts, you might then talk of beauty. Ecod, she has two eyes as black as sloes and cheeks as broad and red as a pulpit cushion. She'd make two of she. HASTINGS. Well, what say you to a friend that would take this bitter bargain off your hands? TONY. Anon. 900 |