BAYES. Why, I'll make 'em call her Armaryllis, because of her armor-ha, ha, ha! JOHNSON. That will be very well, indeed. BAYES. Aye, it's a pretty little rogue; she is my mistress. I knew her face would set off armor extremely, and, to tell you true, I writ that part only for her. Well, gentlemen, I dare be bold to say, without vanity, I'll show you something here that's very ridiculous, I gad. [Exeunt Players] 234 JOHNSON. Sir, that we do not doubt of. BAYES. Pray, sir, let's sit down.-Look you, sir, the chief hinge of this play, upon which the whole plot moves and turns, and that causes the variety of all the several accidents, which, you know, are the thing in nature that make up the grand refinement of a play, is, that I suppose two kings to be of the same place-as, for example, at Brentford, for I love to write familiarly. Now the people having the same relations to 'em both, the same affections, the same duty, the same obedience, and all that, are divided among themselves in point of devoir and interest, how to behave themselves equally between 'em-these kings differing sometimes in particular, though in the main they agree. I know not whether I make myself well understood.

253

JOHNSON. I did not observe you, sir; pray, say that again.

BAYES. Why, look you, sir (nay, I beseech you, be a little curious1 in taking notice of this, or else you'll never understand my notion of the thing), the people being embarrassed by their equal ties to both, and the sovereigns concerned in a reciprocal regard, as well to their own interest as the good of the people, may make a certain kind of a-you understand meupon which there does arise several disputes, turmoils, heart-burnings, and all that.-In fine, you'll apprehend it better when you see it. [Exit, to call the Players] SMITH. I find the author will be very much obliged to the players, if they can make any sense of this.

Enter BAYES

268

271

SMITH. Very well. That's, indeed, artificial.2

BAYES. And I would fain ask your judgments, now, which of them would do best for the prologue. For, you must know, there is, in nature, but two ways of making very good prologues. The one is by civility, by insinuation, good language, and all that, to-a-in a manner, steal your plaudit from the courtesy of the auditors; the other, by making use of some certain personal things, which may keep a hank upon such censuring persons as cannot otherways, a gad, in nature, be hindred from being too free with their tongues. To which end, my first prologue is, that I come out in a long black veil, and a great, huge hang-man behind me, with a furred cap and his sword drawn; and there tell 'em plainly that if, out of good nature, they will not like my play, why I gad, I'll e'en kneel down, and he shall cut my head off. Whereupon they all clapping-a

300

SMITH. But suppose they do not.

BAYES. Suppose! Sir, you may suppose what you please, I have nothing to do with your suppose, sir, nor am not at all mortified at it not at all, sir; I gad, not one jot. "Suppose," quoth a!- [Walks away] 306 JOHNSON. Phoo! prithee, Bayes, don't mind what he says. He's a fellow newly come out of the country; he knows nothing of what's the relish, here, of the town.

310

BAYES. I'm sure the design's good: that cannot be denied. And then, for language, I gad, I defy 'em all, in nature, to mend it. Besides, sir, I have printed above a hundred sheets of paper, to insinuate the plot into the boxes: and withal, have appointed two or three dozen of my friends to be ready in the pit, who, I'm sure, will clap, and so the rest, you know, must follow; and then pray, sir, what becomes of your suppose?-Ha, ha, ha! JOHNSON. Nay, if the business be so well laid, it cannot miss.

331

BAYES. I think so, sir, and therefore would choose this for the prologue. For if I could engage 'em to clap before they see the play, you know 'twould be so much the better, because then they were engaged; for let a man write never so well, there are, now-a-days, a sort of persons they call critics, that, I gad, have no more wit in 'em than so many hobby-horses. But they'll laugh you, sir, and find fault, and censure things that, I gad, I'm sure they are not able to do themselves-a sort of envious persons that emulate the glories of persons of parts and think to build their fame by calumniating of persons that, I gad, to my knowledge, of all persons in the world are, in nature, the persons that do as much despise all that as -a-In fine, I'll say no more of 'em. 349

BAYES. Why, I'll tell you, sir, sincerely, and bona fide; were it not for the sake of some ingenious persons and choice female spirits that have a value for me, I would see 'em all hanged before I would e'er more set pen to paper; but let 'em live in ignorance like ingrates.

359

JOHNSON. Aye, marry! that were a way to be revenged of 'em, indeed; and, if I were in your place, now, I would do it.

BAYES. No sir: there are certain ties upon me that I cannot be disengaged from; otherwise, I would. But pray, sir, how do you like my hangman?

366 SMITH. By my troth, sir, I should like him very well.

BAYES. Aye, but how do you like it?for I see you can judge. Would you have it for the prologue, or the epilogue?

371

JOHNSON. Faith, sir, it's so good, let it e'en serve for both.

BAYES. No, no! that won't do. Besides, I have made another.

JOHNSON. What other, sir?

375

BAYES. Do you think so? I'll tell you then; though there have been many witty prologues written of late, yet I think you'll say this is a non pareillo. I'm sure nobody has hit upon it yet. For here, sir, I make my prologue to be dialogue: and as in my first you see I strive to oblige the auditors by civility, by good nature, and all that, so in this by the other way, in terrorem, I choose for the persons Thunder and Lightning. Do you apprehend the conceit?

391

441

LIGHTNING. I'll give you flash for flash. Gallants, I'll singe your feather. THUNDER. I'll Thunder you together. BOTH. Look to't, look to't; we'll do't, we'll do't; look to't, we'll do't.

[Twice or thrice repeated] [Exeunt Ambo]

BAYES. That's all. 'Tis but a flash of a prologue-a droll.

446 SMITH. 'Tis short, indeed, but very terrible.

BAYES. Aye, when the simile is in, it will do to a miracle, I gad. Come, come, begin the play.

Enter First Player

451

USHER. Thirdly and lastly, both he and

they

[Whispers]

BAYES. There they both whisper.

[Exeunt whispering]

Now, gentlemen, pray tell me true and without flattery, is not this a very odd beginning of a play?

71

JOHNSON. In troth, I think it is, sir. But why two kings of the same place?

BAYES. Why? because it's new, and that's it I aim at. I despise your Jonson and Beaumont, that borrowed all they writ from nature: I am for fetching it purely out of my own fancy, I.

78 SMITH. But what think you of Sir John Suckling, sir?

BAYES. By gad, I am a better poet than he. SMITH. Well, sir; but pray, why all this whispering?

83

BAYES. Sir, if you'll but respite your curiosity till the end of the fifth act, you'll find it a piece of patience not ill recompensed. [Goes to the door] 92 JOHNSON. How dost thou like this, Frank? Is it not just as I told thee?

SMITH. Why, I did never, before this, see anything in nature, and all that (as Mr. Bayes says), so foolish but I could give some guess at what moyed the fop to do it; but this, I confess, does go beyond my reach.

100

JOHNSON. Why, 'tis all alike: Mr. Wintershall1 has informed me of this play before. And I'll tell thee, Frank, thou shalt not see one scene here that either properly ought to come in, or is like anything thou canst imagine has ever been the practice of the world. And then, when he comes to what he calls "good language," it is, as I told 1Q1 Wintershull.