HASTINGS. Oho! fo we have escaped an adventure for this night, however. LANDLORD. (Apart to Tony) Sure, you ben't fending them to your father's as an inn, be you? TONY: Mum, you fool you. Let them find that out. (to them) You have only to keep on ftreight forward, till you come to a large old houfe by the road fide. You'll fee a pair of large horns over the door. That's the fign. Drive up the yard, and call ftoutly about you. HASTINGS. Sir, we are obliged to you. The fervants can't mifs the way? TONY. No, no: But I tell you though, the landlord is rich, and going to leave off bufinefs; fo he wants to be thought a Gentleman, faving your prefence, he, he, he, He'll be for giving you his company, and ecod if you mind him, he'll perfuade you that his mother was an alderman, and his aunt a juftice of peace. LANDLORD. A troublefome old blade to be fure; but a keeps as good wines and beds as any in the whole country. MARLO W. Well, if he fupplies us with thefe, we shall want no further connexion. We are to turn to the right. did you say? TONY. No, no; ftreight forward. I'll juft ftep myself, and fhew you a piece of the way. (to the landlord) Mum. LANDLORD. Ah, blefs your heart, for a fweet, pleasant damn'd mifchievous fon of a whore. [Exeunt. ACT ACT II. SCENE, An old-fashioned HoUSE. Enter HARDCASTLE, followed by three or four aukward Servants. WELL HARDCASTLE. 'ELL, I hope you're perfect in the table exercife I have been teaching you these three days. You all know your pofts and your places, and can shew that you have been used to good company, with- I out ever stirring from home. Ay, ay, OMNES. HARDCASTLE. When company comes, you are not to pop out and ftare, and then run in again, like frighted rabbits in a warrén. No, no. OMNES. HARDCASTLE. You, Diggory, whom I have taken from the barn, are to make a fhew at the fide-table; and you, Roger, whom I have advanced from the plow, are to place yourself behind my chair. But you're not to ftand fo, with your hands in your pockets. Take your hands from your pockets, Roger; and from your head, you blockhead you. See how Diggory carries his hands. They're a little too ftiff, indeed, but that's no great matter. DIGGORY. Ay, mind how I hold them. I learned to hold my hands this way, when I was upon drill for the militia. And fo being upon drill HARDCASTLE. You must not be fo talkative, Diggory. You mpft be all attention to the guests. You must hear us talk, D and and not think of talking; you muft fee us drink, and not think of drinking; you muft fee us eat, and not think of eating. DIGGORY. By the laws, your worship, that's parfectly unpoffible. Whenever Diggory fees yeating going forward, ecod he's always wifhing for a mouthful himself. HARDCAST LE. Blockhead! Is not a belly full in the kitchen as good as a belly full in the parlour? Stay your ftomach with that reflection. DIGGORY.. Ecod I thank your worship, I'll make a shift to stay my ftomach with a flice of cold beef in the HARDCASTLE. pantry. Diggory, you are too talkative. Then if I happen to fay a good thing, or tell a good story at table, you muft not all burft out a-laughing, as if you made part of the company. DIGGORY: Then ecod your worship must not tell the story of Ould Grouse in the gun room: I can't help laughing at that he he! he!-for the foul of me. We have laughed at that these twenty years-ha! ha! ha! HARDCASTLE. Ha ha ha! The ftory is a good one. Well, honeft Diggory, you may laugh at that-but ftill remember to be attentive. Suppofe one of the company fhould call for a glafs of wine, how will you behave? A glass of wine, Sir, if you please (to Diggory)-Eh, why don't you move? DIG GORY. Ecod, your worfhip, I never have courage till I fee the eatables and drinkables brought upo' the table, and then I'm as bauld as a lion. HARDCASTLE. J FIRST SERVANT. I'm not to leave this pleace, SECOND SECOND SERVANT. I'm fure it's no pleace of mine.,.t THIRD SERVANTS Nor mine, for fartain. DIGGORY. Wauns, and I'm fure it canna be mine. You numbikulls and fo while, like your betters, you are quarrelling for places, the guests must be tarved. O you dunces! I find I must begin all over again. But don't I hear a coach drive in, to the yard? To your pofts, you blockheads. I' go in the mean time and give my old friend's fon a hearty reception at the gate. [Exit Hardcaftle. " DIGGORY. By the elevens, my pleace is gone quite out of my head. ROGER. I know that, my pleace is to be every where. FIRST SERVANT. Where the devil is mine? SECOND SERVANT. My pleace is to be no where at all; and fo Ize go about my business. [Exeunt Servants, running about as if frighted, different ways. Enter SERVANT with Candles, fhewing in MARLOW and HASTINGS. SERVANT. Welcome, gentlemen, very welcome. HASTINGS. This way. After the disappointments of the day, welcome once more, Charles, to the comforts of a clean room and a good fire. Upon my word, a very well looking houfe; antique, but creditable. MARLOW. 1 Having firft The ufual fate of a large manfion. ruined the mafter by good houfekeeping, it at laft comes to levy contributions as an inn. HASTINGS. As you fay, we paffengers are to be taxed to pay all thefe fineries. I have often feen a good fideboard, cr a marble chimney-piece, tho' not actually put in the bill, enflame a reckoning confoundedly. MARLOW. Travellers, George, must pay in all places. The only difference is, that in good inns, you pay dearly for luxuries; in bad inns, you are fleeced and ftarved.:: HASTINGS. 1 You have lived pretty much among them. In truth, I have been often furprized, that you who have feen fo much of the world, with your natural good fenfe, and your many opportunities, could never yet acquire a requifite fhare of affurance, MARLOW. The Englishman's malady. But tell me, George, where could I have learned that affurance you talk of? My life has been chiefly fpent in a college, or an ins, in feclufion from that lovely part of the creation that chiefly teach men confidence. I don't know that I was ever familiarly acquainted with a fingle modeft woman-except my motherBut among males of another clafs you know HASTINGS: fe Ay, among them you are impudent enough of all confcience. They are of us you know!" 3 HASTINGS. But in the company of women of reputation I never faw fuch an ideot, fuch a trembler; you look for all the world as if you wanted an opportunity of ftealing out of the room. MARLOW. Why man that's becaufe I do want to fteal out of the room. Faith, I have often formed a're! |