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Max. Come, Gay, dress for dinner. Sir H. Permit me, Lady Gay Spanker. Lady G. With pleasure,-what do you want? Sir H. To escort you. Lady G. Oh, never mind, I can escort myself, thank you, and Dolly too; come, dear. [Exit, R. Sir H. Au revoir! [Exit awkwardly, R. Sir H. What an ill-assorted pair! Max. Not a bit! She married him for freedom, and she has it; he married her for protection, and he has it.

Span. Ah, thank you!

Sir H. How he ever summoned courage to propose to her, I can't guess.

Max. Bless you, he never did. She proposed to him. She says he would if he could; but as he couldn't, she did it for him. [Exeunt laughing, L. Enter COOL, with a letter, L.

Cool. Mr. Charles, I have been watching to find you alone. Sir Harcourt has written to town for you.

me.

Young C. The devil he has!

Cool. He expects you down to-morrow evening. Daz. Oh! he'll be punctual. A thought strikes

Young C. Pooh! Confound your thoughts! I can think of nothing but the idea of leaving Grace, at the very moment when I had established the most

Daz. What if I can prevent her marriage with your governor?

Young C. Impossible!

Daz. He's pluming himself for the conquest of Lady Gay Spanker. It will not be difficult to make him believe she accedes to his suit. And if she would but join in the plan

Young C. I see it all. And do you think she would?

Daz. I mistake my game if she would not. Cool. Here comes Sir Harcourt! Daz. I'll begin with him. Retire, and watch how I'll open the campaign for you.

[YOUNG COURTLY and COOL retire.
Enter SIR HARCOURT, L.

Sir H. Here is that cursed fellow again.
Daz. Ah, my dear old friend!
Sir H. Mr. Dazzle!

to you.

Daz. I have a secret of importance to disclose Are you a man of honor? Hush! don't speak; you are. It is with the greatest pain I am compelled to request you, as a gentleman, that you will shun studiously the society of Lady Gay Spanker!

Sir H. Good gracious! Wherefore, and by what right do you make such a demand? Daz. Why, I am distantly related to the Spankers.

Sir H. Why, dam'me, sir, if you don't appear to be related to every family in Great Britain!

Daz. A good many of the nobility claim me as a connection. But, to return-she is much struck with your address; evidently, she laid herself out for display

Sir H. Ha! you surprise me!
Daz. To entangle you.

Sir H. Ha ha! why, it did appear like it. Daz. You will spare her for my sake; give her no encouragement; if disgrace come upon my relatives, the Spankers, I should never hold up my head again.

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Sir H. [aside.] I shall achieve an easy conquest, and a glorious. Ha! ha! I never remarked it before, but this is a gentleman.

Daz. May I rely on your generosity?

Sir H. Faithfully. [Shakes his hand.] Sir, I honor and esteem you; but might I ask, how came you to meet our friend, Max Harkaway, in my house in Belgrave Square!

Re-enter YOUNG COURTLY. Sits on sofa, L. Daz. Certainly. I had an acceptance of your son's for one hundred pounds.

Sir H. [astonished.] Of my son's? Impossible! Daz. Ah, sir, fact! he paid a debt for a poor unfortunate man-fifteen children-half a dozen wives the devil knows what all.

Sir H. Simple boy!

Daz. Innocent youth, I have no doubt; when you have the hundred convenient, I shall feel delighted. Sir H. Oh! follow me to my room, and if you have the document, it will be happiness to me to pay it. Poor Charles! good heart! Daz. Oh! a splendid heart, I dare say. [Exit SIR HARCOURT, L.] Come here; write me the bill. Young C. What for?

Daz. What for? why, to release the unfortunate man and his family, to be sure, from jail. Young C. Who is he?

Daz. Yourself. Young C.

But I haven't fifteen children! Daz. Will you take your oath of that? Young C. Nor four wives.

Daz. More shame for you, with all that family. Come, don't be obstinate; write, and date it back. Young C. Ay, but where is the stamp? Daz. Here they are, of all patterns. [Pulls out a pocket-book.] I keep them ready drawn in case of necessity, all but the date and acceptance. Now, if you are in an autographic humor, you can try how your signature will look across half a dozen of them;-there-write-exactly-you know the place-across-good-and thank your lucky stars that you have found a friend at last, that gives you money and advice.

[Takes paper and exit, L. Young C. Things are approaching to a climax; I must appear in propria persona-and immediately-but I must first ascertain what are the real sentiments of this riddle of a woman. she love me? I flatter myself. By Jove! here she comes—I shall never have such an opportunity again!

Enter GRACE, L.

Does

Grace. I wish I had never seen Mr. Hamilton. Why does every object appear robbed of the charm it once presented to me? Why do I shudder at the contemplation of this marriage, which, till now, was to me a subject of indifference? Am I in love? In love! if I am, my past life has been the work of raising up a pedestal to place my own folly on-I-the infidel-the railer!

Young C. Meditating upon matrimony, madame?

Grace [aside.] He little thinks he was the subject of my meditations! [Aloud.] No. Young C. [aside.] I must unmask my battery now.

Grace [aside.] How foolish I am-he will perceive that I tremble-I must appear at ease. [A pause.

Young C. Eh? ah! um! Grace. Ah! [They sink into silence again. Aside.] How very awkward!

Young C. [aside.] It is a very difficult subject to begin. [Aloud.] Madam-ahem-there was -is-I mean-I was about to remark-a[Aside.] Hang me if it is not a very slippery subject. I must brush up my faculties; attack her in her own way. [Aloud.] Sing! oh, muse! [Aside.] Why, I have made love before to a hundred women!

Grace [aside.] I wish I had something to do, for I have nothing to say.

Young C. Madame! there is a subject so fraught with fate to my future life, that you must pardon my lack of delicacy should a too hasty expression mar the fervent courtesy of its intent. To you, I feel aware, I must appear in the light of a comparative stranger.

Grace [aside.] I know what's coming. Young C. Of you-I know perhaps too much for my own peace.

Grace [aside.] He is in love.

Young C. I forget all that befell before I saw your beauteous self; I seem born into another world-my nature changed-the beams of that bright face falling on my soul, have, from its chaos, warmed into life the flowerets of affection, whose maiden odors now float toward the sun, pouring forth on their pure tongue a mite of adoration, midst the voices of a universe. [Aside.] That's something in her own style.

Grace. Mr. Hamilton!

Young C. You cannot feel surprisedGrace. I am more than surprised. [Aside.] I am delighted.

Young C. Do not speak so coldly.
Grace. You have offended me.

Young C. No, madame; no woman, whatever her state, can be offended by the adoration even of the meanest; it is myself whom I have offended and deceived-but still I ask your pardon.

Grace [aside.] Oh! he thinks I am refusing him. [Aloud.] I am not exactly offended, butYoung C. Consider my position-a few days -and an insurmountable barrier would have placed you beyond my wildest hopes-you would have been my mother.

Grace. I should have been your mother! [Aside.] I thought so.

Young C. No-that is, I meant Sir Harcourt

Courtly's bride.

Grace [with great emphasis.] Never!

her handkerchief; he stoops to pick it up.] For heaven's sake do not kneel.

Young C. [kneels.] Forever thus prostrate, before my soul's saint, I will lead a. pious life of eternal adoration.

Grace. Should we be discovered thus-pray, Mr. Hamilton-pray-pray.

Young C. Pray! I am praying; what more can I do?

Grace. Your conduct is shameful.
Young C. It is.

[Rises. Grace. And if I do not scream, it is not for your sake-that-but it might alarm the family. Young C. It might it would. Say, am I wholly indifferent to you? I entreat one word-I implore you-do not withdraw your hand. [She snatches it away he puts his around her waist.] You smile.

Grace. Leave me, dear Mr. Hamilton! Young C. Dear! Then I am dear to you; that word once more; say-say you love me! Grace. Is this fair?

[He catches her in his arms and kisses her. Enter LADY GAY SPANKER, R.

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Young C. How! never! may I then hope?-know you?
you turn away-you would not lacerate me by a
refusal?

Grace [aside.] How stupid he is!
Young C. Still silent! I thank you, Miss Grace
-I ought to have expected this fool that I have
been-one course alone remains-farewell!
Grace [aside.] Now he's going.

Young C. Farewell forever! [Sits.] Will you not speak one word? I shall leave this house' immediately I shall not see you again.

Grace. Unhand me, sir, I insist.

What-his son? But he does not

Young C. No. I met him here by chance, and faced it out I never saw him before in my life. Lady G. Beautiful! I see it all—you're in love with your mother that should be your wife that will be.

Young C. Now, I think I could distance the old gentleman, if you will but lend us your assistance. Lady G. I will in anything.

Young C. You must know, then, that my father, Sir Harcourt, has fallen desperately in love with you.

Lady G. With me! [Utters a scream of delight.] That is delicious!

Young C. Now, if you only could

Young C. [aside.] Oh! what an ass I've been!
[Rushes up to her and seizes her hand.] Release
this hand Never! never! [Kissing it.] Never
will I quit this hand! it shall be my companion
in misery-in solitude-when you are far away. cue.
Grace. Oh should any one come! [Drops Ho! ho! won't I make love to him? Ha!

Lady G. Could! I will. Ha ha! I see my
I'll cross his scent-I'll draw him after me.

Young C. The only objection might be Mr. Spanker, who might

Lady G. No, he mightn't, he has no objection. Bless him, he's an inestimable little characteryou don't know him as well as I do. I dare say -ha! ha! [Dinner bell rings.] Here they come to dinner. I'll commence my operations on your governor immediately. Ha ha! how I shall enjoy it. Young C. Be guarded.

Enter MAX HARKAWAY, SIR HARCOURT, DAZ-
ZLE, GRACE and SPANKER, L.

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SCENE I. A handsome Drawing-Room in Oak Hall, chandeliers, tables with books, drawings, &c. GRACE and LADY GAY discovered. Servant handing coffee.

Grace. If there be one habit more abominable than another, it is that of the gentlemen sitting' over their wine; it is a selfish, unfeeling fashion, and a gross insult to our sex.

Lady G. We are turned out just when the fun begins. How happy the poor wretches look at the contemplation of being rid of us.

Grace. The conventional signal for the ladies to withdraw is anxiously and deliberately waited for.

Lady G. Then I begin to wish I were a man. Grace. The instant the door is closed upon us, there rises a roar!

Lady G. In celebration of their short-lived liberty, my love; rejoicing over their emancipation. Grace. I think it very insulting, whatever it may be.

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James. He left, Miss Grace, in a desperate hurry, and this note, I believe, for you.

[Presenting a note on a salver. Grace. For me! [About to snatch it, but restraining herself, takes it coolly. Exit JAMES.] [Reads.] "Your manner during dinner has left me no alternative but instant departure; my absence will release you from the oppression which my society must necessarily inflict on your sensitive mind.

it can never extinguish, that indomitable passion,
It may tend also to smother, though
of which I am the passive victim. Dare I suppli-
cate pardon and oblivion for the past? It is the
last request of the self-deceived, but still loving
AUGUSTUS HAMILTON."
[Puts her hand to her forehead and appears giddy.
Lady G. Hallo, Grace! what's the matter?
Grace [recovering herself.] Nothing-the heat
of the room.

Lady G. Oh! what excuse does he make? particular unforeseen business, I suppose?

Grace. Why, yes-a mere formula-a-a-you may put it in the fire. [Puts it in her bosom. Lady G. [aside.] It is near enough to the fire where it is.

Grace. I'm glad he's gone.
Lady G. So am I.
Grace.

He was a disagreeable, ignorant person.
Yes; and so vulgar!

Lady G.

No, he was not at all vulgar.

I mean in appearance.

Grace.
Lady G.
Grace.
distingue.

Oh! how can you say so; he was very

Lady G. Well, I might have been mistaken, but I took him for a forward, intrusive —

Grace. Good gracious, Gay! he was very retiring-even shy.

Lady G. [aside.] It's all right. She is in love -blows hot and cold in the same breath.

Grace. How can you be a competent judge? Why, you have not known him more than a few hours-while I—I—

Lady G. Have known him two days and a quarter! I yield-I confess, I never was, or will be so intimate with him as you appeared to be! Ha! ha! [Loud noise of argument. The foldingdoors are thrown open.

Lady G. Ah! my dear, philosophers say that man is the creature of an hour-it is the dinner-[Enter the whole party of gentlemen, apparently hour, I suppose.

[Loud noise. Cries of" A song, a song." Grace. I am afraid they are getting too pleasant to be agreeable.

Lady G. I hope the squire will restrict himself; after his third bottle, he becomes rather voluminous. [Cries of "Silence."] Some one is going to sing. [Jumps up.] Let us hear!

[SPANKER is heard to sing. Grace. Oh, no, Gay, for heaven's sake! Lady G. Oho! ha! ha! why, that is my Dolly. [At the conclusion of the verse.] Well, I never heard my Dolly sing before! Happy wretches, how I envy them!

Enter JAMES, L., with a note.

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engaged in warm discussion. They assemble in knots, while the Servants hand coffee, dc. MAX, SIR HARCOURT, DAZZLE and SPANKER, together.

Daz. But, my dear sir, consider the position of the two countries, under such a constitution.

Sir H. The two countries! What have they to do with the subject?

Max. Everything. Look at their two legislative bodies.

Span. Ay, look at their two legislative bodies. Sir H. Why, it would inevitably establish universal anarchy and confusion.

Grace. I think they are pretty well established already.

Span. Well, suppose it did, what has anarchy

James. Mr. Hamilton has just left the house and confusion to do with the subject?

for London.

Lady G. Do look at my Dolly; he is arguing

Grace. Impossible!--that is, without seeing-talking politics-'pon my life he is. [Calling.]

that is

Lady G. Ha! ha!

Grace. He never-speak, sir.

Mr. Spanker, my dear!

Span. Excuse me, love, I am discussing a point of importance.

Lady G. Oh, that is delicious; he must discuss that to me. [She goes up and leads him down, he appears to have shaken off his gaucherie, she shakes her head.] Dolly! Dolly!

Span. Pardon me, Lady Gay Spanker, I conceive your mutilation of my sponsorial appellation derogatory to my amour propre.

Lady G. Your what? Ho! ho!

Span. And I particularly request that, for the future, I may not be treated with that cavalier spirit which does not become your sex nor your station, your ladyship.

Lady G. You have been indulging till you have lost the little wit nature dribbled into your unfortunate little head-your brains want the whipperin-you are not yourself.

Span. Madame, I am doubly myself; and permit me to inform you, that unless you voluntarily pay obedience to my commands, I shall enforce them. Lady G. Your commands!

Span. Yes, madame; I mean to put a full stop to your hunting.

Lady G. You do! ah! [Aside.] I can scarcely speak from delight. [Aloud.] Who put such an idea into your head, for I am sure it is not an original emanation of your genius?

Span. Sir Harcourt Courtly, my friend; and now, mark me! I request, for your own sake,. that I may not be compelled to assert my a-my authority as your husband. I shall say no more than this-if you persist in your absurd rebellionLady G. Well!

Span. Contemplate a separation.

[Looks at her haughtily and retires. Lady G. Now I'm happy! My own little darling, inestimable Dolly, has tumbled into a spirit, somehow. Sir Harcourt, too! Ha! ha! he's trying to make him ill-treat me, so that his own suit may thrive.

Sir H. [advances.] Lady Gay
Lady G. Now for it.

Sir H. What hours of misery were those I passed, when, by your secession, the room suffered à total eclipse.

Lady G. Ah! you flatter.

Sir H. No, pardon me, that were impossible. No, believe me, I tried to join in the boisterous mirth, but my thoughts would desert to the drawing-room. Ah! how I envied the careless levity and cool indifference with which Mr. Spanker enjoyed your absence.

Daz. [who is lounging in a chair.] Max, that madeira is worth its weight in gold; I hope you have more of it.

Max. A pipe, I think.

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Grace [aside.] Yes considering it is the original. I am not so easily deceived!

Max. Sir, I am delighted to see you.
Young C. Thank you, sir.

Daz. Will you be kind enough to introduce me, Sir Harcourt?

Sir H. This is Mr. Dazzle, Charles.
Young C. Which?

[Looking from SPANKER to Dazzle. Sir H. [to LADY GAY.] Is not that refreshing? Miss Harkaway-Charles, this is your mother, or rather will be.

Young C. Madame, I shall love, honor, and obey you punctually.

[Takes out a book, sighs, and goes up, reading. Enter JAMES, L.

Sir H. You perceive? Quite unused to society, perfectly ignorant of every conventional rule of life. James. The Doctor and the young ladies have arrived. [Exit, L.

Max. The young ladies! Now we must to the ball-I make it a rule always to commence the festivities with a good old country dance-a rattling Sir Roger de Coverly; come, Sir Harcourt. Sir H. Does this antiquity require a warwhoop in it?

Max. Nothing but a nimble foot and a light heart.

Sir H. Very antediluvian indispensables! Lady Gay Spanker, will you honor me by becoming my preceptor?

Lady G. Why, I am engaged-but [aloud] on such a plea as Sir Harcourt's, I must waive all obstacles.

Max. Now, Grace, girl-give your hand to Mr.

Courtly.

Grace. Pray, excuse me, uncle-I have a headache.

Sir H. [aside.] Jealousy! by the gods. Jealous of my devotions at another's fane! [Aloud.] Charles, my boy! amuse Miss Grace during our absence. [Exit with LADY GAY, L.

Max. But don't you dance, Mr. Courtly? Young C. Dance, sir!-I never dance-I can procure exercise in a much more rational mannerand music disturbs my meditations.

Max. Well, do the gallant.

[Exit, L.

Young C. Inever studied that art-but I have a prize essay on a hydrostatic subject, which would delight her-for it enchanted the Reverend Doctor Pump, of Corpus Christi.

Grace [aside.] What on earth could have induced him to disguise himself in that frightful way! I rather suspect some plot to entrap me into a confession.

Daz. I consider a magnum of that nectar, and a meerschaum of kanaster, to consummate the Young C. [aside.] Dare I confess this trick to ultimatum of all mundane bliss. To drown my- her? No! Not until I have proved her affection self in liquid ecstacy, and then blow a cloud on indisputably. Let me see-I must concoct. [Takes which the enfranchised soul could soar above a chair, and forgetting his assumed character, is Olympus. Oh! about to take his natural free manner. GRACE looks surprised. He turns abashed.] Madame, I have been desired to amuse you.

Enter JAMES, L. James. Mr. Charles Courtly!

Sir H. Ah, now, Max, you must see a living apology for my conduct.

Enter YOUNG COURTLY, dressed very plainly. Well, Charles, how are you? Don't be afraid? There, Max, what do you say now?

Max. Well, this is the most extraordinary like

ness.

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Grace. Thank you.

Young C. "The labor we delight in, physics pain." I will draw you a moral, ahem! Subject, the effects of inebriety! which, according to Ben Jonson-means perplexion of the intellects, caused by imbibing spirituous liquors. About an hour before my arrival, I passed an appalling evidence of the effects of this state- a carriage was over

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Enter MEDDLE, L.

Med. On very particular business.

[Exit, L.

Grace. The very person. My dear sir!
Med. My dear madame!

Grace. You must execute a very particular commission for me immediately. Mr. Hamilton has met with a frightful accident on the London road, and is in a dying state.

Med. Well! I have no hesitation in saying he takes it uncommonly easy-he looks as if he was used to it.

Grace. You mistake; that is not Mr. Hamilton, but Mr. Courtly, who will explain everything, and conduct you to the spot.

Young C. [aside.] Oh! I must put a stop to all this, or I shall be found out. [Aloud.] Madame, that were useless, for I omitted to mention a small fact which occurred before I left Mr. Hamilton-

he died.

Grace. Dear me! Oh, then we needn't trouble you, Mr. Meddle. [Music heard.] Hark! I hear they are commencing a waltz-if you will ask me -perhaps your society and conversation may tend to dispel the dreadful sensations you have aroused. Young C. [aside.] Hears of my death-screams out-and then asks me to waltz! I am bewildered! Can she suspect me? I wonder which she likes best-me or my double? Confound this disguise-I must retain it-I have gone too far with my dad to pull up now. At your service,

madame.

trick!

Grace [aside.] I will pay him well for this [Exeunt, L., all but MEDDLE. Med. Well, if that is not Mr. Hamilton, scratch me out with a big blade, for I am a blot a mistake upon the rolls. There is an error in the pleadings somewhere, and I will discover it. I would swear to his identity before the most discriminating jury. By-the-bye, this accident will form a capital excuse for my presence here. I just stepped in to see how matters worked, andstay here comes the bridegroom elect--and, oh! in his very arms, Lady Gay Spanker! [Looks round.] Where are my witnesses? Oh, that some one else were here! However, I can retire and get some information, eh-Spanker versus Courtly-damages-witness.

[Gets into an arm-chair, which he turns round. Enter SIR HARCOURT COURTLY, supporting LADY GAY, L.

Sir H. This cool room will recover you.

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Lady G. How can I help being miserable? Sir H. Miserable! I wonder you are not in a lunatic asylum, with such unheard of barbarity! Lady G. But worse than all that! Sir H. Can it be out-Heroded? Lady G. Yes, I could forgive that-I do-it is my duty. But only imagine-picture to yourself, my dear Sir Harcourt, though I, the third daughter of an Earl, married him out of pity for his destitute and helpless situation as a bachelor with ten thousand a year-conceive, if you can he actually permits me, with the most placid indifference, to flirt with any old fool I may meet.

Sir H. Good gracious! miserable idiot! Lady G. I fear there is an incompatibility of temper, which renders a separation inevitable.

Sir H. Indispensable, my dear madame! Ah! had I been the happy possessor of such a realm of bliss-what a beatific eternity unfolds itself to my extending imagination! Had another man but looked at you, I should have annihilated him at once; and if he had the temerity to speak, bis life alone could have expiated his crime.

Lady G. Oh, an existence of such a nature is too bright for the eye of thought-too sweet to bear reflection.

Sir H. My devotion, eternal, deep-
Lady G. Oh, Sir Harcourt!

Sir H. [more fervently.] Your every thought should be a separate study-each wish forestalled by the quick apprehension of a kindred soul.

Lady G. Alas! how can I avoid my fate?

Sir H. If a life-a heart-were offered to your astonished view by one who is considered the index of fashion-the vane of the beau monde-if you saw him at your feet, begging, beseeching your acceptance of all, and more than this, what would your answer—

Lady G. Ah! I know of none so devoted! Sir H. You do! [Throwing himself upon his knees.] Behold Sir Harcourt Courtly!

[MEDDLE jumps up in the chair.

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