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There's no harm in the letter, or the portrait, either. Enter FLIGHTY, hastily, from c. D., with a case of Fli. No harm, madame? Do you take me for a

pistols in his hand. fool? Whose likeness is it, madame? Who is the rascal, madame-who is he?

Fli. Death and the devil! There he is! I'm Mrs. F. How can you be so ridiculous, Henry, just in time. [Advancing between them.] So, sir, to storm about nothing ? 'Tis only the likeness of —so, madamemy cousin !

Mrs. F. (pretending alarm.] Oh, good graFli. Your cousin! [Aside.] The old story! No, cious, my husband ! no, madame, that won't do for me.

Cousins are Mrs. Ï. Your husband! Flighty, my dear felvery convenient persons, madame

low, how are you? Mrs. F. So are uncles, sir.

Fli. [aside.] Curse his impudence ! Sir--maFli. Yes, madame—but I'll be hanged if I'll be dame-allow me to observe that I-you-she-he cousined by anybody. I know better, madame. -my-conduct is scandalous—shameful—damnaI'm too old a soldier to be deceived by a cousin. ble! I'm not a man-1Who is he, madame-who is he?

Mrs. T. What! Mrs. F. My cousin, sir, as I told you before. If Fli. I'm not a man, I say—to be insulted with you don't believe me, I can't help it. I declare, impunity. I'm a fool—an ass-an idiot, your behavior is so outrageous that I am afraid Mrs. T. I know you are. of you. One would think by your conduct that Fli. Don't interrupt me, sir. I say I'm a fool you were jealous.

not to have suspected-you deceitful woman-you Fli. So I am, madame.

damned puppy! Don't laugh, or I'll throw you Mrs. F. What, of a boy?—my poor little cou- out of the window! Leave the room, madame. sin! I'm ashamed of you! I might as well be [Exit MRS. FLIGHTY, R. D.] I insist on immediate jealous of your uncle ! You've used me very ill! satisfaction. Here's a case of pistols. [Trying to I won't bear it! I-I- [Sobbing.) I'll go to my open it.] I'll shoot you, sir-I'll blow you to atoms ! mamma! [Exit into R. room, and drops the note. Mrs. T. Fire away, my boy—I'm not afraid of

Fli. (astonished.] Well, that's the coolest thing you nor your pistol case. Why don't you produce I ever heard! Because I don't like her to love your weapons, if you intend to blow me to atoms? other people, she says she's ill used, and will go Do it at once-I'm quite ready. Don't keep me home to her mamma! What a victim I am! No- waiting; you've no idea how valuable my time is. body ever felt as I do—nobody ever deserved Fli. Confound it, I've lost my keys! I can't such treatment! I'm sure I don't. I never- open the case. dam'me, the least I say on that subject the better. Mrs. T. How unfortunate! I should like to have Little did I think when I passed for a cousin, that had a pop at you. I had made up my mind to I should ever have a wife who had one. I'll be a little sport. [Leaning on FLIGHTY'S shoulder divorced—I'll go abroad—I'll — [Sees note.] She -he throws her off:] I would have bet five to four has dropped the note. [Picks it up.] Pink paper I would have drilled a hole through you—smashed

—the fellow's in earnest, I see. [Reading.] "Dear- that bust at your back, and shivered the lookingest Eliza." Curse his impudence! “I will be glass all at the same moment. under the window at three o'clock.” Three o clock ! Fli. Would you, indeed ? [Aside.) He's a regu[Pulling out his watch.] It wants but a few lar fire-eater-I shall be peppered—no matter. minutes. “If you are alone, strike a few notes [Aloud.] Leave my house, sir-you shall hear on the guitar. "Yours, ever, FITZHERBERT Fitz- from me—leave my house ! HENRY. P. S.-Your fool of a husband,”-eh? Mrs. T. (crossing to R.] Certainly, my dear fool of a husband ! I'll cut his throat !—" is safe boy, if you wish it. Always happy to hear from at Richmond, I suppose.”—So, so—he'll be under you. 'Twould save a deal of trouble though, if you the window at three o'clock. He thinks I'm safe at could find your keys. Give me the case. [Trying Richmond, eh? I'll murder him! Let me see—a to take it from him.] I'll break it open, sooner few notes on the guitar is to be the signal. I'll than lose my shot. have him up, and blow his brains out! Where is Fli. [resisting.] No, sir-you shall meet me tothe damned, diabolical, cousining instrument ?- morrow morning. here it is. [Taking up guitar.] Oh, you confound- Mrs. T. Oh! very well—as you please. I'd ed caterwauler! you don't know what you've to rather have settled the thing at once. If we had answer for. Here's a situation for a husband! come up to the scratch here, I'd have brought playing the guitar to his wife's cousin! [Plays the your head, the bust and the glass into one-put guitar with furious gestures.] There—I think he'll in the lead about here-- [hitting him on the ribs] hear that! Now for my pistols—I'll settle his —and drilled you in a most superior style. business at once!

[E.cit C. D. L. Fli. You are very kind.

Mrs. T. Not at all, my dear boy. I'm famous Mrs. TRICTRAC enters from R. D., disguised as an for bringing down my man! I'm told I've a good officer, followed by MRS. FLIGHTY.

cye for it-never made up my mind to hit a fellow, Mrs. T. [laughing.] Poor Flighty! he doesn't but I made sure of him. I'm very fond of killing. seem to relish his first dose-a few more will com- Fli. [aside.) What a butcher ! plete his cure. I don't think he'll recognize me. Mrs. T. I shall be sure to settle you, Flighty My brother's dress fits me admirably-in fact, I --you're a capital object. (Laughing.) What's think I'm the beau ideal of a cavalry officer-at the matter? You don't seem comfortable.all events I'm a ladies' man, which every fellow (Laughing:] Oh, I remember—you are jealous ; in the service is, and ought to be. But, hark! I you don't like my making love to your wife. hear Flighty returning. Now for the attack. (Laughing.) I can't help laughing to think how [Kneeling.] Dearest Eliza! I love you better capitally she deceived you—you, above all men, than

who have made so many husbands unhappy.

room.

1 (Laughing.] You look quite deranged-quite Fli. No prevarication! The young puppy your Othelioish. Your nose is turning quite blue, 'mistress is so fond of — and your eyes have such a thunder-and-lightning Sus. She ain't fond of no young puppy that I expression. [Laughing.) I dare say your friend knows on, except it are the little poodle she had Sir Charles Simple looked just as you do, when give her last week. he discovered your picture in his wife's dressing- Fli. Curse the poodle! [Aside.) She's an old

(Laughing. hand and wants a bribe. [Giving money.] There, Fli. This is beyond bearing. Sir, I—leave my now, try if you can give a direct answer. house, sir!

Sús. Yes, sir-thank you, sir. Mrs. T. You and Sir Charles would match well Fli. Who is he? in a curricle, Flighty !

[Laughing. Sus. A hossifer. Fli. Leave my house, sir! Don't make me for- Fli. I know-but what is he? get you are under my roof! Begone, sir, begone! Sus. A handsome, beautysome young man.

Mrs. T. Certainly, my dear boy, certainly. As Fli. Pshaw! you won't understand. What's his we do not meet until to-morrow morning, I shall name? have plenty of time to amuse my friends with the Sus. Hornet Fitz something—but I don't know particulars of our little affair, and send a notice what. of it to the newspapers, as an interesting and Fli. What regiment does he belong to ? laughable occurrence in high life, called, “ The Sus. The horse something. I don't ’ticlarly reJealous Husband; or, the Deceiver Deceived !" member, but I think it's Blue Dragons, or the [Laughing.] Good-bye, old fellow! You mustn't Horse Marine Distillery. mind being laughed at-your case is not singular. Fli. [aside.] Confound her stupidity! [Aloud.] The next time you take a fancy to a friend's wife, Does he often come here? be certain nobody returns the compliment by Sus. Yes, sir, very often—whenever you go to taking a fancy to yours. Adieu! I shall never Richmond. forget the expression of your face! (Laughing. ] Fli. Indeed! What a cursed idiot I have been ! What a fool you looked when you couldn't open Sus. You have, indeed, sir. the pistol-case! [Erit c. D. R., laughing. Fli. Do you think so ? Fli. I shall go mad! (Walks up and down in Sus. Yes, sir, certain-positive.

While you a great rage, with his hands in his pockets, then were with your uncle, the Hornet was always here takes a chair, kicks it away, &c.] I'm settled. with missis. I had a great mind to send you a What a fool I've been! If I had for a moment synonymous letter about it, but I was afeard. supposed - I'm in a dreadful situation! I shall Fli. Now, let us understand each other. If be the laughing-stock of all my friends. I, who you'll watch your mistress, and give me notice of have been the terror of husbands, to be so regu- all her proceedings, I will reward you ; but if I larly duped! I'll be revenged, at all events. I'll find you attempting to deceive me, I'll turn you shoot the rascal—if I can-then, I'll —

out of doors. Now, which will you do—serve me

or your mistress ? SUSAN enters C. D. cautiously, and endeavors to

Sus. You, sir, if you please. steal into R. E. room. FLIGHTY observes, and

Fli. Very well. Now go and see what she is brings her forward.

about. Sus. (screaming.] Oh, sir, how you frightened Sus. Yes, sir; but don't put yourself in a quanme! Don't look so hawful ! I'm a hinnocent girl. dary. It can't be helped. We all has our little I can't help your misfortunes. I never did noth- weaknesses. Yours is Lady Simple—mississes is ing wrong in all my life!

Hornet Fitzturbot—and mine is Tom Smith, the Fli. Come, come, Mrs. Innocence, you can't baker!

[Exit into room R. deceive me. I know that you are that young ras- Fli. Deceitful woman! Why did I marry I cal's agent. I saw you give your mistress a letter ought to have known better, after all my expefrom him. I'm not blind—I'm awake to all your rience, to run so great a risk. How my friends maneuvres. You are the letter-carrier, the mes- will laugh. I can never show my face in the world sage-bearer, the sentinel, the spy, the convenient again! I shall be caricatured in the print-shops go-between-you modest, innocent, deceitful, de-i-pointed at in the streets—and ridiculed by all luding, diabolical maid-servant !

my acquaintances. If I don't get drilled to-morSus. I deny the dispersion. I'm not a postman row, I'll go to America–nobody shall ever hear of -I never deluded nobody-I ain't convenient-I me again. never went between nothing-I ain't dialogical

Enter John, C. D. R. you know I ain't. I'm your wife's own woman, and I ain't a maid-servant.

Well, sir—what do you want? Fli. Now tell me, this moment, all you know John. A lady, sir, wishes to see you. about your mistress and that young officer, or I'll Fli. What lady? murder you!

[Shaking her. John. I don't know, sir-she would not give me Sus. Oh, don't–don't shake me so; I ain't fond her name. She told me to say she came from your of percussions. I'll do anything, if you'll be quiet uncle, at Richmond. and keep your hands ofl. [FLIGHTY releases her.) Fli. [aside.] The devil! 'tis Lady Simple! Oh, dear! I never was so conglomerated in my life. What on earth can have induced her to come here! What a flustration you've put me in, surely. I [Aloud.] Say I'm not home. declare I don't know whether I'm standing on my John. It's of no use, sir-she's on the stairs, head or my feet--I'm quite wisey wersey.

coming up. Fli. Now, answer—who is that officer?

Fli. Confound your stupidity! Leave the room, [Pointing to C. D. with furious action. sir. (Erit Joan.) How cursed unlucky! What Sus. What hossifer? I don't see nobody. shall I do with her ?

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Enter SUSAN, R. C., disguised as LADY SIMPLE Mrs. F. ( jumping up.] Shocking depravity! she throws herself into FLIGHTY's arms.

before my very face! Come away from her, sir!

[Pulling him-SUSAN pulls the other way. My dear Lady Simple, what is the matter why Mrs. T. [jumping up.] I'll help you, Eliza. Let are you here? Speak-pray speak! (SUSAN sobs go, sir, [authree drag him from one side to the violently.] Damn it, she's going to faint! What other, and up and down the stage-MRS. TRICthe devil shall I do? Xere-here, sit down. TRAĆ behind him. [Gives a chair, L.) If my wife should see me! Fli. I shall be murdered! I'm ashamed to call Kneeling and slapping Susan's hand.) Fanny ! for help. Let me go, ladies-pray, release me! Fanny! my dear Fanny, you'll ruin me! pray be Give me fair play, and don't all set upon me at composed. [SUSAN kicks and screams.] Fanny ! once. [They all beat him around the stage.] One Fanny! my dear Fanny !

at a time, pray. [Breaks away, jumps on the sofa, Enter MRS. FLIGHTY, from R. room.

and holds up one of the pillows in a threatening

attitude.] What an escape! I demand a parley Mrs. F. What do I see? A woman fainting, I'm ready to accede to any terms, if you'll keep and my husband calling ber his dear Fanny the peace. What are you about, sir! [FLIGHTY turns, and Mrs. T. (L. c.) Will you promise never to go to jumps up in confusion.] Who is that lady? Richmond again?

Fli. I don't know-my cousin, madame. (To Fli. Yes. SUSAN.] Fanny, here's my wife; don't faint any Mrs. T. Never to neglect your wife? more come to yourself

. [SÚSAN kicks and Fli. Yes. screams.] Damn it, she's worse than ever! It's Mrs. T. To become a steady husband ? all up with me!

Fli. Yes. Mrs. F. I'm ashamed of you, sir. This is one Mrs. T. In short-you'll stay at home, love of your vile intrigues! Oh, you monster! to de- your wife, forsake dissipation, and do whatever I ceive your affectionate wife—to pretend so much please ? love for me, and then to have a dear Fanny! It's Fli. Yes. shocking—it's dreadful! I can't bear it-I shall Mrs. T. Very well. Then, Eliza, I think we faint-1-oh-oh- [Faints on a chair, R. must forgive him. What do you say?

Fli. A fainting duet ! What will become of Mrs. F. I have no objection. me? Nothing can stand against this! Eliza- Mrs. T. Give him your hand, then. (MRS. Eliza! Fanny-Fanny! [Turning from one to the FLIGHTY crosses (0 c.) But I had forgot Lady other.] Don't make damned fools of yourselves. Simple-perhaps she won't consent to part with [Both scream and kick.] I'm very sorry—I'll never her dear Henry. do so again. I'll do anything you please. Dam- Sus. (R.] I ain't got no objection as I knows on. me if I know what to do!

[Crosses to R. Fli. (L., astonished.] Knows on! who's that Enter MRS. TRICTRAC, R. C., in her own dress

with a nose on? Not Lady Simple, I'm certain. she goes down c.

Sus. [throwing up her veil.] No, sir, it be 1

Susan Twist. I hope no offense. I ar'n't done no Mrs. T. Ah! good heavens! my dear friend wrong. I'm only a happarition. fainting! Lady Simple, too! Oh, you barbarian

Fli. So, so—I've been nicely tricked and made -you vile wretch-you terrible Turk! The shock a fool of. is too much for me-my head turns round! Oh, Mrs. T. Most decidedly, my dear boy. If you dear, I'm going! -oh-oh-oh

are refractory, “I'll bring your head, the bust, [Faints on a chair, c. and the looking-glass into one, put in the lead Fli. Damme, there's a trio! I must faint my- about here [hitting him], and drill you in a most self, and make up a quartette. Ladies! [Going superior style." from one to the other.] My dear Eliza

Fli. [astonished.] What, were you the officer? Mrs. F. (screaming. Oh!

What an ass I have made of myself ? Fli. Mrs. Trictrac

Sus. You have, indeed, sir-quite a 'lustrious Mrs. T. (screaming.] Oh!

one. Fli. Fanny

Fli. Forgive me, Eliza. I'll profit by the lesson Sus. (screaming. ] Oh!

I have received to-day, and never do anything to Fli. (taking up the last screamin a great disturb our matrimonial felicity. rage.] Oh! pray be calm. I cannot endure all

Mrs. T. Wisely resolved--and now I must ask this kicking and screaming! [AU scream togeth- pardon for my transgressions. er.) If all three of you don't come to directly, I'll

Advancing to the audience. leave you to fight it out by yourselves. Now, Eliza

Of you, kind friends, who round me sit,

In boxes, gallery and pitMrs. F. (pushing him away.) You wretch !

Your plaudits and your smiles to gain, Fli. Mrs. Trictrac

I hope I have not tried in vain.

If you'll forgive, and kindly take Mrs. T. Don't touch me, sir.

A lesson from "The Married Rake," Fli. Fanny ! [SUSAN rises, bursts into a loud

Again I'll " don " my martial gear,

Nor fear to meet a welcome here. cry, and throws her arms around his neck.] Oh, the devil! worse and worse!

THE END

COSTUMES.-MODERN,

“That which pleases long, and pleases many, must possess some merit."-DR. JOHNSON.

A CHOICE COLLECTION

THE NEW YORK DRAMA

OF

FARCES, ETC.,

COMEDIES,

I TRAGEDIES,

WITH

CASTS OF CHARACTERS, STAGE BUSINESS, COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, &C.,

ADAPTED TO

The Home CIRCLE, PRIVATE THEATRICALS, AND THE AMERICAN STAGE.

NO. 4.

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1875, by WHEAT & CORNETT, in the Otnice

of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C.

VOL. 1.

A HAPPY

PAIR: and happy, and loving, and in time he must come

Mr. W. Farren.

Right Centre; L. 0. Left Centre, &c. The reader is supposed to be on the
Stage, facing the audienco.

put out about something-I will still be cheerful, round again, and be as nice and affectionate as

ever. Our life shall not be so unlike the flowers Nn Original Comedietta, in One Act. but that it shall be still couleur de rose if a

woman's love can make it so. And he's quite a BY S. THEYRE SMITH.

darling after all. Oh (turning to the table], bere are the letters. Let me see. [Looking at them

one after the other.) For Ferdy, Ferdy, Ferdy, CAST OF CHARACTERS.

me, Ferdy. There, they are all ready for bim,

St. James', London, 1868. with the roses a-top of them; and there's his Mr. Honeyton......

chair (pushing an easy-chair to the table], and Mrs. Honeyton..

Miss Herbert.

there's his footstool (giving it an affectionate pat], EXITS AND ENTRANCES.—R. means Right; L. Left; R. D. Right Door: L. and there are the newspapers ; so now for my letP: Left Beers Ep Second Entrance ho. Recuper. Estranger en te vidieter. Oh, from Florence, of course (opens it], with

a few lines from Kitty too. Now then, Florence first.—“ Own precious darling of a Constance”

dear affectionate girl—" just returned from our SCENE.-A Breakfast Room elegantly furnished- tour in Spain-Spain is the most beautiful”—'m

breakfast on the table at R., fireplace at back in 'mm-Oh it must be lovely—'m-'m-'mthe centre. Large window L., sofa R., table Oh how charming-'m-'m—m—Ha, ha, ha! just L. C., doors R. U. E. and L. 2 E.

fancy-'m-'m-m'-" tell you more when we

meet. I will come and stay with you as long as Enter MRS. HONEYTON.

you like-give my love to Ferdinand, and believe Mrs. H. There, Ferdinand's not down yet ! me”-ah, the dear girl. P.S. "I picture to myHow late he is. I've had some breakfast, for I self your perfect bliss with Ferdinand; my heart was so hungry I could wait no longer-written tells me that you are indeed a happy pair.” two letters, been twice round the garden, and [Sadly.] Does it tell you truly ? [Gaily.] Oh, of gathered these roses on purpose for him. [Takes course, yes, yes. Now for Kitty. "Dearest Con. some thread from a work-box and begins to tie them I have only time for three lines. I saw your last together.] There was a time, five months ago, letter to Flo, and I am sure you are not happy." when he used to give me bouquets, and not I him. What! I'm 'certain I never said so—"gathered That was before we were married, of course. this generally from your note.” I detest people There seems to be some dreadful principle in hu- who gather things generally. “Now, darling man nature, some horrid law, that the man must Con., this unhappiness can only spring from one pay the attentions before marriage, and the woman causé, your husband-married unhappiness alafterwards; and the men have the best of the ways does spring from that one cause, the husbargain, too, for I am sure in my most coquettish band. I need not pause to tell you that I have moods I never received Ferdinand's attentions, felt certain from the first that your Ferdinand, then, with a hundredth part the coldness with whom, as you may remember, I did not rejoice at which he receives mine now. Oh, there's been a your marrying "—(no! she wanted to marry him sad falling off in him, a sad falling off, a gradual herself)— that your Ferdinand-m—m-would decadence, a decline and fall in his affections like turn out a tyrant, a brute—but let me entreat a thermometer in an increasing frost. There! you to crush anything of that kind at once. (Holding up the bouquet.] Don't they look nice, Directly he shows the cloven-foot, stamp upon it. now they're tied together? How beautifully they Prompt resistance is the only thing. Hold the harmonize! Oh, the happy flowers, that don't mirror up to his tyrannical 'nature by treating change their tint and become something quite him exactly as he treats you. By our long frienddifferent directly they're coupled, as human crea- ship I beseech you, by our sisterly affection, by tures too often do directly they're tied together. all your hopes of happiness, don't be bullied "Pleasant flowers, that can be united in this way (underlined dreadfully);—“but be most careful without all harmony being lost. But I won't not to let him suspect that you have been instithink of our union, Ferdy's and mine, in this gated to this course by any one, and as you love melancholy fashion. Perhaps he's only a little me, darling Con., don't relax until he's quite

course.

subdued.” But I don't love her after such a let- Honey. [to himself. ] “ Been fired." Hum! ter—it's shameful, positively shameful. Trying Mrs. H. And the mountains are none of to sow discord between husband and wife. I them_" forget my duty and my lover I-Oh Kitty, I Honey. {to himself.] “Less than sixteen hands couldn't have believed it of you. [Going as if to high." tear it.] No! tearing's not bad enough. [Walk- Mrs. H. [to him.] Eh, lore? [Reads.] “The ing promptly to the fire-place.} It deserves burn- people are very curious. All the men have" ing by the hangman. [Pausing.] No! I won't Honey. [to himself.] “Stringhalt slightly." burn it yet-1'll—I'll-here comes Ferdinand ! Don't like that. Perhaps I'll show it him. [Puts letter in her pocket. Mrs. H. [to him.] No, dear, of course not. And Enter MR. HONEYTON, L. D.

He comes surlily to about with”

just listen to this. [Reads.] “All the women go the front.

Honey. [to himself.] “One white stocking on Mrs. H. Well, dear. (He walks across to the the near hind leg." window.] Well

, my love. [He looks up at the Mrs H. [to him.] What did you say, love? (4 sky.) Breakfast's quite ready, my darling. (He pause.] Isn't it a strange country, Ferdy! And yawns tremendously.] What will you have? [He then she says-oh, here—“I will come and stay pokes the fire.] There are your letters, Ferdy dear. with you as long as ever you like. Give my love

Honey. (grunts.] Oh! [Tosses the roses into to Ferdinand, and" the slop-basin, and takes up the letters.

Honey. What's that you're reading ? Mrs. H. Oh, Ferdy, I gathered those roses for Mrs. H. Florence Hayland's letter, dear. you myself, and got my feet so wet walking Honey. And what does she say about coming to through the dewy grass. Yes, I did, though stay? somebody used to tell me once that my foot was Mrs. H. That she will come as long as ever we so light it wouldn't brush the dew off a daisy. like, so I'll write at once and tell her

Honey. [coldly.] What a fool somebody must Honey. Not to come. have been once.

Mrs. H. What, Ferdy? Mrs. H. (playfully.] Why, my darling, you Honey. Tell her not to come. used to say so before we were married, you know. Mrs. H. Oh, Ferdy, and you used to like her so.

Honey. Have I ever said so since we were Honey. Do you understand me tell her not married?

to come. Mrs. H. I don't think you have, indeed.

Mrs. H. But, my dear, after inviting her so Honey. Very well, then. It's plain I've repent- warmly! ed of the falsehood, so you needn't throw that in Honey. You must put her off warmly, too, of my face again.

Be as affectionate as you like by letterMrs. H. Why, my own Nandy didn't think I goodness knows you've affectionate terms enough meant to reproach him. No, no. [Rising and at your command. going towards him with the roses.) Let me put it Mrs. H. But you promised at our marriage, you in his button-hole (taking hold of his coat) and- know, that she should come.

Honey. Constance, for goodness' sake don't paw Honey. Oh, marriage promises go for nothing. me about. you have the kindness to give me Mrs H. (reproachfully.] Do they? a cup of tea, and not play the fool! I do very Honey. Why, don't they? You promised to positively decline to be dressed out with flowers obey, you know, but it seems you never meant it. like a maypole, or a ritualistic church at Christ- Mrs. H. Oh, Ferdinand, I did and I do. mas-time.

Honey. Then obey. Mrs. H. [aside.] Oh, he's crosser than ever to- Mrs. H. Whatever you direct, of course—I'll day. (Pours out tea and gives it him.] Won't write at once. [Exit, sorrowfully, L. door. you eat anything, love?

Honey. Scarcely fair, perhaps, that last insinuHoney. Oh, no, don't bother me to eat. Mayn't I ation of mine. She does the love and obey busieven have my own appetite to myself? I abomi- ness to the letter—too much a great deal. Simnate having my meals forced down my throat as ply sickens me with it. [Reaching across the table.] if I were a confounded cannon.

Ha, a fly got into the honey! What ! you would Mrs. H. (sitting down and sipping tea.] I've go‘in for sweets, sir, would you? How do you had a letter from Florence Hayland, dearest. (A like it now, eh? Something too much of this, I pause.] Such a delightful letter. Shall I read fancy. Look at the poor wretch, all glued up toyou some of it?_[He takes up another letter.] gether, leg tied to leg and wing to wing, as vainly Shall I, Ferdy? You were so fond of Florence, trying to move easily and naturally in his sweet you know. (A pause.) Shall I read it, Nandy ? bondage as a married man, confound it! Ha, ha! (He opens his letter-she reads.] “My own pre- I can sympathize with you, sir-I understand your cious darling of a Constance_»

feelings perfectly. What am I but a miserable fly Honey. [to himself.] Oh, Gibson's found me a in the matrimonial honey-pot! Upon my soul, pair of horses at last.

this perpetual billing and cooing like a couple of Mrs. H. Did you speak, dear? (Continuing.) confounded doves—this everlasting pigeon Eng“We have just returned from our tour in Spain. lish, as the Chinaman says, of de and pets, an Spain is quite the most beautiful country you ever sweets and darlings, is worrying me steadily and beheld. The landscapes are of the most gorgeous surely to an early grave. It's all very well when colors, being principally-"

one's courting, and, for, say a week, perhaps, after Honey. [to himself. ] “Coal black," eh? marriage—but to drag all this sweet stuff into Mrs. H." [to him.] What, dear?' [A pause- your every-day life, to suppose that a man's ordishe continues. ] “The pastures, extending in rich nary existence is to be forever garnished with luxuriance for miles, have all

loves and doves, and blisses and kisses !--gad,

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