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be dull of apprehension,' but my feelings are quick enough ; I comprehend you too well. Yes—it is impossible to judge of a woman before marriage, or to guess what sort of a wife she will make. I presume you speak from experience : you have been disappointed yourself, and repent your choice.

Mr. B. My dear, what did I say that was like this? Upon my word, I meant no such thing. I really was not thinking of you in the least.

Mrs. B. No—you never think of me now. I can easily believe that you were not thinking of me in the least.

Mr. B. But I said that, only to prove to you that I could not be thinking ill of you, my dear.

Mrs. B. But I would rather that you thought ill of me, than that you did not think of me at all.

Mr. B. Well, my dear, I will even think ill of you, if that will please you.

Mrs. B. Do you laugh at me? When it comes to this, I am wretched indeed. Never man laughed at the woman he loved. As long as you had the slightest remains of love for me, you could not make me an object of derision :' ridicule and love are incompatible ;: absolutely incompatible. Well, I have done my best, my very best, to make you happy, but in vain. I see I am not cut out to be a good wife. Happy, happy Mrs. Granby!

Mr. B. Happy, I hope sincerely, that she will be with my friend ; but my happiness must depend on you, my love ; so, for my sake, if not for your own, be composed, and do not torment yourself with such fancies.

Mrs. B. I do wonder whether this Mrs. Granby is really that Miss Emma Cooke. I'll go and see her directly; see her I must.

Mr. B. I am heartily glad of it, my dear ; for I am sure a visit to his wife will give my friend Granby real pleasure.

Mrs. B. I promise you, my dear, I do not go to give him pleasure, or you ēither ; but to satisfy my own-curiosity.*

Miss EDGEWORTH.

* Appre hěn' sion, the faculty by In.com păt' i ble, unable to be which ideas are conceived, or un- joined together; contradictory. derstood.

• Cū'ri os' i ty, anything that is * Derision, (de riz' un ), bitter fitted to excite or reward attention ; laughter; mockery.

strong desire for new information.

A COMPARISON OF WATCHES.

98

II.

19. COMPARISON OF WATCHES.

TITHEN Griselda thought that her husband had lõng

VV enough enjoyed his new existence, and that there was dānger of his forgetting the taste of sorrow, she chānged her tone. -One day, when he had not returned home exactly at the appointed minute, she received him with ă frown ; such as would have made even Mars' himself recoil,” if Mars could have beheld such a frown upon the brow of his Venus.

2. “Dinner has been kept waiting for you this hour, my dear.” “I am very sorry for it; but why did you wait, my dear? I am really very sorry I am so late, but” (looking at his watch) “it is only half-past six by me.”

3. “It is seven by me.” They presented their watches to each other; he in an apologetical," she in a reproachful, attitude."

4. “I rather think you are too fast, my dear,” said the gentleman. “I am very sure you are too slow, my dear,” said the lady.

5. “My watch never loses a minute in the four-and-twenty hours,” said he. “Nor mine a second,” said she.

6. “I have reason to believe I am right, my love,” said the husband, mildly. “Reason!” exclaimed the wife, astonished. “What reason can you possibly have to believe you are right, when I tell you I am morally certain you are wrong, my love?”

7. "My only reason for doubting it is, that I set my watch by the sun to-day.” “The sun must be wrong, then,” cried the lady, hastily—“You need not laugh; for I know what I am saying ; the variation, the declination,' must be allowed for, in computing“ it with the clock. Now you know perfectly well what I mean, though you will not explain it for me, because you are conscious I am in the right.”

1 Mars, (mårz), an ancient god, wor. 6 At' ti tude, posture; position of shipped at Rome as the god of war. the body.

? Re coil', to start, bound, draw, Vā'riā tion, here means une. or fall back.

qual motion. • Vē nus, the goddess of female ? Děc'li nā' tion, the position of beauty and of love; one of the planets. the sun at noon, north or south of

* Apologetical, (a pol'o jết' ik al), the equator. by way of excuse.

• Com pūt' ing, calculating.

8. “Well, my dear, if you are conscious of it, that is sufficient. We will not dispute any more about such a trifle. Are they bringing up dinner ?” “If they know that you are come in ; but I am sure I can not tell whether they do or not.—Pray, my dear Mrs. Nettleby,” cried the lady, turning to a female friend, and still holding her watch in hand, “what o'clock is it by you? There is nobody in the world hates disputing about trifies so much as I do ; but I own I do love to convince people that I am in the right.” · 9. Mrs. Nettleby's watch had stopped. How provoking ! Vexed at having no immediate means of convincing people that she was in the right, our hěroine' consoled herself by proceeding to criminate' her husband, not in this particular instance, where he pleaded guilty, but upon the general charge of being always late for dinner, which he strenuously: denied.

10. There is something in the species of reproach which advances thus triumphantly from particulars to generals, peculiarly offensive to every reasonable and susceptible mind; and there is something in the general charge of being always late for dinner, which the punctuality of man's nature can not easily endure, especially if he be hungry. We should humbly advise our female friends to forbear exposing a husband's patience to this trial, or, at least, to temper it with much fondness, else mischief will infallibly ensue.

Miss EDGEWORTH.

III.
- 20. A PARENTAL ODE TO MY INFANT SON.

MTHOU happy, happy elf!"
1 (But stop—first let me kiss away that tear)-

Thou tīny image of myself!
(My love, he's poking peas into his ear)—
Thou měrry, laughing sprite!' with spirits feather light,
Untouch'd by sorrow, and unsoild by sin-

(Good heavens! the child is swallowing a pin!)-
Hěr' o ine, a female hero, or “In făl' li bly, without fail.
principal character spoken of.
cter spoken of.

Elf, a fay, or a fairy; a little ? Crim'i nāte, to accuse or charge fancied spirit, supposed to live in with a crime or offense.

wild and desert places, and to de 3 Strěn'ū oŭs lý, earnestly; firmly. light in mischievous tricks. * Spécies, kind ; sort ; class. "Sprīte, spirit.

A PARENTAL ODE TO MY INFANT SON.

95

3.

Thou little tricksy Puck,'
With antic toys so funnily bestuck,
Light as the singing bird that wings the air,
(The door! the door! he'll tumble down the stair!)

Thou darling of thy sire!
(Why, Jane, he'll set his pinafore afire!)

Thou imp of mirth and joy!
In love's dear chain so strong and bright a link,
Thou idol of thy parents—(Drat the boy!

There goes my ink !)

Thou cherub—but of earth!
Fit plāyfěllow for fays by moonlight pale,

In harmless sport and mirth,
(The dog will bite him if he pulls its tail!)

Thou human humming-bee, extracting honey From every blossom in the world that blows,

Singing in youth’s Elysium' ever sunny, (Another tumble—that's his precious nose!)

Thy father's pride and hope ! (He'll break the mirror with that skipping-rope!) With pure heart newly stamp'd from nature's mint,

(Where did he learn that squint?)

Thou young domestic dove!
(He'll have that jug off with another shove!)

Dear nursling of the hymenē'al“ nest !
(Are those torn clothes his best?)

Little epitome of man!
(He'll climb upon the table, that's his plan!)
Touch'd with the beauteous tints of dawning life,

(He's got a knife !)

Thou enviable being !
No storms, no clouds, in thy blue sky foreseeing,

Play on, play on, my elfino John! Půck, Robin Good-Fellow, and 3 Mint, a place where money is Friar Rush, were names applied coined ; a place where things are in. many years ago to a mischievous vented, produced, or made. little fairy, or wanderer of the night. "Hỳ menē' al, relating to mar.

? Elysium, (e liz' i um), a place of riage. delight, as the ancients believed, for E pỉt' o me, an abridgment; a happy souls after death; any de small copy. lightful place.

6 Elf' in, a little elf or urchin.

5. Toss the light ball—bestride the stick,

(I knew so many cakes would make him sick!)
With fancies buoyant' as the thistle down,
Prompting the face grotesque,' and antic brisk,

With many a lamb-like frisk,
(He's got the scissors, snipping at your gown.)
6. Thou pretty: opening rose !

(Go to your mother, child, and wipe your nose !)
Balmy, and breathing music like the south,
(He really brings my heart into my mouth!)
Fresh as the morn, and brilliant as its star,
(I wish that window had an iron bar!)
Bold as the hawk, yet gentle as the dove-
(I'll tell you what, my love,
I can not write unless he's sent above!)

THOMAS HOOD.

IV.

21. THE MISER. T OVEGOLD. Where have you been? I have wanted you

, above an hour. James. Whom do you want, sir,—your coachman or your cook? for I am both one and t’other.

Love. I want my cook.

James. I thought, indeed, it was not your coachman ; for you have had no great occasion for him since your last pair of horses were starved ; but your cook, sir, shall wait upon you in an instant. (Puts off his coachman's great-coat, and appears as a cook.) Now, sir, I am ready for your commands.

Love. I am engaged this evening to give a supper.

James. A supper, sir! I have not heard the word this halfyear; a dinner, indeed, now and then ; but for a supper I'm almost afraid, for want of practice, my hand is out.

Love. Leave off your saucy jesting, and see that you provide a good supper.

James. That may be done with a good deal of money, sir. * Buoyant, (bwai'ant), light; bear- figures found in grottoes or caves ing up.

wildly formed; droll; laughable. * Grotesque, (grð tösk) like the Pretty, (prit' tl).

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