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JARVIS.

Oppofite enough, heaven knows; the very reverse of each other; the all laugh and no joke; he always complaining and never forrowful; a fretful foul that has a new diftrefs for every hour in the four and twenty

poor

HONEYWOOD.

Hush, hush, he's coming up, he'll hear you.
JARVIS.

One who's voice is a paffing bell

HONEYWOOD.

Well, well, go, do.

JARVIS.

A raven that bodes nothing but mifchief; a cof-^\ fin and cross bones; a bundle of rue; a fprig of deadly night shade; a-(Honeywood stopping his mouth, at laft pushes him off.) [Exit Jarvis.

HONEYWOOD.

I must own my old monitor is not entirely wrong. There is something in my friend Croaker's converfation that quite depreffes me. His very mirth is an antidote to all gaiety, and his appearance has a ftronger effect on my fpirits than an undertaker's shop.-Mr. Croaker, this is fuch a fatisfaction

Enter CROAKER.

CROAKER.

A pleasant morning to Mr. Honeywood, and many of them. How is this! you look most shock

ingly to day, my dear friend. I hope this weather. does not affect your fpirits. To be fure, if this weather continues-I fay nothing-But God fend we be all better this day three months.

HONEYWOOD.

I heartily concur in the wifh, though I own not in your apprehenfions.

CROAKER.

May be not! indeed what fignifies what weather we have in a country going to ruin like ours? taxes rising and trade falling. Money flying out of the kingdom, and Jefuits fwarming into it. I know at this time no less than an hundred and twenty-feven Jefuits between Charing-crofs and Temple-bar.

HONEYWOOD.

The Jefuits will scarce pervert you or me, I should hope.

CROAKER.

May be not. Indeed what fignifies whom they pervert in a country that has scarce any religion to lofe? I'm only afraid for our wives and daughters. HONEYWOOD.

I have no apprehenfions for the ladies, I affure

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May be not. Indeed what fignifies whether they be perverted or no? the women in my time were good for fomething. I have feen a lady dreft from top to toe in her own manufactures formerly. But

now

now a-days the devil a thing of their own manufactures about them, except their faces.

HONEYWOOD..

But, however thefe faults may be practised abroad, you don't find them at home, either with Mrs. Croaker, Olivia, or Mifs Richland.

CROAKER.

The best of them will never be canoniz'd for a faint when he's dead. By the bye, my dear friend, I don't find this match between Mifs Richland and fon much relished, either by one fide or t'other. HONEYWOOD.

my

I thought otherwife.

CROAKER.

Ah, Mr. Honeywood, a little of your fine serious advice to the young lady might go far: I know she has a very exalted opinion of your understanding.

HONEYWOOD.

But would not that be ufurping an authority that more properly belongs to yourself?

CROAKER.

My dear friend, you know but little of my authority at home. People think, indeed, because they fee me come out in a morning thus, with a pleasant face, and to make my friends merry, that all's well within. But I have cares that would break an heart of ftone. My wife has fo encroached upon every one of my privileges, that I'm now no more than a mere lodger in my own house.

Ho

HONEYWOOD.

But a little spirit exerted on your fide might perhaps restore your authority.

CROAKER.

No, though I had the fpirit of a lion! I do rouze fometimes. But what then! always haggling and haggling. A man is tired of getting the better before his wife is tired of lofing the victory.

HONEYWOOD.

It's a melancholy confideration indeed, that our chief comforts often produce our greatest anxieties, and that an encrease of our poffeffions is but an inlet to new difquietudes.

CROAKER.

Ah, my dear friend, thefe were the very words of poor Dick Doleful to me not a week before he made away with himself. Indeed, Mr. Honeywood, I never see you but you put me in mind of poorDick. Ah there was merit neglected for you! and fo true a friend; we lov'd each other for thirty years, and yet he never asked me to lend him a fingle farthing.

HONEYWOOD.

Pray what could induce him to commit fo rafh an action at laft?

CROAKER.

I don't know, fome people were malicious enoughto say it was keeping company with me; because we used to meet now and then and open our hearts

to

to each other. To be fure I loved to hear him talk, and he loved to hear me talk; poor dear Dick. He us'd to say that Croaker rhim'd to joker; and so we us'd to laugh-Poor Dick. (Going to cry.)

HONEYWOOD.

His fate affects me..

CROAKER.

Ay, he grew fick of this miferable life, where we do nothing but eat and grow hungry, drefs and undrefs, get up and lie down; while reafon, that should watch like a nurse by our fide, falls as fast asleep as we do.

HONEYWOOD.

To fay truth, if we compare that part of life which is to come, by that which we have past, the profpect is hideous.

CROAKER.

Life at the greatest and best is but a froward child, that must be humour'd and coax'd a little till it falls afleep, and then all the care is over.

HONEYWOOD.

Very true, Sir, nothing can exceed the vanity of our existence, but the folly of our pursuits. We wept when we came into the world, and every day tells us why.

CROAKER.

Ah, my dear friend, be miferable with you. the benefit of fuch fine converfation. I'll just step

it is a perfect fatisfaction to My fon Leontine fhan't lofe

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