Mrs. HARDCASTLE. It's falfe, Mr. Hardcaftle: I was but twenty when I was brought to bed of Tony, that I had by Mr. Lumpkin, my first husband; and he's not come to years of difcretion yet. HARDCASTLE. Nor ever will, I dare anfwer for him. Aye, you have taught him finely. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. No matter, Tony Lumpkin has a good fortune. My fon is not to live by his learning. I don't think a boy wants much learning to spend fifteen hundred a year. HARDCASTLE. Learning, quotha! A mere compofition of tricks and mischief. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. Humour, my dear: nothing but humour. Come, Mr. Hardcastle, you must allow the boy a little hu mour. HARDCASTLE. I'd fooner allow him an horfe-pond. If burning the footmens fhoes, frighting the maids, and worrying the kittens, be humour, he has it. It was but yesterday he faftened my wig to the back of my chair, and when I went to make a bow, I popt my bald head in Mrs. Frizzle's face. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. And am I to blame? The poor boy was always too fickly to do any good. A school would be his death. death. When he comes to be a little ftronger, who knows what a year or two's Latin may do for him? HARDCASTLE. Latin for him! A cat and fiddle. No, no, the alehouse and the ftable are the only schools he'll ever go to. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. Well, we must not fnub the poor boy now, for I believe we shan't have him long among us. Any body that looks in his face may fee he's confump tive. HARDCASTLE. Aye, if growing too fat be one of the symptoms. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. He coughs fometimes. HARDCASTLE. Yes, when his liquor goes the wrong way. I'm actually afraid of his lungs. HARDCASTLE. And truly fo am I; for he fometimes whoops like a fpeaking trumpet- (Tony ballooing behind the fcenes)-O there he goes-A very confumptive figure, truly. Enter TONY, croffing the Stage. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. Tony, where are you going, my charmer? Won't you give papa and I a little of your company, lovee? TONY. TONY. I'm in hafte, mother, I cannot ftay. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. You fhan't venture out this raw evening, my dear: You look moft fhockingly. TONY. I can't ftay, I tell you. The three pigeons expects me down every moment. There's fome fun going forward. fo. HARDCASTL Aye; the ale-house, the old place: I thought Mrs. HARDCASTLE. A low, paltry fet of fellows. TONY. Not fo low neither. There's Dick Muggins the excifeman, Jack Slang the horfe doctor, little Aminadab that grinds the mufic box, and Tom Twist that spins the pewter platter. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. Pray, my dear, disappoint them for one night at leaft. TONY. As for difappointing them I fhould not fo much mind; but I can't abide to disappoint myself. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. (Detaining him) You shan't go. I will, I tell you. TONY. Mrs. Mrs. HARDCASTLE. I say you shan't. TONY. We'll fee which is ftrongest, you or I. [Exit, hauling her out. HARDCASTLE, folus. Aye, there goes a pair that only fpoil each other. But is not the whole age in a combination to drive fenfe and discretion out of doors? There's my pretty darling Kate; the fashions of the times have almoft infected her too. By living a year or two in town, she is as fond of gauze, and French frippery, as the beft of them. Enter Mifs HARDCASTLE. HARDCASTLE. Bleffings on my pretty innocence! dreft out as ufual, my Kate. Goodness! What a quantity of fuperfluous filk haft thou got about thee, girl! I could never teach the fools of this age, that the indigent world could be cloathed out of the trimmings of the vain. Mifs HARDCASTLE. You know our agreement, Sir. You allow me the morning to receive and pay vifits, and to dress in my own manner; and in the evening, I put on my housewife's drefs to please you. HARD HARDCASTLE. Well, remember I infift on the terms of our agrement; and, by the bye, I believe I fhall have occafion to try your obedience this very evening. Mifs HARDCASTLE. I proteft, Sir, I don't comprehend your meaning. HARDCASTLE. Then, to be plain with you, Kate, I expect the young gentleman I have chofen to be your bufband from town this very day. I have his father's letter, in which he informs me his fon is fet out, and that he intends to follow himself fhortly after. Mifs HARDCASTLE. Indeed! I wish I had known fomething of this before. Blefs me, how fhall I behave? It's a thoufand to one I shan't like him; our meeting will be fo formal, and fo like a thing of business, that I fhall find no room for friendship or esteem. HARDCASTLE. Depend upon it, child, I'll never controul your choice; but Mr. Marlow, whom I have pitched upon, is the fon of my old friend, Sir Charles Marlow, of whom you have heard me talk so often. The young gentleman has been bred a scholar, and is defigned for an employment in the fervice of his country. I am told he's a man of an excellent understanding, |